Besides a flame *this* high.

-- (lars@indy.net), January 12, 2002

Answers

jalapenos

-- (ouchie@wah.wah), January 12, 2002.

Baseball type billed hats with the with the bill pre-curved bills. This is an insult. It's like pre-shrunk, pre-aged, pre-torn jeans. I want to bend my own hat bill, gradually, lovingly, to a personal curve that expresses my individuality. Pre-curved bills are an outrage!

-- (lars@indy.net), January 12, 2002.

You leave my ass out this, Lars.

-- Little Nipper (canis@minor.net), January 12, 2002.

Hemorrhoids?

-- (not my ass @ other people's. asses), January 12, 2002.

What really burns my ass is misleading information contained in the very name of a product.

A prime example is Constant Comment Tea. In my whole life I've never heard a comment about that tea. So that name is pure marketing bullshit.

-- Peter Errington (petere7@starpower.net), January 12, 2002.

You just made one, Peter. :)

-- helen (one@comment.so.far), January 12, 2002.

I'd better not ask Peter his opinion about the practice of labeling olives as "jumbo" or "colossal."

-- David L (bumpkin@dnet.net), January 12, 2002.

What about "extra virgin" olive oil?

-- (lars@indy.net), January 12, 2002.

Yea, what is all this virgin stuff with olive oil? Does it come from trees that don't need to be polinated?

-- Cherri (jessam5@home.com), January 13, 2002.

I was in a supermarket and encountered one company's line of canned ripe olives. There were seven sizes, I counted. In all cases a picture of an olive, "actual size", was on the back of the label.

The smallest size, "Large", I would have called petite. Larger olives had designations such as "Super" and "Jumbo".

...............................

I'm pretty sure I laid the following on some forum or other, hopefully not the old WWW. Anyway, it was a prediction as to how the U.S. advertising industry would promote condoms. It features two male office workers, call them Steve and Bob, who meet at the office water cooler.

Steve: "Bob, you look awful."

Bob: "I feel awful. I think I've come down with a horrible sexually transmitted disease."

Steve: "Here, try my CONDOMS. You'll feel better."

The following day:

Steve: "Bob, you look great."

Bob: "I feel great, thanks to CONDOMS. And, I got that promotion!"

-- Peter Errington (petere7@starpower.net), January 13, 2002.

That was cute, Peter. I can very well imagine condom advertising going in the direction of feminine hygiene products, anti- constipation products, etc. "We'll feel better, fresher, etc."

Good question on the EXTRA virgin olive oil. What DOES that mean? Good one on the olive sizes, as well. Eggs have similar offerings. Has anyone ever seen a recipe that specifically calls for a small, medium, large, or jumbo egg? Does the size of the chicken relate to the size of the egg?

Should we discuss the sizes of Leggs pantyhose? If you're tall and skinny [like me], you need the Queensize. What do the tall, heavy women wear? Would anyone buy pantyhose labeled "Jumbo" or "Collosal"? It's too early to spell correctly, I guess.

In response to your question, Lars, I can't think of anything in particular at the moment that would fit into such a strong category. Certainly, life is full of little annoyances, like the lotion bottle squirting that little blob into your hand along with the cream, or squirting so much cream onto the hands that you can't open the door to get out of the bathroom.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), January 13, 2002.

Anita, open the bathroom door BEFORE you put on the hand lotion. Took me way too long to figure that one out. LMAO.

-- (a_friend@here.now), January 13, 2002.

The term 'overqualified'.

-- capnfun (capnfun1@excite.com), January 13, 2002.

People who drive slower than the posted speed limit. : )

-- Pammy (get@out.of my way!), January 13, 2002.

People that say "whatever". (including me)

-- (lars@indy.net), January 13, 2002.

People that say...

"Don't go there"

"It's all good"

"I'm all, like"

"He's all, like"

"She's all, like"

-- (please@teach.grammar), January 13, 2002.

A dozen different types of toothpaste from each manufacturer.

Instead of having to choose between tartar control, extra whitening, baking soda and peroxide, gel, paste, regular, mint, etc., etc., why can't they just give us one choice... regular (which is like the toothpaste they used to make 30 years ago) or super-duper (which is fully loaded, with all of the above)?

-- (consumer@going.quadrophenic), January 13, 2002.

