The Siblings : LUSENET : FRL friends : One Thread

This story, as with all of the author's previous related stories, is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used in a fictitious way. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales, is entirely coincidental.

-- (FRLian@fiction.writer), August 05, 2002


It had been a while since Julie had checked up on how Pat’s sister, Eeny, and her brother, Miney, were doing. The two beavers had left Meeny and moved to another stream to make their own lodge just this past Spring.

According to the local Ranger, who had looked in on them a month or so ago, they were doing just fine in the new area. There had been no reports of them since then however, and so it was that Julie decided to take Pat for the long walk from her house to where the beavers new dam was and check up on them both.

It was another very hot day: the sixth day over ninety degrees in this latest heat wave. The woods were cooler though, with the ever- present smell of Pine in the air and the soft calls of the various summer birds coming from the trees.

This part of the wood was a Pine Forest in fact, with a soft year- round bed of pine needles covering the forest floor like a carpet. Pat led Julie along a slight path that ran through the pine groves and eventually gave way to stands of Oak, Maple, and Poplar, with small brush and occasional thorn bushes at the larger trees feet.

As they got closer to the stream, the trees thinned more and more until finally, only chewed and gnawed stumps were left; they were in beaver territory.

Julie turned to her golden retriever and smiled.

“You ready, Pat?”


“Ok then, let’s go see how they’re doing.”

-- (FRLian@fiction.writer), August 05, 2002.


Thinning trees, eh?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (, August 05, 2002.

Well, just because the server was down is no reason not to post the rest of the story, is it?!?!?

After all, you should be organized and have it on file in "Word" so that as soon as the server is back up you can post it!


-- Tricia the (impatient) Canuck (, August 09, 2002.

So like we're thinnng BOTH trees and posts now, eh?

Heck, maybe gonna start thinning Lon's Fankenstein's hair too......

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (, August 09, 2002.

The post above is obviously not the real Princess. She would never write such things. There must be an imposter here. I am sure the real TC will have something to say about all this!

Dear imposter;

First of all, who said the author is not posting the rest of the story! How many times before has the server been down for days at a time? Many times! And how many stories has the author started writing and not finished? The answer is None. All of the stories were finished despite the stupid server being down.

Second of all, your implying that the author is not organized has pissed him off. As anyone who has written stories can tell you, it takes a good deal of organization just to even do a story. It is bad enough that you are an imposter, but the least you could do is show a modest amount of decency and respect. How much does it cost you for these stories anyway? How about Nothing. Now think about how much time and effort it costs the author, or at least try to imagine that if you can.

I have just spoken to the author. As a result of this ranting and hurtful imposter, the author refuses to finish this story or post here anymore until the imposter is proven to have gone away, hopefully never to return.

p.s. Further proving it is an imposter, beyond any reasonable doubt, look at the AARRGGHH. It is NOT compliant, as any true FRLian would know!

-- Mike Roberts (no@imposters.please), August 10, 2002.

Oh my~! I am certain the real Tricia will be along soon to straighten this matter out! Surely we can't be left on the precipice like this! An unfinished FRL story, say it ain't so! The imposter did say she had finger flu, after all!

-- Aunt Bee (, August 10, 2002.

Naw, it's the real Princess. Nobody else loves Robbie enough to talk to him that way. But I have noticed that she's getting a little,...well.....fiesty nowadays.

And speaking of fiesty, Lon Frankenstien had a builtday a couple of days ago, and it's not the time to mention his thinning hair. Or that his bolts are no so tight anymore, either.

-- Lon Frank (, August 10, 2002.

I most heartily apologize for implying that the author is not organized and for allowing my temper to slip (but it was me - just not acting very princessly, I'm sorry to say!)

Sorry, Rob - didn't mean to pull your leg quite so hard. I really love your stories and I was going into withdrawl after so many days without them.

I think Lon Frankenstein doctored my drinks yesterday... it was really Tricky the canuck that posted. Yeah, that's it, it's all the evil twin's fault.

I can grovel some more if it will get another story (hint, hint)

-- Tricia the Canuck (, August 10, 2002.

Do my eyes deceive me? Can it be? It was you after all?

Your apology is Not accepted! I'm afraid this can only mean one thing Tricia---something that hasn't happened in the FRL in over three years. War! Yes, that's right, War! Why, such a thing hasn't happened since the Great War between Chris and Gayla. But there's nothing for it. I must defend my dignity.

Here, take this!

I'm off to find more ammunition---

-- (author@t.war), August 10, 2002.

I'm not sure "I'd" ever believe the evil twin of the other triple "Tricky from Canucky" since her lies always fall downhill .... them bein' metric and that up there, ya know.

Besides, them Canuckies can't even keep the middle of the North Magnetic Pole in one place fer long .... they keep losing it every 20,000 years or so.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (, August 10, 2002.

You must have posted just about the same time as me Good Sir. Looks like we reached the same conculsion about the Tricky One though, as you can see by the Flaming Fruitcake weapon that I hurled at her!!!!

-- (author@t.war), August 10, 2002.

And take this too!

-- (author@t.War), August 10, 2002.

Was that punctuation correct author? "You must have posted at the same time as me Good Sir. Looks like" ...

Are you sure it wasn't "You must have posted at the the same time as me Good Sir Looks"...

Jes wonderdin...and not trying to change the subject or anything! And dang, I musta missed the war between Gayla, and Chris...

Hopefully this will be the last war where the fruitcake catapult is necessary, (at least until Christmas !).

-- Aunt Bee (, August 10, 2002.

I hope this works - I'm going into lurk mode!!!

-- I (am@in.hiding), August 11, 2002.

Hey! That's not fair! You have to fight back. What would happen if everytime there was a war nobody would fight? It would be---it, uh--- nevermind. Stop trying to cofuse me. So that's it! Your trying to confuse me on purpose, hoping I'll be hit with my own weapon. How diabolical! But now I'm on to you. Yes. And if you don't start fighting back I'll---I'll---I know, I'll tell Gayla!!!! She'll put a stop to this immediately! So There! You wanna hide, huh? OK---I'll fix you! I'm gonna find me a bigger weapon and force you to come out and fight fair.

Uh, Aunt Bee, you might wanna keep you head down until the ceasefire.

-- (author@t.war), August 11, 2002.

Ha ha ha ha hahahahahahahahahaaha Come out come out wherever you are- --Take THIS!

-- (author@big.bomb), August 11, 2002.

Wow! A war with weapons and everything! Ahhhh... it does bring back such fond memories. :-)

(Clearing throat) Now, now, children... er, FRLians, I think there has been a misunderstanding. (Either that or someone has PMS.) ;-)

Tricia was just having terrible withdrawal (not to mention typing flu) and she was worried about what would happen if we lost FRL forever. I think the very idea drove her over the edge...

Um, Rob, can I fire that cannon? :-)

-- Gayla (, August 11, 2002.

Just to clarify, MEN have PMS too!

-- Gayla (running@nd.ducking for cover), August 11, 2002.

(PS- I saw your secret message above.)

-- Gayla ( but you can't hide), August 11, 2002.

"If we lost FRL forever" ?????

Hmmm, Gayla. That would be enough to drive any FRLian over the edge (and especially TC). Do you think I have been a bit hasty in declaring War?---that this is really just a PMS-understanding? Uh, what's PMS? Do you think Dear Mrs. Michaels would know? Maybe I'll ask her to explain it to me. No, nevermind. I don't think I wanna know.

Tell me, Gayla, is this your way of getting me to think about a Ceasefire? YOU are the only FRLian who can DEMAND one, being a vet of the Great FRLian War and the inventor of Fruitcake Weaponry, and a neutral party in this, the Second FRLian War.

BTW, you can fire the cannon (but not at me or TC since then you would no longer be neutralized---maybe if we can find DiEtEr... he he he... remember the Circus?). Until I'm told there is a Ceasefire, I'm off to get more weaponry... maybe a Stealth Goose weapon this time...

-- (Author@PMS.understanding), August 11, 2002.

-- (Stealth@Gesse.poopies), August 11, 2002.

Ah hah!! Rob has made a fatal mistake now! The head goose (Mother Goose) answers only to SOBob and me!!!! He's given *me* a weapon. Not that I'll use it... I just want peace, quiet and another FRL story :-(

-- Tricia the Canuck (, August 11, 2002.

HA HA HA! Now we see you cowering in fear of the Stealth Geese Poopies being dropped on you. I know you're cowering with Fear since you are shaking so much you can't type anything except your handle! So, have you had enough? Do you surrender? Or should I take this to the next level?

-- (do@you.Surrender?), August 11, 2002.

(Whispering to Rob... there is a message from the FRL Princess. Run your mouse over the blank area and hold down the left button. I think she really wants peace... she is NOT invoking her Mother Goose weaponry.)

