One of my daughters teachers was having a baby and another teacher informed them that they were to bring in a $3 contribution toward a shower gift for this teacher (approx. 150 kids involved), they were also told if they'd like to buy a gift themselves that would be great. Does anyone else think this is a shakedown? I gave the $3, my kid is at the mercy of these people and they sure seem to be ethically challenged. I wanted to complain but have learned to "pick my battles" with the gov't school. This doesn't seem very "professional" to me either. What do those of you who are teachers think of this practice? My sister in Texas said it happened at her daughters school also. I can't imagine going to work and telling my patients that they were to contribute to a co-workers shower gift. I'd like to add that we have unending fundraisers that are very difficult for my family to participate in because we live in a rural part o

-- JS (stoom2@hotmail.com), March 26, 2002

Answers

It is a shakedown--I would not only report this behavior to the principal, I would also report it to the district superintendent and the school board. That to me is a fireable offense.

I am not a teacher, but would never do something like that, in any event. I think most teachers would be horrified by such behavior as well.

As to fundraisers, I would just look at each one to see if it is something you think the school needs or not. If not, I wouldn't contribute (I would do that and get a tax receipt, rather than buy junk I don't need), nor would I feel a moment's guilt over not doing so. And, if asked why, I'd say, you could cut this, and this and this (of course we'd all have different opinions on useless programs in the schools).

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), March 26, 2002.

KS, Just imagine if every occasion your kids needed to contribute to some fund or other. Marriage, funeral, baby, etc. Pick your battles and make this one of them this could pick you apart or at least your pocket book. Our rural family would not be able to contribute but instead possibly make a home made gift,a home canned item or a home made card. Maybe a fund where kids could contribute once and that be used for special occisions. I think this is uncalled for and ofcourse the kids think they should pitch in because of peer pressure or teacher pressure. Answer HOMESCHOOL

Linda

-- Linda (awesomegodchristiaministries@yahoo.com), March 26, 2002.

I'd definitely say something to the principal, but I'd try to be diplomatic. After all, as you noted, your children are at their mercy.

I'd tell the principal that you are certain that Teacher X had the best of intentions--namely, allowing all the childrn to have the opportunity to participate in doing something special for this teacher. However, you believe that despite good intentions, this project is not appropriate.

Lay out your concerns. Being diplomatic doesn't mean that you can't speak your mind. For example, you don't have to say it's a shake-down. Instead, you can say that it puts families in an uncomfortable position of feeling obligated to participate.

I remember years ago when my favorite teacher was getting married, a parent invited us over to her home for a few afternoons and we worked on a quilt to give our teacher . . . yes, the boys helped as well. I can still remember how moved our teacher was. It wasn't exactly a professional job but it did come from the heart. But, I'm getting off the topic.

Yeah, express your concerns. My guess is that no one at the school gave any thought at all to the implications of this.

-- Julie Woessner (jwoessner@rtmx.net), March 26, 2002.

Unbelievable!!

-- Bren (wayoutfarm@skybest.com), March 26, 2002.

Before you get all excited and possibly make a fool of yourself, you might check out the circumstances. My kids are pretty darn bright but they can sure muddle things.

I can't even say that they on occasion pulled a fast one with the old man and came up with "I need it for school dad", and spent it at the nearest store for junk.

It's never too early to teach your children to stick up for their or (your) beliefs, if you don't want or can't afford to donate, don't.

-- Tis I (really_tis_i@yahoo.com), March 26, 2002.

Julie, I think it is an outgrowth of the "invite everyone to your wedding so you can get more stuff", "register someplace so you can tell them what to give you", have "money dances with the bride", etc. mentality that is so prevalent these days. That another teacher did the "informing" was tacky too.

I see a lot of "pick your battles" advice, and while that is certainly good advice, it seems that there are more and more battles to choose between each time. As hard as it may be, I would just be honest and say, we can't afford it, and perhaps, as others have suggested give a homemade gift, or a card, or even save some diaper/formula coupons.

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), March 26, 2002.

Write a letter to the Principal and copy the school board that these practices must be stopped, I faced much the same thing when my kids were in school, as single parent with 3 kids I could ill afford to make a donation for every holiday/end of year or when a teacher had a child. (Let's not have the 'appreciate the teacher' discussion, I do appreciate them, to the tune of on average $55K a year in this district.) The practice of soliciting students for teacher gift donation was abolished in the my district.

-- Kathy (catfish201@hotmail.com), March 26, 2002.

$3 per kid and there's 150 kids. $450 that's a better good shower gift. Maybe, they should make it $10, that way in 18 years the parents could send the child to college.

-- David in NH (grayfoxfarm@mcttelecom.com), March 26, 2002.

Totally inappropriate, I think, for a lot of reasons. It's too bad that the kids don't seem to have a "grace period" before having to be hit with all these pressures----there will be plenty later.

-- Jeff (lorianandjeff@aol.com), March 26, 2002.

Can she bring a gift from home or some flowers from the garden, craft she made, etc.? Would hate to make a fuss when something else could be given.

-- Narita (hsnrs@att.net), March 26, 2002.

Have known a lot of teachers to spend more than $450.00 of their own money on students each year. "Shakedown" is a little rough. Many teachers have given kids thought, energy, care and kindness that the kids would not otherwise have received.

