I was reading Melissa's thread on appreciation, and I really had to mull this one over for awhile. Sometimes I think appreciating your spouse and the things they do is also tied to remembering why you were attracted to and married them in the first place! (I know we sometimes ask ourselves this very question -- Why did I EVER marry him/her to begin with?!--in my house this is usually tied to dog/man/muddy prints across my carpet)

Lance and I met in college. I was actually dating someone else at the time, but since he was living 100 miles away and I only saw him about twice a month, I was just avoiding the obvious--I knew it wasn't working out.

When I saw Lance (yes, I was first attracted to his looks -- he was a swimmer in high school), I started thinking about telling the other guy goodbye, but I didn't get the chance before Lance asked me out! I turned him down, because I really did have plans that weekend; he actually asked me out again, but I had plans again (I really did, I swear) Lance said he had decided already that he would never ask me out again, his limit was once and he had already broken the rule by asking twice!

I sat in class behind my Lance and across the aisle from another Lance that I had known for years. The other Lance and I had studied for the first test together, and when it came time for the second test, he asked me if I wanted to study as we had last time. I said, loud enough for my Lance to hear "No, I want to go to the fair!" (That was what he had asked me to do). My Lance turned around and gave me the dirtiest, nastiest look I have ever seen! He thought I was trying to get the other guy to ask me out! I promptly asked hadn't he been yet, and then when he said no, I said good, did he want to go the evening after the test, and would he also like to study with us? He looked a little shocked, but agreed to both the studying and the fair, and the rest was history, pretty much. We started dating the end of September 1991, and within about six weeks knew we were going to get married. He asked me on New Year's Eve (I'd been harassing him slightly about having all these plans and he hadn't even asked me yet), and we were married in November 1992.

Oh, the day after Lance and I went to the fair, the other guy showed up for a visit, and I did tell him promptly that it wasn't working out. He was pretty upset at the time. I did see him some time later and he conceded that while he'd thought I was wrong, he later had seen that I was right, and we were both better off.

Now, after the comment on seeing him, to avoid anyone thinking I'm just that shallow, what really attracted me was how much he talked about his family: it was obvious that they were very important to him, and family is very important to me. Also, he owned his own lawncare business, not "kid stuff", but a faithful customer base; it was unusual to see someone at 19 who could handle himself as well as he did with the large variety of people he dealt with, from mechanics to bank presidents.

Anyway, that's our story. A friend of mine (divorced twice) who says she doesn't believe in the "happily ever after" she reads her daughters at night calls our marriage the next best thing. The "reality version of happily ever after". You know, the one where you wonder why you EVER married him when he brings the dog dish in and rinses it out in your clean kitchen sink, (groan, grumble, gripe) then tells you he cleaned out your chicken house for you (YEA!!)

-- Christine in OK (cljford@aol.com), January 13, 2002

Answers

My dad was an official with the railroad and from Ky. we ended up in a little town 75 miles north of Indy. When I graduated from high school, I got a job on the railroad as a clerk/operator. I was working 3rd shift and at the time we had to phone the dispatcher at Indy to receive train orders and clear the trains. The dispatcher at Indy was a nice old man that I used to talk to, but his wife wanted him to take the 2nd shift job, so he did. Here is where Dave came in. He was the youngest Dispatcher at Indy, so he got the 3rd shift job there. I'd call him every night to clear the trains and after a little while we got to talking more. My dad and his dad, both being railroaders, knew each other for years, but I had never met Dave before. Well, at first that got us talking more and more...... We talked to each other on the phone for well over a year before we ever met each other in person. I already felt like he was my best friend and soul mate without ever laying eyes on him. When we finally met in person, it was so weird to see this "stranger" and at the same time, I felt like I knew him so well! I was so nervous I could hardly think of a thing to say. Well, I must have said the right things, cause he's still my soul mate after all these years.

-- Annie (mistletoe6@earthlink.net), January 13, 2002.

