Dear Employee:

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately. This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company.

SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW.

SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management.

This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).

Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.

If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get: HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment).

As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.

Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training employees through our:

Special High Intensity Training (SHIT). We take pride in the amount of SHIT our employees receive. We have given our employees more SHIT than any company in this area. If any employee feels they do not receive enough SHIT on the job, see your immediate supervisor.

Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the SHIT you can stand.

And, once again, thanks for all your years of service with us.

-- (typical@fascist.corporation), March 30, 2002

Answers

I think I'll sneak a copy of this onto the bulletin board at work.

My company didn't pay me what they owed me January, and they refused to tell me what that amount was. They finally gave me a check last Friday that looked about right. How would I know? They never told me how much it was supposed to be. I asked repeatedly, but no one would tell me. Said they didn't know how much they owed me.

Suddenly they say I owe them money. That they overpaid me on Friday.

If they never could tell me how much they owed me, how could they suddenly come up with a number equal to four weeks labor that I supposedly owe them?

Does anyone know where to look on the internet for a simple explanation of employee rights? If I owe them, I'll repay. But am I not entitled to clear, written accounting to explain this amount they suddenly came up with?

Can they force me to work a month for free?

-- helen (slapped@and.screwed.and.not.even.paid.for.it??), March 30, 2002.

Helen,

Contact the US Labor Relations Board. The number for your local office should be in the phone book.

-- Stephen (smpoole7@bellsouth.net), March 30, 2002.

Stephen I've spent a lifetime working shitty little service jobs in order to be home when the kids get off the bus. People like me are usually unlikely to fight back, but I will if I can. Will the labor board really help me with this?

-- helen (fight@with.what?), March 30, 2002.

My language certainly has gone south lately...

-- potty mouth helen (words@for.every.occasion), March 30, 2002.

Helen, you have rights as member of the American workforce. They will indeed help you. Documentation really helps. Did you keep track of your time worked? Is there anything you can point in support of your claim? This is what they will examine. Best of luck to you friend! Feel free to e me if you need help!

-- Aunt Bee (Aunt__Bee@hotmail.com), March 30, 2002.

Helen, if your company took 2 months to pay you and would not even give you a statement of your earnings when you requested it, you can sue the piss out of them. I would hire a good lawyer, go the whole 9 yards, and really take them to the cleaners. Go for BIG punitive damages and teach them a lesson, that they need to treat people like human beings, not slaves.

-- you go girl (screw @ them. bigtime), March 30, 2002.

Thank you for the moral support. People like me get screwed every day because we can't afford legal aid. This particular company has messed with people to the point where I watched two guys in particular in case they decided to go postal. I may be able to get statements from at least twenty employees and former employees about their labor practices.

They make us work 40 or more hours per week on a regular basis as they need us, but they refuse us benefits as full-time employees. They say we aren't full time unless THEY say we're full time. They make us sign up for extra shifts damn near every week by threatening our job security if we don't. I still have that memo. I worked extra hours six days in one week with pneumonia because they slapped the overtime book in front of me and stood over me until I signed.

I'm not the only one. They've messed with nearly everyone there.

I posted this question on another board and was also pointed to the SEC. They have stock on the market, so they could be subject to an SEC audit for sloppy bookkeeping?? How does one get that started? That appeals to my burning desire to mess with them on an appropriate payback level.

If I'd been there when David took on Goliath, I wouldn't have bet on David.

-- helen (got@a.rock?), March 30, 2002.

Helen,

Stephen is right, the US Labor realations board is THE place to go, they are like pit bulls once they get involved.

Write down the hours and days you worked, they will ask you for this, get it as close as possible. If you have witnesses that you were there working you may be asked to provide their names for corroboration. The axiom "strength in numbers" applies mightily in this case, so get anyone and everyone to file their claims as well.

Their books will be audited and if discrepancies are found the investigation will mushroom. A billion dollar company I worked for through a sub-contractor paid a dear price for not keeping track of what the sub's were doing, which was illegal for various reasons. That company no longer exists because of an initial investigation instigated by 3 people.

Good luck.

