The decision by the House of Representatives to go home today and have a nice long weekend at the taxpayers expense (even though there were no sightings of anthrax in their building) has given me a great idea... I think everyone deserves a couple days off! Don't you? This whole thing has been very stressful, and we just have a hard time doing the jobs we are paid to do, we deserve a break today!

Here's how it works...

When you go to work tomorrow, take your gym bag with your running shoes, shorts, etc., as if you were going to take a jogging break for lunch. Don't forget a can of Dr. Scholl's foot powder. When you are ready to take your lunch break, stop by the mailroom to see if you have any mail. When you set your bag on the counter, "accidentally" spill a little bit of powder on the counter, and between a few of the envelopes (If you see powder already there, one of your co-workers has beat you to it, so don't bother).

When you get back from lunch, you should expect to see a lot of strange vehicles around and guys walking around in body suits and gas masks. Your boss will be waiting by the front door to tell you not to come back until at least Monday. Then, you can have a nice long enjoyable paid holiday weekend, just like our government leaders! Hee hee hee!

-- (this is @ great. idea), October 17, 2001

Answers

Too funny!

-- (hahaha@hahaha.haha), October 17, 2001.

If your company provides the powdered type of non-dairy creamer, you can also use the coffee-break method without needing to bring your own supplies.

When you go to the break room to get a cup of coffee, sprinkle some of the powdered creamer in the palm of your hand. Drop by the mail room on the way back to your desk and check your box. Look for the mailbox of a person you despise at your company, raise your cupped hand to your mouth and cough in the direction of that box, spewing the powder upon their mail.

Nonchalantly stroll back to your desk, have a seat, and wait for the announcement over the intercom that the building is being evacuated.

-- (even @ more. fun), October 17, 2001.

Instant Jello has interesting properties, too, as do puff balls. Try a little of both for maxium scare value.

-- (Humph@phooey.sneeze), October 17, 2001.

Humph,

What flavor of Jello do you recommend?

I heard that the Russians engineered some kind of killer virus that was yellowish-green in color. Would the Lemon-Lime work, or are there some other colors that would really freak out the HazMat guys?

Also, what are the puff balls? You mean those orange Cheetohs cheese things?

-- thanks (plotting@good.schemes), October 18, 2001.

Indeed. Cheetos round cheesy puff balls are very toxic when inhaled. Nice thing is, they're too big to fit up your nose.

-- Chester (cheesy@yum.yum.cheesy), October 18, 2001.

You forgot about the part that if you get caught you'll get arrested.

-- Buddy (buddydc@go.com), October 18, 2001.

Naaah, it's purely "accidental", no reason to get arrested. The person whose mailbox you spew upon may go through a very thorough interrogation though. If you're lucky, you might get to see them in the parking lot being stripped naked and blasted down with a firehose!

-- hee hee hee! (ha ha ha ! @ loads. of fun!), October 18, 2001.