In college, I worked at a spa that was open until the wee hours of the morning. My boyfriend who rented a room in a house wanted to have a party, but wasn't allowed. I rented a house (a 1-car garage converted into a tiny house) and let him have the party at my house, although I had to work. When I got home the party was over and I just went to bed. When I got up in the morning, I found my someday- husband on my couch. I gave him coffee and went on my way. My best friend decided at this point to break off her engagement with her high school sweetheart and started dating my boyfriend. I took this rather hard (oddly enough) and my someday-husband took pity on me and took me out to places out of town where we wouldn't run into the happy couple. My someday-husband was not the sort of guy I usually dated. He didn't look or act like the guys I usually dated. I like to think that God was watching us and imbued us with a bit of instant good taste!!! So, here we are today. It's been 18 years since we met and 13 years since we wed. We have 2 beautiful children and a homestead in Maine. Life is good.

-- Sheryl in Me (radams@sacoriver.net), January 13, 2002.

I met Cale when I was 14 years old at my best firends house. He is her mother's cousin. I just thought he was, and is the most awesome person I have ever known! Neither of us has ever dated anyone else seriously, aside form a few school crushes in early middle school. We started dating when I was 15 years old, and I think we will be together forever!

-- Melissa (me@home.net), January 13, 2002.

We had a mutual friend that owned a pizza shop. At that time Gary was basically homeless, and I was about 2 months away from being so. We started seeing each other and talking on the phone, and helped each other out, went through some incredibly hard times together. Been married 15 year the 31st of this month

-- Cindy (SE. IN) (atilrthehony@hotmail.com), January 13, 2002.

I was divorced & shareing a house with another woman who had a child-- --we shared child care /as we both worked 2 & 3 jobs to keep us "all" going----

The gal /I shared a house with had several jobs /one being---a hostess at a club----& I use to go & check in with her as I got off work from my one job & before going home to our children---

My now hubby was the bar tender at this club---one of his many jobs /as he was divorced with 4 children----

One night I sat down & was haveing a drink & he came over to my table/ as he was off work that night & he asked if he could sit his drink down at my table/ as he was shooting pool-----I told him /yes--- -as I knew -who he was /as he worked with my friend----

He said /you aren't on your way out the door tonight---I told him no-- -I had a baby sitter & I was just relaxing----until my friend got off work/ so I could take her home/ as we only had one car in town that night.

He shot pool & each time he came to the table/ he said something to me----later the music started & he asked me to dance---- when the song was over he reached down & kissed me----(something I was not in the habbit of doing was kissing someone I really didn't know that well---or involved with)--

The kiss--was a kiss like I had never experienced before in my life--- -it was like we were suspose to be there & together---(we both felt it & have both said/(years later- we never experienced anything like that first kiss with any one ever.)

My friend who I shared the house with /later that night had said that my (now)hubby had been asking about me for months----& she said /he watched everything I did /when ever I came in to pick her up ---or talk to her----I had never noticed him----just that he was there----- & he was always polite to me-

A few months later he asked me to marry him & I suprised my self when I said yes----

We were married 6 months later----we were both saved (accepted Jesus as our Lord & savior) a few years later---& this Feb we will have been together 25 years!!!

When people say/ how did you meet your hubby--- I say/he picked me up in a bar!!!

I have no doubt God had plans for us--it just took both of us a while to realize what those plans were---

-- Sonda (sgbruce@birch.net), January 13, 2002.

I was good friends with Ann's brother. They lived 13 houses" down the alley" fom my family. In December of 1973, we went ice skating together at Baltimores "Memorial Stadium", and have been together ever since.

We have always had simple needs for birthdays, Christmas and the like, as simple as an I love you if that's the case. In early December 1974, I asked Ann what she wanted for Christmas. Her reply was "a wedding ring".

We were married on May, 24, 1975.

-- Rick (Rick_122@hotmail.com), January 13, 2002.

