People that inherit moneygreenspun.com : LUSENET : Country Families : One Thread
What is the deal with people that inherit money???
I just left a friend's house that inherited a fair amount of money from a deceased great aunt. She had never married, no children, and left all of her worldly possessions to my friend. He said that the cash portion of her estate was about $75,000. He was worried however, that the remainder of her possessions, including her home, wouldn't bring another $75,000 at the upcoming estate sale. He was pretty upset about that thought.
Now, in his defense, I will say that if anyone will be a good steward of her estate, it will be him. This is not a guy who will foolishly squander her money.
I do have another friend that inherited $100,000 cash from the estate of his father in law. This new found wealth was awarded in December, 01. I would say that they have, in my opinion wasted about $70,000 since then. They have purchased diamond jewelry, a luxurious car, expensive furniture, lavish vacation, etc, even though they are up to their eyeballs in debt. My guess is that they wont have two nickels to rub together two years from now, if the money lasts that long.
Here are my questions: Why do people that inherit money act like they earned it??? Why do they act like it is so easy to have this money, like anyone can do it, why don't you? Why do they sit and brag about the possessions and or the security in life that they now have? Are they that proud of what they have recieved or are they just trying to rub my nose in it?
-- clove (clovis97@Yahoo.com), April 04, 2002
Good questions! No real answers, just a quote...
"I intend to leave my children the same thing my father left me, the whole wide world in which to make a living."
Another good book to read that covers this pretty well is called "Die Broke" This guy says that you should have just enough money left when you die to pay for your burial, otherwise you are doing somethng wrong.
I do believe that children who get everything without working for it, just don't do as well as those who work hard for what they have. There are exceptions I am sure, but I haven't seen many... When I was in college the ones who paid for it themselves or who had scholarships worked hard, and those whose parents were giving them a free ride, partied all the time and barely passed their courses.
I have told both of my parents that I don't want anything money wise when they are gone.
-- Melissa in SE Ohio (email@example.com), April 04, 2002.
These people obviously have had no self respect to start with. Now that they have some money, they feel some superiority and isn't it sad. It's sad cause they sound like pond scum to me. I've known some very wealthy people and, if they had any class, they didn't show their money.
Find some new friends.
-- Ardie/WI (firstname.lastname@example.org), April 04, 2002.
Most people who win the lottery go bankrupt in 5 years. If your not use to lots of money then you dont know how to use it. Actually $70K isnt that much money and one could easily loose that with a couple of car purchases. People who are not use to money want to spend the money. People who are weathly dont spend their own money the spend other peoples money and use what money they have to make them more money.
I do know that some lottery will suggest you spluge a little bit to get it out of your system. Some over do it.
-- Gary (email@example.com), April 04, 2002.
We can all say we would NEVER act that way; however, you never really know how you will act until it is you. We "think" we wouldn't, but you never know. Why do you think they say money is the root of all evil. Even good Christian folks turn into valtures when money is at stake.
Maybe part of the reason why they act this way is that it that not being use to having money it just seems like so much and that there can't possibly be an end to it. Or maybe it is just that they figure this is "found" money so why not spend it things they have always wanted but never will get another chance to buy.
I honestly think that few people really mean to rub your nose in it. I think they are genuinely just so excited and happy that they just go overboard sharing thier happiness.
Or maybe it is because we who don't have it are just a tad jealous????
-- Karen (firstname.lastname@example.org), April 04, 2002.
I think most of us are happy when we get something new or whatever. Heck, I'm proud as can be with my new (to me) rusty, old, ugly dump truck and dinged up flatbed trailer. I've written on here about getting each of them. I don't think (and truly hope) no one thinks I was trying to rub their nose in it. I surely didn't mean it like "I've got this and you don't."
In my case I bought rather than inherited, but I don't think I'd act much differently either way. I shared the story with people in hopes (I guess) that maybe they'll be happy for me, too. I'm happy when someone I know has something go their way. Maybe I'm the odd one here, but my first thought is "Good for you. Congratulations!" and that's usually what I say.
If they were truly trying to share their good new with me, I responded in the best possible way. If they were really just trying to rub my nose in it, the joke was on them because I didn't take it that way and wasn't bothered by it in the least. Either way, I'm happy. ;o)
-- Gary in Indiana (email@example.com), April 04, 2002.
Inheritance is Biblical. Look at all the instances of inheritance. It's what you do with it that is the test. Use it wisely, or squander it. Actually I think it is a great thing to be able to leave my children and grandchildren something of what the Lord has blessed me with the ability to earn through a lifetime. I know I have been blessed by my inheritance and want to continue this giving to my children and grandchildren.
-- Marilyn in CO (firstname.lastname@example.org), April 04, 2002.
That is true. I am never jealous of people who do inherit anything. But I see many older people do without and then they leave thousands to their kids, and that doesn't seem right to me. I can see if it is a farm, ranch, or business, where the child worked along with the parents and then inherited it. I really think that is what most Biblical inheritance stresses, the responsibility along with the reward. I just do not want my parents to do without anything becasue they feel the need to leave money to me. They can do whatever they like with what they have. I have plenty of good memoris and nice "mementos" that they have given me over the years. That is enough of an inheritance for me.
