Let me be a womangreenspun.com : LUSENET : Country Families : One Thread
I have re-written this 3 times now. I have to say to the women here...do you not know what a blessing it is to be a woman? I keep hearing about being equal to a man, not different. What competition is there? Is it not pride that says "I can carry the wood in as fast as he can" or "Why should I do the cleaning and cooking...I'm not his maid". There is such joy in being a serving vessel! It amazes me that so many women today look down on "just staying home with the kids". What an honor! I grew up in a home where my mother was home all of the time for us. It seemed perfectly natural that when I had children, I would stay home too. Even with all of my friends with degree after degree in something...they go on to their jobs, drop their children off at daycare and THEN question wether it is worth it or not.
We are raising our children, and I NEVER question if we should really be doing this. There is no doubt-other then societys view that you are not a real "equal parter" if you do not have a carreer. I can only imagine the contraversy that this will cause. We have friends who are new Christians-with young children, and they both work. They are seriously in debt, and have put themselves in a position that to maintain their currant lifestyle, thats the way it needs to be.
Praise God...they have decided to sell their house, and move somewhere they can survive on HIS income! She is sooooooooo excited! Women, why do you want to be like a man? Does a rose want to be a daffodil? If a man grows hair over his entire body, and comments on how warm it is in winter...would you like to grow hair? Why do we care when men can take their shirts off? They can't wear long dresses (that completly let cool air through)... We all have our ways to BE THE SEX WE ARE!
I know there are exceptions...single moms, dire circumstances etc. Women, we need to be very careful that our reasons for leaving our family behind are not selfish ones. I pray that this will not anger everyone, but instead give you something to think about. Bearing children, being loving by nature..sensitive and caring. Thoughtful, beautiful..radiant. These are all things we as women can claim. You can add smart, witty, professional and so so many more.
My sisters, rejoice in being a woman...there is nothing else like it!
With Love, Aimee.
-- A.Gosse (email@example.com), May 02, 2002
Not everyone wishes to live the same lifestyle, Aimee. That's why some prefer the country, and some the city. One is not better than the other: it's just different lifestyle choices. Enjoy your life and rejoice in it: you have chosen well. My lifestyle is very different from yours, but I also rejoice in my life and I have ALSO chosen well.
-- Terri (firstname.lastname@example.org), May 02, 2002.
When I think about being "equal", I think about having an equal say in decision-making, for instance, and I don't think it is better or more important for Mom to stay home rather than Dad (except of course for breastfeeding), but I do think one of the parents should stay home. I know a woman who is a lawyer and she works, while Dad is the househusband--no shame in that on either side.
To me, cooking and cleaning can be learned and done by anyone in the house--note for example that many fine chefs are male, not female.
So, being "equal" does not mean you can't do a good job bringing up your children.
-- GT (email@example.com), May 02, 2002.
It takes all kinds of people, with all kinds of lifestyles to make the world interesting. I know fine city people where both parents work and I know fine country people where both parents work. It really comes down to how close the families are, how they value their time together and how they love each other. Sure, it would be good if the moms could stay home with their kids, all the time. But nice kids can be raised with both parents working. I think I'm nice (chuckle) and both my parents worked. Back in the 50's when most moms were at home. I made it. I knew my parents loved me, we were close and we did lots of things together. Now I have grandchildren and their parents all work. But they make it work.
There are all kinds of good Christian people out there doing a good job raising their families, maybe not just exactly the same way.
Single moms out there, my hat is off to you and may God Bless you. You have the hardest job there is.
-- Marilyn in CO (firstname.lastname@example.org), May 02, 2002.
I think the most important decision a woman can make and possibly the last is her choice of a husband. If you choose right he will always consider you first he will always put you and the children first and he will more than likely consult you for advise. but my decision was made when I chose my husband and now I live with his decision's they arent always the one I would choose but there can only be one husband and one head of the household and I know that many times the decision he makes is the one that is best for all of us, not necessarily his choice and not the easiest or most pleasant for anyone but the one that he thinks is right. Because he loves me more than himself and I love him more than myself and we both love God the most. All we can do is support and trust each other and hope for the best. I am thankful I am a woman
-- ronda (email@example.com), May 02, 2002.
I am glad that I am a woman now but I wasn't always.
When I was 12 years old I looked at the women around me and their non- stop housecleaning, shopping and sewing, and decided that as soon as I was 18 I would be arranging a sex change operation. If that was all that a woman was allowed to do, for 12 to 18 hours a day 6 days a week (that is what my mother-and many other women did), then I wanted no part of being a woman. I am not making this up!
When I was about 15 things were loosening up, and women who had small families or who worked outside of the home were no longer held up as examples of people who were selfish, uncaring, and borderline immoral ( I am not making this up either!) I started to realize that maybe the sex change operation would be a little premature, LOL! Also, women became more active in athletics, and it didn't bother me so much when I was fussed at for climbing trees, running, or jumping because I saw women doing it on TV, and because there was talk of starting girls basketball teams in school, etc. (They weren't started until I was out of high school, though. After all, as one of the girls PE teachers said, "what good would it do them?" LOL, makes me wonder why she chose to be a PE teacher! )
Now I have come to realize that I was raised in an area that was still in the dark ages, (San Jose, California), but it has been brought home to me at a very early age that the right to make choices in this world is one of the most precious gifts that there is. I have never really understood how one person can critisize anothers lifestyle as long as they are living honest, upright lives and fulfilling their responsibilities.
