The crowded shower (clean humor) : LUSENET : Countryside : One Thread

I found it difficult to turn around in the shower this morning. Lately it's been getting more and more crowded in there.

I live in a house with two beautiful women, my wife, and our 19 year old exchange student. Between the three of us, there are sixteen (count 'em) bottles of various beauty products in our one shower. When I was single, my shower contained only two items, soap and mold. Now I've got such products invading my shower as I'd never imagined I'd see outside a salad bar.

The following are a list of some of the ingredients that I found in the various bottles and tubes invading my shower. No, I am not making this up.

Judging from this list, one could effect a serious makeover simply by diving headfirst into the fruit display in the produce section. Perhaps this is the reason that women used to wear those hats with the fruit all over them. Their shampoos contained mostly soap, and maybe a little water. This was probably regular tap water, however, maybe filtered, but certainly not mountain spring water. Thus, women who wanted lots of fruit in their hair had to do it the old fashioned way. There was probably a short period of time where women experimented with putting various jams and jellies in their hair, but that would have made for a sticky sleeping situation. Maybe today you don't see many fruit hats because now women get all the fruit they need in extract form in their shampoos.

Just why people need fruits and vegetable extracts in their hair is another question entirely. I've heard it said that fruits and vegetables are a good way to stay healthy and fight off colds. In shampoos this must work well, because you don't often see hair with a cold or flu.

What benefits mountain spring water give, I'm not sure. I guess it's better than "Florida swamp water"

Perhaps women prefer these ingredients because they like the smell of them. Why, then they don't stick with one theme escapes my capacity of reason. By the time a woman is fully dressed, she will be sporting at least 40 different fragrances on different parts of her body this might explain why most women that one passes on the street smell like they were involved in a collision of a produce truck with a flower stand.

Personally, I'm not very concerned with the contents of my shampoo. I typically shop for quantity, not quality. I must admit, I've sampled some of the 16 brands that inhabit my shower, and haven't noticed much of a difference between that and the stuff that goes for 99 cents a gallon. Maybe the benefits aren't as apparent if your hair is less than 1/4 inch long. At any rate, I've come up with a list of suggested ingredients for shampoos aimed at men. I'm not suggesting that men would actually buy these, unless they sold for 99 cents a gallon, since men are typically more concerned about not having heavy bottles fall on their toes as they practice the macarena in the shower. (or so I've heard)

At any rate, here's my list:

Maybe I won't get rich by my ideas, but at the very least, I think I've figured out why I'm always so hungry after I shower.

-- Chuck (, January 24, 2002


Being a woman (with blonde hair) I can certainly see the purpose of all the ingredients you listed... adding to the equation my husband works on heavy equipment.... I think a few products with the ingredients you listed would sell...I would buy them....most particularly the mountain wood smoke , beef jerky extract, wd-40, leather extract, and my personal favorite axle grease.... I dont think I would like the crawl space....but I have a friend whos hubby is into construction and would probably find this scent intoxicating....Thanks for the laugh....Happy " Dancing "...Kristean

-- Kristean Thompson (, January 24, 2002.

that is one of the BEST humorous essays I have EVER read

-- Rose in Texas (, January 24, 2002.

Chuck, I think freesia is some kind of draft horse. Seriously...this needs to be published in Countryside right away. We could all use this kind of lightness. Also, tell your ladies that good ole plain RAINWATER will do EVERYTHING that needs to be done for their hair (and bodies too for that matter) as concerns washing. No need for conditioner even. Except don't use the first water to fall from the sky, wait a few minutes to collect it after the air has been washed first. By the way, I like the way you smell!

-- Susan in Northern Michigan (, January 24, 2002.

I am still laughing. With 2 teenagers and 2 young college kids, I think you peeked in my shower. At least I seldom buy shampoo just use what the kids leave! Denise

-- Denise (, January 25, 2002.

Susan, I told my wife that rainwater was the best thing for washing in and the next day she was arrested for nudity on our front lawn during a rainstorm.

-- jokester (, January 25, 2002.

Jokester, Funny man! She needs to go up-north, in the middle of no- where behind the cabin to do this properly. No one needs to know except the kids who wonder what the heck Mom is up to outside during a thunderstorm!

-- Susan in Northern Michigan (, January 25, 2002.

This sure is a great way to start my day! Glad I checked in... I'm leaving, laughing all the way. Thanks!

-- Mary (, January 25, 2002.

I knew before I finished the first paragragh that it must be you, Chuck! Great job!! Definitely, send this to the magazine. In fact, I think you should start doing a regular column there!!

-- Cindy in NY (, January 25, 2002.

My parents were both teachers, so our family would spend summers in an old farmhouse in the Northeast Kingdom in Vermont. We didn't have a shower there, only a tub, so whenever it rained we all showered au naturale. I told my children that and they thought it was the funniest thing, but now I see that we were really just before our time!

-- Sheryl in Me (, January 25, 2002.

Chuck, you funny man. You hit the nail on the head. My wife keeps a pretty sensible tub shelf, but from what I see on shampoo commercials (oooo, she' got the urge), I sometimes get really confused and wonder if I am watching a shampoo commercial or a Fellini film.

BTW, Paul Rodriguez, a Mexican-American commedienne, claims that the macarena is our revenge on the anglo population for the achy breaky heart line dance. Take that, you gringos! B-D!

-- j.r. guerra in s. tx. (, January 25, 2002.

There are three of us in our house and we all have different shampoos. I like Rasberry (the only one I found that didn't bother my allergies) my son likes Apple and my husband thinks he's a horse with mane and tail shampoo (which makes me ill if he showers while I'm in the room) Wish I could have your salad bar, most smells bother me. PS 19 yr old exchange student?

-- Dee (, January 25, 2002.

Actually, she's moved out now, When I originally wrote this article she was with us.

She's a college student from Equador and worked as an Au Pair in our house in exchange for room and board.

A good deal for all concerned.

-- chuck in md (, January 25, 2002.


I am a bachelor and sure enough my tub/shower contains a bar of soap, the requisite mold and a razor for my neck (under beard). Just use the soap as shaving lather.

-- Ken S. in WC TN (, January 25, 2002.

Hey j.r. guerra in s. tx. I LOVED the Macarana! More fun than a herd of milk cows. Got all us womenfolk up on the dance floor at once to make fools of ourselves while entertaining the menfolk. Just goes to show ya...silly northerners.

-- Susan in Northern Michigan (, January 26, 2002.

Um, one thing I thought Id mention. Mosquitoes are attracted to these fruity concotions, so I have witnessed during my test sampling of my wifes shampoos, but they are not attracted to the wd 40, and if they are, you can just light them on fire. Maybe women KNOW bugs like these fruity shampoos and thats the ticket: you just CANT go OUTSIDE and DO something if there are mosquitoes all over you, so wear the fruity shampoo and itll be a wonderful excuse. They dont like smoke, either, incidentally. (wink) Spring Onions might also be one up for consideration. Mountain Spring Onions?

-- Kevin in NC (, January 30, 2002.

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