How do y'all go about making those heart-twisting decisions in which the pros and cons pretty much equal out and choosing wrong could prove to be a financial loss one way, and an emotional loss the other?

I am considering a large purchase, in the vicinity of $3,000. We could afford it if we budgeted carefully and had no suprise biggie bills for the next three or four months - a reasonable expectation. On the one hand, this purchace would be fullfilling in many ways, and we both love the item in question. On the other hand, it's (pardon my French) a b**tload of money, more than we've ever spent on anything before. Add to that the possibility that we may be going in with Mother on $18,000 worth of property in the near future and if, for some reason, we can't save the purchace price by the time the order arrives (a three or four month wait), we'd have to finance the remainder, adding to our debt load. (We owe about 2 grand on cards, and about $500 on the truck, most of which I hope to have paid off by the time the item would get here).

The item in question is neither neccesary to life as I know it, nor trivial and frivolous. We've been wanting one just like it for years, and this is the cheapest we've found it. It's more practical than similar ones we've seen, given its components and craftsmanship, but it would possibly be hard to find a place to put it for the few years I plan on visiting the family in MO. Finding another like it at the price a few years down the road - well, your guess is as good as mine. Could be all over the place, could be gone like the wind.

Any advice would be appreciated. I can't figure out if my trepidation is prudent caution ('don't get in over your head' has always been good policy), or fear (I wouldn't BE in over my head, as long as I'm careful with my money - or am I just in desire-induced denial about that? Ah, the nights I've lain awake playing with that one!) PLEASE HELP ME GET SOME SLEEP!

-- Soni (thomkilroy@hotmail.com), June 28, 2001

Answers

The mysterious "item in question"...

cheers,

-- Max (Maxel@inwindsor.com), June 28, 2001.

I am a huge beliver in fate. Since you won't tell us what this is..........here is what I am hearing from you. You have wanted, perhaps even prayed about this, and now with just a small tightening of the belt this want is obtainable. But you still question......I am more of the kind of person that if an opportunity that is really good presents itself, and certainly if it is something I have thought long and hard on, than I don't question any further. God or whomever you believe in, gives you a nudge, then drops a brick on your head, might want to pay attention to the nudges? I am very frugal with my money, I don't buy anything on a whim, but a good bargin is just that, and doesn't come around very often! Vicki

-- Vicki McGaugh TX (vickilonesomedoe@hotmail.com), June 28, 2001.

If you buy this item and it turns out that you need that money elsewhere, is this something that can be resold so you recoup most of your money? If so, then the decision isn't quite as final. Just my thoughts, off the top of my head:)

-- Elizabeth in E TX (kimprice@peoplescom.net), June 28, 2001.

Soni- I just wrestled with a similar dilemma involving an antique stove. I have wanted one for years but have kept putting off the purchase partly because my main financial objective is to pay off my mortgage, and partly because I hadn't found the "right" one. Well, I just found one on ebay and got it at a pretty good price (although, not a steal as some other readers have reported). It's a beautiful combination wood/gas stove, circa 1900, in fantastic condition. Guess what? My house doesn't even have gas! (Yet- it might next week after I pick up the stove!). In addition, Yuppie Boyfriend is making noises about my moving to Texas, so who knows where I'll wind up? But, I wanted the stove, it wasn't exactly an impulse purchase since I have wanted it for so long, I worked really hard this year and can afford it- so, why not. Plus, I know that I can sell it for more than I paid IF I ever had to, so there you have it. I might have felt differently about the purchase if it had meant going into debt, but I'm not. And, I have already started clearing closets, bookshelves, and barn in anticipation of a possible move, so I do have a little extra cash to play with. One thing I will say, depending on what the item in question is- with online auctions proliferating it is getting easier to locate those previously hard-to-find items in the event you decide to hold off on your purchase for the time being.

-- Elizabeth (ekfla@aol.com), June 28, 2001.

Now, Soni, I'm going to tell you a story about NOT purchasing something you really want.

Years ago, we were living in Italy. We had gone to Florence where they sell beautiful jewelery. I spotted a wonderful pearl necklace with gold bands separating each pearl. The price was a little expensive and I really didn't need a pearl necklace to make my life complete, so after much hemming and hawing, I decided NOT to buy the necklace. Twenty years later I'm still regretting not buying that necklace.

Bottom line is: if you can swing it financially and it's something your heart desires get it and move on.

