Anita.....Please : LUSENET : Unk's Troll-free Private Saloon : One Thread

Coupla years ago you posted a list of Texisms. Loved it. If it's findable could you repost? Ended with the pissin on the electric fence thing. Thanks.

-- Carlos (, December 12, 2001


I know one!

"Is our childrens learning?"

-- Dubya (Texans@are.dumb), December 13, 2001.

Everybody knows one. The trick is knowing that two is two ones. Keeping up here?

-- Carlos (, December 13, 2001.

I read a book once of cowboy sayings. One I remember is the following:

"Some men's wives are angels. The rest of them are still living."

-- Peter Errington (, December 13, 2001.

Carlos: Your memory is going. You asked me for this a while back and I told you then that I save NOTHING.

-- Anita (, December 13, 2001.

Carlos, don't worry, everyone's memory is going. That's what happens as we age; it's unavoidable. Now what was the question?

-- Maria (, December 13, 2001.

Carlos, not sure which one you're referring to, but I'll post a few I've collected:

You know you're from Texas when:

Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen

You believe dual air bags refers to your wife and mother-in-law

Your Junior/Senior Prom has Daycare

Your huntin dog had a litter of puppies in the living room and no one noticed

You can get dog hair from your belly button

The Blue Book value on your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it

You've climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor

You own a home made fur coat

Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest

On Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat

Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos"

You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice

The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice

Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner

The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your wife


She could talk the legs off a chair.

He's all hat and no horse.

So dry the catfish are carrying canteens.

He's so busy, you'd think he was twins.

It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.

Cold as a cast iron commode.

She's two sandwiches short of a picnic.

Ugly? Why she's so ugly has to sneak up on a glass of water.

Confused as a goat on astro-turf.

Handy as hip pockets on a hog.

So ugly that his mama takes him everywhere she goes so she doesn't have to kiss him goodbye.

Looks like he sorts bobcats for a living.

So buck-toothed that he could eat corn-on-the-cob through a picket fence.

If brains were leather, he couldn't saddle a fly.

You know you're IN Texas when:

You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water...

You can say 110 degrees without fainting...

You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off...

You can make instant sun tea...

You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron...

The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly...

You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car...

You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window...

You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance...

Hot water now comes out of both taps...

It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets...

You actually burn your hand opening the car door...

You break a sweat the instant you step outside... at 7:30 a.m. before work...

No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning...

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death"?...

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state...

-- Pammy (, December 13, 2001.

More Texisms you hardly ever hear:

"It's hot enough to explode a brussels sprout like a hard-boiled egg on Anita's stove."

"He's greener than a brussel sprout that's been drinking helen's well water."

"If brains was brussels sprouts, Flint wouldn't like himself any better than anyone else does."

-- Little Nipper (, December 13, 2001.

Dang. Wish you'da saved that. More, wish that I'da saved that. As for the memory at least I remembered your name.

-- Carlos (, December 13, 2001.

You know you've spent too much time on an on-line forum when...

You readily generate figurative comparisons involving forum members and brussels sprouts.

-- David L (, December 13, 2001.

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