-- Gayla (chocolate@helps. when you have PMS), August 11, 2002.

(Rob whispering back to Gayla-----shhhhhhh---- I know about the hidden messages----shhhhhhh-----But I don't want her to know I know. You see, I'm just trying to find out if she really means it or not. I'm not convinced yet that she has returned from 'over the edge'--- she may just be waiting to ambush me with my own poopies!!!

-- (just@being.careful), August 11, 2002.

Ok, enough is enough. Guess I'll get back to the silly story soon.

-- (FRLian@fiction.writer), August 11, 2002.

Looking for rest of story .....


Feeling encouraged yet?

Or does the sound of a goose (from behind) seem ....

(suspense builds)


(more suspense)


-- Robert A. Cook, PE (, August 11, 2002.

FRLian Fiction Writer:

"LESSON: If we have the sense of a goose, we will stand by our colleagues and each other in difficult times as well as in good!"

Know that even thru "war" we're standing by you! (And waiting with bated breath for the "rest of the story", you Paul Harvey you!

I do believe it is peacetime now...

(Getting ready to make fudge so we have something to nosh on while we read the adventures of Pat and Mike and Eeny and Meeny...)

Gather 'round the kitchen all, I got the chocolate chips, the marshmallow creme, and pecans and all the ingredients ready to go into the pot! I'll start cooking while our famous storyteller continues...

-- Aunt Bee (, August 11, 2002.

Pat’s sister, Eeny, and her brother, Miney, came swimming out of their lodge as soon as they heard the dog barking. The siblings were obviously happy to see Pat, who licked each of them in turn.

All three animals sat down and faced each other as if they were people about to have a nice conversation. That, in fact, wasn't so far from what was actually happening. Julie sat down also and watched as first Eeny, and then Miney, took turns communicating telepathicaly with Pat.

After a short while, Pat stood up and so did the beavers, who both started making their way back to the dam. Julie wondered what they had been 'talking' about. It wouldn't be long before she found out, but first she had to ask a question that she'd been meaning to ask Pat for a very long time. . .

"Pat, I've always wondered---well, you started life as a beaver, and after that awful hunter just about killed you, the Aliens came and saved you by transplanting your brain into this golden retreiver body. So, I guess what I'm getting at is do you miss being a beaver? And, you know, do you miss being with your beaver brother and sisters?"

Instead of answering right away, Pat wagged her tail.

Julie waited, not knowing what answer Pat would give; one bark for 'yes', or two for 'no. Julie looked at Pat expectantly.

But Pat did not bark at all.

What happened next was something that Julie would remember for all her days.

-- (FRLian@chocolate.lover), August 11, 2002.

Thanks, Aunt Bee!! I think you've single-handedly stopped the war. No wonder our Author named the wise woman of Washington after you!

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.ent), August 11, 2002.

The next morning Julie awoke to bright sunshine streaming into her bedroom. Pat was lying down on the rug by the side of the bed and heard her stirring awake. The dog stood up and walked over to Julie, who smiled and held out her hand for Pat to lick.

That's when it came back to Julie; what happened yesterday at the stream; the answer to her question...

Julie smiled as she remembered how, instead of barking a reply, Pat nuzzled her and licked her enthusiastically---demonstrating how much she had grown to love Julie. In Pat's own way, she had answered Julie's question the best way she could think of---with a sign of sincere and deep affection.

Pat may have missed her beaver siblings, but Julie had been Pat's only 'family' ever since Julie helped nurse the dog back to health while working at the animal clinic. Pat loved Julie very much, and now there was no longer any nagging question or uncertainty in Julie's mind about Pat missing life as a beaver.

Julie yawned then rose from bed. The thought of the animal clinic had reminded Julie of a phone call she wanted to make this morning; perhaps right after breakfast.

Julie had some news---exciting news---and naturally, she couldn't wait to tell it.

-- (FRLian@fiction.writer), August 12, 2002.


-- Gayla (glad@to.see things getting back to normal), August 12, 2002.

Dr. Gayla Gold, the veterinarian at the town animal clinic, opened the front door for another day of work and heard the phone ringing. She walked to the reception desk and picked it up.

"Animal clinic, Dr. Gold speaking."

"Hi, Gayla, it's me, Julie."

"Well, well, well! If it isn't my old assistant and friend. How are you , honey, and how's Pat?"

"We're both fine, Doc. I'm calling because I went to check on the beavers down by Golden Lake yesterday, and I had a bit of a surprise-- -a pleasant surprise."

Gayla smiled to herself. It's going to be a good day.

"Ok, I'll bite."

Julie giggled. "It looks like one of the beavers---Eeeny---is pregnant!"

The smile disappeared from Dr. Gold's face and was replaced with a frown.

"But Julie, that's not possible!"

"What do you mean, Gayla?"

"Well, remember back when I examined them all before we relocated them to Golden Lake?"

Julie nodded as she said "yeh, so?"

"Well, Eeny is not phyically capable of having pups. In fact, none of the beavers are sexually capable of reproduction at all!"

"Are, are you sure?"

"I'm pretty sure, yes. But let me check my records and I'll get back to you, ok?"

"Uh, well, ok, Gayla. If I'm not home, just leave a message. I'm sure it's just a simple mistake."

Julie hung up, confused. Dr. Gold was as good as gold in matters concerning her work; she was a complete professional. It was highly unlikely she was wrong.

Julie thought back to the vision that Pat gave her after they visited the beavers yesterday: a vision of Eeeny with a new-born beaver pup.

Julie shook her head as if to clear it. Eeny can't be pregnant. Maybe the pup was born from another beaver couple downstream or something. Oh well, it's just a simple mistake.

But it wasn't a mistake.

-- (FRLian@fiction.writer), August 12, 2002.

Thank-you, dear Author!!! It's a wonderful story - I'll just sit here and chew my nails until it's done. (Then I'll start nagging for another one :-)

-- Tricia teh Cnauck (jayles@telusplanet.ent), August 12, 2002.

You're welcome, Sweet Princess. Glad you're enjoying it so far. Things are going to get velly intelesting---

-- (FRLian@fiction.writer), August 12, 2002.

Is it safe to come out from under my rock and applaud wildly...?

-- helen (, August 12, 2002.

Helen Bee Mebs, Head of the Advanced Defense Research Organization (ADRO), squinted at her monitor screen, hoping to change the contents of the e-mail she was reading. The only good news in it was that there had been, so far, no confirmation of the potentially awful and deadly 'event' that the e-mail descibed.

But other government agencies were working on that very confirmation right now. Hopefully, the odds of the 'event' would be so high that no action would be needed---not that anyone really knew what the hell to do in the case it really became a threat.

Helen sighed and powered her computer down, thinking about the dinner she was already late for. She didn't know it, but it was an appointment that she would not be able to keep.

- - -

Julie had gone out shopping and just returned home. As she opened the front door, she looked at her answering machine and saw that there was a message. After putting the groceries away, mainly food for Pat, some Milk, and Poopie Puffs, she went over to the device and pressed 'playback'.

Hi, honey, it's me, Gayla. I wanted to get back to you right away and let you know that according to my records, none of the beavers are capable of sexual reproduction; there's no way on Earth that Eeny can be pregnant. I'm sure you were right in thinking it must have been just a mistake---hope to hear from you again soon. Take care."

Julie looked over to Pat who was standing next to her and heard the message too. Pat barked softly. Twice.

Julie frowned, and then, suddenly, she remembered one particular phrase of Dr. Gold's message---

She whispered it to Pat: " way on Earth...".

Then Julie looked carefully at her pooch with a question on her pretty face.

"You thinking what I'm thinking?


-- (It'ssafe@now.Helen), August 13, 2002.

Ohhhh myyyyyyyyy.... (passing the warm fudge). Psst one plate has the ones with pecans and the other has walnuts...

And waiting on the edge of my seat for the next lively installment! Thank you FRLian fiction.writer!! Ya hooked me again! :))

-- Aunt__Bee (, August 13, 2002.

Helen Bee Mebs was just leaving the office---on her way to keep the dinner appointment---when her secure communications line activated. She stopped where she was, cursed softly, walked back to her desk, and picked up the line.

"Hi Helen, it's me, Julie. I hope I'm not interrupting anything, but there's something going on that I think needs to be brought to your attention. THEY may be up to something again---"

Even as Helen listened to her agent's voice, she heard a single soft 'woof' in the background.

- - -

U.S. Deep Space Observatory (DSO) - Janet, New Mexico - 14:10 Local

The Director of the DSO turned to his chief scientist and asked the question that had to be asked:

"Are you absolutely sure about these numbers? I mean, 100%?"

The chief scientist turned to his boss and nodded.

"Yes. It's huge; over 2 kilometers! The calculations were made based on the object's brightness. Preliminary orbital analysis suggests that it is on an intersecting trajectory."