Another little mini-story. While shopping one day at a sidewalk sale, I spotted a black sparklie mini-dress with tiny little straps. I had never dared wear anything like that, didn't have any place to wear it, in fact, it was two sizes too big (gee, that was long, long ago) but it just called to me. I had to have that dress. It was only $8 but then, times were tight. But I DID BUY the dress. Of course, I never wore it, but I got a million dollars worth of pleasure out of looking at that snazzy little dress.

Wishing you enough.

-- Dianne in Mass (dianne.bone@usa.net), June 28, 2001.

Well, Soni, I'm going to tell you a couple of stories that might help you make a decision.

Story Number 1:

Years ago, we were living in Italy. We had gone to Florence where they sell beautiful jewelry at not unreasonable prices. I saw a beautiful pearl necklace that had gold bands separating each pearl. It was exquisite but a little expensive. I thought about it and hemmed and hawed and finally decided I really didn't NEED a pearl necklace, so I decided not to buy it. Twenty years later I'm still regretting not buying that necklace.

Story Number 2:

Many more than twenty years ago at a sidewalk sale, I spotted a georgous, slinky black mini sequined cocktail dress with tiny little straps. I absolutely fell in love with this dress. Now, it was only $8 but times were tough and money was tight. I had no reason to buy this dress, had no where to wear the dress and in fact, it was two sizes too big (boy, that was a long long time ago) but that dress really called to me, so I BOUGHT IT!!! Of course, I never wore it but I got a million dollars worth of pleasure just from looking at that sexy little dress hanging in my closet.

Hope this helps. Thanks for reading.

-- Dianne in Mass (dianne.bone@usa.net), June 28, 2001.

Oops! It's embarrassing to see the same (almost) story twice. I didn't think the first one went through. Sorry.

-- Dianne in Mass (dianne.bone@usa.net), June 28, 2001.

Never before, in my physical body life time, did I ever have to make a decision about who I would allow to drink the water from the manual well, I had another well driven. For all who hear and remember, and I have documentation from every Government Agency who stated they did not know what the hell would happen with Y2K. So, I was not comfortable with one well, I had another driven. In the end, it does not matter. We humans can strive, all we may, trying on our own. Perhaps I can lend you another story, going back to the Viet Namn Era. Ships were deployed for eight months. Monies were detained, we still lived. My grown children of that era are alive today, along with my Grandchildren Times may seem hard. But you WILL Survive, upon the Grace of Heaven. Try it, and see the results.

-- my story (andIam@sticking.com), June 28, 2001.

If its a good treeing hound dog I would go ahead and buy it.

-- Russell Hays (rhays@sstelco.com), June 28, 2001.

First, if you're the type to lose sleep with anxiety over this decision before it's made, you'll likely lose sleep with worry after it's made ("Did I do the right thing?") regardless. There's no solution for that.

Now, that having been said, it sounds like something you've wanted for a long time and about which you have educated yourself as to the item as well as the marketplace. If you're happy with that apsect the only question (as I see it) is your budget and the timing. Elizabeth brought up an excellent point on how liquid the asset might be (can you turn and get quick cash for it if you need it?). If it is highly liquid, go ahead as there's limited downside risk.

If, on the other hand, it's relatively illiquid then we're back to money and timing. No one can predict when the transmission is going to go out of the truck but you can't live your life in fear of that, either. To help yourself feel good about getting this consider if it will create income in any way (cash, bartered products or time saved). If it does, great. If not then look at another way to make some extra money to cover any potential shortfall this expenditure creates.

Away from all the cold, calculating parts of this, ask yourself this question; Is this likely to be a source of turmoil at home if things don't work out as hoped? Nothing is worth that. In any event, I hope this helps in some way. Good luck. I hope you're happy with whatever you decide.

-- Gary in Indiana (gk6854@aol.com), June 29, 2001.

The fact is you will never "really" know if it is right thing to do until you do it! My thought is, that although a person can't be frivolous, you will lose more sleep and disappointments on the "what if's"! You can never go back, all you can do is what you think is the best thing to do at the time and let the chips fall where they may!

A person has to have some joys in those things that aren't "neccessities" once in a while. The neccessities have always been and will continue to come from somewhere. The "treasures" only come along rarely! Live a little and go for it!!!

One thing though....now I am laying awake wonder what "IT" is??????

-- Karen (db0421@yahoo.com), June 29, 2001.

Carpe diem !!!!!

-- Lyn (lyn.bennon@alcoa.com), June 29, 2001.

Soni, if it is a good deal and you go ahead whith the purchase and then decide you have made a mistake you could probably resell the item in question and get your money back. If the deal is a good one for you it is generally a good one for some else also. I would say go ahead in my opinion because I also have kicked myself for letting a good thing go so I could think about it. Jenn

-- jenn (normaj3@coutnrylife.net), June 29, 2001.

