We always hear "the rules" from the feminine side. Ok - well now hear the guys' side - These are our rules! Please note ... these are all numbered "1"........ ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. you're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! . Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and! one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done - not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape.

-- TomK(mich) (tjk@cac.net), February 20, 2002

Answers

ROFLOL! Oh my goodness. If this is the way most men think, I am thankful my hubby is not like most men.

-- daffodyllady (daffodyllady@yahoo.com), February 20, 2002.

NOW I understand men! LOL Thanks!

-- cowgirlone in OK (cowgirlone47@hotmail.com), February 20, 2002.

Just proves what I've always suspected.....even the really good guys are just mortal men.

-- HaloHead (HaloHead@noplacereal.com), February 21, 2002.

I'll have to print this off so my wife can read and re-read it every few days. It should save a lot of arguments and tears.

-- r.h. in okla. (rhays@sstelco.com), February 21, 2002.

OH MY GOODNESS. I miss men SO much (really).

-- Susan in Northern LP Michigan (cobwoman@yahoo.com), February 21, 2002.

ROTFLM@O . If my ex had just understood RULE #1 :>)

-- Jay Blair in N. AL (jayblair678@yahoo.com), February 21, 2002.

Well, we have a NEW rule in this house. Steve is no longer allowed to watch "Hunting with Hank", "Shooting with Stan", "Bowhunting with Bob", "Turkey Tips with Tom" or absolutely any other hunting related show, UNTILL he actually goes out back in the pasture and SHOOTS something! I want some meat in the freezer!

-- Cindy in KY (solidrockranch@msn.com), February 21, 2002.

Gee guys, doesn't this list embarass you even slightly?? :>)

-- Sue (sulandherb@aol.com), February 21, 2002.

Printed and slid in her briefcase, it will probably be discussed tonight right after I make supper and get the dishes done. Good one Tim, still laughin.

-- Stoney in Pa. (rwrong@yahoo.com), February 21, 2002.

OK, the following do not apply in my case but the rest are pretty well spot on. Embarrassed? Heck no, quite refreshing actually.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
........Alan.

-- Alan (athagan@atlantic.net), February 21, 2002.

I pretty much figured most of this out 3 years ago. I am not saying I agree with it all, but I know it and know is half the battle! I know to just say it, saves lots a trouble!

However it hasn't broken me from the "do I look ok?" as we are walking out the door! Duh! Like He's gonna say differant! Besides, like I could trust his insight on the subject. He tells me I'm beautiful when I've spent all day working in the barn, my hair is in my face, I have the raggediest clothes on and a peculiar odor hangs over me like a cloud. I thinks it's because he "get's" that?

-- Novina in ND (homespun@stellarnet.com), February 21, 2002.

LOL! But I am still trying to get the 'seat down' thing changed after 29years... It's a rude awakening @ 3:00 to stumble, not even a little awake, into the bathroom and "sit way down" on a cold winters nite! But the others I can live with or I have for almost three decades! Thanks for the laugh

-- Debbie T in N.C. (rdtyner@mindspring.com), February 21, 2002.

Tom,I had to copy this thread down, on the money for the most part (except the sport/tv/commercials) don't apply. My ex. girlfriend note the words spoken in past arguments. Enjoy your words of wisdom also. Bill from S.E. Mich

-- Bill in S.E. Mich (Billshsfrm@aol.com), February 21, 2002.

So how come I'm always the one accused of not being able to read minds?! Of course, our marriage is a little odd anyway. I brought all the power tools into the household and he brought all the cooking utensils. Oh, and the one to determine toilet seat position in this house is a girl...my golden retroodle (retreiver/poodle cross for the confused among us) would drink out of the toilet then drool all over the bathroom so we have to keep the lid shut or wade!

-- Sheryl in Me (radams@sacoriver.net), February 21, 2002.

THE MAN'S PRAYER
I am a man.....
But I can change.....
If I have to....
.
.
.
.
.
.
I guess.....


-- Cabin Fever (cabinfever_mn@yahoo.com), February 21, 2002.

Red Green

-- Susan in Northern LP Michigan (cobwoman@yahoo.com), February 21, 2002.

Testify brother, testify. But Tom, you forgot to add that men enjoy holding your purse and asking us to pick up "personal items" (you know what we are talking about!) about as much as women enjoy listening to men burp and "blow the sheets off the bed".

-- j.r. guerra in s. tx. (jrguerra@boultinghousesimpson.com), February 21, 2002.

THE MAN'S PRAYER I am a man..... But I can change..... If I have to.... . . . . . . I guess.....

Why is it that it seems the first thing a woman wants to do when she marries a man is to change him? Wasn't he good enough to marry in the first place? ; )

.......Alan.

-- Alan (athagan@atlantic.net), February 21, 2002.

Well Alan, I'm sure you've heard.....men marry hoping she WON'T change, women marry hoping he will :)

-- Sue (sulandherb@aol.com), February 21, 2002.

I say: "ok, all the women out there with boys (including me!) it is up to us to raise 'em to put that seat down! Of course, I have spent the last four years yelling "put the seat down" and of course, it never is. must be in the genes or something. My DH puts up with all my animals and I put up with his music and power tools and building ideas. I learned a long time ago it's easier to marry what you want to live with than try to change 'em later on.

-- Cindy (colawson@mindspring.com), February 21, 2002.

Okay. I just have to respond to the issue of putting the lid down. My husband used to be bad about leaving it up too....until he fell in one night in the middle of the night trying to go in the dark.

-- Nicol (Nicolwhipple@wmconnect.com), February 21, 2002.

If the toilet seat position is really a problem , do as my wife did, buy a urinal for the bathroom.

-- mike perkins (mjperkins@camtel. net), February 23, 2002.

To Alan My grandfather used to say, "Why is it a young girl will marry a man thinking she will change him, and a man will marry a young girl thinking she never will change."

-- (HaloHead@noplacereal.com), February 24, 2002.

I think boys should be raised to sit on the toilet when they urinate. They can stand when they go outside but in the house-- yuck!! Tiny drops of urine go everywhere no matter how careful the aim, and it's just plain unhygienic. Why stand just because you can, when it's not clean?

-- Elizabeth in E TX (kimprice@peoplescom.net), February 24, 2002.

Wait a minute guys...and gals:

I used to yell at my ex- "Put that damned seat up when you're finished!", but she never learned.

Was I doing something wrong?

-- Audie (paxtours@alaska.net), February 24, 2002.

Why do they sell toilet seats WITH covers if they weren't meant to be put down when finished??!!

-- Marcia (HrMr@webtv.net), February 24, 2002.

so they can be used for cutting boards

-- TomK(mich) (tjk@cac.net), February 24, 2002.

uh-huh, figures. Still it is funny.

-- LBD, female, in MD (lavenderbluedilly@hotmail.com), February 24, 2002.

You have to put the lids down on the toilet so the dogs don't drink out of it.

-- Cindy in KY (solidrockranch@msn.com), February 24, 2002.

or,

You have to keep the seat up so that when the dogs drink out of it, they don't slobber all over the seat

-- Audie (paxtours@alaska.net), February 24, 2002.