People who chew with their mouth open, ESPECIALLY in a movie theater. This is my "nails on a chalkboard". grrrrr

-- (cin@cin.cin), January 13, 2002.

NO STANDARD in toilet paper sizes. You just about need a spreadsheet to compare prices. Andy Rooney ought to do a spot on this!

I have to juggle these figures (measured differently for *every* brand) into the total price:

-the # of rolls per package
-the # of square feet per roll
-the sheet size
-1 or 2 ply

and on top of that, the store discount, if any

.... in order to get to the, er, bottom line: the cost per WIPE. Of course, this depends on what type of users you have in the house: one sheet per wipe, two sheets per wipe, one-huge-handful per wipe, etc. (Well, this is usually a constant, so CAN be disregarded.)

(What is 2-ply good for? I hardly ever buy this. Seems to me with 2-ply you end up paying a lot more for the same number of wipes you get by using 1-ply. Inquiring minds want to know!)

-- Debbie (dbspence@pobox.com), January 13, 2002.

Traditionally, January pro football is supposed to be played in freezing weather, like at Lambeau Field (in Green Bay, WI, if you didn't know that). The fact that many crucial playoff games are played in balmy locales really burns my ass.

-- Peter Errington (petere7@starpower.net), January 13, 2002.

Debbie

With 1-ply you need twice as much as 2-ply! Easy arithmetic there! Plus with that thin stuff, ya just know it might tear, so most forks use 3X as much!

-- Aunt Bee (Aunt__Bee@hotmail.com), January 13, 2002.

Peter,

Sometimes playing in hot weather can be a bitch too, or at high altitudes like in Denver.

But I agree with your point. In order to make sure the best team wins, I suggest that all playoff games be played at an indoor or dome stadium where the roof can be closed to control the climate. This might take some planning though, in order to find available stadiums as close as possible to the home team. Or people could just get used to watching the playoffs on TV if they didn't want to travel to another town.

Anyway, a consistent, controlled climate at all playoff games would be the only way to make sure that the best performers get to the Superbowl.

-- seeker (searching@high.and.low), January 13, 2002.

Seeker, I am appalled by your response. I was not complaining about about a lack of uniformity in playing conditions. I was complaining that in some places the playing conditions are revoltingly sissy and candyass for the month of January. Frankly, your lack of regard for sacred football tradition burns my ass.

-- Peter Errington (petere7@starpower.net), January 14, 2002.

Oh, my mistake. It sounded like you were complaining. Is there a way we can make it snow in Florida, or should we just hold all the playoff games in Siberia?

-- seeker (searching@low.and.high), January 14, 2002.

Good Lord! Have the youte of America no respect at all for tradition? The weather has ALWAYS played a part in football, it's part of the game and always should be.

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeeD@yahoo.com), January 14, 2002.

Seeker, now you're being silly. Why talk of Siberia when we have Lambeau.

-- Peter Errington (petere7@starpower.net), January 14, 2002.

AB - "With 1-ply you need twice as much as 2-ply! Easy arithmetic there!"

Thanks, Bee! I dunno though, our rolls'd go sheet to sheet with some 2-plys any day... :@)

-- Debbie (dbspence@pobox.com), January 14, 2002.

I get really annoyed with bad drivers but I'm learning to control my reactions.

On the olive oil (I think it was a serious question from Anita - I think Lars was joking). Extra virgin is the first press of the olive. Light comes from the fourth or fifth press. With each successive press, you'll get less and less olive flavor. So, if you want the good stuff always get the extra virgin (no pun intended, Lars).

-- Maria (anon@ymous.com), January 14, 2002.

Maria, doesn't cold pressing also have something to do with it?

-- Peter Errington (petere7@starpower.net), January 14, 2002.

Peter, Peter,

It's Soldier Field that you are thinking of for great playoff weather. Have fun in St. Louis.

-- Jack Booted Thug (governmentconspiracy@NWO.com), January 14, 2002.

JBT: St. Louis will be quite a challenge. Fortunately the Pack's injury situation has improved so they can stop the running game better. But the Rams are truly formidable.

As far as respectable January locations are concerned, Soldiers Field isn't half bad.

-- Peter Errington (petere7@starpower.net), January 14, 2002.

Peter, heat will produce a lower quality oil, so temperature does make a difference.

-- Maria (anon@ymous.com), January 14, 2002.

"What really burns your ass?"

Lots of stuff... you know, all the usual suspects.