If you KNOW you will need it and need it often; get it. Spending that kind of money for something you may use once or twice or thrice probably isn't worth the trouble.

10 years ago, I purchased a used CINVA RAM adobe block machine for less than $200.00. I knew I wouldn't need it soon but eventually I plan on building a small cabin/retreat with it. That is good peace of mind, speaking for myself. But I gotta store it, suffer the looks from my wife stating, "and when are we gonna use this"?

Will this item require frequent upkeep / maintenance? Will you have the time (or know someone with it) to accomplish this? Can you rent or borrow this item more easily than keeping it permanently?

If it is just monetary caution, don't sweat it. Money comes and goes easily, even $3,000. Peace of mind is priceless.

Did this help or make the decision harder? Hope it helps. . . that was the intent. Good luck.

-- j.r. guerra (jrguerra@boultinghousesimpson.com), June 29, 2001.

Hmmm. Is it bigger than a breadbox? Is it a hot tub?

Is there some other emotional stuff attached to this besides the money factor? Just curious that you chose not to post what it is. Do you feel like it is too hedonistic (or fill in the blank.....?) Just a couple of questions to ask yourself.

Example from my experience: We thought about getting a hot tub for probably 10 years. We just couldn't bring ourselves to do it because it conjured up all these negative images: folks wasting energy, yuppie values, etc., on TOP of the expense (tub, electricity, water, shelter for it, concrete to pour, etc.) After ten years of denying ourselves this pleasure, we finally convinced ourselves to just do it! Last year, we did.

We cut down on every last kind of electrical use that we could just to feel less "guilty." (However, this thing is so insulated, it doesn't use that much anyway.) That way we didn't feel like we were hitting on the environment too much. We paid the cash for it that we had been saving for 10 years, so that was certainly a plus factor.

Now when we are ten years older than when we first thought about, we can really benefit! We are sore from chores and hiking a lot and this is great therapy. We also entertain friends in it a lot. They all come over here and we don't have to leave. Also we use it every night before bed to kind of unwind and reconnect we each other.

I have no idea if what you are thinking is remotely similar, but I guess my point is to ask all the oblique questions, too...not just the financial one. But you are a sharp one, Soni. You've probably already thought of this!

-- sheepish (the_original_sheepish@hotmail.com), June 29, 2001.

Soni, the only thing I would go in to debt for is land; the only thing I would pay $3,000.00 for is something that would meet these stipulations: 1. it must pay its own way one way or the other.2. if it is something that you will use over and over, say like a camping trailor where your vacations would cost less due to money saved on hotels and restaurants.

Would this money be better spent on something like a donut making cart where the item would pay for its self? And live on to make additional monies and pay for other things?

I find that hard decisions are self solving by projecting the situtation fordward an average of 6 months in your mind; this projected hindsight as I call it works for me.

-- mitch hearn (moopups1@aol.com), June 29, 2001.

Since you are not willing to tell us what the item is I can only presume that it is a TOY of some kind.

I have a personal rule for that: Don't buy TOYS with money that has not yet been earned. It seems that you have a couple of thousand dollars of card debt that needs to be paid too. That would be a lot better place to put the money (if you had the money yet).

Now I am sure that you will not get any answers that you did not already have...

-- Ed Copp (OH) (edcopp@yahoo.com), June 29, 2001.

Sorry for all the mystery - I wanted to get imput on the basic problem at the heart of all the turmoil without possible (subconscious) judgements - pro or con - about the object itself interfering. The price is high for the catagory of object that it is, but not for the type of object specifically. However, since I've gotten y'all to open up a little, I'll break the silence and we'll see if you all can restrain yourselves from outrage at the thought of spending 3 large on an (drumroll please) CUSTOM-COVERED ITALIAN SECTIONAL SOFA (four sections - a right side chaise, an armless loveseat in the center, a right-angle curve piece and a left side arm chair.) Put together, it makes an L-shaped "conversation area" complete with the coveted comfy reading area (the chaise). The practicality comes in the form of a suede-like micro-fiber covering (I thought is was suede and asked for a non-cow covering!). The sales lady showed us where they had gotten ink all over the sample book, and had wiped it off with a soapy sponge (they left a little for demo purposes, I feel). It's comfy as all get out, makes a definate statement, esthetically, (I go for 'little furniture - big impact' decorating) and is priced at about a half to a third the cost of similar pieces in nearby stores (I gather that this manufacturer is know for their "reasonable" prices).

