Hmmm....how do we get pacifists to take up the flag? Well, this guy thinks we can get them -- or at least the Marxist/socialist-leaning ones -- to believe Bin Laden's a businessman out to rule the world.

Reverse Psychology 101: Pacifists, Take Up the Flag!

By George F. Smith (October 9, 2001)

Dear Pacifists,

I address you in the plural as protocol requires, since all humane action is collective. Listen carefully: you are being seriously deluded. The one who bids for your hero-worship is in fact your worst enemy.

You say you love everyone, that the world needs an outpouring of compassion for the victims of September 11, whose leader, Osama bin Laden, is now hunted like an animal by our imperial government. The attack was prompted by injustice, you say, since we have inflicted great harm on his people. Since proof of his involvement is circumstantial at best, we must call back our forces, take heed of our sins and avoid further bloodshed.

You can lower your peace placards, guys. This dude bin Laden is a capitalist suit in an Arab's dishdasha.

And you know what that means. He's a creature of the Market, a creator of poverty, pollutor of the environment and an exploiter of the masses -- a businessman.

You say, "No, no, no. Bin Laden's an outraged militant, fighting the oppression of Western imperialism and depravity." That's what he wants you to think, naive reader.

Beneath the surface he's your perennial foe, the one whose only cause is the accumulation of personal riches beyond imagination.

You've heard about his fabulous fortune. "We forgive him," you say, "because he didn't create it. He got it from his daddy." Only some of it. He's expanded his wealth by doing productive work, not as an honest laborer, but as (forgive the redundancy) an exploitative entrepreneur. "In Sudan in the 1990s, bin Laden engaged in construction and agriculture," the Washington Post reports. There you have it. His resume of bombings, assassinations, and destruction doesn't tell the whole story. Beneath that sterling exterior lies the heart of a cunning capitalist.

But you still object. "If he's really a businessman, why is he so violently anti-American?" Bin Laden's the ultimate competitor, Love-child. He's seeking to wipe out his competition, literally, so he can establish a world monopoly. Gates will seem like a convenience store clerk next to him. When al Qaeda, Inc. rules the world after reducing it to rubble, orphans will pay $100 for a pair of used socks. Think of the profits he'll make.

Remember the fury you felt when protesting the WTO summit? Are you feeling a little of that now, as his legions prowl your neighborhood? He's after profits, baby -- profits, the only thing darker than evil itself.

Did we not hear reports of his stock manipulations that preceded the alleged attack? The leveling of the World Trade Center was an old capitalist trick: create wealth by destroying its source. How could we be so blind? Notice how he sacrificed the lives of his workers in pulling it off. Typical big business indifference to safety.

Observe further how he has funneled money through charities to support his marketing aggressions in the West, thus evading taxes while exploiting the decency of the masses.

He even exploits the governments of his professed religion to further his end. He's a privateer, not a state official. He draws the wrath of the U.S. against the states who shield him, thereby endangering innocents, while escaping to ignite death elsewhere.

If his primary interest was terrorism, why would he bother getting a degree in economics and management from King Abdul Aziz University in Jedda, Saudi Arabia? Yes, he reads his Koran, but he bookmarks it with dollar bills.

He even runs his terrorist group on a businessman's model, according to many news sources. "His 'holy soldiers' comprise a multinational terrorist corporation," the Minnesota-based WCCO.com reported. They're closer to the truth than they realize.

Bin Laden is no neo-Marxist hero, as you want to believe. He's a warmongering capitalist pig out to rule the world. Arise! Throw down your peace signs and take up the flag. Stop this aggressor in the name of the people.

-- Eve (eve_rebekah@yahoo.com), October 10, 2001

Answers

Where were the pacifist on September 11th?

Why was there no outcry on the act of war committed against the United States on that day?

-- Gary (gcphelps@yahoo.com), October 10, 2001.

ROTFLMAO!!! Thanks for the laughs. I needed it! :)

-- Rich (living_in_interesting_times@hotmail.com), October 10, 2001.