-- capnfun (capnfun1@excite.com), March 31, 2002.

"I'm not the only one. They've messed with nearly everyone there."

Smells like a class action suit. You won't even have to pay for a lawyer, just tell him your story and get as many people as possible to sign up.

Research a case against Microsoft within the last couple years where a shitload of "temps" sued because they were basically doing as much work as permanent employees but were not given the same benefits. I believe the temps won, and this could be used as a precedent for your case.

-- good luck (make them pay @ lot. of money for abusing you), March 31, 2002.

I've worked a lot of places, but the level of employee disdain/hatred for the management at this company is the worst I've ever seen. I was able to get important info from a disgruntled employee that may prove that I not only do NOT owe them money, they still owe me more.

Other people told me today that their checks were taken away from them before they left the building. They too have been informed that the checks were for too much money, but they were not informed what the exact amount of the overpayment was. I appear to be the only one who "got away" and put mine in the bank. Can you take someone's paycheck away from them? Isn't there any protection from an employer who arbitrarily announces a mistake with no proof, who just takes your bleeding check away? Do we have the right of arbitration?

Labor board, here I come.

-- helen (slavery@was.outlawed.no?), March 31, 2002.

It WAS outlawed Helen. You go girl! The law is on your side! (oh, and check your email, ok?)

-- Aunt Bee (Aunt__Bee@hotmail.com), March 31, 2002.

Helen,

Do not be surprised that some people will break the law. Maybe it's because (a) they've always gotten away with in the past and/or (b) they're just plain stupid.

We have a tendency to think that because someone runs a Big Company, they should know better. Not necessarily. In fact, especially in government offices, stupid people abound.

There's also the possibility that this company is in deep money trouble. Watch for that. If I were you, I'd *cash* that check, or if you've already deposited it, draft the money out of your account ASAP (if the bank will let you). The company may stop payment on it. (Speaking from experience HERE, too -- sigh.)

You should have records of how much you worked; they don't have to be formal or even neat. The Labor Board is used to companies that engage in creative bookkeeping (I doubt seriously if there's a scam ever invented that they haven't seen). They will give YOU the benefit of the doubt, not the company.

Besides, your employer is required BY LAW to state how much you make, how much was withheld and WHY, how they arrived at what you made, and in this case, how they think they can take money from you. They have to justify everything in spades, in writing, and without any ambiguity.

If there's a lot of money involved, a lawyer will take it on contingency, too. If the labor board can't help (and I'll be surprised if they don't), try that.

Call the labor board Monday morning, bright and oily.

-- Stephen (smpoole7@bellsouth.net), April 01, 2002.

Helen, I just noticed this.

They make us work 40 or more hours per week on a regular basis as they need us, but they refuse us benefits as full-time employees. They say we aren't full time unless THEY say we're full time.

They'd better be VERY careful. This is another old scam. PLEASE tell me that they are *paying* you for overtime, at least? If not, well, I'll pop some popcorn and watch the labor board have fun with that one; it'll be better'n television. :)

The laws are pretty clear on this kind of stuff. For example, even if you're on salary, there is a limit to the number of hours you can be forced to work, and if the number of hours work divided into your pay ever works out to less than minimum wage, they're in deep kimchee.

(It happens, especially in fast food, where employers are notorious for "promoting" the hardest workers to "salaried management" positions so they can work them to death without paying them more.)

I know you'd prefer not to name the employer, but I'm curious: is this a big international corporation? You really would think THEY'D know better, if so.

-- Stephen (smpoole7@bellsouth.net), April 01, 2002.

you go girl,

The only thing that makes me nervous about this one is that what Helen is describing are the classic symptoms of a company in deep money trouble. A lawyer might not take the case simply because she suspects that they're going to file for bankruptcy, anyway.

I used to work for a group that took over failing radio stations, and you learned to look for the signs. One of them, believe it or not, was remodeling.

(Yes, I'm serious.[g])

Not sure of the psychology or rationale behind it (maybe they were cleaning the place up so they could sell it?), but it was THE most accurate indicator we'd discovered. If we walked into a station and they were putting in new carpet and furniture, and yet, there were no commercials on the air, we'd just look at each other and grin. :)

-- Stephen (smpoole7@bellsouth.net), April 01, 2002.

