Very Sad But Very True!

ARKANSAS CITY (EAP) -- A Little Rock woman was killed yesterday after leaping through her moving car's sun roof during an incident best described as a "mistaken rapture" by dozens of eye-witnesses.

Thirteen other people were injured after a twenty-car pile-up resulted from people trying to avoid hitting the woman who was apparently convinced that the rapture was occurring when she saw twelve people floating up into the air, and then passed a man on the side of the road who she claimed was Jesus.

"She started screaming "He's back!, He's back!" and climbed right out of the sunroof and jumped off the roof of the car," said Everet Williams, husband of 28-year-old Georgann Williams who was pronounced dead at the scene.

"I was slowing down but she wouldn't wait till I stopped," Willams said. She thought the rapture was happening and was convinced that Jesus was gonna lift her up into the sky," he went on to say.

"This is the strangest thing I've seen since I've been on the force," said Paul Madison, first officer on the scene.

Madison questioned the man who looked like Jesus and discovered that he was on his way to a toga costume party, when the tarp covering the bed of his pickup truck came loose and released twelve blow-up sex dolls filled with helium which then floated up into the sky.

Ernie Jenkins, 32, of Fort Smith, who's been told by several of his friends that he looks like Jesus, pulled over and lifted his arms into the air in frustration, and said "Come back," just as the Williams' car passed him, and Mrs. Williams was sure that it was Jesus lifting people up into the sky as they passed by him, according to her husband, who says his wife loved Jesus more than anything else.

When asked for comments about the twelve sex dolls, Jenkins replied "This is all just too weird for me. I never expected anything like this to happen."

-- Just (my@2.cents), August 29, 2001

Answers

I REALLY tried not to laugh [in reverence to this woman's beliefs], but when the "twelve blow-up sex dolls filled with helium" entered the picture, I couldn't hold back anymore.

However, just in case I'm confronted with a similar situation, let me get this straight now: If Jesus [or God, or whoever is in charge of rapture] is capable of getting bodies out of the ground [as from under some VERY heavy tombstones], wouldn't it make sense that the entity involved could just as easily remove one from her car? Is it really necessary to "jump up?"

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), August 29, 2001.

It's an urban legend, but the funniest one I've read in a long time. I just took a big swig of Pepsi when this page opened up. Now I have to change my shirt. Thanks for the biggest laugh I've had all day!

-- Tarzan the Ape Man (tarzan@swingingthroughthejunglewithouta.net), August 29, 2001.

the''great HOPE''of the early believer's,was being resurected, changed from mortal to immortal.from corrution to in-corruption. and JESUS did =promise that he was going to [prepare] a place for his children.HE was the 1st-to be glorified,and said he is not ashamed to call us his brethren.YOU,LL never have a friend so true. ''HE is touched with the feelings of our infimities'' *in due-season-----all pain & sorrow will be destroyed*

-- al-d. (dogs@zianet.com), August 29, 2001.

Art Bell read this "Darwin Candidate" story over the air not long ago. I laughed so hard during the initial telling that I replayed the bit three or four times.

The rapture, if and when it occurs, is gonna be a pretty cool thing to witness...from my vantage point on terra firma. :)

-- Rich (living_in_interesting_times@hotmail.com), August 30, 2001.