This is the true litmus test of who was naughty or nice this year. What did Santa bring you?

-- Jack Booted Thug (governmentconspiracy@NWO.com), December 26, 2001

Answers

Underwear and socks.

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeeD@yahoo.com), December 26, 2001.

Some people got presents? Hey!

-- (cin@cin.cin), December 26, 2001.

The only presents I give anymore are to Lucky. SO has reliably gotten me the Larson calendar every year, and he got me one this year too, although Gary is AGAIN claiming that this is the LAST. [naughty or nice, I've ALWAYS gotten that calendar.] There are a couple of presents that SO brought home from his brother's dinner. His daughter still tries to give us presents. I suppose they could be from her. We keep telling her that we don't NEED or WANT more stuff. We like the house semi-empty. We LIKE these old clothes we wear.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), December 26, 2001.

JBT, what is your definition of naughty? ; )

Santa brought gifts from Zales, Bath and Body Works, and Victoria's Secret. He's a smart man! : )

-- Pammy (pamela_sue57@hotmail.com), December 26, 2001.

Well, we got one of those George Foreman grills from SO's daughter and silverware from his brother. Heh. I guess they noticed when I served them Thanksgiving dinner with plastic silverware because we only have four forks. Both on a "dinner" theme. Do ya suppose this means they want ME to cook more, and invite THEM?

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), December 26, 2001.

"...who got the good loot?"

The sacqueros of Buenos Aires!

-- Little Nipper (canis@minor.net), December 26, 2001.

A condo in the mountains. I've been asking him for one for about ten years now and he finally came through.

-- Maria (anon@ymous.com), December 26, 2001.

What did I get? Absolutely nothing. The wife and I took the money that we would have spent on each other's gifts and donated it to the food bank. We did get a nice letter of thanks from them. We already have too much stuff. ;o)))

Best Wishes,,,,,

Z

-- Z1X4Y7 (Z1X4Y7@aol.com), December 26, 2001.

A condo in the mountains.

Dang. I was happy with a Christmas morning jump and a Larson calendar. Maybe I should go with thong underwear. Wasn't there something else about flip-flop shoes? Oh hell. What would I do with a condo in the mountains? [do ya sense the sour grapes there?] Heh. Okay...she's just cuter, younger, better in bed, yadda yadda AND has an SO with more money than mine. I'll just suffer in silence [unless I don't get another jump TOMORROW morning.]

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), December 26, 2001.

Hey Anita, this isn't a log cabin kinda thing with cavernous rooms and lots of them. Some of the million dollar homes are simply gorgeous and definitely out of my price range. My place is very, very humble with the essentials, underground parking. Sorry, didn't intend to force sour grapes your way. I've been wanting a place in the mountains for quite some time. Every time we go looking the price tag kept creeping upward.

Finally, we found one on the market for a while, a fixer-upper. I thought we didn't need to do that much just replace the carpet, and kitchen counter tops. Was I wrong!

It came fully furnished; I should have taken a closer look at the furnishings. The first thing to go was the TV with the dial knob that goes up to 13. Then the twin beds were completely broke and the queen mattress sagged toward the center. The dressers needed a little repair with some glue. The bathroom sinks were cracked and the showers leaked. They will be replaced this week and the leaks will need to wait til next week.

But last weekend SO wanted to take the wall paper off in the bath. I said, "Just wet the walls and it will peel off, easily." Ha, the sheet rock started coming off. Now we're into tearing the walls down and building it back up. All for some stinkin wall paper! :)

Next weekend I'll be finished with making the drapes, woohoo! Some day we'll actually go up there to enjoy the view and skiing or bike riding. :)

-- Maria (anon@ymous.com), December 26, 2001.

Maria wins.

-- Jack Booted Thug (governmentconspiracy@NWO.com), December 26, 2001.

And one final note. I was able to purchase this place with my inheritance. My parents scrimped and saved their entire lives. Even after retirement, when they could have enjoyed the rewards of their hard lives, they continued to watch their spending. For that I am truly saddened. My mother always felt the need to save for her children; she would have starved to death to give her children food. I wish she had spent more on herself. And not a day goes by when I don't thank them for giving me not only the material things but also the loving guidance and values they taught me. I know that my mother is pleased with my purchase; I feel her spirit every day and for that I am truly grateful.

