1. It is important to find a man who works around the house, occasionally cooks and cleans and who has a job.

2. It is important to find a man who makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a man who is dependable and doesn't lie.

4. It is important to find a man who's good in bed and who loves to make love with you.

5. It is important that these four men never meet.


-- kritter (k@a.n), September 27, 2002

Answers

LOLOLOL

I was going to ask if you had a line on finding paragons until I read that last line :-D

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.ent), September 27, 2002.

Hysterical LOL!

-- helen (kritter@sighting.hey), September 27, 2002.

Tricia, the pair of them has gones.....

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (racookpe@earthlink.net), September 28, 2002.

You girls can have the other three, if I can have the one who makes me laugh. I don't care if he is a lazy, lying, impotent wretch so long as he has a sense of humour. Thanks for the chuckle Kritter.

-- Carol (C@just.kidding.com), September 28, 2002.

Misstress Carol ...

Would that be a 5/8 wrench,

... Or wood an 11/16 wrench fit you better?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (racookpe@earthlink.net), September 28, 2002.

I don't think I need another tool Robert, just a good giggle now and then. That's why I enjoy these pages so much, you have all made me smile at some stage (though Lon did make me cry when Charlie passed away). I just think life without a sense of humour would be very sad. Cheers.

-- Carol (c@keep.smiling.com.au), September 29, 2002.

Okay ... I needed to check.

See, Lon Frankenstein is a 13/27, but he always was odd about that.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (racookpe@earthlink.net), September 29, 2002.

Well I guess that explains it then. 13/27 is about as odd as you can get. Thankyou Robert.

-- Carol (c@down.under.com), September 30, 2002.

I'd be so ecstatic to find #4, the other three wouldn't matter!

-- Aunt Bee (Aunt__Bee@hotmail.com), September 30, 2002.

This whole thread is a riot! Isn't humor a wonderful thing?

How about a man who ignites a fire in your spirit, soul AND body? Oh my! :-)

And speaking of finding a man, where is our fearless leader?

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), October 01, 2002.

Hey Aunt Bee, I'll lend you my #4 if you've got a spare #2 lying around. However, I'd want him back as after 30 years he's kinda grown on me.

Gayla, I think that might be 'mission impossible', but don't give up the dream.

-- Carol (c@oz.com.au), October 01, 2002.

OK all youse broads. Elvis is in the building - the line forms to the left, and no shoving, there's plenty for all a ya'll!

-- Lon Frankenstien (evil@the.bayou), October 01, 2002.

Okay, now we know Lon is kinda odd, so he has to be Bee's either 1 or 3;

And 4 is Spokened for already (as opposed to say, Tacoma'ed) so Narrows down the choices.... to 2 and ..... 5.

Lettuce sea here: Add 1 + 2 + 3 + 4, Carrie the Nation and divide by the deduction after 6 dependents are withheld unless you're ineleigble for the strategic withholding oil allowance exception penalty ... (Oh, sorry this is a taxing thing...)

Anyway, divide the reamining attention by eight and move the leftovers to the next column ....

Dang!

This Lon Division is hard!

Okay Lon. You get split 9 ways into 4 equal proportions.

That sound right?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (racookpe@earthlink.net), October 01, 2002.

Such generosity. I'm stunned. I think Kritter should have first choice seeing as she started this. Me, I'll be the quiet little old lady at the back of the line, which means I'll probably end up with an armpit and a big toe. That's life.

-- Carol (C@not.greedy.com.au), October 02, 2002.

Carol, I'll gladly trade the orifice I got for the armpit.

-- helen (eeewww@yuck.yuck), October 02, 2002.

LOL Helen. Thanks, but no thanks. Wouldn't know what to do with it. I'd have enough trouble working out what to do with a spare armpit, might use the toe as a door wedge though.

-- Carol (c@down.under.com), October 03, 2002.

Since no one has picked him, I'll take man number 1..I can make myself laugh, and I can tell when a man is lying anyhow. Without a number 1 man to help around the house, .. I'm way too tired for man number 4. :-/

-- kritter (k@a.n), October 03, 2002.

HEY! Some of us don't take loose body parts lightly, ya know.

And as for requirement #4 - would you by any chance take #2, twice, instead?

-- Lon Frankenstien (evil@the.bayou), October 03, 2002.

Uh oh! Nobody's picked #3.

-- Carol (feeling@shallow.now), October 03, 2002.

Maybe you could combine #2 and #4 and just laugh a lot in bed.

-- Carol (c@chuckle.com), October 03, 2002.

whaddaya mean, nobody's picked #3? Millions of women believe in #3. And Santa Clause, and the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, and ................hey! Isn't that Elvis over by that unicorn!!!!!!!??????

Oh, and about that #4 thing, it ain't like I'm not up to the challange, it just that some things have to be used once in a while, or they tend to rust up altogether. I asked the doc for some of that Niagra stuff, and he gave me some. But, he also gave me a handful of knock-out drops. I said how come the knock-out pills, and he said, well, first you gotta actually catch one somehow. I don't know just what he was gettin at.

-- Lon Frankenstien (evil@the.bayou), October 03, 2002.