The chief scientist took a breath before contining.

"Unfortunately, we've just received confirmation from the Brits. They have their own version of our automated sky program for asteroid detection. Between us, we expect to amass over two hundred observations over the next two weeks. They've given this one a positive rating on the Palermo scale! It's only the second asteroid to ever get a positive rating! It sure as hell looks like it's gonna hit us, Sir."

Fine beads of sweat started forming on the DSO Director's forehead.

"How the hell did it get so close to us to begin with? Why didn't we have more warning? Why are we finding out about this now?"

The chief scientist shrugged his shoulders. "All three of your questions have the same answer, Sir, that is, the asteroid is coming from behind the Sun---our blind spot---we never even had a chance at seeing it until it came around this side. That's why!"

The director wiped at his sweat.

"That's great! That's just stinkin' great! That means our options are severly limited. We just don't have enough time to stop it, do we?"

The chief scientist shook his head. "No, we don't. The only thing we can do is observe it and hope we're wrong on the estimates. Otherwise our Planet is going to be minus a continent in 14 days."

The Director of the DSO let out a long drawn out sigh. The odds suddenly had changed from 1 in 10 million to 'Oh Shit'. He reached for his phone and dialed. Almost 3,000 miles away, the private line began ringing on the desk of the Secretary of Defense of the United States of America.

- - -

Just after the short phone conversation between the DSO and Defense Secretary, Helen Bee Mebs was finishing a conversation of her own.

"Ok, Julie. I want you and Pat back here at the Pentagon first thing in the morning. We may need to meet in the vault instead of my office. Other things are happening that I can't confirm or discuss and it looks like tomorrow is going to a crazy day. You are probably right about THEM being up to something again, and the sooner we find out what, the better."

Helen hung up and started back out the door---once again thinking about the fine dinner she was about to have tonight---when she heard the soft tone from the secure fax and stopped.

Geez, now what? I better go look and see.

-- (chocolate@pecans.walnuts), August 13, 2002.

I'm with Rob - one of each please, Aunt_Bee. Mmmmmmmmmm! Thanks, those are yummmmmmmmmmmmmy!!

Almost as good as the story, in fact. (Thanks, Dear Author)

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.ent), August 13, 2002.

13 days to KL 9 impact

Julie met Helen in her E-Ring office and together they took the special elevator down to the Pentagon's 'basement'. As the elevator doors opened, the two ADRO agents immediately were greeted by a security detail who checked them out.

One of the guards was relatively new, and obviously put back by seeing a canine on its way to the 'vault'. Hell, he wasn't even allowed in the secret room! He got quite a chuckle out of it all. Too bad I can't tell anyone about it, he thought.

After the checkpoint, the three of them walked down the long, carpeted, narrow corridor towards their destination: the most highly secure area in all of the Pentagon; referred to simply as the 'vault'.

By now, Julie couldn't help wondering just what was going on. She had been in the vault a couple times before, but not in a while. Helen refused to have any conversation so far except for the usual small talk. They reached the entrance to the vault.

Two more guards made one final check on them. One guard nodded silently to the other, who spoke into a small communications device of some kind that he was holding in his hand. After this, a series of clicks were heard, and the two guards stood aside as Helen and Julie, followed by Pat, entered one of the most amazing and secure rooms on the Planet.

They both sat at the large oval-shaped conference table, with Pat sitting on the floor by Julie's feet. Helen hit some buttons in front of her seat and a large rectangular panel in the wall slid away, revealing a huge screen that took up almost half the wall.

Julie looked up and recognized the two faces on the other side of the screen. One belonged to the Secretary of Defense (SecDef), and the other to the President of the United States of America (POTUS).

Julie's mouth opened wide at seeing her Commander in Chief. She hadn't known what to expect this morning, but seeing the President himself never had even occurred to her. Involuntartily, a soft "Wow" escaped her lips. A split second later, as if in reply, a single "Woof" echoed through the vault.

POTUS cleared his throat, said "good morning" to Helen and Julie, and then acknowledged Pat also; with a nod of his head and the slightest of grins. Then he turned to the SecDef and nodded, giving him the signal to start the conference.

"We're here this morning to brief the two of you---er, I mean the three of you---


---on a critical threat and currently developing situation. It has been determined that a previously unknown asteroid, now categorized as "KL 9", according to all highly reliable estimates so far, is going to impact our Planet in 13 days. It's about 2 kilometers in size and has an estimated impact velocity of 25 km a second. Assuming it hits, it will wipe out an entire continent, at a minimum, and initiate global climatic changes of unimaginable proportions."

The SecDef paused for a second to let one that sink in.

"We're here this morning with you because we have no answers---no options at all---due to the short window in which the event is developing. Whatever hope we have, if any, rests with ADRO."

Julie looked in shock at Helen, who gazed dejectedly down at the floor. Even Pat was perfectly still. You could hear the proverbial pin drop. For the first time in her life, Julie understood with totality what the saying 'The silence is deafening' really meant.

-- (FRLian@fiction.writer), August 14, 2002.

Yikes! (This is sounding a little like an article I just read about a REAL asteroid heading this way.) What's up with the pregnancy though? And the POTUS himself? So many questions!

If the world is gonna end and all, I need more chocolate! Aunt Bee, pass the plate! I like pecans AND walnuts. :-)

-- Gayla (, August 14, 2002.

Egads, the end of the world near! At least the POTUS and DefSec are being ever so courteous! More fudge, more fudge all- here's two more plates, sorry no time for the paper doilies now! Gotta get back to the story....

-- Aunt Bee (, August 14, 2002.

More chocolate for me, too, please! I've been eating comfort food galore ever since Ed died (although I've promised myself several times that tomorrow morning will be the morning that I return to reasonable eating habits).

POTUS? SecDef? Do I detect the influence of T.Clancy on our Dear Author? I enjoy Tom almost as much as I do our FRL stories, but I put him down to check in here - I don't close a FRL story for anything (guess that asteroid ain't gonna hit 'til after this story is done :-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (, August 14, 2002.

12 days to KL 9 impact

Almost 24 hours had passed. Yet Helen, Julie, and Pat had come up with nothing so far. It was very frustrating, especially since they had a second conference call with the White House scheduled in less than two hours. They were all in Helen's office, about to have some breakfast. Julie looked down at Pat who was hungry too. "Poor girl. I know you're hungry, but all we have is this."

Julie held up a large box of Poopie Loops and was surprised to hear Pat bark with interest.

Helen, also surprised, turned to Julie. "Poopie Puffs are so popular that the company just came out with these Poopie Loops. I think they taste slightly different than the Puffs, but they're still really good with milk. You think the pooch can eat this? I'll be glad to give her some."


Julie smiled. "Looks like Pat has answered for us."

Both woman laughed for the first time in over a day. All three of them had a bowl of the new Poopie Loops with milk and then headed down to the vault to try some more brainstorming.

They sat around the oval table in the vault. Julie turned to Pat.

"Ok, pooch. Let's try again, shall we?"


Someone farted. Loudly! Julie looked at Helen, grinning, and Helen looked at Julie, also grinning. Both of them denied being the one that 'dealt' it. Then, together, the two woman looked at Pat. Julie crossed her arms and looked at her dog. "Was that you, Pat?"


Helen's nose wrinkled. "Ewwwwwww, it smells!"

Both woman looked at Pat, who had her tail between her legs and head down towards the floor in obvious shame.

Toot, Toooooot!

Julie was about to say something when she felt a telepathic vision coming on. She was already sitting down, and motioned to Helen to let her know there was about to be direct contact with Pat---finally! Maybe they'd be able to report something to the President this morning after all. Julie closed her eyes as the vision came. Unlike other visions, this one was short and sweet. In only a few seconds, it was over. Helen looked at Julie, waiting for an explantion of what Julie had been shown. Instead of any explanation, Julie asked a question.

"Can you show movies on that wall screen, Helen, or is it only for conference calls?"

"Uh, yeh, we can a load a movie into the unit, why?"

"In the vision, Pat showed us sitting here watching a movie on the wall. Somehow, I don't know how it's related to solving the Asteriod problem, but it is. Are there any DVD's in the room here now?"

Helen looked in small cubby hole by where she usually sat. "Why, Yes! There is a movie here. It's Jurassic Park!"


"Helen, I know it sounds crazy, but let's watch it. Now! Ok? I'm sure that Pat is trying to tell us that there is a clue on there for us."


About midway through the movie, both woman watched as the scene where one of the actors started explaining Chaos Theory started---'a butterfly flaps it's wings in China and changes the weather in New York.' At that line, Pat became very excited. Helen went back and played the part again as they both looked at Pat. When the actor said that same line, Pat responded immediately.


Helen stopped the tape as Julie rose to her feet, a look of astonishment on her pretty face.

"Helen! I think I know what Pat is suggesting! Pat wants us to fart too!"

