A Service to Spread Ashes

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For the past couple of months I have been hiring a local guy to help with farm work and to get the store set up. Last Monday he came, loaded up some tools and went to pull barbwire out of flood debris at the other end of the farm. When he hadn’t returned by 5 PM, I went to check and found him dead in his truck. He was epileptic and appeared to have a fatal seizure.

A call to a local funeral home revealed cremation would occur with a family ceremony to follow. Gary seemed to really like the farm so I called his wife a couple of days later and said if they would like to spread his ashes on my farm I would be honored. She said Gary would have approved of that.

A neighbor is a minister in a small church and agreed to officiate. About a dozen of Gary’s family members attended. The site selected was about 50 yards from where Gary died. Reverend Jesse Stephenson read from Ecclesiastics on there being a season for everything, the burial passage from The Book of Common Prayer as the ashes were spread and then finished with Psalm 34. Gary and I both love several cups of good, strong morning coffee so I scattered some instant coffee to accompany him. A step-granddaughter scattered rose pedals. His father-in-law, noting Gary’s love of hunting, scattered some bullet casings found in his pickup. Afterwards balloons were released. It was a short, simple, yet quite nice and moving ceremony. Jesse said he had never officiated at a scattering of ashes before, but would now recommended it to any of his congregation.

If you will be involved in such a service in the future, this could be used as a guide.

(When I die, my ashes will also be scattered on the farm.

-- Ken S. in WC TN (scharabo@aol.com), May 06, 2002

Answers

Ken, The man and wife I bought this farm from,had their ashes spread in our woods by a pond he had built. When their family approached me to ask if it would be Ok, I like you was honored. I am glad that they approved of my farming practices and stewardship enough to want their ashes to remain here.

My father died last August. His ashes are out on a small knoll in the middle of our pasture. I visit this place often year round.I take comfort that he too wanted to remain nearby.

-- Ralph In N.E.Ohio (Roadapple@suite224.net), May 06, 2002.


That souns so beautiful. What a kind thing for you to offer.

-- Wendy A (phillips-anteswe@pendleton.usmc.mil), May 06, 2002.

That sounds great! I've often thought about having my ashes scattered up and down the creek where I grew up playing, hunting, and fishing. I just feel like by doing that my spirit will roam and do the things I enjoyed doing while growing up.

-- r.h. in okla. (rhays@sstelco.com), May 06, 2002.

What a wonderful service! I love the idea of scattering other things that are meanigful to that person. Thanks for sharing with us, Ken.

-- Bren (wayoutfarm@skybest.com), May 06, 2002.

Sounds like it was a real nice service. Tasteful and unique.

I want to be scattered over my garden plot or maybe composted by my vermiculture units and tilled in, so I can "live on". Just couldn't tell folks "how my garden grows" :>)

-- Jay Blair in N. AL (jayblair678@yahoo.com), May 06, 2002.



my wife and I have discussed our burial wishes. We're in our early 30's. I want to be cremated and my ashes are to be put into 10 duck decoys and one given to each of my best friends. That was a nice gesture on your part Ken.

-- mike (mparish48@msn.com), May 06, 2002.

Here we go again. Lighten up a bit on Ken, Stan. Ken, I think it was a wonderful thing to do. I've already told my son to scatter my ashes someplace fun or someplace I liked... I think that mixing my ashes into Carbaryl (Sevin) and dusting the chicken house would be appropriate. Unless that's considered toxic waste! :o>

-- Gailann Schrader (gtschrader@aol.com), May 06, 2002.

Nice Ken........thank you for sharing.

-- diane (gardiacaprines@yahoo.com), May 06, 2002.

Ken, sounds like a very nice service - thank you for sharing

when my husband's uncle died, his ashes were scattered several places all over the globe (smile) but the last of them were buried in a flower garden at the old family cabin in the woods

in the years since, when we visit there - I see the irises blooming and think of him -

-- heather (h.m.metheny@att.net), May 06, 2002.


Stan, you went from recommending leaving out anitfreeze to kill a neighbor's dogs to suddenly being concerned about an animal accidently ingesting a balloon?

as for the comment about making money off of someone dying ?---->its one thing to go out of your way to make obnoxious and offensive statements for shock value...i mean, if that is how you get your kicks, whatever- good for you. its quite another to be a complete *ssh*l*.

Grow up.

-- Najia (najia274@yahoo.com), May 06, 2002.



I Can't stand the thought of being trapped in a box for eternity! I've saved the mane/tail hair of my favorite horse and hope that someday we can both be scattered over a herd of wild mustangs. Hiring a copter to fly out over them might be costly, but surely less expensive than a "real" funural and I would get to settle into their manes and ride forever!

-- ellie (elnorams@aol.com), May 06, 2002.

It sounds like a very nice service Ken. When my older brother died 4 years ago, we did a similar service for him here on the farm. I want the same thing to be done for me when my time comes. Thanks for sharing.

-- Murray in ME (lkdmfarm@megalink.net), May 06, 2002.

I hadn't seen human ashes before and was surprised at the volume of them. They were heavy-duty plastic bag in a box about 4"x6"x8". Reminded me quite a bit of the crushed oyster shell grit for chickens.

-- Ken S. in WC TN (scharabo@aol.com), May 06, 2002.

