Being from the deep south I often use metaphores rather than formal language; this leads to trouble. The example being, over Christmas I was at my sisters house for a day, her husband is from Utah and is a tight member of that areas religous group; and does not understand that what I say is not to be taken as an exact planned course of action, but to be taken as an example of how I feel. Their house is a very formal place with a lot of nic-naks, crystals, and other collectables; I told him that I could not live there because there was not room enough to sling a cat aginist the wall without fear of breaking something; meaning I was not comfortable in such a formal setting.

When I got home there was a blistering email from my sister stating that I could leave my sadistic humor at home in order to be welcome there again. Does anybody know of a book that explains the southern type of speach? They will not talk to me or answer emails due to the misinturpitation of whats a normal method of speach from me. I am too old to change,and I cannot preach to the quire through closed doors, maybe I can send a highlited book to explain. If I can document this via a publication, then maybe they can understand that I am not serious. My humor is ultra dry and is part of my basic make up, it flows naturally and is understood where I am from, but not at my sisters house.

-- mitch hearn (moopups@citlink.net), December 28, 2001

Answers

Mitch- As a matter of fact there are quite a few of those books-not sure off hand, but I think Lewis Grizzard might have written some of them.

When in mixed company (Yankees and Southerners), I tend to preface my statements with "Being from the South as I am...." this works for me 'cause I now have all my Yankee associates convinced that I am a hopelessly eccentric Southern redneck farmer/beekeeper. Definitely works to my advantage at times! Fortunately they all like me enough to indulge my "eccentricities", lol. Sorry to hear that your holiday was marred by the misunderstanding- hope you get it sorted out.

-- Elizabeth (ekfla@aol.com), December 28, 2001.

Mitch,

I love your Southern metaphore! oh tell me more!

(then maybe others will post theirs and you can start your own book!)

-- westbrook (westbrook_farms@yahoo.com), December 28, 2001.

I think your BIL needs a life! Good grief! Your sister should have known what you meant and taken it with a grain of salt!

-- Ardie /WI (ardie54965@hotmail.com), December 28, 2001.

Southern metaphores are a spur of the moment thing with no set pattern, however two I can think of right off: 1. When a man happens to see another man whom neither has seen the other for a year or more, the commom custom is to present the best insult that you can produce, especually if there is a third person present who does not know that you and he are acquainted. Third person says "Do you know him"? The answer would be "I'de know his ashes in hell" stated with an emotionally blank face.

Or after a barroom braw with 5 broken tables, missing teeth, 3 unconsicense still on the floor, 5 bleeding, cops inside and out, I would tell the bar maid: "Dosen't look like a kissy-face night".

-- mitch hearn (moopups@citlink.net), December 28, 2001.

My housemate and her 5 cats came here from Utah, she lived there for 20 years. From the stories that she has told me, many Utah residents really DO swing cats against the wall and other barbaric acts as well. I grew up with similar colorful phrases. I live in NY state, but my Dad is from Kansas and brought his expressions with him. My Mom had plenty to add to them. I just wish I could remember them all!

-- nancy (stoneground@catskill.net), December 28, 2001.

Just a P.S. here. I didn't mean to insult anyone from Utah. I have just heard a lot of horror stories about the way animals and people were treated in a certain town in Utah. Not making any accusations or generalizations and if I was offensive, I apologize.

-- nancy (stoneground@catskill.net), December 28, 2001.

Hi MItch just pne queston, why in the cornbread hell would you want to go back. Bob se,ks.

-- Bobco (bobco@kans.com), December 28, 2001.

"How To Speak Southern". Try Barnes & Noble or Amazon.com

-- mike (uyk7@hotmail.com), December 28, 2001.

Mitch....I understood an I am way up here in Eastern Washington!! They need to lighten up! Denise

-- Denise K. (Rabbitmom2@webbworks.com), December 28, 2001.

Mitch,

Some folks you just can't educate. I wouldn't waste too much time trying.

-- kim (fleece@eritter.net), December 28, 2001.

Mitch,

He needs a sense of humor, a life, or both. Frankly, I probalby would have said something like: " This would be a great place to play with my BB Gun!"

Although it may be painful, I don't think I would bend over backwards to improve things. This may mean you don't have contact anymore (I would still send them Bday & Xmas cards). Like you, they are probably set in there ways.

Rudy So. Indiana

-- Rudy (rbakker@wcrtc.net), December 28, 2001.

mitch, I'm supprised the cat folks aren't all over you.

Sure good for big chuckle.

-- Jim-mi (hartalteng@voyager.net), December 28, 2001.