Raindrops on roses. Whiskers on kittens. Crisp apple strudel. Warm woolen mittens. Brown paper packages tied up with strings. Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles. Snow flakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes. Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings. Puppies. Cute baby animals. Clean sheets.

-- Little Nipper (canis@minor.net), January 14, 2002.

LN,

It took me years to get that song out of my head and you have restored with one careless paragraph.

You will hear from my lawyers.

-- (lars@indy.net), January 16, 2002.

I see. Those things really burn your ass, too.

-- Little Nipper (canis@minor.net), January 16, 2002.

Maria,

I'm a small-town boy at heart. Sandy warmed that, when we moved here to Birmingham, it wouldn't be long before I'd start driving like a maniac and yelling at people who get in my way.

"Uh, UH! Not ME," I insisted.

Took about three months and I caught myself driving across the median and yelling at some poor lady in a 300-year old Ford. I was ashamed of my self. :)

I'll put Birmingham's drivers against anyone's for sheer madness. The teens are indescribable. A couple of Saturdays ago, a kid in a big daddy turdmobile cut off a tanker truck full of gasoline and made the guy run into the supports for the main overpass at the I-65/I-59 junction downtown. The truck exploded (of course it killed the poor driver) and *MELTED* the steel beams on the overpass. Now we have all that northbound traffic (hundreds of thousands of vehicles per DAY) moving through downtown streets, choking up an already bad situation.

But oddly enough, I have been able to remain relatively calm.

Really.

Honestly.

TRULY. :8|

-- Stephen M. Poole (smpoole7@bellsouth.net), January 16, 2002.

I know Stephen, it took a lot of Zen meditation for me. :)

-- Maria (anon@ymous.comq), January 17, 2002.

LN,. I'm not too hot on supercalifragilisticexpialidocious either.

-- (lars@indy.net), January 17, 2002.

I was at a picnic a few years ago. I had on my bathing suit.

There was a big pot of water on the grill keeping the corn on the cob hot.

I came from the pool to the table but there was no where to sit.

A 'gentleman' said -

'There's no corn left' as he dumped out the water, turned the pot over and placed it on the ground in front of me. 'Sit here' he said.

'Why thank you' I said and smiled as I sat down.

THAT really burned my ass.

That REALLY burned my ass.

That really BURNED MY ASS.

-- Debra (Thisis@it.com), January 19, 2002.

Debra,

If he'd offered to blow on it to cool it off, I would've killed him. :)

-- Stephen M. Poole (smpoole7@bellsouth.net), January 19, 2002.

JBT, the way the Eagles won, by knocking out the Bears QB, burns both our asses.

-- Peter Errington (petere7@starpower.net), January 19, 2002.

Stephen,

Austin, TX has to come in a close 2nd to Birmingham then. Texas folk have actually worn a path over the berm that separates the highway from the access roads that run along side it north of the city. When I was last there on business, traffic was flowing fine as far as I was concerned, but some of these people decided to just cross over the berm, and not in any SUV, just regular vehicles.

-- SteveOH (thegoofycat@hotmail.com), January 19, 2002.

Oh my, but if fog and snow is part of the game, then I guess that physical contact is part of the game too. There was nothing dirty about that hit, and I don't like to see a guy get hurt, but injuries influence the outcome of plenty of important games, and the Eagles have lost big ones because key players were hurt in the past.

Not having tickets to the Super Bowl burns my ass, cause the "Iggles" is lookin mighty good this year.

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeeD@yahoo.com), January 20, 2002.

It burns my ass to see the Raider’s get stiffed by the zebras in a playoff game. That ‘fumble reversal’ call will be talked about for a long time and the Pats will disappear next weekend. As fans, we have been screwed out of seeing the potential match-up of the Rams/Raiders in the Super Bowl.

-- So (cr@t.es), January 20, 2002.

Bullshit, Unk. The Eagles were late hitting al day long.

Bring back the true Monsteres of the Midway and once that shit starrted happening. McMichael would have broken McNabb in have even if he was on his way back to the huddle and it was thirty seconds after the play was over. The Packers did the same shit with Mcmahon and that arris gut years ago.

I'm only disappointed that once the Bears saw the way the Eagles wanted to play that they didn't cheap shot the Eagles all the way back to Philadelphia or at least cripple them so bad that showing up next week would be a joke.

