Ok, folks, here is a little something about accents. Life often gets stressful, so go ahead and read and laugh. Have a great day and be well.

"Ya'llbonics"

ANY GOOD SOUTH'NER WORTH THEIR WEIGHT IN PEACHES WILL UNDERSTAND EVERY SINGLE WORD BELOW !

HEIDI - (noun) - Greeting.

HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage "Heidi, Hire yew ?"

BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH - (noun) - The state north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner. Usage "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

BAMMER - (noun) - The state west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum. Usage "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."

MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division. Usage "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

THANK - (verb) - Cognitive process. Usage "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast. Usage "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage "Them bammer boys sure are ignert !"

RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR - (noun) - A conflagration. Usage "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."

TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel. Usage "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument. Usage "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

RETARD - (verb) - To stop working. Usage "My grampaw retard at age 65."

JEET YET -(noun or verb) Food, eating meals. Usage "did jeet yet?" FAT - (noun), (verb) - a battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat. Usage "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."

RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege. Usage "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

CHEER - (adverb) In this place. Usage "Just set that bare rat cheer."

FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic. Usage "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."

DID - (adjective) - Not alive. Usage "He's did, Jim." (see star trek)

ARE - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas. Oxygen. Usage "He cain't breathe ... give 'im some ARE !"

BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted wire. Usage "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction. Usage "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny ?"

HAZE - a contraction. Usage "Is Bubba smart ? Nah...haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit'n 'is laf."

SEED - (verb) - past tense of "to see". Usage "Billy Bob seed Bubba over'ta the fill'n station yester'd."

DIDJU - contraction (verb) and pronoun. Usage "I ain't never seed New York City ... didju?"

GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution. Usage "Them gubmint boys shore is ignert." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OKLAHOMA

As a OKIE I thought I would share a few of the things I have learned in my 40+ years of living in this Heaven on Earth located North of the Red River. I can personally attest to the following points as being true.

Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air. Roadrunners don't say "Beep Beep". There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Oklahoma and probably a half dozen species or more in your own backyard. There are 10,000 types of spiders. 10,001 live in Oklahoma. Armadillos love to dig holes under all bedding plants. Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are ripe. If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites. Nothing will kill a mesquite tree. You cannot find a country road without a curve from corner to corner. Pecan is pronounced "puh-con" we have no idea what a "pee-can" is. A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.

Oklahoma has 6 seasons: Spring, Feb 16 to April 15 Summer, April 16 to July 15 (temp 90 to 98 degrees) Super Summer, July 16 to Sept 10 (temp 100 to 115 degrees) Summer, Sept. 11 to Oct 1 (temp 90 to 98 degrees) Fall, Oct 2 to Dec. 1 Winter Dec. 2 to Feb 15

The wind blows at 90 MPH (THIS IS EXCESSIVE) from Oct. 2 until July 15, then it stops totally. (This does not apply to Western Oklahoma.) Onced and Twiced are words. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy. Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic and they multiply even faster than rabbits.

Coldbeer is one word. People actually grow and eat Okra - - and what's more, they like it. Okies really don't have an accent - it's the rest of the world that talks funny. When the world ends, only cockroaches and mesquite trees will survive. Green grass DOES burn, as does your skin if you don't run fast enough to the next shade tree. When you live in the country, you don't have to buy a dog. City people drop them off at your gate in the middle of the night, Cats come and go as they please. The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good for the first couple of weeks. After that, you don't even notice them anymore. When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it's time to go to the doctor. A tank is a dirt hole in the ground that holds water for irrigation and is drinkable to most of the livestock. And the Fish and Game Dept. will help you stock them and then they make good fishin' and swimmin' holes too. "Bakards and Forards" means I know everything about a subject or the way to go if you're giving directions.

You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see. Then you get up the next morning before it's light enough to see, and start over. Opossum is pronounced "possum" and resembles a big hairless rat. "Fixnto" is one word - - and probably one of the most used words in the true Okie's vocabulary. Our football team can usually kick butt. We tolerate texans and pity arkansawyers.

-- gene ward (gward34847@aol.com), December 18, 2001

Answers

Response to joke about accents

Reminds me of... "Yo yo yo - hooked on ebonics be workin' fo' me. Word."

