It has been almost 12 years now since my mother passed away, and something about the weather getting colder always makes me miss her more. I was 26 when she died and it was incredibly hard and I feel now really changed the way I live my life. I pray for the children who lost a mother on 09/11. Your mother really shapes and defines who you become, for good or bad, and I know it is going to be just that more difficult to cope for these children. Has anyone else lost their mother, or father, and how do you think it changed you? If your mom is still alive, just call and tell her you love her. It still amazes me that 12 years later, my sister and I can still just say her name sometimes and start to bawl. It is a lifelong grief, and if I didn't have the assurance of her salvation and mine, I can't imagine having to bear it alone. Thank God that He carries our burdens.

-- Ivy in NW AR (balch84@cox-internet.com), October 26, 2001

Answers

Ivy, you are so blessed to have had a mother whom you miss and have lovely memories of. My mother is 74 years old and still tells me how stupid,ugly and useless I am. It's a good thing I never listened to her or I would have spent alot of $$$$ on therapy. Most folks kind of assume that every mother is worthy of love an respect..not true. My religion tells me to "honor" her and I do. I write, I call. I try to "get to her" about her soul and salvation before it's too late. I will never give it up until she's gone..it's my job. I dont usualy hang out my dirty laudry in the forums, but I feel it is so important for folks who have warm, loving, caring mothers to truly appreciate them on a daily basis..they are not as common as one would think.

-- lesley (martchas@bellsouth.net), October 26, 2001.

I am so thankful that my mother and I have become friends since I lived at home. I am too independent to live with her, and it caused a lot of tension between us when I was a teenager. When I got married and left home, we began to repair that relationship. Now, almost 15 years later, we are really great friends and are able to talk about just about anything. About a year ago, she and Dad were in a car accident (car full of speeding boys chasing car full of speeding girls; girls ran red light and hit my parents broadside). Mom was in the back seat putting her legs up, both parents were badly bruised, shaken, a few broken bones. They say if Mom had been in the front passenger seat (the side hit) she'd have been killed. Time is so short, isn't it?

Lesley, my mom took care of my grandma till Grandma died at age 92. Grandma was real picky a lot, and my mom could do almost nothing right. She tried hard, but I found her crying a few times and knew things were hard. I will pray for you.

-- Cathy N. (keeper8@attcanada.ca), October 27, 2001.

I have a lot of family reading this, so I also don't want to say a lot. But my childhood was not always the greatest. I have many mixed feelings about my parents. But I always try to treat my parents with respect and understand what they were going through at the time. I feel like I have been grown-up since I was born.

The good thing though... I was determined to be the best parent I possibly could. I really try hard to give my children a great life. I have wanted my own family for as long as I can remember. When I met Cale his goals and life was so close to mine it was like a miracle!!! There is a quote I read once that said "I never could have imagined a life as good as this one!" I really wake up every day with a smile on my face, my husband is my hero!!!!

I guess my point is that even if your childhood wasn't perfect, you can rise above it, you can break the cycle, you can forgive and move on. You don't have to be a victim. Bravo Lesley, You have my standing ovation!!!!!!!!

-- Melissa (me@home.net), October 27, 2001.

Not eveyone had a wonderful relationship with her mother(a very long story). Mine's best friend was less than two years older than me and it was her kids that could do no wrong, in fact they were near perfect in her eyes. What I miss most about my mom is the chance to have a relationship with her(another very long story). As long as she was alive there was always a chance. But then she had her sad songs, too(forgiveness is a blessing). Sometimes I think it would be nice to tell her or most anyone else that was "family", but I would receive mostly criticism in return. Although, my step-grandpa would like my gardening. My grandpa would be proud of me though for my homesteading ways. My mom, grandpa and step-grandpa all died within in 11 months of each other. That left my brother and his and me and mine.

-- Cindy (S.E.IN) (atilrthehony@countrylife.net), October 27, 2001.

We had a mother who shouldn't have been also, but we had a wonderful father and large extended family. Both my sister and I say we learned how not to do it and maybe that is a good thing. We are pretty independent and we owe that to our mother also. You're right, your bad childhood is not an excuse for being a bad adult, and, yes, all who have wonderful mothers, appreciate them please.

-- Barb Fischer (bfischer42@hotmail.com), October 27, 2001.

I saddens me to see how many not so wonderful mothers there are out there, and makes me hope my children don't feel the same about me after they are grown. I lost my father six months ago, and some days I don't think I will ever get over it; he was the shining light. I can only look forward to seeing him again. He used to call me to compare gardens, and gardening this year was rather flat for me. As badly as I miss him, I can't even imagine how my mother must feel after almost 52 years of marriage.

-- Christine in OK (cljford@aol.com), October 27, 2001.

I am truly blessed to have great Parents. Sure things were not always roesy in my younger years (my Mom tells me I was her biggest challenge and still am) but we still had a loving Parent Child relationship. I have an older Brother & sister & 1 younger Sister but their was & is still plenty of love from Mom & Dad to share.

I don't know what I will do when my Parents are gone it sure vwill be tough, but fourantly all us Sibling all get along great and we will have each other to lean on.

-- Mark in N.C. Fla. (deadgoatman@webtv.net), October 27, 2001.

We lost Mom one year ago on October 28. I can honestly say it's the hardest thing I've ever had to live through. She was the glue that held my family together and now that she's gone we've all had a difficult time reestablishing relationships that didn't involve her. I still reach for the phone every morning -- as was my habit before she died. As another poster said, it's hard enough for us kids -- I just have no idea how my Dad bears it.

Good things have come from this situation, though, as God generally makes sure they do. Mom was the glue -- when we were kids, Dad was a very strong disciplinarian. The original "strong, silent type". I was thirty years old before my father initiated a hug. Since Mom passed, Dad has become much more loving and communicative. He told me that mom had made him make some promises, and he was keeping them. I can only assume that one of them was to show us kids how much he loves us. Her death has brought about a relationship with my father that I never expected to have. I miss her terribly, but I thank her for her part in that.

-- Tracy (trimmer31@hotmail.com), October 30, 2001.