I got an e-mail (joke) after the next-to-last Mars shot which purported to show the first images from the lander. It was a red-rocked, sandy "moonscape" expanse with no vegetation and a WalMart store at the left edge. Point taken.

Our iconic merchandiser is affordable and convenient. Maybe some things are just too easy. Being, well...Redneck, you know, those digitized signature pads make him nervous, and he won't use them. When he asks, most stores will pull a manual receipt and give him paper to sign. WalMart kind of put him off when they turned his checkbook into a debit card, depriving him of the float, but he still goes there to see his old geezer brigade and such. Today he had a prescription.

"They musta had a nu guy," he says. "After makin' me stan' aroun for awhile--an I bought a new Jeff Foxworthy tape, I think they make you stay just so's you'll hafta shop--I couldn git mah scripshun thout signin on thuh little screen cause o HEPA, whatever that is. I tol him I wouldn' do it. He came up with a little paper an had me put mah mark on that. But then he wouldn' take cash money thout me signin on thuh pad for some other reason. He din have no paper that secunt time, so I walked. I'll git mah pills at Waugh-greens, even ifn it is fuhther down thuh road."

I asked him why he was thataway, about signing on the pads. He said "I seen on a show once where a city gal on a waggin train ast how they'd know a rattlesnake ifn they run acrost one. A cowpoke tol em you don have to worry none, cuz when you seen one you'd know it. I jest feel kinda like I'm sidlin up to a rattler when I go ta sign on one a them things, an I ain't gonna do it."

Strange as it seems, I have learned to trust Redneck's instincts. Most places around here started pulling the old paper receipts for him to sign after they finally learned how to work their new registers well enough to do so.

But there ain't no flies on WalMart's technology, for all their down-home reputation. It seems that now they've become too sophisticated to fill Redneck's prescriptions.

-- J& (redneck@para.noid), February 26, 2004

Answers

Avoiding Walmart is a bit of a habit with me. I don't like the way they treat their staff, and since the other night, I don't like the way they treat their customers either.

My husband and I were looking to get a t-shirt for our daughter to practice printing on for her shop class. We got to Walmart about one minute before closing and I walked in through the door just as the woman who locked up came to lock up. "You can't come in." She said. "We're closed". I was a bit taken aback, and asked, "Not even for just a minute?" "No, we're closed now. Please leave," she responded. So I left and I won't be back. On the other hand, I do understand that they don't want customers running in at closing time all the time. Some other time (maybe about the time I respond to Lon's future vision), I'll rant about the economic damage Walmart has done to North America. Something for y'all to look forward to :-D

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), February 27, 2004.

I'm with Redneck. It seems everyday we lose a bit more of our privacy to digitized wizardry. I needed a 'script recently and the girl in the chemist made me feel like a criminal for not carrying my medicare card around 24hours a day. It's years since I've had to use it (excuse me for not being a pill popper). It's not good enough that I knew the number, they have to "sight" it.

The funniest thing I found when working on a computerised till was that if the power went out, you couldn't serve anyone because the till wouldn't open and the petrol pumps stopped working too. So much for progress.

-- Carol (just@no.47621.com), February 27, 2004.

I have to sign the 'lectronic thingy to get meds now. I didn't know I could refuse.

-- helen (wally@world.has.destroyed.North.American.economy), February 27, 2004.

Well now, I gotta admit I've been a confirmed walmartaphobe since ole Sam first brought his retail circus show to town. I hate the way they played right into the American buyer. A bargain justifies itself. Doesn't matter if it's junk, doesn't matter if you need it, doesn't even matter if you want it, so long as it's CHEAP! Their low prices, and inevitable low quality, have put a lot of home-owned merchants out of business. They have changed the whole concept of merchandising to the masses, and will soon change it again with the wireless information systems they are toying with.