-- Soni (thomkilroy@hotmail.com), December 18, 2001.

Response to joke about accents

When the foreman tells you he wants colonial pillars on the porch, he ain't talkin' about goosedown to give a soft landing to the roof when it drops :>) Thanks for the smile. Brought back memories of linguist training to eliminate my slow sounding accent in school. Even 30 years later , that "ole hoss turd on the tong" sneaks out "unnsinnawhyle". :>)

-- Jay Blair in N. AL (jayblair678@yahoo.com), December 18, 2001.

Response to joke about accents

Gday, mate. Owyagoin? Orright? Geddineni?

Or, that outstanding book "Less stalk Strine" by Professor Affabeck Lauder.

Translations supplied on request.

-- Don Armstrong (from Australia) (darmst@yahoo.com.au), December 18, 2001.

I was working in GA at the time Jimmy Carter was President. Folks there actually did say, "Ain't it nice, we got us a Pres-dent who don't got no accent."

-- Ken S. in WC TN (scharabo@aol.com), December 18, 2001.

HYSTERICAL!

-- Shannon at Grateful Acres Animal Sanctuary (gratacres@aol.com), December 18, 2001.

Originally being from the Shenandoah Valley in VA, I have a few to add:

TARRED - as in "Chopping wood really made me tarred."

SCEERED - as in "That big bar really screered me."

CRICK - as in "That aint no river, that's a crick."

BRADGE - as in "To get across the crick, we're gona have to use the bradge."

-- Cindy in NY (cjpopeck@worldnet.att.net), December 18, 2001.

AMEN! Ya'll thought that Carter had an accent?...Never noticed... Nice to be able to understand the President's speeches again, since Bush took office!!! snicker snicker!! I just figured that whenever I have to call for tech support that those people in California thought that I was a hoot. Now I am wondering if it was my accent?;~) heeheeheehee! and Gene...fixnto is my favorite word!!!!!! LOVE IT! I laughed and kept shouting YEP!!!!! Now I've gotta scoot off for now...cuz I'm fixnto check our cow that is fixnto calve! And Don G'day!

-- Nan (davidl41@ipa.net), December 18, 2001.

I have to differ with the Okkie on the location of heaven on earth.Believe it's slightly east of where he puts it.But as I live within 10 miles of the state line I'll allow him a little spill over.

-- VickiP. (countrymous@webtv.net), December 18, 2001.

Half mile north of the OK state line here. The best part about the word fixnto, is that your really don't have to do it. Means you are just thinkinboutit. Sereos thinkin.

-- Belle (gardenbelle@terraworld.net), December 18, 2001.

Very funny gene . . .I'm printing these for my wife.

One of my cousins, years ago, was working in the panhandle region of Texas, driving down the road, minding his own business. A pickup pulls up next to him, the passenger hanging out the window and gesturing wildly. My cousin rolls down the window, and hears the man yell "Yore Tars Afar!"

"What?"

"Yore Tars Afar!" and the man points back to my cousins trailer.

My cousin looks back and sees his tire is on fire. So he pulls over, pulls the fire extinguisher and extinguishes it. But he was laughing the whole time.

-- j.r. guerra (jrguerra@boultinghousesimpson.com), December 18, 2001.

Well.......Belle, I surely hope that ole 311 is doing more than just thinkin seriously about it. LOL! But looks like she is an Okie cow! She has been fixnto calve all morning and all afternoon! Just checkin back with ya'll!

-- Nan (davidl41@ipa.net), December 18, 2001.

It's Arkansan, NOT Arkansawyer. If you're going to insult, at least use the correct word.

-- Ivy in NW AR (balch84@cox-internet.com), December 19, 2001.

Gene, thas d' bes' lafft I's had in a munth o'Sundys! I's fixnto send iton tuh sum Arkansas peoples I kno!

-- Christine in OKLAHOMA (cljford@aol.com), December 20, 2001.

"Yow Boy" there's one other good thing about us "Okies". We like to eat "Hamboogas and taters".

-- r.h. in okla. (rhays@sstelco.com), December 22, 2001.