Situation Update : LUSENET : Country Families : One Thread

Dear friends, because that's how I feel about all of you! This Vermont winter has just brought me to my knees. I've managed ten months now and at times it's felt like 24/7. Around Christmas we ran out of propane and have been heating with wood. It has meant feeding the wood stove(20 yrs old) every two hours. It has been cold, lonely and enlightening. Last week a gusty wind blew the glass out of my childrens' bedroom window. Thats when my house of cards collapsed! I bundled my sons up in blankets and picked up glass and tryed to figure out how to fix it. Many rolls of plastic wrap and blankets later it was o.k. Meanwhile my five year old cryed and cryed because of the cold and general confusion.

The next day the floodgates opened and I cryed thru-out the day. My eleven year old held my hand and comforted me as best he could. I felt terrible guilt that my children had to watch me fall apart. The last two months the abscense of my husband really hit home and grief has been my shadow. The first eight months I was o.k., but I guess this had to come sooner or later. I've decided to go home(haven't lived there for 13 yrs!) Home use to be Texas, I hope it still is. My husband is still in Mass at the skilled nursing facility. I never wanted to leave him here. He is unable to communicate or move, the best I can describe it is a semi-coma. His mother and brother live in CT, and visit him often.

Your prayers for strength mean much to me. Some tough decisions had to be made and I take full responsibity for them. Thanks for being here for me, I feel alot less isolated and alone.

-- Terran in VT (, March 26, 2002


I wish you luck .You need to do what you think is best .Post again when you get settled.

-- Patty {NY State} (, March 26, 2002.

Oh Terran, I think about you so often. I can't imagine being in your shoes. You have shown so much strength and dignity in this horrible situation. I hope your move to Texas will help your situation some. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Your children will be OK. I know it is hard to see them suffer along with you, but I truly believe the best people come from situations where there has been a little hardship. Your boys will always appreciate you for the sacrifices you have made, and the courage you have shown in your life. We will be here when you need us, I am sending extra prayers your way, and I know others will also.

-- Melissa in SE Ohio (, March 26, 2002.

Hang in there Terran. God is STILL in control and prayers are going up for your peace and guidance from Him. old hoot. Matt.24;44

-- old hoot gibson (, March 26, 2002.

Terran, Where in Texas are you going?The only reason I'm asking is because I live in central Texas. I feel for you and your family,and pray for your strength to get through what you'll have to get through.

We don't have much,but if you move anywhere close to us,we'll help anyway we can.Even if you just need a friendly shoulder....

Feel free to e-mail me privately if you like.


-- Johna (, March 26, 2002.

Terran, my heart just aches for you and your family. I can only imagine how difficult this is for all of you. I wish that we were neighbors so that I could offer some real help, with things like firewood, babysitting, or just a shoulder to cry on. I hope that your move to Texas will be an improvement for all of you, though I know it is difficult for you to leave your husband. How fortunate that he has other family nearby.

I know this is hard to believe now, but surviving these hard times will not adversely affect your kids in the long run. Speaking from experience, when my sister died and I was left to care for her 2 kids I cried rivers of tears for those boys. It seemed unimaginable to me that children could endure such a loss and still survive to be normal, happy, healthy adults. At times I wasn't sure that I would survive it, lol. But you know what? We did, all of us. And last night my 10 year old nephew came to dinner with my other sister, my parents, and one of my cousins. I don't see the boys so much now that they are living with their dad, and I was struck by what a wonderful kid Matthew has grown into. Even my cousin commented on what a thoughtful and considerate person he is. When his grandmother, who has a bad hip, drives anywhere with him, Matthew does not leave the car without waiting for her so that he can hold her arm and help her walk (this without being asked. He is always there to help carry in groceries. He announced at the end of the meal last night that he would clear the dinner dishes (and the adults held their breath while he carried Great Aunt Myrtle's Belleek china to the kitchen- he is willing, but not the most coordinated of kids, lol). He was asked to say the blessing before the meal, and he first gave thanks that everyone at the table had traveled safely to my home, then asked that they all have a safe journey home. My point, besides bragging on my sweet boy, is that I believe one of the reasons he has become so thoughtful of others is that he has seen suffering up close, and knows what it is like. He really has a lot of empathy for others, which I find amazing in a child so young. Not sure I'd recommend suffering as a child rearing method, but I do believe that your kids will come through this just fine, and may even be stronger because of it as someone else suggested above. I also do not think you should worry if the kids see you cry on occassion.

Please us posted as to your whereabouts and well being.

-- Elizabeth (, March 26, 2002.

Terran, God loves you, and He is there for you. I know that I know this for you. Jeremiah 29:11

-- Sissy Barth (, March 26, 2002.

Hang in there Terran. I can't tell you it'll get easier, but it'll get easier to deal with in time. Keep your kids close to you and involved in rebuilding your lives. They can be a great source of strength. Good luck.

-- Dave (, March 26, 2002.

