Subject: BIN LADEN vs. PORKY PIG

An Israeli friend recently informed me that the UK fought the Islamic terrorist attacks by burying the criminals with a pig. Apparently the Islamic belief is that if one's body is buried with a pig (because they are considered unclean) their soul will go to hell.

I did a little research into this subject matter and found it to be true. This got me thinking. If we put a baby pig on every airline flight then all suicide terrorists would abort their missions as they would not want their souls to go to hell.

Additionally, if we drop shipped, oh say, 100,000 pigs into Afghanistan I think our recon and assault efforts may be more successful. Apparently Muslims dislike the very sight of pigs A LOT!

They are also adamantly opposed to alcohol, thus we spike their water supply with a few thousand gallons of cosmopolitans, get them pot-faced [OR WORSE] and turn the pigs loose.

The war would be over in a weekend.

Just a thought.

-- Doreen (bisquit@here.com), October 17, 2001

Answers

Doreen,

I don't know if this would stop the terorists or not, but boy would it ever help out the pig farmers in America.

I don't know if putting a pig on every plane would really do anything or not. You have to remeber that these suicide attacks are done by people who are not quite right upstairs.

The pigs could serve two purposes: first they could be used to intimidate the natives. Secondly, they could be food for our troops. I am sure they are better than those packages of dried food.A good meal of ribs or a good roast with good gravy would raise the spirits of many a soldier over there in hell, trying to protect us all.

Talk to you later.

-- Bob in WI (bjwick@hotmail.com), October 18, 2001.

Yeah, but what a weekend!!!

-- Tracy (trimmer31@hotmail.com), October 18, 2001.

The airplane terrorists weren't very pious muslims. For example, Atta and his buddy were drinking it up at a bar after their flight school days. The pig thing would only bother someone who was devout.

-- charles (clb@dixienet.com), October 18, 2001.

Hey guys!!! It's just a joke that a friend (Cindy) sent to me. I got a kick out of it and thought you might too;)!

-- Doreen (bisquit@here.com), October 18, 2001.

Charles, those moslems believed that by dieing their "holy death" all their sins would be forgiven so it was okay to indulge the flesh before going on their mission. Now to dip our bullets in pig's blood, that would be a different story. (and I'm not joking)

-- Laura (LadybugWrangler@hotmail.com), October 18, 2001.

The Sepoy rebellion began when the British government began issuing a new kind of rifle cartridge, a paper cartridge, to their native troops in India. The paper cartridges were susceptible to water damage and decay through contact with the air. To keep the powder in the cartridges from decaying it was coated in fat. To use the cartridge one would bite the end off, dump the powder down the barrel and then put the bit off piece down the barrel as wadding. The muslims discovered that some of the cartridges were coated in pig fat. This enraged the muslims because contact with pork is an unatonable sin. Once a muslim touches pork Allah slams the gate to heaven and will not let him in regardless of his subsequent actions and he is one of the damned. The untainted moslems declared holy war on behalf of the damned. BTW, the Hindus put two and two together and realized that if the British were using pork fat that they were probably using fat from mother cow also and they rebelled.

During one of Britains attempts to bring Afghanistan into its empire, they had conquered and held a significant area and were pushing forward when a rebellion broke out amongst the local muslims. The commander sent back to London for thousands of pig skin body bags and made it known that all captured rebels would be buried in the pig skin body bags. The rebellion ceased then and there.

General Sherman, during Americas imperial age, was sent to take and control the Philippines. Muslim fanatics amongst the populace were fighting a guerilla war against him that conventional means were having difficulty controlling. He captured 7(?) rebels and tied them to posts. He brought out a pig and gutted it in front of them. He killed 6 of the rebels and threw them in graves along with the pigs entrails. It was then arranged to allow the 7th to escape to tell the others. The guerilla fighters disappeared.

In this time of need we too may need to use nonconventional means to control our enemies. As Americas top general I think I would like to pursue something along the following lines:

A. All infantry are issued a pound of raw bacon with strict orders not to eat it. A strip of bacon is used as a blind fold on all corpses to eternally blind the deceased from the glory of Allah.
B. KC-135 Strato-tankers (aerial refuelers) are to fly to the Jimmy Dean sausage factory and load up on pigs blood with anti- couagulant, fly to Afghanistan and paint the country. The people that are hit become members of the damned and are not then interested in dying. The earth and water become contaminated and cannot be used. The stained buildings are corrupt and must be torn down.
C. Pigs are very intelligent animals and could learn to respond to sound commands quite quickly. If we put little radio helmets on pigs, and bedecked them in explosive vests, they could be driven by remote control into Mosques, trenches, anywhere we need them and then detonated. The building is defiled, those who live through the explosion are still damned.
D. Millions of bags of ground porky rinds are to be peppered over what little arable land Afghanistan has. The presence of the rind bits makes the few fields they have a forbidden zone.