But, by golly, on a cold rainy day when you need some taco shells, a tub of guppy grub, and a new battery for the limo, you know a single stop at Wally World will get you done and home again. So I've quit fighting them. I just watch what I buy, and realize that if I get something really important, say a new heart pacemaker or a five gallon bucket of rid-a-possum, it might not be the best quality available. I've learned not to waste money on lawn equipment, bar-b-que grills or power tools, because they NEVER work. Of course, nobody gives money back as cheerfully as they do, but still, it's a little aggrevating when you just had to eat cold, rare (VERY rare) weenies because the new grill wouldn't light.

They just built a new Super Wallyworld on the road out to the bayou. It's about the size of the shed where they built the Titanic, and you can lose your car in the parking lot easier than falling out of a piroeaux (don't tell me you've never done THAT!). But, just when I was about to take the vows that I'd be beat with wet barbwire, rather than set foot in there again, they ran a sale on stink bait and I just hadta go one more time.

This time, a kid met me at the door, smiled and stuck out his hand. He wore the blue uniform vest, thick glasses and an official Walmart nametag. As I took his hand, there was something familiar about the slightly short fingers, and I recognized his grin. I reached out with my other hand and got a hug which I knew was always at the ready, as genuine and spontaneous as only a kid with Down Syndrome can offer. What else can I say? I got a double load of stink bait, some decorative fuzzy dice deodorizers for the truck and a box of corn pads for the missus. And another hug on the way out. :-)

-- everlearning Lon (lgal@exp.net), February 28, 2004.

Hey! I can't think of a better human being to be a greeter!

-- helen (hug@me.hug.me!), February 28, 2004.

I posted that last thing to another forum I frequent, and someone asked when I thought they would go into the funeral business!

LOL!!!

I can just hear it now:

"Hello, son? I just called to tell you that your momma passed away last night. Yeah, she was down to Wallyworld, you know, buying bagels and squeezing the Charmin, when the old ticker just played out.

No, no, everything's taken care of. I just had them wheel the old gal back to the Garden of Memories department. I picked out a real nice casket, made in Pakistan out of recycled Michael Bolton CD's. You know how she liked Michael. Red. With a gold lame' lining. Yeah, real nice and it was on sale for $189.95, too. Yeah, I thought so too; you know how she loved a bargain.

Yeah, they had a lady from the Cosmetics department fix her up real nice. Even the serving ladies from the Deli thought so, and the mechanics from the Auto Service department got downright teary-eyed at the viewing.

It's tomorrow at 3 o'clock. I chose one of the nice plots in that grassy area on the median over in the west parking lot. You know, between lanes 38 and 39, kinda where they put your Aunt Mertle last year. Yeah, I thought she would like having Mertle for company, and you can see the sun set over the portable building displays from there. I got a maintenence contract from the Lawn and Garden department, and the Floral department will furnish fresh plastic flowers every second Tuesday.

Well, I better go now. I'm sorry you can't make it, but the folks over in the One-hour Photo department said they'd make you some nice photographic memories, and then have the Mail Room department ship 'em right out to you. Yeah, I'm all right. I've decided to sell the house now, though. The Real Estate department put up a sign today, and the Wallylegal branch is drawing up the papers. I'm moving into the new wing where they have the Wallycare assisted living apartments. They're nice. You know they are working on the Wallybabies Pediatric and Birthing Clinic. Soon, you will be able to get born and live your whole life there, without the inconvenience of even going outside. Yeah, it's a new world, ain't it. Wally World!"

:-)

-- Lon (burymenot@onthewallyworld.prairie), February 28, 2004.

Well, at least you'll have to go out to eat or go to the bank. No. Wait. Uh, never mind.

-- J (jsnider@hal-pc.org), March 01, 2004.

You can book me in. I bet you'd never have to paint or renovate and I'm a bit of a wally anyway.

-- Carol (c@oz.com), March 03, 2004.

Redneck, after watching my wife do so without signing anything at all, decided to try WalMart for his prescription again. He took it over and asked if he'd have to sign on the electronic pad to get it filled. He was told no, you could sign on paper, "and we can scan it in."

Redneck then asked outright: "They ain't no way to fill a scripshun thout digitizin my signature?" and was told with a quizzical (why do you care?) look, "no."

