You may be a homesteader if: (jokes) : LUSENET : Countryside : One Thread


1. Your dog rides in the truck more than your wife.

2. You've never thrown away a 5 gallon bucket.

3. You have used baling wire to attach a license plate.

4. You have used a chain saw to remodle your house.

5. You have driven off the road while examining your neighbor's crops.

6. You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.

7. You used a tractor with a loader as scaffolding for painting or roof repairs.

8. You have used the same knife to make a bull calf into a steer and peel apples.

9. You have used something other tan paper as toilet paper.

10. You have animals living in buildings more expensive than your house.

11. Family weddings and special events are planned around spring planting and fall harvest.

12. You've been stopped by the deputy sheriff for a cluttered dashboard.

13. Your family instantly becomes silent when the weather comes on the news.

14. You pick up all the free stuff at the State Fair.

15. You consider a building a mall if it's bigger than the local Wal-Mart.

16. You know that cow pies are not made out of beef.

17. Your early morning prayer cover rain, cattle and pigs.

18. Your nearest neighbor is in the next section, and you know what a section is.

19. Your other vehicle is a tractor.

20. Your childre "beat-up" another kid on the school bus arguing over the color of tractors.

21. You have enough ball caps to match every shirt you own, but you only wear one so you don't get the others dirty.

-- Tom S. (, August 22, 2001


Fun List Tom! You might be a roofer if...... well, you know!

-- Kathy (, August 22, 2001.

Loved em, Tom! Here's a couple from a gals point of view...

1. You want a seperate kitchen just to can in.

2. You spend more money on a pair of work boots, than a fancy dress.

3. You'd never bother with a manicure, what's the point. No nails.

4. The site of anything just canned, puts a smile on your face.

5. You keep a good pair of jeans for special occasions.

-- Annie (, August 22, 2001.

Yep, those are great Tom. I had to chuckle a little on #4 - remembering how Dennis removed half of our L-shaped porch that was just too decrepit to remodel. The logger in him is just too strong to allow him to tediously separate the part to remain from the part to be torn down. So, he climbed up the ladder, fired up his small chainsaw (nicknamed - "The Turkey Slicer") and I watched in amazement as he sawed the roof in two. Then he climbed down, gave me the signal to pour the coals to the truck that he had already chained to the porch and in a cloud of dust and debris, it came tumbling down. It was pretty impressive if I do say so myself - the man still amazes me!

-- Cynthia in MN (, August 22, 2001.

Gee, I "qualify" for all of these except #12, well, being a hillbilly first and formost prequalifies me for most all anyway!!!

Here's my additional contribution:

22. You don't own any cars, only pickup trucks of various ages and abilities, and certainly none that are considered remotely "late model" ones.

23. You complain about the increased traffic on your unpaved cow path that is the road, someone other than your neighbor down the road, and the mailman went by today.

-- Annie Miller in SE OH (, August 22, 2001.

Here's one from my own experience:

Non-homesteaders give you that look when you talk about your favorite rooster or rabbit doe, while other homesteaders match your story with several of their own.

-- Cathy N. (, August 23, 2001.

here's another one: your family picture includes at least 'one' of your critters, i.e. favorite rooster, hen, duck, goat, cow, etc.

-- yancee in texas (, August 23, 2001.

Here's another from a woman's point of view:

If your husband gives you a roll of chicken wire for Valentines!--and you're tickled to death about it!

-- Suzy in Bama (, August 23, 2001.

If you talk to your neighbor about castrating the kids and she doesn't report you to Child Protective Services, you both may be homesteaders.

-- Sherri C (, August 23, 2001.

Here is a true one. My Mom and Dad were visiting the Crystal Cathedral in Garden Grove CA. When introduced to Rev. Robert Schuller, Daddy looked around that big ole glass church and ask Dr Schuller, How much hay do you suppose this thing will hold?

-- Belle (, August 23, 2001.

By-the-way, Were those jokes? Sounded right to me.

-- Belle (, August 23, 2001.

Suzy in Bama, the first year we were on this farm--'97--my husband bought a 50# box of fence staples right around my birthday. One of the ladies in his office asked him what he was getting me and he mentioned the staples. She nearly killed him, threatened him with severe bodily harm if he told her husband about it, but as you said, I was tickled as we could sure use them as the fences were in such bad shape.

-- marilyn (, August 23, 2001.

I'm not all that sentimental; I LOVE practical gifts. Oh, the things I could do with scrap wood and chicken wire!!

-- Cathy N. (, August 24, 2001.

Here's another one: you still have the $400 your mother sent the both of you for christmas because you can't agree on whether to buy a welder (him) or a forge (her)!

-- Mary R. (, August 26, 2001.

If your 2 year old human child who loves corn eats it from the grain bag ! And yes I made her spit it out .

-- Patty {NY State} (, August 27, 2001.

Hubby buys you a goat....and his friend wants to know if all the jewlry stores were closed!! Denise

-- Denise K. (, September 13, 2001.

If you buy a new home and have to tell your wife, "Darling, we can afford to either buy pasture fence or put new linoleum in the house this year but not both" and she chooses to buy the fence.


-- Live Oak (, September 13, 2001.

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