One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so. The first man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river."

Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, after almost drowning a couple of times.

Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength ..and the tools to cross this river."

Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.

The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools...and the intelligence ... to cross this river."

And poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), August 22, 2001

Answers

Speaking of men and women ... His and Her Moods

MOODS OF A WOMAN

An angel of truth and a dream of fiction

A woman is a bundle of contradiction

She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse

But will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house

She'll take him for better, she'll take him for worse

She'll break open his head and then be his nurse

But when he's well and can get out of bed

She'll pick up the teapot and aim for his head

Beautiful and keenly sighted, yet blind

Crafty and cruel, yet simple and kind

She'll call him a king, then make him a clown

Raise him on a pedestal, then knock him flat down

She'll inspire him to deeds that ennoble man

Or make him her lackey to carry her fan

She'll run away from him and never come back

But if he runs away, then she'll be on his tracks

Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose

She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose

She'll win you in range, enchant you in silk

She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk

At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad

She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad

MOODS OF A MAN

Horny.

-- Debra (Thisis@it.com), August 22, 2001.

Sorry Debra, men also have "drink beer" mood.

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeed@yahoo.com), August 22, 2001.

Unk: I think we've identified TWO moods of women here. "Horny" and "Drink Beer." Who said we were from different planets?

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), August 22, 2001.

Better add a Watching Sports mood.

-- U No Hoo (sporty@aol.con), August 23, 2001.

A strnager walks into a bar out in the boondocks. He goes up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender gets the beer, puts it down in front of him.

A local peels off from a group sitting down the bar, comes up to the stranger and says, "Say, fella, you're not from around these parts, are you?"

"No. I'm here on vacation from the city."

The local squints at him long and hard, and says, "What kinda work you do, fella?"

"I'm a taxidermist."

The local spits in the spitoon and says,"What in tarnation does a taxee-dermist do?"

"I mount animals."

The local turns to his buddies down the bar and yells, "He's OK, boys. He's one of us."

-- Miserable SOB (misery@misery.com), August 23, 2001.

Female Chauvinists

-- Buddy (buddydc@go.com), August 23, 2001.

oops, forgot the...

:)

-- Buddy (buddydc@go.com), August 23, 2001.

Anita, I got the message, took me a few days to find this place, just to let you know I "heard ya"

-- bitchslapper (bitchslapper@kotex.com), August 23, 2001.

I sent someone a message about this place?

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Beyond Murphy's Law... Everyone knows Murphy's Law: "Anything that can go wrong, will..." - Here are some other Laws you may not have heard of! 1. Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch. 2. Anthony's Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. 3. Lowery's Law of Home Repair: If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway. 4. Beach's Law: Interchangable parts aren't. 5. Tussman's Law: Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come. 6. William's Law: There is no mechanical problem so difficult that it cannot be solved by brute strength and ignorance. 7. Lane's Law of Supply and Demand: The one item you need is always in short supply. 8. Cannon's Karmic Law: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire. 9. Martin's Law of Meteorology: The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it. 10. Ehrlich's Law: The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts. 11. Norman Einstein's Law: If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid. 12. Col. Murphy's Law of Combat: Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder!

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), August 24, 2001.