Mike and I met through a friend I met on a chat line. His friend has a wife that's dying and wanted someone to talk to so we started chatting then found out we lived 3 blocks from each other!!! When he found out I was single he wanted to"set me up" with a friend that lived with him and his wife. So I got the nerve up and met him and fell in love with him on the spot!!We have not been apart from day one. We knew right then we wanted to be married to each other for life and 4 months later we married!!!!

-- Sandy(N.E.FL.) (REDNECKGIRL32@prodigy.net), January 13, 2002.

When I saw Roger the first time, there was nothing I wanted less, on God's green earth, than a man! I was going through my second divorce from my second abusive marriage and men were not my favorite subject. He went to a bar where a friend of a friend tended bar. My friend kidded me that we were going to find me a rich OLD man! Roger was very casual and nice to chat with though. (And ten years younger than me.) One our first date, he asked my girlfriend along so she wouldn't feel left out! We dated awhile and he knew that my children came with the package. He also knew there were going to be no further pregnancies for me. We were married a year later and have been together for 24 years. He is still my best friend!

-- Ardie (ardie54965@hotmail.com), January 13, 2002.

I haven't met her yet! I am hoping that when I meet her it will be shortly after she picks up a BIG Check at the Lottery office!

-- Mark in N.C. Fla. (deadgoatman@webtv.net), January 13, 2002.

I grew up in Texas, but my parents' families were in Mn. Mom's sister and her family would come and spend a week or so with us each year, and one year it happened that my cousin talked non-stop about the friend he made in summer school. "Craig" was the COOLEST guy who could do anything with a car. No matter what we were doing, we were told what CRAIG would do and how he'd do it.

Years later, my parents moved us all back to MN during my senior year in school. We went to an aunt's for a Thanksgiving day dinner, and it turned into a late night bonfire. Craig dropped in (he had become a friend to the entire family, it seemed), and my sister pointed him out to me, asking what I thought of him. "Needs a haircut" I said. Pretty shallow? Yeah, I know.

A couple of years later, I was in a horrible relationship and went to my cousin's for a baptism, and chose not to bring the boyfriend. Craig was there, and we never spoke, but my mom told me she thought we'd end up getting married. She's funny, I thought.

A couple of years after that, Craig and I still have never spoken because we are both a little shy of the opposite sex. I am out of the bad relationship. My sister has a New Year's party and invites me, saying it's not going to be all couples, that a friend of her's is coming without a boyfriend. Knowing that it is going to be just a fun evening, I go. Craig was there. He and my cousin both brought their snowmobiles and were giving rides, so I thought What the heck? The rest of the night, I was the only person he gave a ride to. He was so nice and mild-mannered. He never said a nasty word to any one. I thought, he'll make some lady very happy some day. I left without giving my phone number, because he never asked.

A week later, I was visiting my parents when my cousin dropped in(he lived just down the road). He sneakily stated that he and his wife didn't have my new address and phone number. I obliged. When I got home that night, there was a message on my machine from Craig, asking me to call him, and maybe we could go on a date.

He still had long hair and I still thought it was too long, but he was a really nice guy. I got to see him with his family, and he loved his nieces and nephews like nothing I'd ever seen. His entire family is polite and kind, and tolerant. When I realized the Tolerant part, and his patience, I knew I was never breaking up with him. We've been married 5 years, and I look forward to another 50.

-- Dawn (olsoncln@ecenet.com), January 13, 2002.

I was at the end of a really bad marriage..had 2 teenage sons, and knew my Steve as one of my best freind's bachelor brother..who lived next door to her. I had known him for several years and liked him...he was funny, honest, nice, and hardworking. Never thought of him as anything romantic. I eventually filed for divorce, and decided to swear off men for the duration (was 36 at that point) worked and took care of the boys and went on with life. Suddenly, he started coming to eat at the restaurant I worked at now and then, and appearing at his sister's house more often when I was around. He was not at all the type of guy that had ever been "my type", but an attraction started growing. It was not long until we were dating. We were engaged inside 6 months, and married 6 months after that. I have never regretted it!! We truly understand each other, and I think us being freinds first without the pressure of trying to impress each other really helped. He amazed me with the ease he had going from being a bachelor, never married, to a husband, stepdad, and all that goes along with me....friends, animals (lots of animals), and so many things that were foreign to him before. He is the best dad for my boys (we have 2 more now) and husband I could have ever hoped for. We have been married almost 6 years now.