BTW, Unk, how many personal fouls did the Eagles get called on them?

Socrates,

That is the way the rule is written, it is not the Zebras fault that the rules Committee makes stupid rules. At least the AFC refs keep contol of things.

-- Jack Booted Thug (governmentconspiracy@NWO.com), January 20, 2002.

tsk tsk tsk....

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeeD@yahoo.com), January 20, 2002.

JBT, as a life long Raider’s fan I can be expected to bitch about that call. My beef is founded in the fact that when a call on the field is ‘challenged’, there must be overwhelming proof in the replay process to overturn that call. Not only was the ‘proof’ inconclusive it was and will be debated for some time to come. The concept of the quarterbacks passing arm in ‘forward motion’ should not have been an issue here…..the replay showed very clearly that Brady had pump faked and was tucking the ball away prior to the strip. The call on the field should never have been overturned.

Now, we have the Patriots going to Steel City this Sunday for a predicted thrashing at the hands of the Steelers.

The Eagles will be grounded by ‘The Greatest Show on Turf” and Super Bowl XXXVI should be most entertaining, with the Rams blowing out the Steelers 48-24.

-- So (cr@t.es), January 21, 2002.

Soc,

I will admit that I did not watch much of the Patriots/Raiders game because of the foul dark mood that I got from watching the Bears, but I did tune in at the time they were replaying the play in question. I don't know who called for the review but it is my understanding that the quaterbacks arm in motion was not the issue. Apparently the incomplete pass rule is extended to the act of the quarterback "tucking" the ball away not just when the arm is in foward motion to throw.

I agree that it is a silly rule but if that is the rule then the call being overturned was correct. That is if you believe in the whole replay rule which is another question in and of itself. This is such an oscure part of the incomplete pass rule that the announcer for tyhe game were not even aware of it. The next day the pre-game people, Howie, Terry, et al were saying how the correct call was made but then also agreed that the rule was stupid.

At least that is my understanding of this issue. Please feel free to correct e if you have other information. If you are a long time Raider fan do you go back as far as the "Mad Bomber" as his capable backup George Blanda, the old fat field goal kicker, quaterback? I watched many a game of the raiders back then and Blanda was something else. How about the Heidi game?

-- Jack Booted Thug (governmentconspiracy@NWO.com), January 21, 2002.

I am not silly enough to predict the outcome of specific games, but, if everything goes by talent, the superbowl was played in Saint Louis on Sunday. i.e., the two best teams in the NFL going nose to nose.

Best Wishes,,,,,,

Z

-- Z1X4Y7 (Z1X4Y7@aol.com), January 21, 2002.

I agree with Socrates and Z insofar as the Rams seem to be in a class by themselves. To upgrade a piss-poor defense into one of the best, in the space of one year, is truly remarkable.

-- Peter Errington (petere7@starpower.net), January 21, 2002.

Sadly, what you say is true, the Rams are scary. On the bright side, the Eagles play well away from home, and if they can play well enough to get past the Rams the Super Bowl should be a win. I've been waiting a long long looooong loooooooooooooooooooooong time.

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeeD@yahoo.com), January 22, 2002.

Unk: I remember watching a Super Bowl, Eagles vs. Oakland? That was so long ago I can't even recall for sure who won, but I think it was the other team. Or am I having a premature senior moment?

-- Peter Errington (petere7@starpower.net), January 22, 2002.

Oh those were the days.....*sniff* It was a heady time to be an Eagles fan, after soooo many years of so-so, and even crappy, teams.

Dick Vermeil...Wilbert Montgomery, Harold Carmicheal, Ron Jaworski, Jerry Sizemore, Bill Bergey...yeah, what a team. Oakland beat us that year, 1980. Back then the Eagles played with a huge amount of emotion, they were just like Vermeil who is an emotional guy. The two week wait between the Championship against Dallas, and the Super-Bowl hurt their momentum badly. But they did beat the stinkin Cowboys in the NFC championship, and Vermeil was God in Philly for that.

I would have loved to see them go at it again. Oakland and Philly that is.

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeeD@yahoo.com), January 22, 2002.

Unk:

You should be pleased that you remember 1980. I sure don't. ;o)))

Best Wishes,,,,,

Z

-- Z1X4Y7 (Z1X4Y7@aol.com), January 22, 2002.