The Head of ADRO looked at her young agent as if she was in dire need of a long rest.

"Helen, don't ya see? If a butterfly flaps it's wings in China and changes the weather in New York, why can't 6 billion people on Earth, if we all fart together at the same time, change the path of the Asteroid---you know, deflect it!"


Helen laughed out loud. So that's why Pat is tooting at us this morning! And here I thought it was the Poopie Loops that were making her fart.

And then, to her everlasting emabarrasment, the Head of the Advanced Defense and Research Organization farted.

Julie laughed so hard, that she farted too. By this time they were all rolling around on the floor laughing, crying, and farting. It was at this very moment that the screen on the wall activated, and an astonished SecDef and POTUS saw what was going on in the vault. Pat went over to the wall, directly in front of the screen and let one rip---

-- Thirsty author needs a drink (FRLian@fudge.lover), August 15, 2002.

ROTFL too, but NOT farting. Sorry!

-- Gayla (LOL@LOL.LOL), August 15, 2002.

Author, author! Just wanted to tell you that you sent me to work giggling today~! Poopie Loops cause Pootie Ooops-LOLOL! The very thought of one large sulphuric cloud encompassing the earth, hehehehehe! Wait! Wonder what a butterfly poot sounds like???

-- Aunt Bee (, August 15, 2002.


Thanks, Dear Author - I needed a good, long, belly laugh!

And AB, I believe butterflies have very small sounding poots ;-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (, August 15, 2002.

11 days to KL 9 impact

It was a long time before the President and SecDef actually understood what Julie and Helen were offering as a potential solution. To say they weren't expecting to be talking about farting was an understatement! But they all felt the idea was worth a try, and besides, nobody had come up with even the slightest alternative.

After the conference call, the President and SecDef contacted the Deep Space Observatory and spoke with the Director. It would be up to the DSO to do two things; first, figure out if it'll work---is it possible to fart KL 9 off of its intersecting trajectory? And second, figure out how to get 6 billion Earthlings to coordinate what was quickly becoming known as "The Big Toot."

The staff at the DSO began working round the clock trying to get some answers.

- - -

Helen, Julie and Pat were very pleased with themselves. They left the vault after the conference call and went back up to Helen's office.

"Ok, Julie, with the KL 9 problem hopefully on the way to being solved, let's get back to the reason I originally asked you to come back here. You told me that Pat led you to believe Eeny is pregnant, yet Dr. Gold confirmed that's impossible. You suspect the Aliens are up to something, right?"

"Yes, I do. It's the only explanation, Helen. And they've done this sort of thing before too. But I'm not sure yet, and why they're doing it I have no idea."

Julie turned to Pat with a questioning look. "Can you tell me anything more, Pat?"


Julie raised her voice in mock anger, trying like hell to hide the smile she felt growing on her lips.

"Patricia! Now you stop that already. Answer in the correct way or you won't get any more Poopie Loops."


The vision came without the usual warning. Julie sank slowly to the floor. Helen ran over to the young ADRO agent and cushioned her fall just before Julie's head would have hit the carpet. This vision, while very powerful, was also very short. Julie came out of it and shook her head to clear it, then turned to her boss.

"Pat showed me the new-born beaver pup again, but this time it was with Meeny---and then the scene changed and it was with Eeny. I---I don't know what to make of it."

Julie rubbed gently at her forehead as Helen turned to Pat.

"Is the baby beaver Eeny's or Meeny's?"

In reply, Pat growled softly.

"Oh, I'm sorry Pat, I forgot---you can answer only yes or no questions. I'll try again. Does the baby beaver belong to Eeny?"


"Yes? Ok, then why are you showing the baby being with Meeny also--- does Eeeny give the baby to Meeny?"

Woof, Woof.


By now Julie had come back to her senses and thought she knew the answer. She cleared her throat and looked at Pat.

"Pat, you showed me the two beavers separately, each with a baby pup. Are they the same baby pup?"

"Woof, Woof."

Julie turned to Helen with a look of alarm and confusion.

"That can only mean one thing, Helen. The Aliens have made BOTH Eeny and Meeny pregnant!"


-- (countdown_11d@ys.left), August 16, 2002.

Pregnant sterile beavers, tooting an asteroid away and scary aliens! All the important ingredients for our Dear Author's great story. But did I have to be a dog? :-(

-- Tricia teh Canuck (, August 16, 2002.

10 days to KL 9 impact

After the usual morning status call with the White House, Helen and Julie discussed the latest developments.

"Well, Julie, who would have thought our little idea would have made all of the number crunchers at DSO work overtime. I never realized that so many calculations and so much effort would be required just to fart---even if it is a Big Toot! Looks like their 'sophisticated modeling' won't determine if the Toot is feasible until late tomorrow- --at the earliest."

Julie nodded. "I know, Helen, but maybe it's a blessing since we can spend our time trying to figure out what the Aliens are up to. To tell you the truth, I can't get my mind off of Eeny and Meeny anyway. Maybe Pat can tell us some more today."

With that, Pat wagged her tail and barked once.

Helen and Julie exchanged glances.

Once again, the vision came without warning and was very short. Julie didn't say anything for a while afterwards. Finally, the young ADRO agent looked at her boss and raised her eyebrows.

"You're not gonna believe this Helen, but there is a connection between the beavers and the Asteroid. Pat was very clear with this vision. There's no doubt about it. But what the connection is, I have no idea. And I don't think Pat knows yet either."


Now it was Helen's eyebrows that were raised.

"Wow, Julie! That's a strange new development. Let me think about it for a second."

The two ADRO woman looked at Pat and a thought popped into both their heads at the same time. Helen was the first to speak.

"I think Pat wants you to go back with her to New Jersey---back home to the stream and see the other beavers."

"That's odd, Helen, I had the same thought! And our work on KL 9--- at least for the moment---is done; we're free to go. Besides, whatever the connection is, we're not going to find it here. We have to go home."


-- (countdown_10d@ys.left), August 16, 2002.

09 days to KL 9 impact

Dr. Gayla Gold usually left the clinic early on Friday, and today was no exception. In fact, this afternoon there was something she intended to do. She took a short drive and arrived at her destination without incident. But only half an hour later, feeling frustrated and slightly angry at her apparent waste of time, she walked back to her car and drove home.


Julie and Pat had taken the red-eye flight and arrived in Newark International in the early morning hours. By the time they got home, both were ready to crash out. It was still really warm in New Jersey, just as in D.C., and it was extremely dry. Water restrictions were being enforced, and temperatures remained in the 70's, even overnight.

Between the heat and being tired from the flight and excitement of the last four days, Julie didn't notice that there was a message waiting for her on her answering machine---an important message.

Dawn arrived only several hours after Julie went to bed. A red-hot angry Sun gave birth to the new day and glared down mercilessly on the baking Earth. Julie awoke to see Pat still sleeping at the foot of her bed. The pooch stirred immediately at the sound of her Master getting up.

Julie noticed that her electric digital clock's numbers were blinking. There must have been a power outtage overnight. She reset the clock and went through her usual morning routine. Looking at her watch, she realized that Helen would be starting the daily morning conference call with the White House in only another hour or so. She couldn't help wondering if the number crunchers had arrived at any conclusions yet.

Julie looked at her phone unit to see if the message indicator was lit, but it wasn't. The fact that it wasn't lit meant there were no messages. She didn't realize that the only exception to this was if the unit lost power---in that case, the message would still be on the tape until a new message came in and recorded over it---but you would have no way of knowing that a message was there since the indicator light wasn't on.

Julie yawned and started getting ready to go down to the stream and check on the beavers.She began thinking about the them.. What was their connection to KL 9? Only time would tell.

A little later she and Pat started their walk through the pine forest on the way to the stream. First, they would check on Meeny, and then they would go and see Eeny. Midway towards their destination, Julie's cell phone rang. Very few people had this number. Her first thought was that it was Helen.

"Julie, its Gayla! I tried getting you at home this morning, and I left a message for you yesterday too. I'm so glad I finally reached you."

"Hi Gayla. You sound worried. What's up?"

"I've been meaning to check on the beavers---you know, you said that Eeny was pregnant and all and that reminded me I hadn't been down there since early Spring to check on them all. Anyway, I went yesterday but the beavers were gone. At least the two females were. Miney, the male, was there, but both females were no where to be found. I thought I'd find out from you if you knew where they were now?"

Julie swallowed hard and stopped walking. She had to think of something fast. She already had guessed where the beavers might be, but the truth in this case wouldn't do at all. She respected Gayla--- was her friend in fact---but the answer to her question involved ADRO and wasn't meant to be shared outside of the Organization. Julie took a deep breath and listened to her own voice as she replied.

