Dum idea ... mannequin at US base

EXCLUSIVE

Dummy guards US base

By JOHN KAY
Chief Reporter

A VITAL US air base in Britain is being guarded by a plastic DUMMY.

The mannequin — kitted out in combat gear — gazes out of an otherwise deserted gatehouse at the hi-tech communications centre.

Astonishingly, commanders believe the clearly fake guard will deter terrorists from sneaking in.

Following the September 11 atrocities, the base is SUPPOSED to be on C for Charlie alert — an extremely high security status just one grade below all-out attack.

It is almost certainly playing a key role in co-ordinating USAF raids on targets in Afghanistan.

Yet a stunned Sun reader spotted the dummy on guard duty as he drove past.

Ready for inaction ... mannequin at gatehouse Pictures: PETER SIMPSON

He declared: “I was staggered. It was clearly visible from the main road and wasn’t even very realistic.

“If the US Air Force are so careless about security in Britain how can they hope to secure their own nation and keep their people safe?

Security alert ... guards on duty at another gate

“I am sure the British forces would never use dummies as guards. They have learned the hard way to take security seriously after 30 years guarding against the IRA.”

The six-square-mile USAF base at Croughton, Northants, is home to the 1,000 personnel of 422nd squadron and their families.

Farce ... alert status notice

It is dotted with huge aerials and satellite dishes that would make a tempting target to terror gangs. The base’s policy, set out in a “vision statement”, proudly boasts it is “striving to be the premier provider of global communication services while fostering a close-knit community based on quality of life, mutual respect, and camaraderie.”

Spokesman Sergeant Art Webb admitted the base was using a dummy as a “deterrent” because: “We are under a lot of pressure right now.”

He said the gate being guarded by the dummy was currently closed because of roadworks.

He said: “We believe the base is secure. There are other security devices at the gate which I can’t talk about with you.”

But within 20 minutes of The Sun contacting the base about the dummy it had been replaced by a real guard.

-- (one of @ Dumbya's. relatives?), October 12, 2001

Answers

Skinny long neck, shifty head, squinty eyes...

Hmmmm, looks a lot like George Bush Sr.!

-- (back@from.retirement?), October 12, 2001.

Oh god, you really are getting your news from Alfred E Newman!!

Rofl!!

-- Gary (gcphelps@yahoo.com), October 12, 2001.

On closer inspection, the dummy’s nose is the business end of a modified mini-shotgun and his mouth is a CS gas dispenser.

-- Too (funny@2.cry), October 12, 2001.

But within 20 minutes of The Sun contacting the base about the dummy it had been replaced by a real guard.

and one could tell the difference how exactly???

-- (too@funny.hahaha), October 12, 2001.