As the youngest of seven, I missed out on learning to potty train by watching the next in line. We're trying to potty train Ruth, who will be two in Feb. (at her insistence) but she seems to be distrusting of b.m.'s in the potty chair. She'd rather hop up and let drop to the side of the chair. (ugh) I'm not sure I'm doing much right here. What worked for you?? Any suggestions would be appreciated. My mom said "oh, just take her a lot." I'm sure hoping you all can do a bit better.... :-)

-- Marty in KS (Mrs.Puck@Excite.com), December 15, 2001

Answers

Have you tried the little seat that fits right on the toilet?

I assume you're staying with her. It might help to sing songs or read a book.

-- mary (mlg@aol.com), December 15, 2001.

Dear Marty:

It might help to read a special book that she likes. Also, special underwear she gets to chose may help. Sometimes,kids like to sit with a bowl of Cherios or such as they sit a while and really are not sure when or if they have to go and get bored. This gives them something to do.

Patience, Patience and more patience helps, too! LOL!

-- Sheila Lutz (glutz43@alltell.net), December 15, 2001.

Maybe Ruth is smarter than you (we) give credit! It is perfectly natural to BM in the squat position. One of mine liked the cat box. Smart kid!

-- Kathy (catfish201@hotmail.com), December 15, 2001.

I often say I don't remember potty training my two girls but since they are both now in their 30's...I sure hope they are !! (he he) But...I do remember having a little wooden potty seat at the bottom of the stairs and one in the upstairs bathroom for them. Try putting the potty seat in front of the TV and letting her into the bathroom when you are there. Now I'm not saying let her see "everything" that Mom does in the bathroom but I think you get the idea. She is still young and if you can just get her to do her BM's on the pot she will be on her way. If she misses the potty as you have said...well, just clean it up...not as bad as a diaper but yet again I'm a nurse and nothing bothers us nurses much. My Mother use to say "if they can ask for a drink they can ask for the bathroom " I don't really know if I agree with that. I'd just think let her take her time and I'm very sure by the time she is in school she will have learned just fine. Just relax.. it's not the end of the world if she takes another 6 months to learn this. Don't go by someone else's schedule on training influence you on Ruth's potty training. Every child is different just enjoy this time with her. What's the big deal. 10 years from now it won't have mattered if she was trained at 2 years old or 2 1/2 years old. It sounds as if she is just playing with the idea and not really serious yet about it. Good Luck !!

-- Helena (windyacs@ptdprolog.net), December 17, 2001.

Ruth isn't missing the toilet. She is not sure she wants a "part of herself" to be flushed away down down into the dark unknown. Whatever happened to potty chairs? Using a kid sized pot like that would be less scary and Ruth can actually be gleeful at what she "made" and she won't have to be unhappy about seeing it disappear. Mom can clean up and flush later. Tiny children don't think of a BM as someting necessarily "nasty". It is someting that came from them, so how could it be bad? Just think like a kid.

-- Susan (smb7705@aol.com), December 17, 2001.

Oops! Sorry Marty, I see you do use a potty chair. Guess I should read a little more carefully, Sorry, and good luck... Susan

-- Susan (smb7705@aol.com), December 17, 2001.

Make a real big deal about using the BIG girl Potty for a day or so. "You are such a BIG girl, Mommy thinks you are ready to potty in the BIG girl potty". Then when she has to do a BM, put her on the BIG girl Potty! and have a little dish of M&M's (or similar) and when she goes potty in the BIG girl Potty she gets 1 M&M, and when she has a BM give her 2. Bribery works wonders!

-- westbrook (westbrook_farms@yahoo.com), December 17, 2001.

I think that two is early. Everytime we potty trained one of our kids at an early age, they struggled with control for quite a while. (I was told by a grandparent to train our first at 19 months and I didn't know any better! What bad advice that was!) You should never get upset if you are going to train early. Our daughter trained a week before she turned three and she did it in one week! They can better understand at the age of three what is going on. We waited on three of them and they all trained in a week's time. Sometimes the child just wants to please you, but they may not be ready to control all those muscles and thoughts. Good luck!

-- notnow (notnow@blabla.com), December 17, 2001.

We did the second birthday with our two girls. With their first really nice lacy panties, perhaps by now they get thongs :) and you surely wouldn't want to wet your pretty new panties! Worked great on my two. I know that discipline comes in all forms, but honestly it wouldn't be a question of how to get her to stop "pooping" on my floor, I wouldn't have allowed her to do it the first time! Vicki

-- Vicki McGaugh TX (vickilonesomedoe@hotmail.com), December 17, 2001.

Our older girl we had trained at 18 months, at her (we thought) insistence. We bought the potty, she loved it, she used it. We had problems with the poop, too. She would hold it until she was alone or thought we weren't looking, then it would drop out her pants leg! She finally did the duty in the toilet when she was a little over two and wanted to get a "big girls" swimsuit--one without the built in diaper. We told her she could only have it once she showed she could do it in the toilet. Problem solved. As for our second girl, we just waited and waited. We never tried to potty train and didn't let her until she was two and a half. I walked into her room one day and she was naked, putting on the panties we had bought for the occasion. She only had a few accidents after that. I read once that if you try to teach it, it may backfire on you, because the child's body is the only thing they have full control over, and they see this. With my experience, I believe it!

-- Dawn (olsoncln@ecenet.com), December 17, 2001.