"Don't worry Gayla. It's so hot I'm sure that they are just refusing to come out of their dams---can't say I blame then either. Tell you what. I'm not far away from there now. I'll go by and check up on things myself. I'm sure everything is fine. If not, I'll let you know soon as I do, ok?"

"Oh! That would be a big relief. You're probably right, honey. Ok. Just let me know if anything is wrong. Guess I can wait until next Friday to do the exams."

After hanging up, Julie turned to Pat.

"Pat, are they at the dams?"

Woof, woof.

"That's what I was afraid you'd say. Did THEY come and get them---do the Aliens have Eeny and Meeny?"


Julie had guessed right after all. She didn't even bother putting the cell phone away. Instead, she quickly looked at the time as she dialed. Maybe Helen was still on the conference call---

-- (countdown.9d@ys.left), August 18, 2002.

08 days to KL 9 impact

Julie learned that the conferenace call with the White House had ended early. The number crunchers at DSO were still collating the data and still hadn't reached any definitive conclusion. In short, the still did not know if the Big Toot would work or not. The pressure on them was already enormous, and growing more so with each passing day---indeed, each passing hour.

Helen also felt some of that pressure. With the beavers abducted by the Aliens, Helen had asked Julie and Pat to come back to D.C.--- there wasn't any reason to stay in New Jersey. Their hope of finding out what the connection was between the beavers and KL9 had vanished along with Eeny and Meeny.

Julie and Pat took an early Sunday evening flight out, arriving in time to settle in and relax a bit before the morning conference call tomorrow. The Director of the DSO had promised he would finally had some answers for the Monday morning call. Everyone hoped so. They were running out of time, and KL 9 was running right for them.

Julie also hoped to find out the answers to the beaver mystery soon. They knew the beavers were both pregnant, and were now in the hands of the Aliens. But they didn't know why, and more importantly, they didn't know the connection between the animals and the Asteroid.

Tomorrow, Julie thought to herself, they should find out tomorrow.

-- (countdown_8d@ys.left), August 18, 2002.

Dang, I have to WAIT???? The suspense is killing me!!!!!

-- Aunt Bee (, August 18, 2002.

07 days to KL 9 impact

Julie awoke with Pat and headed over to the Pentagon for the Monday morning call. She met Helen in the office and they had a small bite to eat together. Then they attended the conference call with the White House and the DSO.

Forty-five minutes later, Helen and Julie realized that the entire meeting could have been summed up with three words: It won't work. The chief scientist explained how the Big Toot was actually a good idea, with a chance of working. The problem in this case was simply that KL 9 was way too big a rock.

The call ended with everyone about as low as they could be. KL 9 was only seven days away instead of 14, but they were all back to square one.

-- (countdown_7d@ys.left), August 18, 2002.

Just after the meeting, Julie dialed her home number, as she always did when away, and entered the remote password so that she could listen to her phone messages. This morning, she had one message---

"Hi, Julie, it's Gayla. Since I had those beavers on my mind and the clinic is closed on Sundays, I decided to take a ride over to the stream and check on the two females. I'm just calling to let you know that I was able to do my examinations and that they're both fine- --"

Julie's brow furrowed in confusion. Helen saw the expression on her face and gave her a silent "Now what?" look in response. Julie took a beep breath, walked to the window of Helen's office, then turned to face her boss.

"As if we didn't have enough to worry about! Eeny and Meeny---

they're baaaaaaaaack---

and, they're not pregnant!"


-- (countdown_7d@ys.left), August 18, 2002.

Julie turned to Pat. "Ok, pooch, Eeny and Meeny were with the Aliens and now they're not. And they were pregnant, but now they're not. So that means what? The Aliens took the fetuses and returned the beavers?"


Helen smiled at Julie and asked a question of her own. "But what's this got to do with KL 9? Have you figured that out yet Pat?"


Julie felt the familiar tingle at her temples signaling that a vision was on its way.

"I, Oh!--I see THEM, Helen, and there are Eeny and Meeny. The Aliens are operating, taking the tiny fetuses from them. Oh! What's this? Its the Asteroid. I can see it clearly, and all around it. Wait a minute. What's that? Wait. Too late. The scene is changing fast. Pat is showing me a person aboard the ship---very fuzzy, I, I don't know who it---Wait---I, Oh My God! Its Alexander! But he's not really on the ship. Pat is showing me his face because that's where the connection with the Asteroid is. I'm---We're suppose to remember something about him and the beavers. That's the connection!"

With that last exclamation, Julie

Helen waited a few seconds for Julie to compose herself, but she couldn't wait any longer.

"Julie! What about Alexander and the beavers? What does it mean?"

"It means that the Aliens are going to blow up the Asteroid using the two fetus clones, just like what they were going to do with Alexander last year. One clone is anti-matter, and the other is regular matter. When the two types of matter meet, it'll implode everything around it."

Helen was ecstatic. "That's great! Let's tell the President! Right now!"

"NO! Uh, I mean, wait, Helen. There's something else Pat showed me--- something bad. I think you better let me tell you the rest of what I saw before you go and call anyone---especially the President!"

-- (countdown_7d@ys.left), August 18, 2002.

Helen listened carefully as Julie described the Bad Thing that Pat had shown her---

the Thing nobody knew was there, that nobody had seen---

the Thing that was hidden just behind KL 9---

in a blind spot---

and on its way to Earth.

-- (countdown_7d@ys.left), August 18, 2002.

Gasp a Bad Thing???

Oh alright, I'll pipe down again already, but I need some more of that wonderful fudge, AB!

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.ent), August 18, 2002.

Just finished pouring out a hot batch on to my favorite fudge plate (it has yellow and white daisies on it!). Let it cool a minute, so we can cut it into squares. I used black walnuts this time! Here Tricia, now pass the plate to the others and we'll be patient, won't we???

-- Aunt Bee (, August 18, 2002.

Helen gasped. "A second Asteroid behind the first?"

"Yes, Helen, and even though this one is much smaller, anyway we look at this it's bad. Without a doubt, it's big enough so that I'm sure it would cause massive damage when it hits. But the really bad news is that this one is ours to handle. The Aliens have their hands full with KL 9. It's up to us to stop this second one."


Within minutes, Helen and Julie were talking with the Director of the DSO and his chief scientist. Julie described the 'rock' as being about 60 or so meters long, following end-over-end through the cold blackness of space about a day behind KL 9. The scientist asked many questions of Julie and quickly took down the information. He was already trying to do some rough calculations.

After a minute the scientist cleared his throat.

"At about 60 meters in size, if this second Asteroid hits us, it'll unleash energy roughly equivalent to a 5-megaton nuclear bomb; enough to wipe out an entire large city! But the good news is I think we can stop it!"

Helen beat everyone to the obvious question.

"How? How can we stop it?"

The scientist chuckled. "With a Big Toot! It wouldn't work against a 2 kilometer rock, but it should be more than powerful enough to deflect this smaller asteroid. I'll have to perform more advanced calculations and do some modeling, but if the data estimates you've given me are reasonably accurate, then we should all begin getting our supply of Poopie Loops ready!"

Helen sighed. "Ok, Let's get the White House on the line. Looks like the Big Toot is a GO after all."

-- (yummy@fudge.blackwalnuts), August 18, 2002.

Toot-toot-tootsie goodbye~ (Sorry, I couldn't resist!)

-- Aunt Bee (, August 18, 2002.

06 days to KL 9 impact

The next morning some important things were agreed to on the status call with the White House. First of all, as far as the public was concerned, any mention of Aliens and their role was out of the question. Therefore, it was decided that it would be reported that there was only one asteroid, KL 9, and that the Big Toot would be used to try and deflect it.

The President was scheduled to go before the Nation in a prime-time speech geared to explain the threat and actions needed to avoid the Asteroid. For the first time ever, other Presidents, Prime Ministers, and National Leaders coordinated together and simultaneously went before their country's people with the same message; all over the Earth.

Everyone was expected to do their fart in the Big Toot. The CEO of Poopie Inc. had all of his factories converted from making Poopie Puffs to making Poopie Loops, since only the Loops had the desired flatulous effect. Shipments were being made all around the globe in a desparate

Operation 'Poopie Loop' was executed to call up the national guard, including the fleets of Air transports, to aid in distribution of the cereal. This same thing was being repeated in Country after Country across the globe. All quarrels were forgotten in light of the greater threat to all; at least temporarily.

In short, the planet was mobilizing against the threat. The scientists calculated and recalculated everything of importance. So it was determined that the optimum time for the Big Toot would be at the very beginning of Day 4, some 48 hours from now. Any sooner and the Big Toot would not have enough 'punch' to deflect KL 9, and waiting much later was even more dangerous as it risked not being able to deflect the object at all.

-- (countdown_6d@ys.left), August 19, 2002.

After the conference call, Julie turned to Pat and was surprised by a quick but powerful telepathic vision. It took a while before Julie was able to speak. She turned to Helen, still visibly shaken, and pointed towards Pat.

