My husband has a history of rage and violent behavior. He also has chosen to be unemployed, and has been for 4 years. I've been working full time and paying all the bills. I want to file for a legal separation and eventually divorce him. But if I do and move out, there is a real possiblity that he'll come after me and our kids when he finds he's in a financial crisis and try to hurt us. He knows where I work and where our kids go to school. What's to keep him from waiting with a loaded gun as I leave work and walk to my car? He is the kind of quiet man you read about in the papers who would blow up his whole family and then kill himself. How can I leave him safely?

-- Anonymous, August 11, 2002

Answers

I can only tell you what i did in a similar situation. go somewhere, anywhere that he is not familaiar with and has never heard you speak of, no matter how far you have to go, get out before it is too late and he kills. be sure and let police, schools, employer anyone in your new neighborhood aware that he could be dangerous. do not be ashamed, you can be a survivour and still lead a normal life violence free. also be sure to tell anyone who knows where you might go to (school records, doctor records etc.)that it is very important to not give any of that information out. Change is Possible, you make it happen.

-- Anonymous, September 25, 2002

If you are really planning to leave you need to follow a safety plan in order to ensure your safety. I am the director of a domestic abuse shelter in Arkansas and would be willing to help you find a place to relocate. If you leave be sure you have all of your documentation such as birth certificates, social security information, childrens shot records, school records. All of that information makes it easier to relocate elsewhere without him finding out. If the situation is extremely severe it is possible to change your name and social security number also. Let me know if I can be of any assistance. Stay safe and good luck. Robyn

-- Anonymous, October 08, 2002

Be sure to file for custody right away. And a restraining order. There's an emergency hearing he could file in many places (although I don't know where you are) where he can get the judge to grant him emergency custody. Getting custody and a restraining order can help protect you from this. Many abusers will pull this sort of thing to get back at the woman for leaving.

-- Anonymous, October 21, 2002