Joke thread : LUSENET : Unk's Troll-free Private Saloon : One Thread

At a small airport terminal in Texas, three strangers awaiting their shuttle flight started conversing about the recent worldly events. The strangers were of varying cultures. One was Native American. Another was a cowboy from West Texas. The other person was a devout Arab Muslim.

During their conversation, they began to discuss their cultural history.

The Native American stated "once my people were many, now we are few."

"The Muslim then chimed in and arrogantly said, "once my people were few and now we are many."

The cowboy looked at the Muslim, shifted the toothpick in his mouth and said , "That's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet."

-- helen (, April 23, 2002


A traveling salesman visits a small town in the Midwest and sees a circus banner reading," Don't Miss the Amazing Navy Chief." Curious, he buys a ticket. The tent goes dark. Suddenly, trumpets blare and all eyes turn to the center ring. There, spot lit in the center ring is a table with three walnuts on it. Standing next to it is an old retired Navy Chief. Suddenly the old man unzips his pants, whips out a huge penis,and smashes all three walnuts with three mighty swings!

The crowd erupts in applause as the elderly Navy Chief is carried off on the shoulders of the crowd.

Ten years later the salesman visits the same little town and he sees a faded sign for the same circus and the same "Don't Miss the Amazing Navy Chief." He can't believe the old guy is still alive much less still doing his act! So he buys a ticket. Again, the center ring is illuminated.

This time, instead of walnuts, three coconuts are placed on the table. The Navy Chief stands before them, then suddenly unzips his fly and smashes the coconuts with three swings of his amazing member.

The crowd goes wild! Flabbergasted, the salesman requests a meeting with him after the show. You're incredible," he tells the Navy Chief." But I have to know something. You're older now, why switch from walnuts to coconuts?"

"Well", says the Navy Chief, "My eyes aren't what they used to be."

-- Send (mo@money.please), April 23, 2002.

A y2k salesman, a Catholic priest, and Osama Bin Laden were all standing in line at a Britney Spears concert.....

-- wouldn't you like to (, April 23, 2002.

Question How do you get a one armed Canadian out of a tree?

Answer Wave to em

-- Aunt Bee (, April 23, 2002.

Mole Breakfast

There was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole outside of a farm house out in the country.

The papa mole reached his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmmm,I smell sausage."

The mama mole reached her head outside of the hole and said"Mmmmm, I smell pancakes.

The baby mole tried to reach his head outside the hole but couldn't because of the two bigger moles.

The baby mole said, "The only thing I can smell is molasses."

-- Aunt Bee (, April 23, 2002.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandmother did. Not screaming like the other people in her car. anon

-- Carlos (, April 24, 2002.

Got a thundering leave me alone headache? Do what it says on the Aspirin bottle. Take 2 aspirin and Keep Away From Children.

-- Carlos (, April 24, 2002.

A rabbi, a minister, and the Pope walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of a joke?"


Waterin' the booze...

The Dog

-- The Dog (, April 24, 2002.

Woman 7 months pregnant is in a car crash and comatized. Wakes 3 months later & exclaims "Did I have my baby?" Doc sez, "You had two a boy & a girl." Relieved she sez "I should name them." but the doc sez no need, your brother did that. Oh no, sez she. My brother is a complete idiot. What'd he name them? Named the girl Denise sez the doc. That's actually a very nice name sez mom perhaps I misjudged my bro. What'd he name the boy? Denephew.

-- Carlos (, April 26, 2002.

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that airplane." Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 dollars is 50 dollars." One year Morris and Esther went to the fair and Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that airplane now I might never get another chance." Esther replied, "Morris, that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 dollars is 50 dollars." The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but, if you say one word it's 50 dollars." Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't." Morris replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Esther fell out, but 50 dollars is 50 dollars."

-- Deano (, May 03, 2002.

nice formatting Deano.......NOT!

-- Deano (, May 03, 2002.

Driving to town this morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Mustang doing 65 mph with her face up next to the rear-view mirror putting on her eye-liner!

I looked away for a couple of seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that damned makeup! It scared me so bad I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear, which fell into the coffee between my legs, completely ruining a very important call I was on!


-- Debra (, May 03, 2002.

LMAO Debra!

If I couldn't put my makeup on in 5 minutes on the way to work, I don't think I would have time otherwise.

Hey I know what I'm doing okay, I mean I don't even HAVE to look in the mirror ;o]

-- (cin@cin.cin), May 03, 2002.

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