I received this recently and thought others might be interested.

Wishing you enough.

WOMEN'S STRESS, WOMEN'S FRIENDSHIPS

Women respond to stress differently than men do. Fortunately, we also have a better way to fight it: each other.

Friendships between women soothe our tumultuous inner world, fill the emotional gaps in our marriage, and help us remember who we really are. But they may do even more.

Scientists now suspect that spending time with our girlfriends can actually counteract the stress most of us experience on a daily basis. A landmark UCLA study suggests that women respond to stress with a cascade of brain chemicals that cause us to maintain friendships with other women. The finding has turned upside-down five decades of stress research -- mostly on men.

"Until this study was published, scientists generally believed that when people experience stress, it triggers hormones that rev the body for fight or flight," says Laura Cousino Klein, PhD, one of the study's authors. Klein is presently assistant professor of bio-behavioral health at Pennsylvania State University in State College.

"In fact," says Dr. Klein, "women release the hormone oxytocin as part of their stress response. This buffers the fight or flight response and encourages concern for children and for gathering with other women."

When women engage in this "tending or befriending," more oxytocin is released, which further counters stress and produces calmness. This calming response does not occur in men, says Dr. Klein, because testosterone seems to reduce the effects of oxytocin. Estrogen, she adds, seems to enhance it.

The study that women respond to stress differently than men was initiated in a lab at UCLA. "There was this joke that when the women who worked in the lab were stressed, they came in and bonded by cleaning the lab and having coffee," says Dr. Klein. "When the men were stressed, they holed up somewhere on their own. I commented one day to fellow researcher Shelley Taylor that most stress research has been on males. The two of us knew we were on to something."

Drs. Klein and Taylor discovered that females respond to stress differently than males, which has significant implications for women's health care.

Women's "tend or befriend" pattern may explain why we consistently outlive men. Study after study has found that social ties reduce our risk of disease by lowering blood pressure, heart rate, and cholesterol.

"There's no doubt," says Dr. Klein, "that friends are helping us live longer." In one study, for example, researchers found that people who had no friends increased their risk of death over a six- month period. In another study, those who had the highest number of friends over a nine-year period had a 60-percent reduction in risk of death.

Friends also help us live better. The famed Nurses' Health Study from Harvard Medical School found that the more friends women had, the less likely they were to develop physical impairments as they aged, and the more likely they were to be leading a joyful life. In fact, the results were so significant, the researchers concluded, that not having a close friend or confidante was as statistically detrimental to one's health as smoking or obesity.

If friendships are so beneficial, if they keep us healthy and even add years to our life, why is it so hard to find time to be

with them? That question is addressed by researcher Ruthellen Josselson, PhD, co-author of _Best Friends: The Pleasures and Perils of Girls' and Women's Friendship_ (Three Rivers Press, 1998).

"Every time we get too busy with work and family, the first thing we do is let go of friendships with other women," says Dr. Josselson. "That's a mistake, because women are such a source of strength to each other. We nurture one another. And we need to have un- pressured space in which we can do the special kind of talk that women do when they're with other women. It's a very healing experience."

-- Trevilians (Trevilians@attbi.net), March 18, 2002

Answers

Very interesting. I do think it helps t talk things over with a friend. Sometimes it gives you a different perspective as well.

-- Melissa in SE Ohio (me@home.net), March 18, 2002.

I was raised with men----a tomboy-----on horse back---working cattle-- -or my Dad took me with him as he drove a truck--as he farmed- etc/etc/----then I worked in a barber shop---& have worked & owned businesses that have delt with men a lot---

Men talk about something---like everything needs "a solution"---if you talk about it--then "it needs to be fixed" & it is up to them to fix it---

Women just put things out here----we talk about lots of things---but because it comes out of our mouth /doesn't mean we expect someone to fix it!!!! ha!

This has shocked me over the years----that women can talk & talk & share our feelings---or experiences---but it doesn't mean we need them changed or fixed---

men seem to think if it is talked about it needs to be changed or fixed------so if something doesn't need to be changed or fixed why talk about it--------ha!!

Just my observation---

As I helped with cattle rounds-up etc/etc/---when I was young------I remember one old guy saying to my Dad------that child of yours has talked since before the sun came up & she is still talking-----what is wrong with her?????? Daddy told the old guy--- I raised 2 sons before her /out here in the pastures ---neither of them talked to their horse---or the wind--or the wild flowers---or the birds---BUT I HAVE LEARNED /SHE ONLY NEEDS "HELP" /WHEN THE TONE OF HER VOICE CHANGES--- THAT IS ALL I LISTEN FOR ANYMORE---I NEVER HEAR THE REST!!!

I have learned it I want a MAN----ANY MAN---- to hear what I say---I have to change the tone of my voice & want them to fix something----- all the rest they never hear anyway!!!!!!!!!!!! ha!!

-- Sonda in Ks. (sgbruce@birch.net), March 18, 2002.

Sonda that is a revelation! Cale always says "you didn't tell me such and such..." and I say, "yes I did!!!" So I guess he is just listening but not hearing, I will have to try the change of tone thing. That was an excellent story by the way!!!

-- Melissa in SE Ohio (me@home.net), March 18, 2002.

I relate to that, Sonda. I am always getting in trouble from Lance because "You didn't tell me...". And I know I did. I tell him, you never listen to me anyway, and he tells me if I didn't talk so much he might listen more!(?)

Oh, well, after nine years, I think we have it worked out. I tell him repeatedly, and I know he has listened when he says "You've told me that XXX times already!"

-- Christine in OK (cljford@mmcable.com), March 20, 2002.