This is an amusing post from another Lusenet forum entitled You Have Two Cows. There is a bit of truth in it, I think. What do you all say?

-Okie D

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Al Gore Liberalism: You have two cows. The government forces you to keep them in a "lockbox". You die while the congress debates the issuance of keys.

-- David Little (dlittle@coade.com), February 07, 2001

Answers

George Bush Compassionate Conservitism: You have two cows. The Government builds a massive missle shield to defend them. But the arcenic in the water kills them. Then you are told not to mess with Texas.

-- Matthew Valji (MatthewV@aol.com), May 08, 2001.

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MAFIA-ISM: You have two cows. The Mob kills one, leaves the head under your bedsheets, and makes you pay protection with milk from the other.

-- Timothy Smith (wvmontani@yahoo.com), November 01, 2001.

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Corporate Capitalism: You have two cows -- IN THEORY. But, ACTUALLY, you have shares in a mutual fund that includes a large agribusiness conglomerate which gives you the theoretical equivalent of ownership of two cows. This agribusiness proceeds to invest heavily in a slick "Got Milk?" celebrity campaign while moving aggressively into application of Monsanto's recombinant Bovine Growth Hormone (rBGH), a bioengineered hormone which is injected in the cows every other week to force the cows to produce more milk than their bodies normally would. rBGH is similar, although not identical, to a hormone that the cow naturally produces. Increasing levels of this hormone boosts milk production, causing a number of problems with the milk, among them, raising levels of pus, antibiotics residues and a cancer-accelerating hormone called IGF-1. Your shares rapidly rise in value as you watch your virtual herd grow to four, then eight, and eventually SIXTEEN theoretical cows . . . before the market finally crashes. Some years later you are diagnosed with cancer of the colon, too late, unfortunately, to treat it benignly because your HMO had cut back on screening tests as a cost-saving move in order to meet the high dividend expectations of the very same mutual fund your 401k was invested in. A colonectomy keeps you alive, for the time-being at least, but you have to wear a bag of shit strapped to your leg for the remaining years of your life. Still, at least it's a better quality of life than those factory cows lead . . . Maybe two cows WOULD have been enough . . .

 

for more on rBGH, go to: http://www.ejnet.org/bgh/nogood.html

-- Steve Catton (slcatton@northcoast.com), November 09, 2001.

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Clintonism: If you have two cows. He has sex with one of them and tells the other barnyard animals that they are both big fat liars!

-- Dan Golden (deez3po@yahoo.com), December 06, 2001.

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Animal Rights Activists: You have two cows. They let the cows go. You starve to death, all of them die from mad cow disease.

-- Dan Golden (deez3po@yahoo.com), December 06, 2001.

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Ludditism: You have two cows. You milk them by hand.

-- Deena Larsen (textr@chisp.net), December 30, 2001.

End of original discussion.

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-- Okie Dan (okiedan@oklahoma.net), January 20, 2002