I live alone and will never live among other people again if it is my choise. There is no pressure to put the seat down, explain where I have been, explain where I spent my money, or other to worry about some one elses feeling. I have no children, family is limited to two sisters who are 120 miles away, there are cousins, one uncle and an aunt by marriage; I do not contact them they leave me alone, it works well.

Companionship is offered by one grey and white scratch cat who choose to live here, he is free to come and go of his own choise, I feed him, scratch his head, see that water is available. He can leave tomorrow if he chooses to, I will not try to seek him out nor take out an ad seeking a lost cat; his destiny is his choise. This is the same respect that I ask of others.

Leave me alone, if I want to be near other people I know how to do this. If you say "so sad" then you are in error because you do not understand me. Being alone is my choise, I was raised in a non touching family with no love, to this day I can define love only as when others needs become more important than your own, I do not feel this, I can only say it.

Being alone is hard at first, then you become comfortable with it; holidays are hardest; to do this you need to get your support system in place; whether it is the clerk who is at the 7-11, or your hair dresser, or the old lady at the end of the road; there needs to be someone you can access at times when you need people- just do not bore them to death with your imagined problems.

Seek another hermit, but not very often, be self contained, but keep the phone number of some one who knows more about your ride than you do. There is no more helpless feeling than being stranded with a dead vehicle. Learn to ignore times when we are supposed to be happy by traditions. Traditions are fine for children, but sometimes they do not fit into adult situtations, learn to ignore them.

Maybe it is wrong to tell you this but by the emails I have recieved a lot of you are seeking this ability. It seems that life companions are no longer the norm, feeling complete within our selves is growing, I have been here for over 25 years and I will not change.

-- mitch hearn (moopups@citlink.net), November 24, 2001

Answers

Mitch, Your beautiful and I know where your coming from...Semper Fi

-- Robert Smith (snuffy@1st.net), November 24, 2001.

I must say that I think I would find living alone impossible. The hours when I am home by myself when my kids are in school are almost unbearably long. I like the chaos, the general feeling of a home bustling with activity. I have hardly ever been alone until Brady started school, and even then Cale is usually home. So this is hard for me!

-- Melissa (me@home.net), November 24, 2001.

I respect your right to the lifestyle you've chosen. I know I couldn't be quite that isolated, but I'm probably more of a recluse than the norm. I enjoy the company of my husband, but others are not always welcome. I would say that your presence on the forum says that you aren't a complete isolationist. It's good to have you here.

-- melina b. (goatgalmjb1@hotmail.com), November 24, 2001.

there are days when your way of life sounds so nice!!! I do like my alone time. But I would need more animals...always have. And I do love and need my family. I get my alone time late at night when I am the only one awake. And have my "get away" days now and then, when my husband..who understands me like no one else does takes over the kids and lets me just go off for the day. I usually just drive out in the country, and sit and read, or go see things that no one else I know would enjoy joining me in. I think I am just too bossy to not have someone to boss around most of the time though. I sure respect someone able to really be alone.

-- Jenny (auntjenny6@aol.com), November 25, 2001.

I think that you are a very wise person, Mitch. You understand your own needs well and you refuse to be manipulated. I like my alone time although I'm married and have close family. Don't get me wrong as I thoroughly enjoy people, but inane chatter gets me nuts.

-- Ardie/WI (ardie54965@hotmail.com), November 25, 2001.

I don't buy it.

-- Cindy (S.E.IN) (atilrthehony@countrylife.net), November 25, 2001.

I wonder if there are more men hermits than women? I have heard of more, anyway. I love my family, and I like being with people, but on the other hand, I definitely have times when I have got to get by myself for a while. Thankfully, I have a husband who understands this and is willing to keep all the children at home while I go for a ride in the country, a walk in the woods, or whatever. And there are also times when he takes everybody away somewhere and I have the house to myself for a few hours. I think, if I was not married with children, I could very easily become a hermit in the sense that I would go find a section of wilderness away from everybody and go for a visit somewhere when I choose. I would still go to church, but I would be able to find enough to do at home that I don't think I'd go out much. And I would definitely get acquainted with the old lady that lives down the mountain.

-- Cathy N. (keeper8@attcanada.ca), November 25, 2001.