This may sound odd but my daughter trained herself. We always left the door open when we went so she could see it was a natural thing. We never said anything if she wanted to talk while my wife or I was doing our "buisness". Many times we would let her flush for us. One day I was relaxing on the sofa and she announced she was going to the bathroom, end of story, no more diapers and very few accidents ever again. Ah...those were the days.. now she is a teenager..

good luck tom

-- Tom (wysfarm@raex.com), December 17, 2001.

Patience..she is not even 2 yet..she has the mind of a not quite 2 year old..dont rush her or bribe her she will come around in her own time.. Call me an old fuddy-dud but parents want to rush, rush, get those babies out of diapers when they longed for them in the beginning (diapers)..lol.. Patience

-- Lynn(MO) (mscratch1@semo.net), December 17, 2001.

If your daughter is asking/announcing to use the bathroom but when the time comes is sqauting down besaide the potty chair. Maybe ms. kathy is right & the kid is using the more natural & physically easier way to have a b.m. [that is for those w/ thigh muscles!]

maybe increase her fiber intake to ease the process? or take out the cup/bowl from the potty seat so she can squat over it?

It sounds like the kid is ready to go on her own but just needs time to train the muscles.

www.charmin.com gives away free sticker charts, tp measurers, & such. I also think the book reading idea is helpfull to let her relax & let things take their course. good luck!

-- bj pepper in C. MS. (pepper.pepper@excite.com), December 17, 2001.

Hi Marty, Just take a deep breath and relax!!! Mine were both potty trained at around 2,but being consistent with the b.m.s took a little while.They were totally potty trained by 2 1/2 though.Still she's so young-practically a baby still however intelligent and however willing to be potty-trained she may be.There will definitely be accidents-especially if their really caught up in play.I'm sorry I don't have any specific help in regards to actually training her--it sounds like you're doing a good job.Be patient, It'll happen. The Lord bless you and yours, Tracy

-- Tracy Jo (tntneff@ifriendly.com), December 17, 2001.

lots of praise and rewards. stickers, small candies etc. and jumping and hollering by all others in the household.

-- js (schlicker54@aol.com), December 17, 2001.

Hello Marty,

I have three children, one is fourteen, one is six and the other is just under two years old. The two year old, (Caroline) started potty training on her own but, stopped after a few days. I do not put any pressure on her to continue. She will sit her dolls on the potty chair and sometime sit on the chair in her diaper and go potty. Eventually you little girl and mine will figure it all out.

I have observed that she is learning more words in her vocabulary. I think that children only try to learn one thing at a time as she is more focused on talking now than she was "going potty". It may be the same with your daughter. Give her time to learn the thing she is working with in her mind first. After while if it seems that she is interested in the potty chair again, re- introduce her to it.

Also, though my first child a girl potty trained early, (about a year and a half), my son did not until he was three. I think that if you miss it by two you may just have to wait until three.

Sincerely,

Ernest

-- http://communities.msn.com/livingoffthelandintheozarks (espresso42@hotmail.com), December 17, 2001.

I agree with Ernest-our daughter is 2 and 1/2-and we have been trying everything to get her to use the potty! We have tried M&M's as a reward when she pees on her potty chair, and we have tried stickers, but, no luck. Like Ernest's child, ours is learning new words on a daily basis, and we both feel that it is taking all of her mental energy to do that, so we have slacked off on the training for awhile...hope to try again in a couple of months to see if she is ready then...I hope she is! Diapers are expensive!!

-- Joe (threearrs@hotmail.com), December 17, 2001.

It could be that the BM doesn't fall far enough in the potty chair and instead rubs her bottom or sticks, potty chairs are not very deep. That could be why she scoots to the side. She might prefer the toilet. Each kid is different with their own idiosyncrisies. My nephew would always pee in the toilet while standing then poop in his potty chair, pour that into the toilet, and finally flush. Maybe your daughter could pee in the potty chair, but do bm's in the toilet. As for age, my middle daughter decided at 18 months, at a pig roast no less, that she wanted to use a toilet like everyone else. She wet the bed only once in her entire life and she is now 5 yrs old. Never had pull-ups or training pants. It was 'big girl undies' from that day on. Of course I always had to hold her on the toilet because she refused to use a potty chair, but was afraid she'd fall into the toilet:) My youngest is 2 and a half with absolutely no inclination to go without diapers. Doesn't bother me a bit. My oldest I was convinced had to be trained at two and it was a very unpleasant experience for us both. She would hold her bm's so long they would be so big that they would clog toilets. I wouldn't do that again! I think you're doing fine.

-- Epona (crystalepona2000@yahoo.com), December 18, 2001.

Boy, so much of this sound familiar. Ruth loves to announce she wants to "pee", and uses her potty chair great for that. I must say, however, that peeing seems to give her what she really wants, an excuse to take off her clothes! As soon as she pee's and stands up and claps and hollers, if we make a move for the clothes or diapers, she sits right back down and announces she needs to pee again. (sigh) She likes to sneak off her clothes and have her B.M.s next to the chair, like I said. Reminds me of some cat's I've known. I guess she's just not emotinally ready to b.m. in the chair. She'll start to go, then jump up and try to run, letting drop on the run instead of just going on the potty. Only made it through once, under very close adult supervision and insistence. It seems to bother her a lot.

I sure appreciate the advice and words of comfort and hope. I'm trying not to be pushy without letting her have run of the place, if ya know what I mean.

Peace to all.

-- Marty in KS (Mrs.Puck@Excite.com), December 18, 2001.