"Pat wants to go back home again, to the stream. I---I don't know why, but it does seem important to her."

"Well, Julie, we have both her and you to thank for the progress so far. If it wasn't for you two we wouldn't even have a plan. Things are moving fast now, and they are basically our of our hands. So go ahead, take Pat home. But stay in close contact, just in case."

And on the flight back to New Jersey that evening, Julie thought about how odd it felt to lie to Helen. She had never done that before. But Pat insisted this time. This one time it had to be this way. Pat's message was for Julie and Julie alone---at least for now. If Helen knew the truth she might have had reservations about letting Pat go back home. But Julie knew she had no choice. She understood that nothing could be allowed to stop Pat from going home, and finishing the mission. The entire planet was riding on it.

Between her tears, Julie prayed that there wasn't going to be a terrible price that had to be paid.

-- (countdown_6d@ys.left), August 19, 2002.

Wow! How did we go through 6 days in only 4? I better hurry and ketchup!

-- Gayla (, August 19, 2002.

Well Gayla, I was doing ok until yesterday, then I sort of went on a bit of a roll. Maybe it has something to do with all that yummy fudge, and those black walnuts. . .

I'll try to keep to the schedule for the rest of the story!

-- (FRLian@fiction.writer), August 19, 2002.

WHAT terrible price???

-- helen (breathless@on.edge), August 19, 2002.

Julie and Pat arrived back in New Jersey just as the western sky began turning red. Several hours later, the two of them were walking through the dark woods on their way to the stream, the way illuminated by the light of a half moon, and a slight bluish glow in the distance.

As they made their way through the pine forest, and came closer to the stream, the bluish glow became stronger and gave off more and more light. Finally, they reached the edge of the woods and came out upon the stream.

The beavers were nowhere to be seen. There above the beavers dam was a blue light-ball, giving off a surprisingly bright glow, and also a slight buzzing sound. Pat looked up at the Alien transport, then looked at Julie.

"Oh, Pat. I'm going to miss you so much."

With that, Julie began crying again. Pat came next to her and pawed at her feet; her way of asking that Julie bend down. Julie did, and Pat began licking Julie's face, and her tears.

Suddenly, the buzzing from the blue light-ball transport grew louder. Julie stood up.

"I love you little pooch, and I always will! I---I guess this is it. Are you ready, Pat?"


Immediately, the light-ball came down and engulfed Pat. An instant later, the ball rose off the ground and began turning. Faster and faster it turned, until, with a crack like electricity and a smell of ozone, it zoomed up into the sky.

Julie stood watching it get smaller and smaller until, in a few seconds, both the object and Pat were gone. For a while she stood as still as stone and cried softly.

Finally, she looked at her watch. It was almost midnight---almost 5 more days to go before KL 9 impact. But KL 9 would be destroyed way before that---in about 24 hours from now---thanks to the Aliens, and also to Pat.

She started slowly walking back to her home, alone and tired, already missing Pat. And all the way home tears of grief rolled down her pretty face. She forced herself to think of what she had to do next. Now that Pat was gone, she could call Helen and tell her the truth.

-- (FRLian@fiction.writer), August 19, 2002.


He's deleted Pat. Pat's gone the way of DiEteR... off with the aliens, never to be heard from again :-( 'Bye Pat!

(Thanks for the brownies, AB - now I really need comfort food)

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.ent), August 19, 2002.

22 hours to KL 9 termination

Helen and Julie had been on the phone for over an hour. Both women were very upset, but Julie was a total basket case. Helen didn't think it was a good idea for Julie to be alone, so she called a friend they both knew---detective Ronald Brooks---who also was an ADRO agent and lived close by to Julie. In fact, Helen didn't hang up the phone until she knew that Brooks was there with Julie to keep her company.

By then it was almost two o'clock in the morning. Julie put some coffee on, and put out a tray of chocolate cookies with black walnuts. She didn't share these cookies with just anybody. It was truly a sign of friendship and affection.

Brooks was still a bit groggy from Helen getting him up out of a sound sleep. He immediately started sipping the coffee. After half a cup and a few cookies, he smiled at Julie, who had run out of tears over an hour ago.

Julie looked at her friend and tried to smile back. "I guess you're probably wondering where Pat is, and what's going on. Well, it's a long story, but I guess I better tell you."


And as Brooks sat down and listened to Julie's story, the Aliens were busy getting ready to terminate the KL 9 asteroid. Two different colored lightballs were being loaded; a red one that contained the anti-matter fetus, and a blue one that had the normal fetus. The lightballs kept each of the fetuses safely separated from one another. Both lightballs were then placed into the cargo bay of the Alien scout vessel; the small ship that would detach from the Mother Ship and carry the fetuses to the asteroid.

This particular scout vessel had light-panels on its floor that were used to run the ship. The pilot of this vessel was to be Pat, who could press the panels easily with her paws. She would get her instructions on what to press in real-time from the Aliens--- telepathically. The Aliens were currently performing a minor operation on her, as part of the mission. Once over, Pat would be put in the scout vessel and the mission would begin.


Julie let out a long sigh as she continued to fill Brooks in.

"In order for the Asteroid to be destroyed, the pilot will need to deploy both of the lightballs simultaneously. When they reach the rock, the lightballs will disintegrate leaving the matter and anti- matter fetuses exposed to one another, but they won't be close enough to each other to explode. That's why the Aliens need Pat. The two fetuses---matter and anti-matter---need to come into direct contact with each other, otherwise no explosion."

Brooks listened silently and watched Julie very carefully. He could see the tears starting to well up again in Julie's eyes.

"You see, only Pat can communicate with each of the beaver fetuses, as well as with the Aliens. Pat's job---besides piloting the scout vessel to KL 9---is to deploy the two lightballs that have the fetuses, and then once the fetuses are on the asteroid, Pat is to telepathically direct each fetus to move towards the other until they are close enough to detontate."

"The resulting explosion will destroy KL 9 and most everything around it---"

Julie lowered her voice to a whisper

"--- including the scout vessel, and---and P-Pat too."

-- (high@price.topay), August 19, 2002.

21 hours to KL 9 termination

Brooks nearly jumped out of his seat.

"Julie! You said a red lightball and a blue lightball!"

"Yeah, so?"

"Don't you see? Remember Rob's last story, Uh, I mean remember when the Aliens were using the lightballs to drop the beavers into the stream? You know, we thought it was a game---and we called it BEAVERBALL?"

"Yeah so, what are you getting at?"

"It wasn't a game at all! The Aliens knew about KL 9 way back then and began practicing dropping beavers from the lightballs!"

"Ok, but so what. Pat's still not going to make it so what differnece is their practice shooting going to make!"

"Julie think! If they've been practicing and planning for this thing all this time, do you really think they'd just write Pat off? Don't you think they'd come up with something to at least give Pat a fighting chance---especially if they have had all this time?"

For the first time in what seemed like forever, there was a ray of hope in Julie's eyes.

"Oh! Do you think so? Do you really think so?"

-- (what@doyou.think?), August 19, 2002.

Dear Author, does that mean I might yet live to be a dog again? ;-)

It's a wonderful story. I really look forward to reading every word!

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.ent), August 19, 2002.

I think so, I think so! (Wonderful writing, BTW!~)

-- Aunt Bee (, August 20, 2002.

Wow! I'm impressed with how you tied Beaverball back into this. :-) Surely they won't let Pat die. What kind of 'small operation' were they doing on her?

(So, Rob, are you saying chocolate makes you hyper? And when you're hyper you write more? Aunt Bee, quick! Pass Rob some more chocolate!) ;-)

-- Gayla (, August 20, 2002.

12 hours to KL 9 termination 12:15 p.m. Local

The operation aboard the Alien vessel was completed. Pat was now ready for the mission. The Aliens brought her to the scout vessel. Everything was ready. Several minutes later, the small scout vessel detached from the Mother Ship and set off directly for KL9. The trip would take almost 11 hours. Pat was ready, though a little groggy from the sedative the Aliens had given her for the operation. That would completely wear off soon; well before Pat got to KL 9 to deploy the two lightball transports with their special cargo. Pat was already feeling better.

She decided to try a little experiment. . .


All over the Earth, people were busy getting ready for the Big Toot. Further calculations made by the DSO scientists determined that the optimum time to fart would be earlier than originally thought. In fact, once KL 9 was destroyed, the Big Toot could commence, due to the elapsed time it would take for the Toot to reach the second asteroid.

All leaders on the Planet continued to closely coordinate their 'Poopie Loop' operations. In this way, the Big Toot was being planned meticulously down to the last detail. The staff at DSO, as well as their counterpart British organization, were continually monitoring KL 9, and would know the instant it was destroyed. They would signal this to the President and Prime Minister, who would give the signal to Start Tooting.

