Speed Stripping - Humor - I'm not making this up.greenspun.com : LUSENET : Countryside : One Thread
If you had showed up at our house one evening last fall, you might have noticed a strange sight down by our pond.
Me, that is, doing the fastest line-dance you've ever seen while swinging my pants above my head and speaking in tongues. If you were Connie, my wife, you'd just sigh and go back to eating sunflower seeds and drinking your pepsi....
It all happened when I decided that it had been too long since anyone mowed the path around the pond. There were a couple of hours of light left when I got home from work, so I climbed on the riding mower and bumped down the hill to get the job done.
I had mowed about a third of the way around the pond, with the thick vegetation between the path and the creek brushing against my left leg, when I felt a stick brush against my ankle, then begin to scrape upward on the inside of my pants leg. In a microsecond I realized two things:
A. The stick was wet B. The stick was slithering.
It was instantly very clear that a snake had taken refuge from the blades of the mower by sliding up my pants leg.
My pants were off faster than they were on my wedding night as I did a double back-flip with a half twist off the mower. My mastery of the art of creative expletivery was severely challenged, as "Cheddarcheesecheetahflipper!" was about the best I could come up with on such short notice. However, I feel pretty confident now that I could win any speed-stripping contest that I'm ever called to enter.
After dancing around for a few minutes, spinning in circles while holding my pants over my head, I realized that I had not been bitten and the snake was long gone, so I calmly put my trousers back on, looked around to make sure there had not been any witnesses, and went to get the mower out of the creek.
The fact that Connie saw all of this from the front yard and didn't even mention it when I got back to the house speaks volumes about life in the country, or at least OUR life in the country, anyway.
-- Chuck (email@example.com), January 26, 2002
I got a cackle out of that one! Especially the part about your wife. You must be a hoot to live with!
-- Debbie in MO (firstname.lastname@example.org), January 26, 2002.
But I thought that all us homesteaders liked to take off our pants and dance around outside..... what's so wierd about that?!?
-- Cheryl in KS (email@example.com), January 26, 2002.
Too funny! I think we've all had our genuine homesteader moments. I think I'll save mine for another thread, though.
-- Marty (Mrs.Puck@Excite.com), January 26, 2002.
LOL! Could have been worse. Could have been bees. :)
-- Leslie in MW OR (firstname.lastname@example.org), January 27, 2002.
could have been worse. you could live in the city or suburbia and have a bazallion witnesses. you might have even made the news live at five, film at 11.
-- gene ward (email@example.com), January 27, 2002.
.... and got a contract, and made your fortune, so you could afford to retire to the country, and escape from your maddened fans.
-- Don Armstrong (firstname.lastname@example.org), January 27, 2002.
Umm..is this something you do often, Chuck? I'd lke to schedule the tour buses to come at the best times. :>
-- Jennifer L. (Northern NYS) (email@example.com), January 27, 2002.
Oh how I wish I had been a quiet little mouse in the field there just watching this take place!!!! Thank you so much for the good laugh!! I can just picture this happening . . . . omg!!!
-- quinn wolfe (firstname.lastname@example.org), January 27, 2002.
...or seen the look on the snake's face! "Crap! This isn't a hairy tree!" Poor snake will be scarred for life. Bet he will have stories to tell to his grandkids...
-- Gailann Schrader (email@example.com), January 28, 2002.
Yes...how do you rate getting away by not having an audience?!
I'm wondering if you stripped faster for your snake than I did for my big fat globby garden spider....
-- Chelsea (firstname.lastname@example.org), January 28, 2002.
Chuck - where do you live that you have bad snakes? All of ours here in Maine are our buddies and allies! GL!
-- Brad (homefixer@SacoRiver.net), January 28, 2002.
Any snake in your pants,(that the good Lord did not put there originally).... is a bad snake!
-- Novina in ND (email@example.com), January 30, 2002.