I was rooting for the Eagles (and knowing me at that time of my life, I probably had some money riding on the outcome). Reggie White was on that team. The outcome burned my ass.

-- Peter Errington (petere7@starpower.net), January 22, 2002.

People dissing Texas teams burns my ass. ; )

-- Pammy (pamela_sue57@hotmail.com), January 22, 2002.

Z,

It's an easy time for a guy to remember. The Flyers had been NHL champs for two straight years in the mid-late 70s, Bobby Clarke, Bill Schultz, and IMHO the best goalie ever, Bernie Parent. The Sixers were champs in 82-83, with Doctor J and Moses Malone. And, of course, the Philiies were world champs in 1980, with the one and only Mike Schmidt. The Eagles came so close.

Golden years in Philly sports history. Wonderful years.

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeeD@yahoo.com), January 22, 2002.

Bernie Parent what a guy! He was the best. Watching them get fired up and scoring with someone in the penalty box was awesome.

-- Maria (anon@ymous.com), January 22, 2002.

Texas? Isn't it that place that's beneath Oklahoma? [...grinning, ducking and running...]

-- Little Nipper (canis@minor.net), January 22, 2002.

Unk:

Yeah, I know what you mean. I remember 1960 very well; my first year in college. The other students were from New York City and north along the coast. I must have been the only Pirates fan for a hundred miles. After the series, I just walked around with a smirk on my face. Didn't say much; just smirked. ;o))))

Best Wishes,,,,,

Z

-- Z1X4Y7 (Z1X4Y7@aol.com), January 22, 2002.

LN:

There is the ol'joke. How do you find Texas. You walk west until you smell shit. That is Oklahoma. You turn south. When you step in it, that is Texas. The ol'joke was provided by Anita. Please direct any trashing her way. Thank you.

Best Wishes,,,,,

Z

-- Z1X47 (Z1X4Y7@aol.com), January 22, 2002.

Ye GODS!! I had better correct my horrendous mistake before some other fan of the "Broad Street Bullies" humiliates me.

The Enforcer was DaveSchultz, not Bill. Bill was Billy Barber, who playing alongside Bobby Clarke and Reggie Leach, brought 2 consecutive Stanley Cups to Philly.

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeeD@yahoo.com), January 22, 2002.

Unk, I think you mean ‘Dave’ Schultz who was the Flyer’s bad-assed policeman during those great times in the 70’s.

I have fond memories of my brother cold-cocking Schultz in a downtown Detroit bar after a Wings-Flyers game. Schultz was always looking for a dance and he got one that night. My brother goes 6’4”, 340 and still plays the game at the age of 46.

-- So (cr@t.es), January 22, 2002.

Sorry dude! We must have posted about the same time.

-- So (cr@t.es), January 22, 2002.

LN, beneath can be a good thing. ; )

And Unk, I was talking about YOU before. : P

-- Pammy (pamela_sue57@hotmail.com), January 22, 2002.

Pammy's ovulating again

-- (cin@cin.cin), January 22, 2002.

Wrong, 'Dr.' Cin, but nice try.

-- Pammy (pamela_sue57@hotmail.com), January 23, 2002.

Pammy, the only people who actually LIKE the Cowboys are either Texans, or mentally challenged. America's team my buttinski.

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeeD@yahoo.com), January 23, 2002.

( :P

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeeD@yahoo.com), January 23, 2002.

This Broad Street Bully knew that the name would come to you Unk. Being at a game at the Sprectrum was my most memorable sports moment. The opposing team (can't remember who) took their goalie out. So with one man down, the Flyers score on the open net. Thanks for bringing back good memories, Unk. The NHL hasn't been the same since. :)

-- Maria (anon@ymous.com), January 23, 2002.

"The Flyers had been NHL champs for two straight years in the mid- late 70s, Bobby Clarke, Bill Schultz, and IMHO the best goalie ever, Bernie Parent."

"Fat Bernie" - the best goalie ever? Pshaww. Perhaps you never saw the great Ken Dryden or the almost as great Tony Esposito?

-- Dennis Molson (dennismolson@hotmail.com), January 23, 2002.

Parent's career was cut short by a neck injury, so his stats don't measure up to other goalie greats. But during his heyday "Only God saves more than Bernie".

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeeD@yahoo.com), January 23, 2002.