I have told my wife that when I die, I would like to be cremated, and placed under the rootball of a young oak tree that she would buy and plant just for the occasion, that I might 'live on' in sprit through the tree. Cannot figure out for the life of me why people want to spend a fortune to buy a piece on land, a casket, and a vault, just to lay there and rot...what a waste of money...

-- Joe (threearrs@hotmail.com), May 06, 2002.

I didn't see anything in the original post indicating that it would have to cost money (other than for the cremation itself and the honorarium that is typically given to the minister).

It certainly is preferable to being buried in a "memorial golf course" cemetery (plaques only for the convenience of the caretakers so they can drive lawnmowers over them, no planting allowed, nothing left on the grave, etc.). Cemeteries used to have lots of character and atmosphere (if you go to England, check out Highgate Cemetery--used for lots of movies), but modern ones leave much to be desired.

It sounds like Ken had a lovely ceremony.

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), May 06, 2002.



My father used to say that graveyards were a waste of perfectly good farm land(was from Pink,West Virgina,not too much farm land available)....He chose to be cremated when he died,and we did so(ashes in the ocean,he was a retired Navy "lifer").Me.......I want the ashes(don't waste the farmland!!!)loaded into a few shotgun shells and shot towards an aroura in Alaska(I love the site,but hate the cold.....wife can handle it.......)

-- JC (bakeryservice@mac.com), May 06, 2002.

I thought the ceremony sounded nice and more personel than a funeral home. very sorry you lost a friend. As for my ashes I told my husband I wanted them mixed into a can of paint and painted on our bedroom ceiling.

-- ronda (the johnsons@localaccess.com), May 06, 2002.

Ken that was a very nice service and location for your friend.

An uncle was cremated and half of his ashes were placed beside of his first wife who had died a number of years earlier. He remarried, and his second wife holds the remainder of his ashes. When she dies, the remainder will be buried beside of her.

I tend to look on the lighter side of things and have told my daughter that when I die, to just roll me over into the curbside gutter after a few days, and let the street sweeper take my remains away.

On a more serious note, she also knows that my great grandfather has a vacant space beside him, and that I wish to be buried there. He is interred in my hometown's cemetery, of which the land for it was donated to the city by my grandparents.

I have thought about making my own casket, but am still thinking on that one since I feel I've got another 45 to 50 years before I'll need it.

Would like to stand the town on end with something new, but of course won't because of the cost. Would like to have a Bourbon Street style group play songs as the funeral procession marches from the church building to the cemetery. The church will probably close before then, so I expect a funeral service for good-byes would have to take place at a funeral home.

Sorry I got so long winded, especially from me since I think funeral services should be pretty short.

-- Notforprint (Not@thekeyboard.com), May 06, 2002.


Ken, sounds great. Made it meaningful for the relatives, and that's important these days.

Me, I've told my family they can (in fact SHOULD) have me broken down for spare parts. Anything that's left over, cremate. When there's a strong West wind, dump the ashes off the Big Peak in the national park overlooking our family farm. They don't have to tell the rangers about it - just do it. That would probably annoy the eagles, but it wouldn't last. If they like, they can put a brass plaque in the wall behind the family church in town.

-- Don Armstrong (darmst@yahoo.com.au), May 07, 2002.


My father's ashes were spread in the Gulf of Mexico since he loved to fish there. My mothers were sent to MN, where she was born, to be interred between the graves of her parents. Ground-level headstone cost more than the cremation and transportation of the ashes. First thought on mom were to spread the ashes on my farm since she came from a farming background. However, after a family discussion the decision to send them to MN was made because she was so close to her parents. Besides, my brother objected strongly on dad, so it was somewhat of a compromise also.

-- Ken S. in WC TN (scharabo@aol.com), May 07, 2002.

Ken, I am sorry on the loss of your freind. It must have been difficult for you to have to be the one to find him.

I think you helped beautifully for the family and the memory of your friend.

-- Novina in ND (homespun@stellarnet.com), May 07, 2002.


Thank you, Ken, for sharing this service with the rest of us. It is especially timely for me. My mother has been ill for several years, and this last year has been awful. She had been living at home until yesterday, when I finally had to take her to the hospice wing of a nursing home. Originally, being raised catholic, and deathly afraid of fire, she wanted to be buried. Recently, she changed her mind and decided she wanted to be cremated, and she wanted me to take her ashes to the Redwoods, and scatter them.

She was so cute about telling me this request! She asked me, "Have you ever been to the Redwoods?" I told her I had not. She said, "Oh, you're going to love them!!"

It made us both laugh, when I told her I probably WOULD love the REDWOODS, but would probably NOT love the circumstances!

It will be bitter-sweet, for sure, but I too like the idea of sending off the departed with things they loved (the coffee is perfect!) This will give me something to think about in the days ahead, to try to come up with something fitting for my mother.

Thanks again, for sharing!

-- Robbie in So. CA (rraley@sbcglobal.net), May 07, 2002.


Thank you for sharing your story. I too have requested that my ashes be spread on the bluff overlooking our bottom land.This farm has been too much of my life for me to be interred somewhere else. The idea of rotting is disgusting and burning is so much faster and sanitary. Terry

-- Terry Lipe (elipe@fidnet.com), May 08, 2002.

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