-- Maria (anon@ymous.com), December 26, 2001.

My daughter sent me a gift-pack of Usinger's sausage from Milwaukee's famous sausagiers. How could I tell her that I hate sausage?

-- (lars@indy.net), December 26, 2001.

How could I tell her that I hate sausage?

How about, "I hate sausage"? As an alternative, you could send the sausage to us. I noticed that SO bought several on our grocery trip today. I'm not giving you the Larson calendar in return, however. Would a 45-piece silverware set be more to your liking than a sausage?

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), December 26, 2001.

And one final note. I was able to purchase this place with my inheritance.

So it wasn't the thong underwear and the flip-flop shoes! THAT'S good news. I'm glad you confessed before I sold the PC to buy those things.

I remember your mom being taken fairly recently due to Parkinson's Disease, Maria. I'm glad that you'll be able to look at the place and think of her. THAT'S a gift that's PRICELESS!

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), December 26, 2001.

Here's a multi-million dollar idea for free: set up a "swap your unwanted gifts" web site and rake off $1 for every successful swap. Unk, you may coordinate the proof-of-concept swap between Anita and Lars.

-- Little Nipper (canis@minor.net), December 26, 2001.

Lars, how about if I swap you my underwear for your... oops, better not say that. : )

-- Pammy (they're@new.too... Santa said JBT told him to bring me some), December 26, 2001.

Maria is disqualified...she bought her own gift, therefore santa didn't bring it. heehee

Actually....I did get a few gifts...I got some sweet crayola pictures drawn by the hand of my beautiful angel himself, some silver earrings, a book-light, some perfume, a christmas ornament, some See's candy, and the very best thing of all....the day off from work to be able to spend Christmas with my boys. We had a GREAT day. What more could anyone ask for.

=0)

-- (cin@cin.cin), December 26, 2001.

I had to work Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and today, but now I finally have time to enjoy my book of Star Trek quotations, with which I intend to bore you at every opportunity.

"You cannot explain away a wantonly immoral act because you think that it is connected to some higher purpose." -- Picard to Alkar

-- helen (read@it.pammy!), December 26, 2001.

Pammy,

The new ones ain't worth as much as the ones with a little experience : )

-- capnfun (capnfun1@excite.com), December 26, 2001.

lol @ cap'n!

Helen, who said anything about a higher purpose? ; )

-- Pammy (pamela_sue57@hotmail.com), December 26, 2001.

My wonderful wife got me the brand new edition of Bill James' historical statistical baseball abstract, and I've been in heaven for two days and 400 pages.

-- Flint (flintc@mindspring.com), December 26, 2001.

Actually Marie's does qualify as a gift, given out of love, even though she chose the exact item.

My gift was waking up at home on Christmas morning, after spending the weekend trying to stay out of the hospital with a badly infected leg (from surgery almost 3 weeks earlier) and an emergency trip to the doctor Monday for another round of antibiotics (doubled in strength), so I could be here for for my Daughter on Christmas morning.

-- Cherri (jessam5@home.com), December 26, 2001.

You're right Cherri, most definitely given to me by my Santa.

Anita, please, at our age the thong thingee isn't even an option! :D

But here's something that might make you feel as sexy as Holly Berry, written by an older man:

He says, "As I grow in age, I value older women most of all. Here are just a few reasons why."

An older woman will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

An older woman knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 50 give a damn what you might think about her.

An older single woman usually has had her fill of "meaningful relationships" and "commitment." The last thing she needs in her life is another dopey, clingy, whiny, dependent lover!

Older women are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Most older women cook well. They care about cleanliness and are generous with praise, often undeserved. * An older woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Older women couldn't care less.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an older woman. They always know.

An older woman looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, an older woman is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Her libido's stronger, her fear of pregnancy gone. Her experience of lovemaking is honed and reciprocal and she's lived long enough to know how to please a man in ways her daughter could never dream of. (Young men, you have something to look forward to.)

