Needs some advice, input, ect ect. : LUSENET : Country Families : One Thread

You all have been very good at offering great support, insight and encouragement so I'm going to throw this at you and see what you have to say. I'm trying not to be dramatic about this, but I'm really upset. I also hope you don't mind if I go the annoyamous route-while I trust most of you, this is the internet afterall, and I'm already feeling somewhat paranoid and betrayed.

Years ago I was pursuing an academic career, I had made it to my second year of Graduate school, and things looked really promising- I even had recomendations from prominent people in my field and an offer to inturn under one of the top people when I got my degree, which would have "set me up" at the very least I would have a University position. Then a whole wretched set of events occured,(I'd rather not go into that) and I decided that perhaps this was not what I was supposed to do-that perhaps God had other plans So I gave up a career that I loved and well, I have to say, I exceled at, and instead I married and stayed home with my children. Now, I do not regret that. I love my husband and children dearly, but often I feel that there is something missing in my life, especially as the kids are now off at school. During this last month, I discovered that what happened in Grad school was not a random set of events, but that my career was intentionally sabatouged by another student-and that my family and "close" friends took advantage of that to discourage me from pursuing that career, mostly out of, can you believe this, petty jealousy. Serious crimes were committed-like burglary and assault.

Ok, so, I'm having some trouble with this as you can imangine_I'm feeling a HUGE sense of betrayal and lots of anger, and I'm not good at dealing with anger-I don't like to be angry! And I'm also thinking, what if that WAS what I was supposed to do? I beleive that God kind of leads you along the "lifepath" that is right for you-right for your talents and personality(Thats why He gave you those things) and now I feel like that was tampered with, in a big way. Is my life now what it is supposed to be? What do I do now?

-- Cordelia (, April 10, 2002


IMO, just keep on keeping on. Hate / resentment for actions past done to wrong you will be up to God to judge. If you really enjoy the life you are living, maybe it was all part of God's plan? Or do you look at it as "God helps those who help themselves"?

My advice is let it go . . . final justice is God's decision.

-- j.r. guerra in s. tx. (, April 11, 2002.

Lets say I can undersatnd where you are coming from in one sense. I was married for 10 years and gave up a lot to be a stay at home mom. I have no regrets! Now I am divorced, he found someone he liked better, it has been 7-8 years. I just finished college and am now looking at Grad. school in the next couple of years. My kids are now 12 and 15 years old. When I was getting my BS my oldest son loved to compete with me to see if he could have a better GPA than mom, he won but only by a little bit. I graduated at 43 years old, I have a whole life ahead of me.

What I am saying is you can still do it. Maybe now isn't the right time, maybe it is. But DO NOT give up the dream.

Good luck!


-- Susan in MN (, April 11, 2002.

Cordelia, Well you cant change what has happened so you have to move on. Maybe the life you had planned would have been all wrong anyway. Maybe what you hoped for would have been destroyed in anotherway. Maybe you would have been hit by a car your last week of school. You cant change what has happened so you have to move on.

Maybe the way your going is the way God wanted you to go and he made use of some people that would have betrayed you anyway.

-- Gary in Ohio (, April 11, 2002.

Cordelia, this may be out in left field, but has it occurred to you that going through that made you a stronger person? Perhaps strong enough to follow through with the life plan that has been set for you? Look at the life you have led with your husband and children -- have there been times when your strength was the only thing that got you through?

Perhaps God's reasoning was that you needed to be made stronger to face what was coming, and now you're strong enough to handle the truth of that situation, so it has come out.

Do not think of it as years lost -- think of it as life experience gained.

-- Tracy (, April 11, 2002.

DON'T LOOK BACK... Doesn't do a bit of good. One of my favorite quites is "Face the future with strong courage and high hopes" Just go out there and do the next thing, and forget about the past. You know the truth and what kind of person you are and that is what matters.

-- Melissa in SE Ohio (, April 11, 2002.

Rom. 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

What happened may not have been what the Lord originally intended for you, but he ALLOWED it to happen, and will work it for good. I'm sure you've heard the story about the tapestry which looks so terrible from the backside, but turn it over and you see how beautiful a picture it really is. I have found this to be true in much of my life. What I see at the present may look ugly, and I may not see the real picture till years later or maybe not at all in this life. I have to trust God that he is making a beautiful picture even though I can't see it now. I've been blessed that he's occasionally given me glimpses of what he is doing, such as my being in the right place at the right time to witness to someone, bring a measure of comfort to a person in need, etc., someone I may never have met had it not been for "bad" circumstances in my life. I'm learning not to fret so much over seemingly uncontrollable circumstances as there IS a reason, even if we don't always understand.