Don't buy what, Cindy? Do you not believe that I live alone, or that I some times do not see other people for a week at a time? I average going in to town about 6 or 7 times a month, sometimes 3 times a week, depends on what project I am on at the moment. My nearest neighbor is around 1/2 mile away, the next is 1 1/4 mile, neither is in sight or hearing range.

-- mitch hearn (moopups@citlink.net), November 25, 2001.

Oh, I believe you do what you say you do. I just don't believe you're as alone as you say or enjoy being alone. Your post sounds very lonely, there's a difference between being loney and being alone.

First of all, God gave us the desire for companionship and yes some people need other more than others do, but....

You give way too much of yourself on the forums to enjoy all that aloneness. If you were really a hermit you would be calloused over with anger and resentment. You may feel those things and avoid people to protect your feelings, but you reach out to others through the forums. You are showing love with the time you take to put the puzzles on. You have made friends here, people have grown to love and respect you. If you 'felt complete within yourself' you wouldn't share the puzzles or tell of your going to the doctors and then tellings us it was the eye doctor so we wouldn't worry.

'Being alone at first is hard, but then you become comfortable with it.' Yes, I know feeling pain is better than feeling nothing, but, why do you accept that. I've been on the wrong/hurting side of loneliness far too much to buy what you're selling(bet I was raised in a worse untouching family than yours).

How sad for the cat.

You say you won't change, I say you are not what you saydeep down inside or you have changed. Change by giving of yourself.

-- Cindy (S.E.IN) (atilrthehony@countrylife.net), November 25, 2001.

Cindy: Unless youv' walked a mile in Mitch's shoes your in no position to come to any conclusion on how he lives or thinks..Radar

-- Robert Smith (snuffy@1st.net), November 25, 2001.

Many miles.

-- Cindy (S.E.IN) (atilrthehony@countrylife.net), November 25, 2001.

I, for one, enjoy Mitch's posts and I wouldn't change him for the world! We are all unique and isn't that great. We can learn from each other or reject each other's knowledge. Mitch has made his choices for his life that suit him...not me or anyone else. What's wrong with that?? He certainly isn't asking for anyones approval!

-- Ardie/WI (ardie54965@hotmail.com), November 25, 2001.

Ardie, I didn't say his coices have to suit me. I'm saying that he's giving love and receiving it here.

-- Cindy (S.E.IN) (atilrthehony@countrylife.net), November 25, 2001.

Mitch and I have corresponded frequently off the forum, and I think he really does enjoy being alone. But he also enjoys having the interactions with people on the forums and in his town. However he enjoys them on his terms, when he wants to! That is the key I believe. If he doesn't want to read any of this, he doesn't have to. It is much easier to avoid the computer, than it is to avoid a real living human being. I am a people person, but some people really aren't and are better off when they can control when and how they interact with others.

Like personally I don't even like to take a walk by myself! It is so much more fun to me to do it with the kids or my husband... I love to read a book when there are people all around me, enjoying their activities. I like a house that is alive with people. I do understand other peoples need to get away, be by theirself, and enjoy time alone, but I never get these cravings very often.

Mitch seems to have come to a point in his life where he understands himself, and few people ever really do. You can save yourself a lot of stress by accepting yourself for what you are.

-- Melissa (me@home.net), November 25, 2001.

Wow! Great posts. Felt like I should compliment Mitch and Cindy and the rest for their insights. Its possible to agree both with Cindy and understand what Mitch is saying. Really great, thoughful posts. Charles

-- charles (clb@dixienet.com), November 25, 2001.

Oh Melissa, you put it so well! Also, peoples needs change with age. Mitch seems to me to be a happy person, if his wit shows anything. Great sense of humor!

-- Ardie/WI (ardie54965@hotmail.com), November 25, 2001.

Cindy, my puter was down from 11:00 this morning to 8:30 due to rain on the phone line being wet. I may not be a hermit in the dictionary sense, but at minimum I am a social hermit. I do avoid social inter action because of the compitishion that men show towards other men, I do not have time left to play their games. My adapted lifestyle suites me; I write the Bear Bait Mountains Tales because I recieve emails that ask for more of the same; it is that I think women do not have enough intensity in their lives to fullfill their emotional needs, I am only trying to offer balance and make available a reality that others do not seem to have available otherwise.

