I received this in an email, I did NOT make it up. A couple of these really are funny... OK, I admit to being easily entertained. :-)

25) Git your Tongue Outta My Mouth Cuz I'm Kissin ya Goodbye

24) Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Hart Was Pure

23) How Can I Miss Ya If You Won't Go Away?

22) I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself Or Go Bowling

21) I Bought A Car Frum A Guy Who Stole My Girl, But It Don't Run, So We're Even

20) I Keep Furgittin' I Furgot About You

19) I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well

18) I Still Miss Ya Baby, But My Aim's Gittin' Better

17) I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fite, Cuz I'm Afraid She'd Win

16) I'll Marry Ya Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight

15) I'm So Miserable Without Ya, It's Like Havin' You Here

14) I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lyin' On My Back And Cryin' Over You

13) If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

12) If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now

11) Mama Git a Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)

10) My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You

9) My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him

8) Please Bypass This Heart

7) She Got The Ring and I Got The Finger

6) You Done Tore Out My Heart and Stomped That Sucker Flat

5) You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

4) If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me

3) She's Actin' Single and I'm Drinkin' Doubles

2) She's Looking Better After Every Beer

... and the number 1 Redneck song of all time. . .

1) I Haven't Gone To Bed With Any Ugly Women, But I've Sure Woke Up With A Few

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), July 26, 2001

Answers

5) You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

This is a real song recorded by Conway Twitty and (I think) Loretta Lynn!

-- helen (heard@this.one), July 27, 2001.

25 is from Ray Stevens

-- Joe (dixie_redneck@hotmail.com), April 23, 2002.

Also real songs worthy of mention:
"She got the goldmine, I got the shaft"
and Gayla oh Gayla, how could you leave out the memorable "Drop kick me, Jesus, through the goalpost of life"

-- Peter Errington (petere7@starpower.net), April 23, 2002.

23. Is by Dan Hicks and his Hot Licks, lyrics, chords and all are available online.

-- Bob Williams (rwilliamsmis@hotmail.com), December 17, 2002.

I really don't much care about the music or lyrics to #23, but I'm very grateful to Bob for reviving this thread - I needed the giggle!

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), December 18, 2002.

Ditto Tricia. I like No. 4. Here's a couple of of one liners to make you smile. Cheers.

LATERAL THINKING

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

Does the Little Mermaid wear an algaebra?

-- Carol (c@oz.com.au), December 18, 2002.

Do the leaves fall from a geometry at the end of each semester?

Sadly, Santa's brake broke the other night, and he sleighed his reindeer.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (cook.r@csaatl.com), December 20, 2002.

Lol Robert, what a nice logical subject geometry was. It didn't matter that I had no artistic bent. What a joy.

Silly Santa shoulda had his sleigh serviced seasonally.

Merry Christmas.

-- Carol (c@oz.com), December 21, 2002.

I don't understand what you're anglin' for ... Geometrees are very, very straight-natured. Christmas trees, however, are light-headed and often have an winged angle at the top.

Get the point?

Or should just I feed you another straight line? Or a curve ball?

As one parallel line said to another, "Why can't we all just get a long together?"

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (cook.r@csaatl.com), December 21, 2002.

Keep 'em coming Robert.

Best Christmas to all here.

-- Carlos (riffraff@cybertime.net), December 22, 2002.

Robert, the other parallel line answered,"What would be the point?"

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), December 22, 2002.

12

-- chad redneck (rednekkkchad@yahoo.com), March 22, 2004.

Huh? Mary Christmas? Hey, din I date a Mary Christmas back in '02? Thuh one with thuh big brother we figgerd musta been so mean cause o bein teased about his name when he wuz little?

It's nothing. Go back to sleep, Redneck. I'll wake you up for Christmas dinner.

Uh, OK.

(Boy, these are some pretty old threads. Maybe if we rub a dryer sheet on em...)

-- J (jsnider@hal-pc.org), March 22, 2004.

13.

(Oh. Wait. Got to skip a reply.)

OOpsie.

-- Robert & Jean (getingwarmer@ga.inthespring), March 28, 2004.

14.

(Oh. Wait. Nope that was 15, which makes the next one 17.)

-- Robert & Jean (getingwarmer@ga.inthespring), March 28, 2004.

19.

-- Robert & Jean (getingwarmer@ga.inthespring), March 28, 2004.

No, wait.

18 is next, so this is 19.

-- Robert & Jean (getingwarmer@ga.inthespring), March 28, 2004.