Tripping : LUSENET : FRL friends : One Thread

Reprinted by permission, from my friend, the story teller:


Several years ago, prior to the turn of the century, I took a looooong trip by bus from Maryland to Texas. I met some interesting people along the way, including one lady that let me "take a nap."

I'll back up a little. This was during my post teenie bopper years when the Afro was the "do-of-the-day", and I augmented my height with platform shoes (only by about two inches though; the Afro added about four).

During this bus trip, I did all I could to stay awake because I didn't want to miss anything. This was truly difficult when you consider that the trip was approximately two-and-ahalf days long. It may as well have been weeks. I'd made the original trip by plane, so I'm sure I missed a lot.

When we reached cattle country, the trip started getting interesting. To others, it may not seem like such a big deal. To me, it was. You see, though I was born and raised in Texas, I'd never seen a cow sporting more than one color. Meaning, I'd never seen a spotted cow. (I learned other things about cows too, female ones, but that's a nother story altogether.) I did already know, however, that chocolate milk didn't come from brown cows and that Swiss cheese DOES NOT come from Swiss cows or cows with spots.

Experience is what made the trip so interesting. For example: at one stop over, I shot pool with a guy whose name I've forgotten (remember this was prior to the turn of the century) but I'll just call him Joe Blow for now. The game was fun, though I've never been good at pool, but he smoked an awful lot. He said he liked my Afro. I would have given it to him, but I wouldn't have had anything to cover my head for the rest of the trip and would have probably ended up with a headcold.

Next, there was the guy that was traveling with his family. He took off his shoes. That made me wish for the "friendly skies". When one of his kids told him that his feet stank, he just told them to shut up. To me, to make a child endure such stench is down right child abuse.

The real clincher was the person that let me "take a nap". She got on the bus somewhere in Missouri. If I remember correctly, that's where the "Golden Arches" are. I remember being disgusted because I thought Ronald McDonald had his own dictatorship.

As I said before, I'd done everything I could to stay awake because I didn't want to miss anything. By then, I was quite exhausted. The next thing I knew, there was this full figured, top heavy lady standing beside me reeking of Avon, or some other obnoxious scent (at least it wasn't Eau de Funk). I must admit, though, that she seemed quite friendly. We did about 30 seconds of chit-chatting. The conversation went something like this:

SHE: Hello

ME: Hi

SHE: Are you traveling alone?

ME: Yes

SHE Do you mind if I sit here?

ME: No, I don't. Go ahead.

So, she sat down beside me. After ahile, I turned to look out the window again and I sort of relaxed a little. BIG mistake. When I awoke from "coma", not only had we left McDonald Land,I found that somehow, I'd falled alseep on her chest! I was soooooo embarrassed. I couldn't begin to apologize enough. I even apologized with tears in my heart (I just knew I was going to die!!!). After allowing me sleep there for whatever period of time, and after listening to apologies (and possible snoring), the only thing she had to say was "WELL?".

One thing I got from that experience though, was this: I THINK I know why men like breasts (trust me, I must have been comfortable or more exhausted than I thought). Looking back after all these years, I have only one concern: I hope I didn't try to fluff the pillows and I thank God that I didn't DROOL!!!

-- Aunt Bee (, October 01, 2003


Awww ... that's cute!

-- helen (princess@busom.s), October 02, 2003.

OMG, that is too funny! I rode a train from Houston to LA when I was a teenager and the same thing happened. Only I fell asleep and woke up with my head on the GUY next to me. He was VERY friendly after that. LOL!

I was relieved when he got off the train in Arizona!

As for the top-heavy lady, maybe she wouldn't have minded if he 'fluffed the pillows'. ;-)

Thanks Aunt (er Queen Bee) for sharing that with us.

-- Gayla (, October 02, 2003.

LOL Aunt Bee, that was a goodie. Thanks to you and your friend for giving us the opportunity to read her stories.

I understand about the cows too. I grew up in the city and when I moved to the country I thought that all the ones with horns were bulls. I also had the embarrassing experience of working in an office and having one of the blokes explain what a gelded horse was. Duh!

-- Carol (, October 04, 2003.


Or marshmellows?

-- Robert & Jean Cook (, October 05, 2003.

Bee: "Well?" I wonder what she expected--Apology? Thanks? A comment? A tip?

Gayla: You seem to think the author is a he. My interpretation is that it was a she (from the "I THINK I know why men like...," though this is not entirely conclusive.) Afro's were a unisex hairstyle there for awhile, so that's no help. My bet's the author's a gal, though. Rule--never fluff anything questionable unless there was a complementary mint on it.

Cooks: COOKS! (Delivered in a low growley voice while wagging finger.) Smores? Snores?

Gayla: There's nothing finer to a young man than for a princess to fall asleep on his shoulder. I'll bet the guy still remembers the incident, too. People (perhaps not entirely correctly) stigmatize women's maternal instincts but rarely generalize so benignly about man's protective instincts (or, in your case, maybe 'opportunistic,' though that aspect seems to get plenty of air time). Also, any such proximity can be a rare and wonderful treat for guys for whom being social with girls doesn't come easily.

Carol: CAROL! (Delivered, exasperated from red face while shaking head.) Remember the line from the movie "O brother, where art thou?"-- "Oh,George...not the livestock!" Dangerous subject to the uninitiated. Without being overly specific, I'll give an example about a fellow of limited agricultural vocabulary in our office years ago who seemed enamored of a certain unseemly word. After I heard him say it in mixed company the third time, I called him aside and asked if he knew what it meant. He didn't believe me, and went and looked it up! Came back red-faced and I never heard him say it again. We all live and learn, and I'm not without my faux pas as well. (If Lonenstein's reading over anybody's shoulder, that's Faw Paw to you, which is kind of like a paw-paw only it ripens earlier and smells worse when rotten.)

-- j (, October 06, 2003.

(Taking a deep breath and quickly blurting out the embarrassing truth:)

I fell asleep on his shoulder but when I woke up my head was in his lap.

There! You have the whole story. Now you can blackmail me should I ever decide to run for governor of California.

-- Princess Gayla (, October 06, 2003.

Oh Gayla there's no topping that. I hope it wasn't too long before he got off the train. Thanks for a good chuckle.

Aw J., faux pas is one of the few things I do well. And boy do I know that exasperated, head shaking look. I've seen a lot of it in my time.

-- Carol (, October 10, 2003.

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