On the other hand, circumstances do change, and it may be that the timing is right for you to do something different with your life now, if your kids are older and you have more time to do other things. I believe God planted you where he wanted you at the time, perhaps now it is time to pursue other talents. This might be in the field you were interested in before, or might be something altogether different. Whatever, don't let anger and bitterness eat you up. God did allow this to happen, and some of the people involved (family) may have done what they did out of good intentions thinking it was in your best interests. It still was wrong, but don't let it affect your relationships now. My mother does lots of things that are hurtful to me, however, I know she MEANS well. Sometimes people just don't realize what harm they are causing.

Pray about this situation, give your anger and your hurts to God, and ask him what he would have you do with your life now. Something really special might lie just ahead, and your previous career training may have been preparing you in some manner for just this time in your life. :) Hugs

-- Lenette (, April 11, 2002.

Did you choose your alias on purpose to say how you are feeling? If so, it's a great one! You needn't allow the revelation of betrayal, etc. to drive YOU insane like Cordelia though. All of the other responses are 100% correct wonderful that you have such a background to work with now that your children are in school! there are many, many folks who haven't a clue what they would like to do with their do. Seriously, there is never any such thing as too late or too old unless you are 50 and want to take up professional ballet! Your brain hasn't atrophied..your talents haven't lessened, just been added to by marriage,motherhood and maturity..let them work in your behalf and take up right where you left off...shake the anger off you like a shaggy dog coming in out of a pouring don't NEED is good for absolutely nothing, and serves no purpose....the persons who railroaded your career are the ones who must answer for it to afraid for them, and try to forgive. When I was in college, there was a woman in my calsses who was 55 years od. that was unheard of then! We all thought she was a nut..with the "wisdom" of being in our early 20s, we couldn't imagine why anyone older than our mothers would be in college "wasting' her time. At graduation, we discovered that she had completed two years of college in her 20s and then got married, raised 7 kids, and always wanted to be a, after the last child graduated college, she went back to school herself...she graduated from law school at age 60..good for her! I'll bet she made a great lawyer for families with all her experience in raising children..point is, you have GAINED experience, not lost take it and add it to your previous talents..what fun you'll have! God bless.

-- lesley (, April 11, 2002.


I don't presume to know what God's will is - but I do figure everything is for a reason. However, Anger, if left undone and unattended, will eat away at you. You say you are not good at dealing with anger. Well anger will have a way of dealing with you, so you might as well face it. Bottling up your feelings and saying it doesn't matter is NOT going to help. One day you'll either lash out (at those dear loved ones who you perceive to have harmed you) or you will get a good case of the What if's, always second guessing, thinking maybe you could have done better, if only... My advice (free advice is worth exactly what you pay for it) is to deal with your anger and sense of betrayal. Now you might wonder how. Counseling will be a big assist if you are trying to sort out your feelings. Don't go hollering you can't afford counseling - many churches have free counseling, there are self help groups, and other free forms of counseling (some counties have free sessions for underpriveledged (not saying you are - for all I know you can pay the max). But please, do address that issue. If nothing else, confront those who you feel betrayed you with the fact that you know what was done. Maybe you'll forgive and forget, maybe not, but to have at least acknowledged aloud your feelings will go a long way to giving you peace. It will only be after you have dealt with the emotional baggage from this, will you be able to move on. I'd suggest going back to school and getting that degree, if nothing else, to prove to yourself that you really can do it. Your children are now in school, there is time to take some day classes and still be home in the evenings when they come home. And you are not too old to do that, after Grandma Moses was how old? when she started painting?? Don't let anger destroy you and your relationships - deal with it in a healthy manner by acknowledging your feelings and then you can move on. Take care,

-- Cindy (, April 11, 2002.

I agree with Cindy. Face your anger and betrayal. If you can, get help. If it makes you feel better, tell those relatives exactly what you think of their actions! Sit down and write all of those feeling out on paper! Then, tear the paper up and burn it. When you've vented all the anger, stop and think about what you want now.

-- Ardie/WI (, April 12, 2002.

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