"The Labor Board is used to companies that engage in creative bookkeeping (I doubt seriously if there's a scam ever invented that they haven't seen)."

"is this a big international corporation? You really would think THEY'D know better, if so."

Does Enron ring a bell?

Yeah, the Labor Board should know what the rules are, but I doubt they will sue for you. Government is organized crime. They would probably take some bribes from the company and look the other way. At best they might slap some small fines on them and give them a warning.

If what you say is true, I think your case is good enough to try to go for early retirement. Do it privately and take them to the cleaners. If they aren't going bankrupt now, make sure they are when you're finished with them.

-- (gubmint sucks @ get an. expensive lawyer), April 01, 2002.

I agree with Stephen. The risks this company is taking are simply crazy, and smell of desperation. I strongly suspect the company is not long for this world.

-- Peter Errington (petere7@starpower.net), April 01, 2002.

Travel industry, world wide, trades on stock market.

We're outa business pretty soon anyway if there's much more terrorist- inspired trouble.

Thanks for the info. I gird myselft to do battle in the office this morning, then on to whatever gov organization that has jurisdiction.

-- helen (works@cheap.will.relocate), April 01, 2002.

Yeah, the Labor Board should know what the rules are, but I doubt they will sue for you.

They don't have to. The Labor Board has the statuatory authority to ORDER them to pay what they owe, to audit this company's books, and take other steps to ensure that these employees get paid.

You've obviously never dealt with the US Dept of Labor. I've been on the *receiving* end, as an employer. Cap'n described it best: the guy was a pit bull.

If Helen's lawyer is worth the paint on the shingle outside her door, SHE will tell Helen to go to the Labor Board *first,* because that would improve any potential court case.

Government is organized crime. They would probably take some bribes from the company and look the other way.

Oh, OK. KoFE, is that you? :)

If what you say is true, I think your case is good enough to try to go for early retirement. Do it privately and take them to the cleaners. If they aren't going bankrupt now, make sure they are when you're finished with them.

Lawyers aren't going to sue someone with no pockets, as I discuss here. (The blog itself is about injury cases, but the same principles apply.)

A business like the one Helen describes typically doesn't have a lot in the way of real assets. The best case in the world is worthless if the person you're suing has no money with which to pay the case, and even if you win, if they file bankruptcy, you will (at best) get pennies on the dollar of what you've won.

-- Stephen (smpoole7@bellsouth.net), April 01, 2002.

Let's try that link again:

http://www.jediknight.com/~smpoole/injury.html

That's what I get for typing from memory.

-- Stephen (smpoole7@bellsouth.net), April 01, 2002.

"The Labor Board has the statuatory authority to ORDER them to pay what they owe, to audit this company's books, and take other steps to ensure that these employees get paid."

Wow, you're brilliant Poole Foole! You think Helen wants to go to all this trouble just to make the company pay what they OWE her?

Gee let's see, they get to keep a huge chunk of the payroll in the bank earning interest for 2 months, and the labor board will make them pay back to Helen what they owed her 2 months ago. Wow, I bet that will really stop them from doing it again! LOL!!

Sue the fuck out of them Helen! Teach them a lesson and put them out of business!

-- (don't @ pussyfoot. around), April 01, 2002.

It's a silly to cry about. However, I sniffle.

I went to the person who gave me the promotion in January. Pointed out that she said I would get a raise and that she didn't know what that raise would amount to. That she would get that information for me.

I pointed out that I have gone a full quarter now, asking everyone in a supervisory position WHAT is my pay? And they blew me off. "Forgot" to pay me the raise in January. "Forgot" to pay me the raise in February. "Forgot" to look up how much the raise was, "forgot" to tell me how much money they owed me, even when I asked them while they were looking AT MY FILE IN THE COMPUTER.

She got some big wig on the phone. Laughed with him on the line in front of me. Said, don't worry, we won't stop payment on the check. It's just that we thought you got a check for $65,000. I said, why don't you know what my check said? Where's the file?