Terran, you will find, and already have found, reserves of strength you never dreamed of. The difficulties will be many, the temptation to quit strong, the urge to capitulate frequent. But you will continue, you will cope, your determination will carry you through.

In all of that, you may find faith your mainstay. A faith community smooths the way in many things. May the Lord bless your coming in and your going out, so that you may not only find strength for your trials, but be a giver of hope to others.

-- Randal at home in Brazil (, March 27, 2002.

Sometimes when we type things it does not come out sounding like we have it in our heads and heart, so this is probably going to come out all wrong but feel the need to say it anyway. I certainly mean no disrespect, nor do I mean to be unfeeling (because my heart goes out to you more than you know), and I know this is easy to say when I am not the one going through it; however, I have to say it anyway.

God does not give us more than we can bear - no not ever. You made a vow to your husband when you married him - "For better, for worst. In sickeness and in health". You had the better, you had the health. Now comes the bad and sickness. You vowed to stay with him during the bad and sickness. Even though he is in a semi-coma, don't think for one moment that he doesn't know you are there! He truly does, he just can't communicate that he does. As hard as it is on you, how hard do you think this on him???

As far as your children go, they will do fine and will do much finer in thier own home near thier father. You just have to explain that it would be easier for you all to move to Texas, but this is the "right" thing to do and you all have to work together to make it through this. That is what family does! You do what you have to to do to be loyal and supportive of each other. You do whatever it takes.

Windows can be fixed. Summer is coming and you don't need the heat. Worry about next winter when next winter gets here. If it is finances - figure out how to make more money. Start a business, get another job -- same thing you would be doing in Texas anyway. If the problem is you just feel isolated, then make new friends, join another church if they aren't helping, or don't be afraid to call on others to help. You have an 11 year old who is old enough to be a very big help. Ask the mother and brother to stop by and help when they visit your husband. There is no way God would want you to leave your husband behind and separate your children from him.

Even though very, very tragic - this is what life gave you. It could be much much worst. If you just hang in there, God will honor your commitment and WILL restore you! This week, go back and read the book of Job. Job lost absolutely everything, including his home, his health, his children - and had no support system AT ALL, even his friends hated him. He stayed faithful and God restore everything he had lost plus more because he remainded steadfast. He will do the same for you, too!

Again, please don't hate me and please don't misunderstand. I am only trying to help and give you another perspective. I have been praying for you since this happened and you have remained on my prayer list everyday since that time. I just KNOW God has a blessing coming beyond your biggest expectations just around the corner. You just have to hang in there to get it. Suppose your big blessing was about to be delivered but you choose a differant path just days before it arrived. Now that would be the real tragedy! I will continue to pray for you and be supportive no matter what you decide.

-- None (, March 27, 2002.

Dear NONE: where Terran lives is already several hours from where her husband is located. She is renting a house for high rent, and can barely meet the financial obligations she has already, and has been living on her savings. She is only able to visit once a month as it is. So to me moving to be close to her family, may actually alleviate the situation enough where she can visit more often, and may find an appropriate facility that he can be moved to, as there isn't one close to where she lives now.

-- Melissa in SE Ohio (, March 27, 2002.

For Terran:

Psalm 20

May the LORD answer you when you are in distress; may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.

May he send you help from the sanctuary and grant you support from Zion.

May he remember all your sacrifices and accept your burnt offerings.

May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.

We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.

May the LORD grant all your requests.

Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed; he answers him from his holy heaven with the saving power of his right hand.

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.

-- heather (, March 27, 2002.

Dear None, I don't hate you. That's one reason I value this forum so much. Many, many people have reached out to me and given me strength and comfort. My husband gave me two beautiful children, and I will honor that forever. My love has never wavered, but I cannot ignore the practical realities of our present situation either. Vince would want me to do what is best for the children, first and foremost. I cannot let the situation deteriorate, I must act soon. If the situation was reversed I would want my husband to do what is best for the children and himself.

Believe me, there have been many sleepless nights over some of the things you mentioned. I have made this decision and I must make the best of it. My children are depending on me and I will not let them down! Thank you, I know you had my best interests at heart. God Bless.

-- Terran in VT (, March 27, 2002.

Terran, my prayers are with you. I want you to know I am feeling some of your pain. I know you have prayed about this situation and you must do what you feel is best. God bless you.

-- Barb in Ky (, March 27, 2002.

Please let us know when you are settled, and if there's anything we can help with. I'll be praying for you also. I know this was a hard decision to make.

-- Christine in OK (, March 27, 2002.

Dearest Terran-----ONLY YOU & GOD KNOW ALL THE DETAILS!!!!!!! NONE OF US DO!!! I want you to know----you are loved & will continue to be in my prayers---only you & God know what is best---& none & I mean none/ of us can know /or begin to understand what you are going through--or begin to know what is best for you---that is between you & God!!!!!

Love to you & please keep us posted---we love you & your family!!!

-- Sonda in Ks. (, March 27, 2002.

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