Yes, I often work. I spent some years working weekends while my husband worked weekdays, so that the kids would be raised by their parents. We needed the money and so it was done. No, I did not feel at all guilty taking money out of the family account to pay for college. After all, I put a good deal of it in there, and I helped put my husband through the last of HIS college so it was my turn, if I decided to claim it, and I did. Yes, I CHOSE to marry, I CHOSE to be a mother, and I CHOSE my husband very carefully. I CHOSE a man who had no problem with me doing outside work, and who had no problem with me using my talents to make our lives better even though most of my talents are not along the traditional feminine roles. As far as the traditional jobs, since I have the great privledge right now of staying home, I do them. I still don't ENJOY them, but they need to be done and so they are. I simply do them and forget them, the GOOD things in life are kids, husband, and outside work.
My daughter, is strongly interested in and gifted in all the traditional FEMININE skills, LOL, and I ENCOURAGE her to develop all of her interests, even though they are not my own. I get real pleasure out of watching her learn and grow. After all, making her own choices in life are important, and I respect her skills and her decisions. I don't want my daughter to live acording to my talents, I want her to have a life according to her OWN interests and decisions. If she can do just that, she will make me very proud.
There is absolutly nothing wrong with either a non-traditional OR a traditional life style. The only wrong thing would be to demand that all women should choose one, and ONLY one kind of life. Our creator has made each and every one of us very different human beings. We are all of us his children and equal in his eyes, but we are not all alike!
-- Terri (firstname.lastname@example.org), May 02, 2002.
By the way, for those of you who think I was born in another era, I am 47 years old!
-- Terri (email@example.com), May 02, 2002.
I guess that I'm lost here and I've missed the point. What does being a woman have to do with raising children or not raising children, working out of the house or not, etc etc etc? I've never questioned whether I was equal to any of the three husbands I've had! Of course I was! So, do whatever makes you happy!
-- Ardie/WI (firstname.lastname@example.org), May 03, 2002.
You have the big picture, Aimee! I would never consider being a part time mommy or wife! Proverbs 31 Jenn
-- Jenn (email@example.com), May 03, 2002.
hmm, what about when a woman doesn't have a choice to consider? Such as the husband dies, leaves, becomes bedridden, etcetera? I know several women in that situation, with no family to support them. They have little choice but to work outside of the home. I'd also add that being a stay a home mother doesn't guarantee your children will grow up to be productive morally based adults.
I think it's easy to say these things when you're not in those positions, but not so easily done if you found your situation changed. This is a grey area and there is no right or wrong as long as it's done with the childrens best interests in mind.
-- Dave (firstname.lastname@example.org), May 03, 2002.
I couldn't agree more!! I wish more people could see the "big" picture. It's not about being a slave to your house or even to your family, it's about being the woman that God created us to be. While He did create us all different and unique He still created us all the same! He gave us the perfect example of a woman in Proverbs 31 (that example was not for moms who stay home or moms who work - women who wear dresses or pants - it was for us ALL). We all should read that (if Christianity is your faith) and try VERY hard to aspire to that. I am NO WHERE close to that, but I want to be. You can't say that everyone can choose for themselves - NO they can't if their a Christian. God has set His standards and rules for our lives. It's not about what I want, it's about what God wants and what He created me to do. My ultimate responsibility here is to serve and worship my God, to respect and honor my husband and then to bring my children up in the training and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). I understand if Christianity is not your faith how you can differ on this subject, but if it is there is really no room for argument. You are arguing with God's Word and trying to justify your own opinions. I am a horrible house wife. I absolutly HATE it sometimes. I feel honored to have the opportunity but I honestly don't like the work. I do it because it's what I am called to do. I chose to have kids now I choose to raise them.
It must be very hard for single parents. I feel for them and admire them. Some people truly have no choice - even married. Our culture has made it difficult for moms to stay home not the other way around. My, how much we change in 50 years! But, MOST could if they truly wanted to! I have friends who don't want to live below their means or different from everyone else just to stay home. They have a good day care and things are good. BUT, even if they are good or even OK, it's not the way families were designed to be. To be the very best, we need to return to "ancient" ways and do things God's way - not ours!
I use this scripture when making any decisions with our family....Jeremiah 6:16, "stand at the crossroads and look, and ask for the ancient paths and the good way" Our society need to return to basics and to the "ancient paths".
-- Rebecca (email@example.com), May 03, 2002.
Well, G-d made me 6 feet tall, and strong, so I do carry wood as well as my husband. G-d made my husband tall and strong too, but also gentle, nurturing and wonderful with my two boys, so he does care for them as well as I do, and does everything but breastfeeding - I have never changed a diaper since he jumps to offer. G-d gave me a gift for teaching, so I use it to teach my children and to teach other people's children. G-d made it possible for us both to work and us both to be home, so that we have never used daycare of any sort, and so that Eli and Simon are always with one of us.
Every Friday night, at the start of our Sabbath, my husband recites the eschet chayil, the praise of a woman of valor, to me, as all religious Jewish husbands do to their wives. If you read it, you will see that the woman valor works in the home, serves her G-d and her family, but also works in the marketplace and helps support her family. I am not that woman yet, but I strive to be her, and I celebrate my strength, my intellect, my nurturing ability, my ability to care for my family. My husband also celebrates his ability to do those things. Yes, we are different biologically. Yes, there are things that he is better designed to do than I am (and vice-versa), but I can celebrate my womanhood while still building bunny tractors, by writing books and teaching 20 year olds to appreciate 400 year old poetry, just as I celebrate my womanhood by nursing my children and by cooking for my family (which, by the way, my husband does too!) I feel very lucky that my sons are being raised to know that nurturing, cooking, cleaning, hugging, playing, reading stories and changing diapers are the jobs of all parents, and valuable and honorable work for everyone. I hope they too grow up to care for their children and consider that all of their work is an expression of G-d's will.
-- Sharon in NY (firstname.lastname@example.org), May 06, 2002.
-- Terri (email@example.com), May 09, 2002.