Last night while watching "Emotionally Incorrect" (the final day of Politically Incorrects Valentines Day series), Bill Mayher put it out as it is. Society considers singles as something "less than perfect", in need of companionship and the target of a greeting card instigated "holiday". In his opinion, if singleness is a "social disease", the three main symptoms are : a non codependent self respect , more disposable income to pursue dreams we hold true and a definable and noticable self sufficiency ability.

That third one got me thinking. We set this board up to "help us single homesteaders", but it has actually developed into a site where we emulate the true self sufficient nature and skills we all posess. Relationships are enjoyable until they sour and the cause of that souring can usually be traced to discord rooted in one of the three catagories listed above. Makes me understand that my next relationship will be a long way in the making as I devise a way to better ensure that all three conditions survive an emotional bonding.

Look at Susan's well pictures. There were no "crutches" in view anywhere. I guess her "singles disease" is in remission :>)

Just thought you would get a kick out of this. I guess I'll finish darning my knock around jeans now. I'll post my darning timesaver later. Be sure to help any married 'steaders you know to be more self sufficient, they don't have the luxury of it being a built in feature of their lifestyle as we do. :>)

-- Jay Blair in N. AL (jayblair678@yahoo.com), February 16, 2002

Answers

Response to Symptoms of the "singles desiese (Humor / Jokes ???)

Whew Jay, That was a lot of "thinking". Haven't done that much since college :). BTW..my crutch is standing behind the camera. He is called "little brother". I admit, I would have done this well stuff by myself just fine, but you know men...as soon as he heard what I was attempting he came to the "rescue". Bless his pea pickin' heart. Saved me a few sore muscles and lots of time, as I admit, he is bigger and stronger. It is not especially pleasant (for me) being a single person trying to be independant. I would love to have a partner to share knowledge and the work, joy, heartache, joy, worrys, joy, and whatever is in store for me. Dreaming aren't I? Oh well, got my dawgs and my hoss and wonderful neighbors (just isn't the same tho).

-- Susan in Northern LP Michigan (cobwoman@yahoo.com), February 16, 2002.

Jay, I was thinking a lot about this post today as Hubs and I were working around the farm. We moved the chicken house and put the fence back up; leveled out a pile of rock onto the driveway; built 4 new raised bed frames, got them set in place in the new section of garden and started filling them; and put landscape timbers around a new flower bed. I wondered how much of what we did today, that I would have tried to do on my own; and came up with the answer of "Not much!" True, I did do most of those things before I remarried, but there was always someone on the other end of the board, or fence panel, or sighting down the line of beds to make sure that they were in line. I guess I've always been very lucky to have Pop or Unc or an assortment of friends around to count on when I needed an extra pair of hands. And here I thought I was pretty darn self- sufficient!! Guess maybe I'll go bake some cookies for my favorite two single buds as a thank-you for setting a good example!

-- Polly (tigger@moultrie.com), February 17, 2002.

Jay makes a very good point I think. Think of the people you know who have either lost a partner to divorce or death. I know they are generally devestated by the event. They also are overwhelmed by the sudden need to do everything alone where as they used to do it with someone else, there was always someone on the other end of the board. Or, you knew there would be when they got home from work, or you could call on family or friends for help. Now, when I got my divorce it was made impossible for me to stay in my house and remain near my friends. My family lived two states away. I moved to the country (always a dream of mine) and I have never looked back. But I remember buying my first power tool, it was a Makita drill. The first time I used it all by myself I was so thrilled I did a little victory dance. I had a wonderful neighbor who helped me with everything. He taught me how to change the oil in my car, worked with me to cut wood for winter, and helped me build rabbit hutches. He was just a friend, but what a friend he was, the true meaning of the word. When I moved to my present house I lost all that but I couldn't go back. Now I am realizing that I may have bitten off more than I can chew, but I am determined to make a good go of it; I'm not a quiter. However, I do not have anyone to teach me the things I don't know. I am afraid to try major things for fear I may cause more damage that would require professionals to repair and I can not afford that. So I try to rely on my kids, but I ask myself if that is fair to them, I don't want them to feel resposible for me, they are children. I have encouraged my friends with daughter to teach them to change the oil, tires, and do minor repairs on cars. Teach them to work power tools, build things. Don't do things for them let them do things for themselves. I suppose daughters aren't the only ones, but the stigma seems to be more prevalent in girls than woman.

-- Susan in Minnesota (nanaboo@paulbunyan.net), February 18, 2002.

HANG IN THERE SUSAN. You are my inspiration! Actually, I don't mean to put a "burden" on you...but I think things like "if she can do it..so can I". Ahhh, human nature. Gotta tell ya my worst fear. I have a brand new chain saw. I can't use it. My brother showed me how, helped me the first time, taught me safety. It hasn't been out of the box since and that's 8 months ago. I'm now planning to invite a neighbor over just to keep an eye on me if and when I ever use it. Or, how bout this...hang a big whistle around my neck and let the neighbor (7 acres away) know that if he hears it to come running. Or this, hire the poles, posts and firewood cut? No answer really needed, just needed to share my nervousness with someone. Thanks.

-- Susan in Northern LP Michigan (cobwoman@yahoo.com), February 18, 2002.