Don't have any problem with anyone not sending $3.00, but how long has it been since you told your children's teachers "Thank you."

-- centex.net (primrose@centex.net), March 27, 2002.

Tacky!!! Teachers shouldn't be bringing the kids into their personal lives. It's not professional. To share a bit about themselves is one thing but to ask for money for their personal gain is tacky, unprofessional, unethical, and probably against the rules.

Russ

-- (imashortguy@hotmail.com), March 27, 2002.

Aarggh! When I was a kid, it was PTA and all brow beating mothers to bring treats for class on their childs birthday and on holidays. There were always some who some who wanted to "be in charge" and tell the others what they had to bring and what they had to do. We were also forced in grade school to draw names and give presents although we were limited to spending 25cents or less. In high school the money thing crept in. Had PE teacher who every now and then would gather kids in each of his classes together in locker room to use peer pressure to try and force us to sponser him in some charity 'walk a thon' type thing. Nothing wrong with telling us about a charity he believed in, but resented him going around the room directly soliciting donations in public. He was in a position of power and he was abusing that power even if in a good cause.

Now its all a money thing with schools forcing kids to participate in selling commercial fund raising products for some school "need". Whats described here is worst of all, somebody shaking down captive kids for their own personal enrichment. At least that gym teacher I had was doing it for charity. This has no redeeming quality.

We can show this to be a microcosm of our greater society. Charities just want cash now. They dont want my time except as a dupe to raise cash. They dont want donations of useful items, they just want cash. Charity should come from the heart not as a forced thing. I also get the feeling that many who receive charity 'expect' it and not humble at all about asking. I have offered to some folk to show them how to do something for themselves or how I have found I can get by cheaper or do without. They get disgusted look and walk away when they find I will help them as a neighbor, not just give them something. One might say they dont want to learn to fish, nor do they even want the fish, they want cash to buy steak at fancy restaurant and to pick up a 'NEW' video game system on way home. Things I wouldnt spend money on even for myself.

-- HermitJohn (hermit@hilltop_homestead.zzn.com), March 27, 2002.

I am with you hermit john!

As a preschool teacher,I always wanted to do 'nice' things for people. I wanted to help the kids learn to be a part of others life, care about the things around them. Birthdays, new babies, illnesses. But I also tried to teach them that it came from the heart NOT the pocket! When a student lost a close family member we asked her if she wanted to talk or would rather be left alone for awhile, when one of the childrens fathers had a heart attack we made him a new one out of paper and all our love. I know sometimes people need some material things as well. In those times we talked about giving, what was really needed, how to decide if there was a way of helping that wasn't to burdening to anyone else. We did all contribute gifts to a child at Christmas but I made it very clear to kids and parents that it should be kept simple, somewhat useful, and NOT be done if there was any burden. Those who could not contribute financially helped prepare the package, make cards etc.

But $3 each from 150 kids? That's not teaching them anything but "do something nice, throw money at them!" Without any thought or feeling...what a hollow 'gift'.....

-- Novina in ND (homespun@stellarnet.com), March 27, 2002.

I'm a teacher...this is probably a heartfelt thought, but in bad taste. I hate the fundraisers and the donations. One year a co-teacher of mine bought gifts and food for her kids. Here to find out, she asked for donations everytime and never spent a dime. But she looked like the teacher santa claus, and those of us who were broke...well you know. I would report it. Actions like this are suppose to have principal approval. Good Luck

-- julie (jbritt@ceva.net), March 27, 2002.

Having gone through parochial 1-12 (where you pay for any and every thing) and having two children who've done the same I have a couple suggestions to consider BEFORE you go to the principal or whomever. Make absolutely certain you have the story right. Talk to other parents and to your child's friends away from your child. You might be surprised to find out there are different versions to this like "You can bring a gift if you like, but don't spend more than $3. If you prefer, you can bring some money in and I'll shop for a gift with whatever we collect and you all can sign a card to go with it."

I'm not trying to defend anyone here. I don't know what was said. I wasn't there. I do know peer pressure can be tough and that stories tend to change with every telling. I hope this helps.

-- Gary in Indiana (gk6854@aol.com), March 27, 2002.

Good point, Gary. But to me, and others, even the mere suggestion that children are to acknowlege this event with anything is offensive.

The children are not your co-workers. If the kids are asking "Why is the teacher looking funny, fat or whatever" explain that she is having a baby, and that is all, period.

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), March 27, 2002.

I agree with russ, this is unproffesional. AND should be brought to the school boards attention. Not to metion any other school officials.

-- Kristean Thompson (pigalena_babe@yahoo.com), March 27, 2002.

I am with Gary from Indiana on this one. I would be sure that I knew the full and complete story before I fought this battle. Three bucks, right or wrong, is a pittance when compared to how bad your name and reputation will be trashed. I promise you, it will be trashed if you win or loose.

-- clove (clovis97@Yahoo.com), March 27, 2002.

Clove gave me an idea. Just ignore it, and when someone later on asks you about it (like the teacher or an administrator), just say, "Oh, I thought it was a rumor, it sounded sooo unprofessional, tacky, etc. etc." Watch the look on their face!

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), March 27, 2002.

This is not something for the schoolboard.

-- julie (jbritt@ceva.net), March 28, 2002.