Thanks for that list! I've now discovered that I am an important man....er, men, er, man. Oh how lovely, I'm 43 years old when I find out that I should have gone to the highest bidder! Hmm, better than finding out at 70 I suppose. Somebody write to Mrs D and tell her how damned lucky she is....wait a minute, is it important to find a man who can spell too? I'm mostly screwed then, oh well.

BTW, I've been away for a while, who is Carol? Should I know her, or do I know her?

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeeD@yahoo.com), October 03, 2002.

Lol Mr Frankenstien, goodluck with the "Niagra" and forget about the knock-out pills. Just make her giggle like a girl again and you're home and hosed. BTW do you realize how hard it's going to be not to call you Rusty from now on?

Hello Uncle Deedah. I don't think we have met. I'm nobody special, just an Aussie that prefers the internet to TV. I'm married with a grown-up family and a very Australian sense of humour (a bit over the top). Cheers.

-- Carol (c@down.under.com), October 05, 2002.

Miss Carol, please, please, please do nut call Lon Frankenstein "Rusty' ...

I'll have you know that though his threads may be odd, they are most definitely nut maid out of stainless steel. What he is cast of, I may never know, but we will copper up by ironing out the fax later.

(Maybe aluminimuminimumninm (for youse metric-type Canadianinainainainan and Ozzie readeers), but definitely nut stainless. So maybe you could call him Stanley.)

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (racookpe@earthlink.net), October 05, 2002.

Okay Robert, no need to stress. I wouldn't deliberately do anything to offend Mr. F. or anyone else. From here forth I will not refer to or even think of Lon Frankenstien as Rusty in name, shape or form. Have I grovelled enough? I'm good at it, had plenty of practise.

OR: There is always the old standby "He started it".

-- Carol (no@offence.meant.com), October 07, 2002.

I prefer the "He started it". :-)

Rusty, Rusty, Rusty!!!

-- Gayla (looking@for.a fight?), October 07, 2002.

Of course he's Rusty. With all that rain he's gotten lately, he's probably shorty-circuited too.

-- helen (oil@always.about.oil), October 07, 2002.

shorty circuited? LOL!

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), October 07, 2002.

Ya know Miss Carol,

For somebody in the middle of a whole island (oopsie, almost-a- continent) of dirt and dust and rocks and sand, you're sure gravelin' around on poor ole Mr. Frankenstein a lot ... Pickin' on him about rust and all.....

Fer shame, fer shame.....

Considerin' he's got nothin' there in ole LA except mud....

And rain ...

And Bayoues ...

and more mud.

And those darn himmicanes......

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (racookpe@earthlink.net), October 07, 2002.

Unk, bless your sweet soul! so nice to see you back here friend! Just in time for the Fruitcake catapult season-LOL!

Gayla, you know only too well I so agree with finding a man who ignites your soul, and spirit, and thus your physical senses! Some time in this life for me perhaps!

Robert, I'm sticking with #4, so devoid in my life the last twenty years. Someday before I die I promise myself!

Lon, #2 twice doesn't cut it for me-sorry friend!

Love, just love, to you all!

-- Aunt Bee (Aunt__Bee@hotmail.com), October 07, 2002.

Okay Robert, You've sprung me. I admit it. I live in the driest State, in the driest continent on earth. It must be jealousy that has caused me to pick on Mr. F. After all, he has all that water lying around doing nothing and we are coming into drought and bushfire season. How clever of you to work it out. Touche.

Chuckling here in OZ, Gayla and Helen. Thanks.

Sorry Aunt Bee, I don't know your circumstances, BUT 20 YEARS!! Girl, you've just gotta get out more.

-- Carol (green@eyed.monster.com), October 08, 2002.

For you, Aunt Bee, from "The Rose".

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been to long,
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong,
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose.

-- Gayla (wishing@you.lots of sunshine), October 08, 2002.

Miss Carol, Miss Carol ..... Now, don't go blamin' yourself dor bein' dry and hain' to go gravelin' for Lon's sake. (You can be whimpering and crying for his beer and his whiskey, but not his imported rice wine...)

It's all the fault of Ozzie's geography.

See, if you guys weren't upside down, the rain would fall down towards the ground (like it does everywhere else) instead of evaporatin' up away from the ground.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (racookpe@earthlink.net), October 09, 2002.

Good Sir; Shhhhh... don't tell anyone, but, I have it on good authority that rain does not fall down;

we fall up...

shhhhh.

-- (sonofdust@undisclosed.loc), October 09, 2002.

(((((Rob!!!))))) How are you?

-- Gayla (been@wondering.where you were), October 09, 2002.

Oh dear Robert, geography! My least favourite subject. My high school geography teacher took great delight in telling me I would never pass. I passed just to spite him and then promptly forgot everything I had learned. Stubborn sod aren't I? I like your evaporation theory. It explains why Aussie men drink their beer so fast, they're afraid it will evaporate.

Lol Sonofdust. If instead of the rain falling down, we are falling up, we must be just about due to pass Pluto. Everybody wave.

-- Carol (c@drysville.com), October 09, 2002.