Its important to note with this plan that there are 3 kinds of people who are not permitted to live amongst muslims. Those people are pagans, those who have left Islam, and the damned. They are not allowed to merely ignore or ostracize these people but must exterminate them by Allahs orders. This creates a situation where the clerics will have to put out orders to the muslim community to have the damned killed, if they do not then they too would risk Allah slamming the door on them.

It isnt as silly as it might sound and its not just rednecks coming up with these ideas...

An Indonesian parliment member, intimately familiar with Islam and muslim behavior because of the number of them in his country, sent a letter to GW suggesting the same types of things.

-- William in WI (gnarledmaw@lycos.com), October 19, 2001.

I always knew that pork rinds would serve a purpose someday!

-- Tracy (trimmer31@hotmail.com), October 19, 2001.

Right on, William. My two Yorksire hogs, Virgil Cain and Emma Sansom, are busy getting a nest ready to have another dozen little rebel porkers. I think Virgil and Emma would be proud to send their piglets to fight old Sammy and his crowd.

-- Rags in Alabama (RaggedReb@aol.com), October 19, 2001.

"Tonight on Kabul TV5, come with us as our reporters show you the top secret "Rags Weapons Development Facility" in a little known part of America called Alabama!"

-- William in WI (gnarledmaw@lycos.com), October 19, 2001.

The comments on this page that grew from a jest into all out hatred and seriousness make my stomach turn. Rednecks suggest the bombing of mosques, like Klan members suggest and eventually carry out the burning of churches, like Nazi's suggest and carry out the extermination of races, like TERRORIST'S plan and carry out the attack on the Twin Towers. Weren't all KKK were self proclaimed Christians yet we will take all muslims for being responsible for terrorism.

-- rich (rich-a-rich@hotmail.com), November 22, 2002.

Most of the violence toward muslims in this country is from city people not Rednecks....Rednecks like to have sex a lot and swap wives and husbands on week ends and have a motto : Make love not War. The Clemmons boy down the valley has him a Muslim gal , as she is a looker , and he's as Redneck as they come.

Most us Rednecks ain't participatin Christians. We likes to work on the engines of our Ford Mustangs on Sundays , even though they don't need repairin.It's gives us an excuse to skip on church ..We does pray that Dale Earnhardt is resurrected from the dead this Easter Sunday.I seen the KKK. outside Harrison Arkansas , they were cleaning pop cans off the side of the highway and there was one on them blue signs that said.Adopt a highway Knights of the KKK . I thought Klan was spelled with a C ?

I've never seen these KKK guys perform but I saw " Jesus Christ Super Star " twice, and let me tell your these were some mighty fine young Christian people . Although I believe some of the cast was Jewish .Any way it was good . You need to see it some time.Funny how a lot of that hippy stuff from the 60's came from children brought up in a good chistian home.That's when it was stylish to share , to bad all them ones who were teens in the 80 adopted the Reagan motto Greed is Good .What religion is this motto from ?

rich , you seem to be mighty fixed on this Christian thang , you ain't the Anti-Christ are you ?

-- Matt Hibbs (Hibsway@hotmail.com), November 22, 2002.

yes, I am.

-- rich (ric-a-rich@hotmail.com), November 22, 2002.

http://www.ndsn.org/APRIL95/PEYOTE.html

rich ,I read the above web sit and now I understand why you feel the way ya do .

-- Matt Hibbs (Hibsway@hotmail.com), November 23, 2002.

rich , perhaps the church you go to has a lot of A type personalities and they're makin ya up tight. I'm invitin ya ta my church .We're kind , laid back simple countree folks in these parts and everyone here goes to church thanks to the new preacher .People here can't wait til Sunday , they think about it all week . It's no doubt we have the highest attendees than any churh in the state of Wiscossin.

Check it : http://www.ndsn.org/JUNE93/CHURCH.html

-- Matt Hibbs (Hibsway@hotmail.com), November 23, 2002.