I am always happy when people are able to achieve a goal. Whether it is a new tractor, or home, or anything that they have that makes them feel joy. That is what we are all about after all, sharing our lives; both the GOOD and the not so good. And there is nothing wrong with that!
-- Melissa in SE Ohio (email@example.com), April 04, 2002.
What's up with people passing judgment on people who inherit?
-- Rose (firstname.lastname@example.org), April 04, 2002.
Just because someone gets their college expenses paid by their parents doesn't necessarily mean they're getting a "free ride". Some parents feel it is their duty to do better by their children then what they had.
Some parents are strict enough that the house rules exclude working while you're in school--their reasoning being, "well, you are probably going to have to work the rest of your life, enjoy your youth while you can."
I knew people in this situation who did not party or act out, and in some cases, graduated early from college (easy to take 40 quarter (not semester) units if you are truly a full-time student) and trim off one or two years, saving their parents money on tuition. Whereas, on the other hand, a lot of people who work their way through college take 5 or more years to finish, and that's if they finish at all--many take a quarter or semester off that turns into a year....or they get married young, have kids, etc.
As to inheritances, I would highly advise opening up and keeping it in your own separate account (in other words, no co-mingling of funds), until you are sure of what you want to do with it, and this goes double if your spouse has an ex-husband or ex-wife out there collecting child support.
-- GT (email@example.com), April 04, 2002.
Thanks for the responses. I think that I just needed to vent, and hear some other opinions, and wanted to hear what you all had to say.
For a little clarification, the first guy, who inherited the $75,000, I believe deserves every bit of it. He is self reliant, self sufficient, and has worked very hard for what he has. He owns a nice home and 5 acres, probably worth $250,000, which is all paid for. Not bad for a guy that started with nothing. I would also like to add that this guy worked as a youth minister for twenty years, with low pay and long hours. God blessed him with this money, and I am happy for him.
The problem that I ran into him with was that he was trying to get me to invest in a stock market 'investment' scheme that he just jumped into after recieving the inheritance. He is talking to the tune of $12,000!!!!! I tried to be polite, but he was insistant, to the point of being very annoying and pushy. I finally had to just blurt out, "I don't have 12 grand".
He simply could not see that not everyone is fortunate enough to recieve that kind of money, and out of the blue, at that.
The second guy, I am happy for as well. I am also deeply saddened. He is being chased by every credit company this side of the Mississippi, yet continues to spend, spend, spend.
Two years ago they bought a brand new home on contract, for the price of 139,000. The contract specifically reads that they will have to find financing for the home after 5 years. Their house payment now is about 1,300 a month, and we all know that money is being applied to interest, not principal. Their credit is horrendous, and no bank in the world will finance that house. I belive that he should of paid the $100,000 towards the house, and used some additional inheritance money to 'pay down' the balance in order to find a lender.
I am worried sick for him, and am afraid that he be homeless within a couple of years. At the same time, he continues rubbing my nose in it. He is constantly calling, letting me know about how nice their Jeep Grand Cherokee is with leather seats and how much his wife loves the $5,800 diamond ring that he bought her for Christmas. I often think that he calls just to brag, and does so like he earned to money himself.
He has told me more than once that "I need to quit living like a back woods miser."
Anyway, thanks for hearing me out. It is good to get this off my chest.
-- clove (clovis97@Yahoo.com), April 04, 2002.
Being the recipient of an inheritance I have to say I think people respond to receiving "found" money the same way they handle their everyday finances, if they are "spenders" in normal life (like guy 2) they will blow every cent, if they are "thrifty" folks the money will be managed to provide an income for an extended time. Age at inheritance has a lot to do with it too, the older you get the more concerned you become about what your "later" years will be. My mom enjoyed her life and had whatever she wanted, my sisters thought she should buy new this and new that. She died suddenly, (at 83) but had money to get her through any health crisis (her main concern). The money she left us was what she accumulated to take care of herself. I put most of my inheritance in the bank, oldest sister did the same, middle sister gave it to her son to invest in his company, she's wealthy already. I understand the fellow badgering you about investing, my sisters have always been wealthier than I and their favorite saying is "just buy it" like I have as much as they do. I don't see it as their rubbing my nose in it, they just have a different point of reference. I also think they expected me to "blow" my money, kind of a double value system there. We were all raised to believe the best place for money is in the bank or invested in land. Dad always said "if you own land and your hungry you can always grow potatoes, can't do that with a new car."
-- Betsy in Michigan (firstname.lastname@example.org), April 05, 2002.
I once heard a financial planner say on television that saving money with the intention of leaving it to your children as an inheritance was the most foolhardy thing you could do. His logic made some sense; by the time most people die, their children are grown and have children or grandchildren of their own. They have usually built up some of their own security and aren't in NEED of inheritance. He said if you want to really bless your children, give them smaller amounts along: pay for their college, but expect them to do well; offer them a down payment for their first house; buy a baby bed for your grandkids; etc. In other words, help them when they need it, not after you're gone and can't be there to share.
Money shouldn't be the goal; the good things you can accomplish with it should.
That said, if anyone would like to serve up about $100,000 in my direction, I can be a REALLY good steward!
-- Christine in OK (email@example.com), April 08, 2002.
Christine that is pretty much the idea behind the "Die Broke" book to. It really made a lot of sense to me.
-- Melissa in SE Ohio (firstname.lastname@example.org), April 08, 2002.