In their next meeting, the employees will no doubt brag about how they prevented an illicit prescription from being filled for an obvious drug dealer and emphasize adherence to the procedures. I keep telling Redneck that the camo' cap with the rebel flag and the lack of a shave make people distrust him. (I don't get to say "and a clean shirt" because Redneck always cleans up to go to WalMart. He always thinks he might meet a girl there.)

I took him to another drug store where he asked the same questions. They looked at him quizically (why would we make you do that?) and said he didn't have to sign anything at all.

The message here is probably subtler than it appears. They know Redneck at the other store, and he's already in their system. Personal information requirements are evolving, and it's sometimes easier to institute new procedures going-forward than to reach back and hassle existing customers. Good advice if you, like Redneck, are sensitive to such things might be to maintain old relationships even if you don't use them much anymore. For instance, financial institutions used to not require the number to set up accounts if you agreed to 20% interest withholding, which was no issue for simple checking accounts, etc. Redneck is strictly on a cash basis, but I have also read that the same goes for one's credit record-some formulas consider the length of relationships as well as activity.

The other lesson is, of course, That Wally's techno-capabilities are once again confirmed. Redneck wonders if they get fingerprints off his cash and plug him into "some Mormon genie-logical dayta-base." As we witness increasingly detailed personal registration demands, I'm not so sure he's off base. He sounds radical sometimes, but, like the outlandish relationships and behavior in the TV show "The Simpsons" (which my wife refers to as "The Symptoms")and others, it seems you can hardly get outlandish enough to outrun next year's reality.

-- J (jsnider@hal-pc.org), March 05, 2004.

Carol, a bit of a wally, eh? Good one. Do they have WalMarts down under? But I think a translator would be interesting, if not helpful:

'script=scripshun chemist=drug store "sight" it=take a look at it till=cash register petrol=gas pill popper=pill popper

I have actually found a couple of places that want your money more than they want to follow procedures around here. They are Lowe's, a kind of do-it-yourself hardware and lumber outfit. I was there when the lights went out one day. They could get the cash registers open, and they just blocked the doors open and started writing everything (sku numbers and item descriptions and cost)down on paper and piling it up for input later. They gave me a handwritten receipt. It probably caused some accounting weenie to tear his hair out, but I liked the attitude. The other establishment getting my honorable mention is Braum's, an ice cream and fast food outfit. They give me whatever I want, whether the specific combo is on the menu or not, and figure out a price for it. I give them quick-stop preference when travelling.

-- J (jsnider@hal-pc.org), March 05, 2004.

What's a Wally?

I brake for chocolate!

-- (sonofdust@checking.in), March 05, 2004.

10/10 for translation J. I sometimes wonder if the wrong idea comes across due to the slight differences in our languages. Please know that I would never deliberately offend anyone.

No we don't have Walmart over here, but we have similar chain-stores (Woolworths) that sell everything from food and hardware to alcohol and petrol (gas).

Yeh, Redneck, you stick to your beliefs. It doesn't really bother me that it is recorded on some govt. computer that I have cream for my newly acquired psoriasis (rash on legs that are always covered by jeans anyway). However, I worry about all the people with more sensitive conditions (eg. aids, mental disorders) and what can be done with information like that. If only one unscrupulous person misuses private information, imagine the harm that could be done. If it is not to be used for some other reason in the future, why is it recorded with identifying information now?

Okay, sorry folks. I'm off my soapbox now. Back down to pint-size again.

Rob. You call someone a Wally when they do or say something silly as I am known to do on a regular basis.

-- Carol (c@oz.com), March 06, 2004.

So Wally is 'silly', huh? Ok. Never heard that one before. Thanks, Carol.

Guess nobody would ever dare to call me a Wally since I'm so very very very serious every minute of the day. Right?

Uh, don't answer that! It's one of those reversable questions. Or is that deplorable questions? Uh, or is it maybe retortable?

No worries.

poppie.

-- (sonofdust@never.silly), March 06, 2004.