-- mitch hearn (moopups@citlink.net), November 25, 2001.

Mitch, I understand what you are saying and the need to be a "social hermit", even though I have been married for over 20 years, I still have the need at times to be left alone with my critters. DH is an over- the -road truck driver and I am alone in the boonies for weeks at a time, just as I prefer it most of the time.

In the winter I will not leave the farm for two weeks or more if the weather is bad, I keep every thing well stocked, so why should I?

But, like you, I keep in touch with family and friends by telephone or e-mail, or the internet. I feel more folks would be happier if they learned to be more self reliant.

I get claustrophobia in the smallest cities and can't wait to get back to the peace and quiet of the country those times I have to visit family and friends, sure makes me appreciate what we have here at home even more. I feel the stress of city life and the high ratio of too many folks per square mile are the prime reason of the current feeling of social unrest and anxiety in America.

Just wanted to let you know I understand your need for solitude.

-- Annie Miller in SE OH (annie@1st.net), November 26, 2001.

Thank you Annie, for me walmart is sheer terror. I have so developed this lifestyle that if someone is comming here I "feel" it long before I hear or see them. The deer walk up to me and nuzzle my pockets for treats, birds land at the feeder within my reach; but yet if I were to walk up to you in public most people would gather up their children and hurry away. I am what you would call not photogenic in appearance, this has slammed a lot of doors in the past. This forum is a place I can fit without visual obstructions.

-- mitch hearn (moopups@citlink.net), November 27, 2001.

I detest crowds, traffic and a host of other things that I have absolutely no control over. I have to venture out but most of the time it's not a matter of choice. I get homesick real easy when away from my "domain". Here I'm kinda in control of my surrounding. I find solitude to be a blessing from Almighty God. He will give us the desires of our hearts when we live for Him. It appears that you are doing that too Mitch!

I'd much rather watch my songbirds, deer and even those old ornery groundhogs than go to town. Lil Dumplin is the apple of my old eye and when she's home ain't nuthin else that matters very much---unless it's our little grandkids!

Wallyworld? Forgit it! Ain't nuff tea in China for this old ugly hillbilly to go in that horrible moneygrubbin joint.

Old hoot, the countryboy, gibson. Matt.24;44

-- hoot gibson (hoot@pcinetwork.com), November 27, 2001.

Oh Mitch, you have such a way with words! I wish I could sit down with a cup of coffee with you and just visit. I lived in cities almost all my life. Was born in the country but we moved when I was five. One of many big mistakes my parents made! Now I've been in the country again for ten years and I can't take the city! The noise,the cars, the stink, garbage strewn all over, the people....it all grates on my nerves! Why, I think that manure smells better than some of those paper mills.

-- Ardie/WI (ardie54965@hotmail.com), November 27, 2001.

I haven't lived in the city for 31 years now but when we lived in Maryland I had to drive a lot in the Baltimore area and now don't even want to go to smaller cities like Toledo, OH and Fort Wayne, IN. I'll stick to doing my shopping in towns of no more than 4,000 to 10,000 (most of the towns surrounding us are this size).

I don't like to leave home at all very often. Usually just for church each week and shopping every two or three weeks. I am a real homebody and that seems to be a rarity today (with people I know personally anyway). If I had been this age, raising my family in the country only 60 years earlier this would have been the norm. My grandma said she went to church each week but only went to town once a year - my kind of lady!!

I would like to have women over from time to time for working parties like quilting or canning but I haven't found any like-minded women yet since we moved here. Most of them want to socialize with lunch out or parties like Longaberger and such.

-- Terry - NW Ohio (aunt_tm@hotmail.com), November 27, 2001.

If any of you had seen the movie "Ruckus" you might get a hint why Mitch feels the way he does.....Semper-Fi Mitch

-- Robert (snuffy@1st.net), November 28, 2001.

I so wish I could be like you. I still get hurt so easily by other people and I am in my 40's. My brothers and me do not really mix, never have done. We never did things together as kids and just grew apart very quickly now we are adults. Once mum and dad go I know we will not keep in touch (one already I do not keep in touch with). Already, I feel I am alone.

My job is quite singular too so I look forward to the time when people wont matter anymore.

-- just me (podgy_6@hotmail.com), September 30, 2002.