I notice we have many single parents on the forum and I wonderd what is the hardest thing for you to deal with? What could others do to really help you out? What kinds of challenges do you face on a daily basis? I know many single mothers and often wonder what I can specifically do to help and encourage them, but I feel they probably have too much pride to accept much! Thanks for your responses!

-- Melissa (cmnorris@1st.net), November 11, 2001

Answers

I haven't been a single parent in many many many years but I can remember the hardest thing for me to deal with was NEVER EVER having enough money even for the basics....I didn't qualify for any "government" programs but I never had enough to get by...I would have loved to have been introduced to a homesteading forum such as these way back then!!!!!

-- Suzy in Bama (slgt@yahoo.com), November 11, 2001.

When I was a single mother, the hardest thing for me to deal with was the constant company of my children and very little social life with anybody else. That may sound awful, but it's the truth! The other thing that was a real problem, was that I couldn't drive. Not only did I not have a car, I also didn't have a license. There wasn't really any way for me to learn, or to get my license. I resorted to riding a bicycle with a trailer behind it, and put the baby on my back in a backpack. Gives me the chills just to think about it now!! Just going to the store six or seven miles away was an adventure. I would say babysitting and driving lessons if the mother can't drive, help her to get her license.

-- Rebekah (daniel1@itss.net), November 11, 2001.

I am a single mother of a almost 6 year old boy. My daiy challenge is decipline. He is very head strong and sometimes I feel I have lost the upper hand. I also have a problem with over indulging.I break my back, go without and will do anything so he will not go with. He has everything he could ever ask for. I am not saying everything is new, but he lacks for nothing.We he asks for something that his friends have I feel like I need to try and get it for him. I don't want him to feel deprived or like the others get more because they have a father. I guess I feel like I don't want to punish him for my mistake. On the second part I would have loved for someone to actually show and explain everything from budgeting,sewing,canning, etc.I learned all on my own and when I see someone,especially another single mother struggle with saving money etc, I will offer to share my time and teach her how to do these things on her own.Also I felt like I couldn't ask anyone for anything.I didn't go to church for almost 1 year because I felt everyone was disappointed in me.I am a lot stronger person now and even though I was brought up in church ,I never really understood God's grace and love until now. I share that with every single parent I meet, because deep down I know the feelings of humiliation and failure are there and they shouldn't be. That is the greatest thing you can do is show acceptance, love and respect and show them the awsome power of Gods love!!-God Bless.

-- Micheale from SE Kansas (mbfrye@totelcsi.net), November 11, 2001.

I'd have to agree with Rebekah on the comment about not having much of a life outside of the children. Unless you are lucky to find a good deal on childcare it's very expensive to have someone watch your kids for a night out, let alone to be able to work during the week. I'd have to say that childcare has been my biggest obstacle these past 3 years I've been a single parent. Most of that time I worked from home too which drastically lessened the need and was a blessing but it still can be a drag when you haven't had a break from your kids for months upon months. I also used to feel guilty and afraid to leave my kids with someone else, even if just for a few hours. I think alot of people take for granted that everyone has family to lean on. I don't have any family outside of my 2 kids and I've met quite a few single mothers in the same position, no family, no other parent. We've moved a few times so most of my friends are 1000 miles away or more. That situation adds alot of stress. I worry alot what would happen to my kids if something happened to me. Even a temporary situation like needing to go into the hospital for a week or 2 surgery or something would be a major crisis for my kids. Another thing that was difficult was when I first became a single parent. Myself and my kids had been through a few nightmarish years up to that point with their mothers mental illness, drugs/alcohol use and worse. The first year of being a single parent not only was I trying to deal with all the losses, financial mess, etc but I had to help my kids deal with their own emotional distress which was pretty severe. My kids have miraculously adjusted to things very well now, better than I ever imagined but we're still paying in some ways for all the damage done a few years ago. I'm sure many new single parents go through the same thing. There's probably quite a few single mothers out there without any family that could use someone to lean on, talk to, or just to have some adult company.

-- Dave (something@somewhere.com), November 12, 2001.

Micheale, there's probably a direct link somewhere between the discipline problem and over-indulging him. I made alot of rules I follow a few years ago mostly so I could preserve my sanity, and also to help my kids grow up with a realistic view of the world. My kids ask for very little because they know that there's a catch. Very rarely do they get anything just for asking. I'm not mean to them over it but I stay firm in my conviction to teaching them that it takes work to gain in this world and very little comes free for the asking. Alot of kids have problems when they become adults because they were accumstomed to getting whatever they wanted just for the asking. I mostly make them earn everything they want. And I make them wait, sometimes for weeks or months. That teaches them that they have to work to gain, and it teaches them patience. It also makes them think hard about what they're asking for and puts a value on the things they want. If I do something for them without them asking, I always tell them it's a reward for good behavior. That seems to compell them to maintain good behavior. These things not only help them but helps me from having to deal with the stress that would result from out of control kids.

-- Dave (something@somewhere.com), November 12, 2001.