I said that as far as I'm concerned, my check was for the amount owed ME, and that I don't owe them any more money. She said, don't worry. We won't take it all out of your paycheck. Just a little at a time.

I asked her AGAIN, how much do you think I owe you? And she said she didn't know. She said they would decide tomorrow.

Then they sent the company Liar out to tell me that all they really owed me for January was $62. Liar. Hundreds of dollars later, they're telling me that the formula listed on the forms they gave me had the wrong formula for payment. That I was never entitled to much in the first place, and now they're going to take my next check and the next until I pay them back.

I aksed, how much do you think I owe you?

Liar said she didn't know. They'll get back to me tomorrow.

So I'm crying.

And you know what? I don't make enough to make it worth my time to try to keep the job. So I'm going to try to make them take it in the ass with no grease. Who frigging cares? I work my ass off, we're BOTH fully employed, and we still qualify for the earned income tax credit.

You can be too poor to care whether you ever work in this town again.

I'm going to do what I can. I figure that the formula for payment hasn't taken into account my unease for a full quarter over whether or not I can pay for extra daycare this summer. I kept telling them I had to know so I could make decisions for child care. Well, I've made a little decision now. I hope someone will listen to me.

And my language is moving ever south...

-- helen (share@cropping.for.a.U.S.corporation), April 01, 2002.

Helen,

I'm serious, you need to call the Labor Board. These people are breaking the law, plain and simple.

If you don't do it, they'll continue to screw you and everyone else.

-- Stephen M. Poole (smpoole7@bellsouth.net), April 02, 2002.

Stephen, I called the Labor Board and got concrete information about my rights. The people I work for aren't evil, but they have not impressed me with their handling of this problem. I explained that to the Labor lady, and she told me what I could and what I could not do.

That was for the current problem.

I think the other problem with the way they handle scheduling, overtime, and benefits is going to take information gathering and patience. I have time.

-- helen (you@think.ex.wives.are.bad?), April 02, 2002.

Document well Helen! The more facts you can gather, the better your case will be. Best wishes Helen, and do keep us posted!

-- Aunt Bee (Aunt__Bee@hotmail.com), April 02, 2002.

Bless you all for letting me whine.

Here are the hard facts: this is an impoverished area. The company I work for is the largest corporation in town. We're currently being joined by three other large corporations. Our area is described in "come hither" advertisments to companies as having the highest per capita level of education for one of the lowest per capita wage rates in the state.

In other words, we work for food. They know it.

I didn't slay any dragons today, but now I can sleep. Again, thank you.

-- helen (slavery@was.institutionalized.not.abolished), April 02, 2002.

Helen,

Knowledge is power. Go for it. :)

-- Stephen (smpoole7@bellsouth.net), April 03, 2002.

It all died with a whimper.

The amount, orginally supposedly equal to two full paychecks, was deducted from my latest paycheck -- with some left over. I tried to return the check with the positive monetary number, and they said it's really mine to keep. I still have the check, unsure if I should really put it in the bank.

They moved me into a job I enjoy doing very much. They told me how much I make, and it's enough to pay for multiple daycamps/daycare arrangments for the summer.

Then they asked, "Are you happy now?

I'm sooooo confused. But happier now.

-- helen (what@just.happened?), April 16, 2002.

You live in Atlanta? Oh geeze...

Then they asked, "Are you happy now? They're slick, but they aren't stupid. You stood up to them, questioned their habits and probably scared the poopie out of them, yet they must appreciate the work you do or you wouldn't still be there, or they expected an even worse lawsuit if they fired you because you brought up their corruption.

Research a case against Microsoft within the last couple years where a shitload of "temps" sued because they were basically doing as much work as permanent employees but were not given the same benefits. I believe the temps won

You are correct, the temps won. They would have temps for years, not pay any of the full time bennies and they got the sh*t slapped out of them for doing it. Didn't matter that they were microsoft, us folks here in the Pacific NorthWest don't give a rats pitootie about their money, we would be happier if they just went away.

It doesn't matter how big a company is, if they are doing wrong, they should be stopped.

-- Cherri (whatever@who.cares), April 16, 2002.