People all over the world watched and listened as the President began to address to the Nation.

"Once the signal is given, everyone who is able must go outside, regardless of the weather, and lay down on their stomachs---butt pointed up towards the sky so as to maximize the 'Farting Path'---and begin Tooting. The people in Australia and Asia will Toot first, followed a minute later by the people in the Middle East, and so forth until the people of both North and South America Toot. The Pacific Islanders will only fart if needed. In this way, our Planet will hopefully avoid the devastating effects of the Asteroid. Now please go back to eating your Poopie Loops until you receive the Signal. Thank you, and may we have the Biggest Toot this planet has ever seen!"


Julie turned to Brooks, who was about to make a comment about the speech, when all of a sudden---out of nowhere---she felt the familiar tingle at the sides of her temples and looked with amazement at Brooks.

"I'm---I---I think Pat is sending me a vision!---but that can't be can it? I mean, Pat is so far away---out in space!---"

Julie closed her eyes and saw a vision of Pat - At first she saw THEM around Pat---all crowded around Pat's head---were they shaving it? What the heck were they doing? Then the scene changed. Now the pooch was sitting in this little machine of some kind with different colored light panels that made up the floor. Pat seemed to be telling Julie that she was OK.

But what was that shiney thing sticking out of Pats shaven head?

-- (12hours@to.go), August 20, 2002.

WHAT is sticking out of Pat's head???

-- helen (turning@blue.not.breathing), August 20, 2002.

10 hours to KL 9 termination 2:00 p.m. Local

The Aliens now knew with certainty that Pat had a fighting chance at surviving. The Brain Wave Amplifier that they gave Pat in the operation had worked. Pat was able to send Julie a message over an incredibly far distance. The test of the implanted 'antenna' had went flawlessly.

This meant that after Pat deployed the lightballs, she could turn the ship away from the impending explosion, yet still be able to direct the fetuses towards each other---but from a much safer distance. Nobody knew if it would be far enough away, but at least it was a chance.

Pat turned her head slightly to the left and received the Aliens latest flight instructions. She obeyed without any hesitation, and immediately pawed at the Green floor panel. The scout vessel veered slightly to one side and continued across the cold void of space to KL 9, and also towards an unknown fate.

-- (Brainw@ve.amplifier), August 20, 2002.

But what about the "thing" behind the K9L?

(Or is that where Lon Frankenstein keeps his pet when he goes traveling?)

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (, August 20, 2002.

1 hour to KL 9 termination 11:00 p.m. Local

Just after Pat arrived at KL 9, the Aliens sent her instructions on what to do next. First, she pawed the red panel that was on the right side of the ship. The small vessel shuddered slightly--- just as a sub does when a torpedo is fired--- and the Red Lightball was released; it shot down towards the surface of KL 9.

Then Pat felt the tiny vibrations in her Brain Wave Amplifier once again and pressed the blue panel on the left side of the ship. Once again the small vessel shuddered as the Blue Lightball made its way down towards the same general area where the Red Lightball had already landed.

Now Pat waited.

It would be a minute or so before the two lightballs dissolved, leaving their cargo on the surface of the Asteroid. In a short time, the message came; the fetuses were free of the lightballs---and able to move about on their own. She must be quick. Now was the time!

She received another message from the Aliens, and pawed at the yellow floor panel. The ship responded instantly, and turned slowly away from the asteroid ---and further away from danger. Every second that passed put more distance between Pat and KL 9.

The really dangerous part, telepathically directing the two fetuses towards one another for the detonation of the Asteroid was about to begin.

-- (more@fudge.please), August 20, 2002.

Good Sir, the 'thing' was a second smaller but threatening asteroid following right behind the Big One that had gone undetected.

-- (More@coookies.tooplease), August 20, 2002.

KL 9 termination

The Brits were the first Earthlings to know. Seconds later the DSO confirmed the news. Asteriod 2002 KL 9 had ceased to exist. Loud cheering erupted all over! The Aliens had done their job. Now it was up to us to deflect the second smaller rock.

The British Prime Minister and the President of the United States were informed, and within minutes, they issued a joint statement. Now it was time for the Big Toot! In Australia and Asia, they gave the Signal and people went outside and started tooting.


But Julie and Brooks were in no mood to Toot or do anything else. All they could do is think of Pat. Helen, too, was worried half to death, and had called Julie regularly to check up on her. But all any of them could do was wait. Perhaps the Aliens knew what had happened to Pat---if she had made it or not---but THEY weren't telling.


But even the Aliens didn't know what had happened to Pat. KL 9 was gone, that much they were sure of. But the explosion was more powerful than they had calculated, and it blew sooner than they had planned, which wasn't a good sign for Pat. Worse, after repeated attempts at communication, there still was no response from the scout ship.

Absolutely no response at all.

Fearing the worst, they had no choice but to head for the scout ship's last known position---

and salvage what they could.

-- (hungryFRLian@fiction.writer), August 20, 2002.

Here, Dear Author - a plateful of warm, fresh from the oven peanutbutter-chocolate chip cookies... my specialty. I don't do fudge, though, you'll have to wait for Aunt Bee to show up again for that (unless someone else takes pity on us).

-- Tricia teh Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.ent), August 20, 2002.

Oh no! Poor Pat! Please don't let her be dead. :-( She is one amazing dog! (most of them are color-blind)

And to quote Will Smith in Independence Day, "What is that smell?" ;-)

-- Gayla (, August 21, 2002.

My goodness! What a predicament! Try this new plate of fudge dear friends! A kind soul, just back from Hawaii, brought me macadamia nuts, so I included them. See what you think. Now back to the story, before we chew our fingernails down to the quick!

-- Aunt Bee (, August 21, 2002.

Yippee! Peanut butter + chocolate chip cookies AND fudge with macadamia nuts! Yummy!

Now, uh, what was I doing?

Oh! I remember---trying to figure out the ending to this here silly story...

-- (FRLian@yum.yum), August 21, 2002.

Three hours after KL 9 termination

The Director of the DSO gave a thumbs up sign. Everyone in the room started cheering and shouting. The second asteroid was no longer on an intersecting trajectory with Earth. It had been deflected successfully! The President was informed immediately, and he made the announcement to the Public. People went crazy with relief and joy. The Big Toot had worked!

But the Director of the DSO knew differently. Yes, the asteroid had been deflected, but it had nothing to do with the Big Toot. He dialed into the conference call with ADRO and the White House and filled them all in.

The conference call ended at 3 in the morning. Helen Bee Mebs left the vault and went to her office. She looked out of her window at the great River---the full moon illuminating and glittering off the wavelets on the surface. She sighed and thought about what she had just learned on the call. . .

The KL 9 Asteroid was destroyed at Midnight, local time. And now, three hours later, the DSO reported on the strange events that they had observed---events that were confirmed by the British. The public knew nothing about these strange events, and would never know. Nor would they care. Most people, regardless of the fact that it was three o'clock in the morning, were outside making merry, setting off fireworks, eating, drinking, and tooting.

But Helen couldn't get Julie off of her mind. While looking at the river rolling by, she came to a decision. Despite the time, she picked up the secure line and dialed.

Somehow she wasn't surprised when the phone was picked up on the first ring.

-- (FRLian@fiction.writer), August 21, 2002.

Julie hung up and then turned to Brooks, who had come back to Julie's house to keep her company again.

"Helen said that the Big Toot didn't deflect the second asteroid."

Brooks frowned. "Well, the President announced it was deflected, so what's up?"

Julie paused before replying, as if she was trying to remember Helen's exact words.

"Well, it was deflected. It's just that the Big Toot didn't do it. When KL 9 exploded, the blast was so powerful it created a new Black Hole in that part of the Universe. As a result, the associated Concussion Wave knocked the second asteroid backwards. It's going in the opposite direction now---heading back towards the Sun! Odds are very high it'll crash into the Sun in about two more days. Poor Pat. She was there. She was right there for the whole thing."

And with that, Julie broke down and started crying again.

Tears started forming in Brooks' eyes as well. And it wasn't lost on him that Julie had just used the past tense.

-- (FRLian@past.tense), August 21, 2002.

The Aliens also knew there wasn't much chance that Pat was alive. And they knew that the matter/anti-matter explosion was so powerful that it ripped a small hole in the space-time continuum. Anything around it would have been sucked into this new Black Hole---never to be seen or heard from again.

This is what they feared had happened to their scout ship---and to its Pilot. But they had to be sure. They owed Pat at least that much.

The Aliens had given Pat instructions on what to do in case of an emergency; standard procedure on such a dangerous mission, as well as just plain old common sense. But so far there was no evidence that the pooch took the necessary action, or that she even had enough time to be able to do so. Everything had happened so fast.


It took the Mother ship almost four hours to arrive at the last known position of their missing vessel. They scoured the area, but found nothing---

at first.