Cin,

Yes, Pammy is quite slutty, but you should not let yourself be jealous. Are you worried that she will get the Deedah dick before you do? Lol, don't be so silly girl, there are plenty of available dicks in this world! Have you ever tried black? Once you go black, you'll never go back!

-- Dr. Ruth Westheimer (slutting is fun! @ (disclaimer: always use condom.)), January 23, 2002.

PS, Molson,

As a former "Doomer" (tm) my mind is not about to be changed by such silly things as "facts" or "figures". Bernie was the most exciting goaltender I have ever watched play the game.

Oh, and for a few "facts"....

ACCOLADES:

Named to Ontario Hockey Association All-Star Second Team, 1963-64.

Named to Ontario Hockey Association All-STar First Team, 1964-65.

Winner, Dave Pinkney Trophy, 1965.

Played in National Hockey League All-Star Game, 1967-68.

Played in National Hockey League All-Star Game, 1968-69.

Named to World Hockey Associaton All-Star Second Team, 1972-73.

Played in National Hockey League All-Star Game, 1973-74.

Shared (with Tony Espositio) Vezina Trophy, 1974.

Named to National Hockey League All-Star First Team, 1973-74.

Winner, Conn Smythe Trophy, 1974.

Named West Division Most Valuable Player in player poll conducted by The Sporting News, 1974.

Played in National Hockey League All-Star Game, 1974-75.

Winner, Vezina Trophy, 1975 .

Winner, Conn Smythe Trophy, 1975.

Named to National Hockey League All-Star First Team, 1974-75.

Named to Sporting News Campbell Conference First Team (players), 1974- 75.

Named to Hockey News First-Team (fans), 1974-75.

Winner, Sport Magazine Player of the Year Award (hockey), 1974-75.

Winner, Seagram's Hockey Player of the Year Award, 1974-75.

Winner, John Wanamaker Award (Philadelphia Athlete of the Year), 1974- 75.

Elected to the Hockey Hall of Fame, 1984.

Voted #10 All-Time Goaltender, rec.sport.hockey Goaltender Survey #1, October 9-16, 1994.

Voted #6 All-Time Goaltender, rec.sport.hockey Goaltender Survey #2, January 12-20, 1995.

Voted #5 All-Time Goaltender, rec.sport.hockey Goaltender Survey #3, April 1-15, 1995.

Named goaltender for Canadian Hockey League All-Time All-Star Team, May 19, 1999.

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeeD@yahoo.com), January 23, 2002.

Ken Dryden:

All-America, 66-67, 67-68, 68-69

ECAC Player of the Year, 68-69

All-ECAC, 66-67, 67-68, 68-69

All-Ivy, 66-67, 67-68, 68-69

ECAC Championship Tournament MVP, 67-68, 68-69

Nicky Bawlf Cornell MVP Award, 66-67, 68-69

Cornell Athletic Hall of Fame, 1978

Vezina Trophy (Outstanding Goaltender), 72-73, 75-76, 76-77, 77-78, 78-79

Calder Trophy (Rookie of the Year), 71-72

Conn Smythe Trophy (Stanley Cup Playoff MVP), 70-71

National Hockey League Hall of Fame, 1983

And the most important of all:

Starting (and winning) goalie of the greatest hockey series ever played - the 1972 series between Canada and the Soviet Union.

-- Dennis Molson (dennismolson@hotmail.com), January 23, 2002.

For many of us 'olde tyme' hockey fans, the greatest goalie to ever lace up his skates was Terry Sawchuk of the Detroit Red Wings. I could wax poetic about his skill and courage but this following article does it much better. ______________________________________________________________

The scars on his face said it all. There was no need to ask questions. The cuts and scratches on his face told the story of a man who was constantly haunted by pain and tormented by mental anguish.

Record books will show that Terry Sawchuk was one of the greatest goaltenders ever to play in the NHL. His career spanned 21 seasons with five different teams. He notched a shutout in at least 20 of those seasons, and kept his goals against average under 3.00 in all but two years in the league. His 103 career shutouts set a record that might never be broken. Sawchuk did a tremendous amount for the game of hockey, but it's a shame to see what hockey ended up doing to him.

Sawchuk entered the league in 1951 as a bright young prospect with the Detroit Red Wings. Hopes were high in Detroit that this kid could be a star, and Sawchuk did nothing to dampen their spirits. He played all 70 games for the Wings that season, compiling 11 shutouts and a goals against average of 1.98. He was awarded the Calder Trophy and named rookie of the year. Things went well for Sawchuk over the next four years. He won three Vezinas and three Stanley Cups, including back-to-back wins in 1954 and 1955. His confidence was at an all-time high. But then, trouble started for Sawchuk.

