This is deadly serious, so don't ignore it. Several new viruses have been discovered and are wreaking havoc throughout the US national system.

Beware of:

The Al Gore Virus causes your computer to just keep counting and counting.

The Clinton Virus gives you a 7-inch hard drive with no memory.

The Bob Dole Virus (aka Viagra) makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.

The Lewinsky Virus sucks all the memory out of your computer, then emails everyone about what it did.

The Mike Tyson Virus quits after two bytes.

The Oprah Winfrey Virus shrinks you 300mb hard drive to 100mb, then slowly expands to restabilize around 200mb.

The Jack Kevorkian Virus deletes all old files.

The Ellen Degeneres Virus does not allow disks to be inserted.

The Prozac Virus totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.

The Joey Buttafuoco Virus only attacks minor files.

The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus terminates some files, but will be back.

The Lorena Bobbitt Virus reformats your hard drive into a 3.5-inch floppy, then discards it through Windows.

-- Joke (dont@have.one), July 19, 2001