a few jokes, laugh and get rid of stress !!!greenspun.com : LUSENET : Countryside : One Thread
ok folks. its hot out, stress is a little high, so here are a few jokes to help you smile and giggle. read at your own risk :)
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman replied, "You are in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be a Republican," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."
The woman below responded. "You must be a Democrat."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
------------------ INTERSTATE LOVE
4 guys are driving cross-country together -- one from Idaho, one from Nebraska, one from Florida, and the last one is from New York. A bit down the road the man from Idaho starts topull potatoes from his bag and throws them out the window. The man from Iowa turns to him and asks, "What the hell are you doing?" The man from Idaho says, "Man, we have so many of these damned things in Idaho they're laying around on the ground-I'm sick of looking at them!" A few miles down the road, the man from Nebraska begins pulling husks of corn from his bag and throwing them out the window.
The man from Florida asks "What are you doing that for?" The Nebraskan replies,
"Man, we have so many of these damned things in Nebraska I'm sick of looking at them!" Inspired by the others, the man from Florida opens the car door and pushes the New Yorker out. ------------------------------
Our family took a ski trip, and I was knocked unconscious by the chairlift. I called my insurance company from the hospital, but it refused to cover my injury.
"Why not?" I complained.
"You got hit in the head by a chairlift," the insurance rep said. "That makes you a moron, and we consider that a pre-existing condition." - ( Swiped From Readers Digest ) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Yugo!"
The driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, "Yes, I have a phone."
The driver of the Yugo says, "Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there too? I've got a fridge in the back seat of my Yugo!"
The driver of the Rolls, looking annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator."
The driver of the Yugo says, "That's great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there, too? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!"
The driver of the Rolls, looking very annoyed by now, says, "Of course I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!"
The driver of the Yugo says, "Very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there, too? I got a bed in the back of my Yugo!"
Upset that he did not have a bed, the driver of the Rolls-Royce sped away, and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered that a bed be installed in the back of the Rolls. The next morning, the driver of the Rolls picked up the car, and the bed looked superb, complete with silk sheets and brass trim. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls Royce.
So the driver of the Rolls begins searching for the Yugo, and he drove all day. Finally, late at night, he finds the Yugo parked, with all the windows fogged up from the inside. The driver of the Rolls got out and knocked on the Yugo. When there wasn't any answer, he knocked and knocked, and eventually the owner stuck his head out, soaking wet.
"I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce," the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly.
The driver of the Yugo looked at him and said, "You got me out of the shower for that ?"
-- gene ward (firstname.lastname@example.org), July 12, 2001
Thanks Gene, I woke up at 2:00 a.m. worring about our upcoming move to a homestead in Virginia, finanical matters, and life's predicaments in general. It is now 7:00 an I am off to work but, since I only have 1 more week and I retire and once again an official homesteader (woohoo),I had to check in at the forum. I was dreading the desk full of work to be done before I leave the office forever, tired from being up all night, and sick of worring. I am usually very upbeat but for some reason couldn't shake it today! Your jokes lightened my heart, made me laugh, and I forwarded them to friends and relatives which made me remember how lucky we all are to have laughter, humor, friends and relatives. What the heck was I worried about??????? I have all the very most important things in life anyway! Thanks Gene!
-- Karen (email@example.com), July 12, 2001.
Yeah, Thanks Gene.
-- Rick7 (firstname.lastname@example.org), July 12, 2001.