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one.

Yes, we praise older women for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coifed babe of 70, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize for all of us. That men are genetically inferior is no secret. Count your blessings that we die off at a far younger age, leaving you the best part of your lives to appreciate the exquisite woman you've become ... without the distraction of some demanding old fart clinging and whining his way into your serenity.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

-- Maria (anon@ymous.com), December 27, 2001.

LOL. That WAS cute, Maria. I think SO and I would need a better sex- role model than Holly Berry, however. She's the niece of his best friend, and is considered a child, just like MY daughters are considered children when it comes to thoughts of sex. [Everything's relative.]

I need to withdraw my offer of a trade with Lars. #1 only has 2 forks. She said, "Since you got NEW ones, can *I* have the ones in the garage?" The silverware in the box in the garage has been around for too many years for me to give up. It's unfortunate that we didn't find the box until after finding the box of Christmas ornaments, but Lucky gave me all her silverware several years ago when we had a huge Thanksgiving feast once before. I don't know WHY it never got unpacked. We'd just ASSUMED that our grown daughters who'd moved back in for a year or so moved out with a little bit more than THEIR stuff? [I hope my whisk is in that box.] Since we have MORE than enough silverware with what's in the garage, we'll give the new [cheap] stuff to #1.

I COULD use new underwear, but I suspect that Pammy wears the thong stuff. It's a moot issue anyway. I have nothing left to trade.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), December 27, 2001.

Funny Anita on the forks and knives thing:

I bought my wife a stainless set from Sweden back in about 66. It was something like $300 or so [I can only remember that it was a fortune to us at the time]. It will outlast us and many other generations. I can't remember the name, but it is still made: we have a store called Scand. designs and they have the same set in the same presentation box, on sale, for $3,500.

Our parents generation always got sterling. We have inherited the stuff from both sides of my wifes family and both sides of my family. We have enough flatware to entertain an invading horde. One of those is very old; predates the country. Another thing for a museum if we can get it appraised. We should have started earlier.

It is interesting that my wifes maternal grandfather had the same initials as me and his wife had the same initials as my wife after marriage. Sort of weird but it worked out. ;o))) We have this engraved stuff that isn't ours.

Best Wishes,,,,,

Z

-- Z1X4Y7 (Z1X4Y7@aol.com), December 27, 2001.

**An older woman looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women**

WRONG but the rest was cute

**We have enough flatware to entertain an invading horde**

COOL next get-together at Z's then? *wink*

-- (cin@cin.cin), December 27, 2001.

Only if Z cooks, Cin.

"We all work for our supper. You'll be surprised how much sweeter it tastes when you do."

--Alixus to Sisko

-- helen (trek@bores.at.mealtime.too), December 27, 2001.

Uh, Z's a lil cold fer this ole girl! Howza bout Z brings the eating utensils, and I'll cook, somewhere in a warm clime, during warm weather? I think it's about time Unkie hosted, what say you all? Florida sounds good to me!

-- Aunt Bee (Aunt__Bee@hotmail.com), December 27, 2001.

Um...could you meet me in St. Louis?

-- helen (no@wings.no.flight), December 27, 2001.

Actually Helen, I think food usually tastes better when someone else cooks. But of course there are exceptions to every rule. =o)

-- (cin@cin.cin), December 27, 2001.

Seriously, Cin...meet me in St. Louis. I can drive there. If WWIII breaks out and they cancel your flight home, you can ride home with me. And kiss the mule.

"See you out there."

--Q to Picard

-- helen (trek@together.to.st.louis), December 27, 2001.

Helen, have you ever had any St Louis barbeque? That might entice me there...

-- Aunt Bee (Aunt__Bee@hotmail.com), December 27, 2001.

I don't care about the food or the tourist attractions. I only care about two things: meeting you guys, and getting home intact within a reasonable time frame.

"The one good thing about going away . . . is coming home."

--Keiko O'Brien to Chief Miles O'Brien

-- helen (food@drink.and.thou), December 28, 2001.