-- (whatdid@THEY.find?), August 21, 2002.

Okay, so I must finally admit that I've never really gotten into the "Pat the beaver/dog" stories but that was all in the PAST! Now, I simply must know what happened to Pat!

Was all that tooting for naught? Did the fetuses, er feti (?) succeed? Will we ever see those baby beavers again? Did the fat lady sing while they smoked cigars?! (Sorry, wrong movie!)

Please hurry, Rob, my fingernails have been chewed down past the cuticles and I've gotten a sugar rush from all of Aunt Bee's luscious confections!

-- LindaMc (, August 21, 2002.


-- helen (ack@ack.ack), August 21, 2002.

Linda? Not a newbie and never a dummy?

Wow! It's Great to have you with us and reading this silly story!!!!

I didn't plan on posting more today but---I'm kinda feelin all of that sugar myself ;-)

Hang tight, Helen ;-)

-- (sonofdust@Hi.Linda), August 21, 2002.

The Aliens did in fact find something of value: a beacon from the scout ship's Distress Capsule, which automatically ejected from Pat's vessel and started emitting the emergency signal. All scout vessels had a Distress Capsule that contained the ship's flight and data logs, as well as a transmitter that sent out a distress beacon--- similar in function to the so-called black boxes on aircraft. And also like the black boxes, the Distress Capsule only activated if and when certain critically serious situations came up; situations that were life-threatening to the ship and its occupants. By some miracle, or fate, it had escaped destruction.

It didn't take the Aliens long to capture the capsule and anaylze the logs. The data showed that Pat had obeyed the last instruction sequence. She piloted the scout vessel to the far side of the second asteroid, where it hopefully would act as a shield against the KL 9 blast. The log showed Pat managed to get the ship there safely just before KL 9's detonation.

Immedately after the KL 9 explosion, the distress capsule automatically ejected into space. According to the log, ship sensors detected an unavoidable collision with another object. There was only one object around to collide with: the second asteroid.

The Aliens put all of the pieces together---Pat had piloted the ship to the safest place possible, behind the second asteroid. But the KL 9 concussion wave was so strong it knocked the second asteroid backwards, right at Pat! The scout ship sensors detected collision and ejected the distress capsule. This meant that the scout ship, and Pat, had crashed into the second asteroid.

It was impossible to know if Pat survived. They would know in about 3 hours---that's how long it was going to take to get where they had to go. But even if the pooch did survive the crash, she had another very serious problem---the asteroid was hurtling directly towards the Sun.


U.S. Deep Space Observatory

The staff at the DSO had never stopped watching the second asteroid as it headed towards the Sun. It wasn't every day that they got to observe an 'event' like this one. They performed some serious number crunching and determined that if allowed to continue its current flight path, the asteroid would crash into the Sun in 46 hours. But long before it got that close, it would melt from the heat. They calculated that it was only 3 hours or so until 'BURN'.

-- (FRLian@fiction.writer), August 23, 2002.

20 minutes until 'BURN'

The Mother Ship raced at top speed to catch up to the asteroid before it was incinerated. After what seemed like an eternity, they finally arrived. It took several more precious minutes to locate the exact area where the scout vessel had crash-landed.

There was still no communication from Pat.

But they weren't about to give up hope---not yet, not after coming all this way and putting themselves in danger of being incinerated too. Whatever they were going to do, they knew it had to be done damned fast.

The DSO's calculations were correct. Both the asteroid and the Mother Ship had only about 14 minutes left before meltdown. The Aliens dispatched their emergency rescue shuttle to the crash site. If everything went perfectly, they would have just enough time---


-- (FRLian@rescue.attempt), August 23, 2002.

30 seconds until 'BURN'

U.S. Deep Space Observatory

Everyone was holding their breath and watching as the 'event' reached it climax. None who saw it would ever forget it.

Years later, they would still remember, and tell their grandchildren how they had witnessed the fiery destruction of the asteroid that threatened the Earth---

and how they had watched through powerful telescopes as its life ended in a brief but brilliantly bursting white-hot flare.

-- (FRLian@melted.asteroid), August 23, 2002.

9 hours later

Brooks was just getting ready to go back to his own home as Julie aimlessly wandered around her kitchen, half-heartedly cleaning up after the leftovers they had just eaten. Julie felt the beginings of a headache coming on and rubbed at her temples.

But then, instead of feeling better, the feeling instensified! Seconds later her whole face lit up with unmistakable joy. This could mean only one thing---she was going to get a vision!

Brooks saw her holding her head and ran over to her. He was amazed to see her smiling! He had almost forgotten what she looked like when she smiled. He eased her down into one of the kitchen chairs and watched as she closed her eyes.

Several minutes went by as Julie received the telepathic vision. Brooks didn't have any idea what was happening in the vision, and it would be a while before he actually found out.

But when Julie came out of it, she hugged Brooks and kissed him and started crying---only these were tears of joy. And as she hugged her friend, between gasps for breath, she managed to whisper one sentence in his ear--- "She survived, and she's coming back home to me."


Less than three minutes later the private phone line on Helen Bee Mebs' desk rang. Within seconds, Helen was crying tears of joy too.

-- THE END!!!!!!!! (FRLian@happy.ending), August 23, 2002.

---E P I L O G ---

Ironically, only a handful of people knew the truth---that the Big Toot never even got to the second asteroid because the blast from KL 9 deflected it first. The public never learned there were two asteroids either. These became among the most closely guarded secrets ever, and were placed into the top secret 'Future Only' file---not to be opened for at least 70 years.

And even fewer people knew of the involvement---indeed, the key part-- -- of The Siblings; for without their 'matter and anti- matter' clones, things would have turned out far differently; and not for the better.

As a result of the whole Asteroid incident, there began a Great Debate throughout the world. All peoples of the Earth were involved and took sides in this Great Debate.

Simply put, it boiled down to one thing; should we continue to manufacture Poopie Loops despite their unintended 'side effects', or should we just make Poopie Puffs?

One side cited the possible need in the future for another Big Toot, while the other side talked about the deleterious effects on global air quality. The Great Debate raged on, and took on different forms in different countries. In America it was an election year, and this promised to be THE issue for voters in November.

Marketing firms and street vendors had a field day. Within days after the event, "I Tooted!" tee shirts and buttons were being hawked on city street corners, along with all kinds of "Big Toot" memorabilia. A new brown toilet paper---Poopie Paper--- became especially popular.

Even Hollywood got into the act. They already had three different screen writers getting ready for 'Big Toot - The Movie'---widely anticipated to become next summer's biggest blockbuster.

By far the biggest change for most people was that Tooting in public became an accepted--- even encouraged---activity. It was now polite, after listening to a politician's speech, to fart instead of clap. For some reason this caught on, and from there it was unstoppable.

But it didn't matter. None of it mattered. People thought they had helped save the planet, and in a way they did. They got back to just living their lives---eating, sleeping, and, naturally,

tooting too.

-- Rob Michaels (, August 23, 2002.

Hurrah! I get to live ;-)

A great story, thank-you oh Dear Author.

BTW for all those who worried (like I did) that Greenspun might not recover, Unk has given us official permission to post on his new hostboard site :

When asked if he'd mind a FRL invasion, he replied "Post anything you want darlin. The more the merrier!

Keep in mind that the trolls will probably follow the herd over to Hostboard, so you may expect some rude comments."

Oh, well - there's a cloud to every silver lining :-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (, August 23, 2002.

Bravo Ron~! Applause, applause and standing ovation!!! Well done friend!! In appreciation, I just baked you my grandmother's secret recipe Sour Cream Chocolate Fudge Cake. Enjoy it as much as I enjoyed your wonderful story!!

-- Aunt Bee (, August 23, 2002.

Yes, Rob! Linda (newbiebutnodummy) has been lurking all this time and enjoying the "Big Toot" theory! I do have a problem with the tooting, though...Would any open flame turn people into flame throwers instead of gas blowers? (Sorry to be so graphic!) Later, gang!

-- LindaMc (, August 23, 2002.

Hooray! She lived! Thanks for the story, Rob. You did good!!! :-)

As to the Poopie Loops, if people want to toot, that's fine. But not in MY air space! ;-) Besides, if you get rid of Poopie Loops, then you have to get rid of sauerkraut, beans, cabbage, etc.

-- Gayla (, August 25, 2002.

Well now... looks like we're back up again ;-) Too bad we lost Helen and Sir Robert along the way...maybe they'll return for the end of the story.

Glad youz guyz enjoyed the story! I will be starting my 'assignment' soon and that's gonna keep me busy 'till early December. Until then I'll mostly be lurking.

-- Rob Michaels (, September 03, 2002.


-- helen (mule@lips.sweet), September 03, 2002.

Gets fresh cup of coffee....tries to figger out what happened to the lights.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (, September 05, 2002.

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