Mitch: Check this site out. Here is one you mite like. There is so many people in this room that you can't cuss a cat with out getting hair in youe teeth!!!! Happy New Year Warren...

http://www.geocities.com/suzieqq9/southern.htm

-- Warren-NC (w.baucom@worldnet.att.net), December 29, 2001.

Hey, Mitch, can't help you out with the name of a book, but it sounds as if your brother-in-law needs to get him a good sense of humor! Hopefully your sister will come around and realize you were just teasin. Good luck to ya!

-- Annie (mistletoe6@earthlink.net), December 29, 2001.

I was awake very early this morning and thought of you, Mitch, and this problem. I was wondering if you have another relative that could explain to those people what you meant? Someone who perhaps could write to them.

If the truth be known....I'd say your brother-in-law was looking for an excuse to be jerk! You are too nice a person to be treated like that!

-- Ardie /WI (ardie54965@hotmail.com), December 29, 2001.

I am no Dear Abby and I'm having a hard time beleiving anyone could take what you said literally. I'm from Ontario and I've heard what you've said used many times here. Maybe we're a bunch of southern "wanna-be's" Goodness knows it gets cold here! I don't know you or any of your family but I'm thinking your sister dosen't need any book to know you or where your from. So what promted her to send that Email? A fight with hubby? Your BIL might just need to find a sence of humor, he might want to pick up some common courtesy and respect for his family while he's at it. What I've seen of your postings here, tells me your a good person, but I'm thinking it's lost on your inlaws. Phone your sister and talk, Emails are too impersonal, easy to be taken wrong (anything you send back not your sisters I mean)you care about her I hope, let her hear your voice and listen to what she says. She might need a brother more than her husband needs an education. Take care

-- Ross (amulet@istar.ca), December 29, 2001.

Hi Y'all,

Mitch, shoulda told 'em you wuz as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room fulla rockin chairs. Maybe that woulda been simple enough, or perhaps your BIL is jest one brick shy of a load when it comes to metaphores.

I get this all the time and most folks from up north and out west just laugh at me and think I'm just a bit dense. Of course they don't know me too well or they'd understand that Southerners have quite explicit descriptions for a lot of things. I wouldn't worry too much about your sister. She'll either git over it or she won't. And if she don't, then ain't no use in botherin about it anymore...in our family blood is thickern water anyhow, she shoulda been takin up for you in the first place. Of course, if the rest of your family hears how you been treated....guess who's gonna git talked about more? Our southern family would have something to talk about for the next six months, sorta like: Mom: "y'all hear what she said to Mitch at Christmas? Daughter: "I can't believe they'd treat him that way. You raised her better than that" Mom: Y'all inviting her and THAT MAN to Easter dinner? Daughter: Well, I wuz, but I'll have to see what Mitch thanks..."

and that conversation would come from my Mom and my college daughter!

Let it lie for awhile - you didn't do anything wrong. And by the way, your sister should understand southern speak if she was raised in the south. And I like your humour and help with my calf (who by the way, is still hanging on...).

-- Cindy (colawson@mindspring.com), December 29, 2001.

What makes you think colorful sppech derives from the south? The way I see it, BIL is ugly enough to make a freight train take a dirt road! GL from Maine!

-- Brad (homefixer@SacoRiver.net), December 29, 2001.

"Sppech" must be a southernism I inadvertantly acquired. Ayuh!

-- Brad (homefixer@SacoRiver.net), December 29, 2001.

We cat folk already know that Mitch is owned by a cat,so we wouldn't dream of trash talkin' him about his metaphore.

>^..^<

-- Polly (tigger@moultrie.com), December 29, 2001.

After 10 years of culture shock since my parents moved me up here during high school, I've finally learned to not speak southern. I think they're still not too sure of me around here... My aunt always said, though, that if a person gets insulted by something you do, chances are they would have found something to get insulted by no matter what. Your sister just loves her man and is going to stick by him. Things will iron out. Take it easy.

-- Dawn (olsoncln@ecenet.com), December 29, 2001.

Mitch, I got into trouble once at a friends home by opening my gabber. Have not been invited back. It was funny at the time, and I guess it still is. Next time say what I always say when I am bored stiff. " I ain't had so much fun since the hogs ate my little brother." Gets a stare everytime.

-- Bear (Barelyknow@aol.com), December 30, 2001.

Bear, that reminds me of when I was commenting to my husband about how much we had been through and were still together, and out of the blue he says, "Oh, it wasn't so hard -- 'cept when I had to eat your brother up at Donner Pass..." !

-- snoozy (bunny@northsound.net), December 30, 2001.