After the cup win in '55, Detroit manager "Trader" Jack Adams shocked the team by trading Sawchuk to the Boston Bruins. It seems that Adams thought that minor leaguer Glenn Hall was ready to play in the NHL and Sawchuk was expendable. The trade stunned Sawchuk. He started to have doubts about his abilities to play the game. His mind pondered whether or not Adams was right in trading him. He kept thinking to himself "Maybe I am washed up?"

These mind games followed him to Boston, causing him to lose concentration easily, which then led to bad play. Halfway through his second season with the Bruins, Sawchuk developed mononucleosis. While he was recovering from that, he was criticized in Boston newspapers for missing too many games. Even his coach was said to have labelled him a quitter. Sawchuk was not mentally prepared to handle this. He quickly threatened to sue four Boston papers for their criticism, but the taunting didn't stop. Finally, Sawchuk snapped. He walked out on the Bruins, stating that he was going into "temporary retirement brought about by emotional strain."

Meanwhile, back in Detroit, things were not going too smooth for Sawchuk's replacement, Glenn Hall. Apparently Hall wasn't ready for NHL action like Adams had hoped, so he went out and reacquired Sawchuk and convinced him to return to his familiar spot between the pipes.

On the ice, everything seemed back to normal. But things were far from normal in Sawchuk's head. He soon became an apprehensive, insecure, nervous and short-tempered person who was agitated very easily. His mental state came through during the games, and his style of play fit his attitude perfectly. He played entire games in pent-up tension. His trademark "gorilla-like" crouch with legs stiff from hips to ankles and face only inches above the ice made it easy for him to see through traffic and stop shots other goaltenders wouldn't even be able to touch. His constant crouching, straightening, diving, scrambling and yelling at his teammates could have reflected what was going on inside his body. He was not a stable person.

The trade to Boston was not the only reason Sawchuk was like this. First of all, he didn't have a normal childhood. Two of his brothers died when he was very young. Then, at the age of 14, he was forced to take a job installing canopies over giant ovens in bakeries to help support the family. This probably led to some of the troubles he had as an adult. But the most glaring problem he had could be attributed to the game he loved.

The physical stress that a goaltender was put under in his day was amazing. It seemed that Sawchuk dealt with more pain than any other goaltender in the history of the sport. He suffered broken bones, concussions, arthritis, charley horses and mononucleosis. He had over 400 stitches in his face and head, including three in his right eye. (He didn't wear a mask until 1962.)

That would be enough for most people to decide that they had had enough, but there's more. Early in his career, he suffered a shoulder injury which forbid him from lifting his stick hand higher than his chest the rest of his life. He developed a spinal condition, lordosis, which caused him so much pain that he could only sleep for two hours at a time each night. In 1966, his left side went numb. He thought that he had a stroke, but later he found out that it was ONLY two herniated disks in his back. He had to have an operation to correct it which could have ended his career, but somehow he was able to play again.

Because of these injuries, as you can imagine, Sawchuk became a very unhappy man. The pleasant young man he once was when he entered the league had turned into a bitter, aching man in only a few short years.

Although his teammates knew of his condition, there was little that they could do. "Ukey's a strange bird, you can be joking with him one minute in the dressing room and you'll see him on the street later and he'll just walk right by you," a former teammate once said. But in a way, hockey was Sawchuk's release from all the pressure he was under. Hockey turned out to be the one constant in his life to the end. His ongoing mental problems became so bad that his wife and children left him, forcing him to move in with a teammate, Ron Stewart. This move turned out to be for the worst, because one day in the spring of 1970, the two got into an argument outside their home. The argument turned into a fight, and when it was all said and done, Sawchuk was injured and had to be taken to a hospital. Complications set in while he was there and Sawchuk finally passed away after having emergency surgery in May of 1970.

Terry Sawchuk put up some amazing numbers when he played in the NHL, but the difficulty that he had to go through everyday just to play says a lot more about him than any statistic found in a record book. ____________________________________________________________________

This guy played his first 11 seasons in the NHL WITHOUT A MASK!

-- So (cr@t.es), January 23, 2002.