-- Jenny (Auntjenny6@aol.com), January 13, 2002.

Vicki and I met in college and got to know each other as fellow library workers. We were good friends. But I liked her roommate and asked her out numerous times, and she always refused with no explanation. When she refused the umpteenth time, I asked why. She said it was because Vicki liked me. Woman thing.

Our first date was at Vicki's invitation. She was taking a kid to a movie as a class assignment when I came across them on campus. She asked if I wanted to go with them. I took her up on it.

A couple of years later, I weasled an invitation to Vicki's house, since I was going through her city. When I left, her dad said to her mom, "There goes your future son-in-law."

We started dating for real 14 Jan. 1979. Dated steady on 1 Feb. I asked her to marry me on Valentine's Day and we hitched the knot on August 3. But during that summer, I was in Brazil, and she was working in Florida. I came back several weeks before she did, sent the wedding invitations, lived with her parents, hauled hay with her dad when he lost his job. She showed up two weeks before the wedding, not having found anybody more interesting in the interval.

And she's stuck with me ever since.

-- Randal at home in Brazil (randal@onebox.net), January 13, 2002.

The first time I met my husband, I was working in my uncle's store over the summer and had my eye on a good-looking harvester. My husband and a couple of his friends kept hanging around, and one day teased my young cousin until they made him cry. I kicked them and told them to stay out. Of course we met again, and have been married for over forty years, have four grown children and four grandchildren.

-- Barbara Fischer (bfischer42@hotmail.com), January 13, 2002.

I had been single for about 6 years, and did not date during the entire time. I was busy raising my 3 teenagers, working the farm, and holding down my own business. I was not in the marriage department at all, but, I did miss the correspondence with the opposite sex, so I started writing to a pen pal newsletter from the West coast. Figured I was safe that way, as the person would be too far away to come knocking on my door! I started writing (snail mail) to my Steve in the spring of 99, We didn't see each others picture for almost a year, but swapped lots of letters. After we swapped pictures, we continued writing for a few months. Then the letters stopped for 4 months. Then the letter came saying that Steve and his daughter were planning a trip to Florida to visit relatives, and could they possible stop by the farm for the day? Egads!! I was not liking this, but agreed to the visit. They visit was great! Three months later, I happened to be in Arizona to visit my daughter in the Air Force, and spent some time with Steve and his Daughter. Then in September 2000 we married. I know that I know, that God had/has His hand in this relationship, and it is/and is gonna be great! In His Grace, Sissy

-- Sissy Sylvester-Barth (iblong2Him@ilovejesus.net), January 14, 2002.

A very weird story here.

One of my coworkers grandmothers had passed away, and I attended the rosary (wake) for her. My wife to be (one of the deceased grand daughters) saw me across the room giving my condolensces to my co worker and inquired as to whether I was seeing anybody. When he told her that I wasn't, she asked him to give me her phone number.

I thought that was cute, and soon forgot all about it. Two weeks later, she again pressed him if he had passed the number on to me. Since it was my birthday that very day, I took a chance and called her. We talked for about half an hour. But soon those calls stretched out to two or three hours a night. After three weeks, I finally asked her if she would like to go to dinner and she accepted. And the rest just sort of fell in place from there. We were married 15 months later.

And yes, I still get teased by others telling me the only reason I went to that rosary was to cruise for vulnerable ladies. LOL!

-- j.r. guerra (jrguerra@boultinghousesimpson.com), January 15, 2002.