So okay, yeah, it's a heck of a lot for a sofa, but then again, it's an entire living room suit in one unit (and the pieces can be rearranged in a limited fashion, or set out individually, so boredom is alleviated). I can't stand the traditional sofa look and would rather sit on the floor than have one, as I am presently doing. But the main appeal of the sofa is not its looks or its size. Its the way that I can stretch out full length (and so can 6'4" DH), read propped up and feet out on the chaise, and (most of all) plenty of room for both of us to stretch out at the same time, lean against one another on long winter nights, and just cuddle, with room for the critters to boot (no "off limits" for the cats - I'd rather have a hairy sofa than do without the little cuties).

I feel confident that by purchasing less, and only the best quality that I can afford of what I do buy, that I am not supporting (as much as possible) child labor and other baddies of the commercial world (quality Italian furniture is more likely to be made by adults in a decent factory for a decent wage than a high-production chain-store version put out by the boatload in China). The sofa will only be put together when I order it, eliminating the energy and overhead extras wasted during storage, demo, and showroom sales of traditional pieces. And best of all, I only trigger the loan when the piece is delivered (minus the 20% deposit) so there's no worries about failing stores or manufactureres running off with the 3G and never being heard of again. Most of the chain stores spend your check on overhead, and so on, long before they even order your piece, and so if they fail, so does your account! OUCH! Happens a lot, I hear.

Well, I guess I'll get off my soapbox now and get on with my life. Keep the advice coming - it's all good and I will consider it all very thoroughly before deciding. Thanks bundles guys. You're the greatest.

-- Soni (thomkilroy@hotmail.com), June 29, 2001.

Say Soni, what does this mean? "The practicality comes in the form of a suede-like micro-fiber covering (I thought is was suede and asked for a non-cow covering!)." What kind of material is it? What is it made of? Most man-made materials are highly off-gassing and toxic, especially long-term.

-- Earthmama (earthmama48@yahoo.com), June 29, 2001.

Soni,

It's for a sofa?

You got 2500 in debt over your head! And you may need to put the thing in storage?

I moved a while back and left my stuff in storage. After 4+ years of paying 'rent' at ~$80 a month I should of taken a few boxes [personal stuff] and thrown the rest away - sunken costs of ~$4000 could of replaced everything! I would of gone the garage sale / 'goodwill' route had I known the error of my ways. Also the most of stuff was ruined by the heat [Florida].

-- (perry@ofuzzy1.com), June 29, 2001.

Well, now that you have 'revealed' what it is, and in great detail, probably you've already done this, or at least thought of it. I recommend going and sitting on the thing for a minimum of an hour, so that you can discover if it REALLY is that comfy. I've sat in any number of chairs, sofas, etc. that felt good at first, but were soon uncomfortable.

Also, Earthmamma has a good point about the possible off-gassing.

-- Joy F [in So. Wisconsin] (CatFlunky@excite.com), June 30, 2001.

Pay off your credit cards. We would never think of going into debt over furniture or anything else. As of this month are mortgage is paid off, also we have no car payments, no credit card debt. Think of how that would feel. Is a sofa worth it?

-- Elly in Mass (skutel@mediaone.net), June 30, 2001.

Is the time and money going to be equal to the pleasure? Will it replace an equal amount of separate pieces and provide much need seating? If not neccessary, would you work an extra job to pay for it? Also, my 2 cents on going into deals with family (from experience this was a red flag for me) - Don't - it's one of the most riskly things (breaks up familys) you'll ever do. Make sure everything is on paper if you do.

-- Kelly Miller (Kellys_plants@hotmail.com), July 01, 2001.

OK, so it's both a comfort item, and aesthetics. Got to agree about trying it a long while first thoough, and that sort of ties in with the point about outgassing as well - with your health history you really want to make sure that won't be a problem. Other than that, I can't tell you what to do. However, think about this - some furniture only effectively lasts about, say, five years. I mean, after that, it may still be there, but it's no longer new - it FEELS second hand. That means about ten or twelve dollars a week IN ADVANCE for five years. Is that worth it to you? If it's going to mean one orchestrated seduction a week, or even a couple of extra cuddles a week, maybe it is - I'd be tempted on that basis. Heck, I'd just about sell my soul for a cuddle. However, it's a lot of money. Your call.

-- Don Armstrong (darmst@yahoo.com.au), July 01, 2001.

I would really hesitate to spend that much money on furniture, unless it was a one-of-a-kind antique or hand-made piece. Machine made stuff will always be available, often 2nd hand. People get rid of perfectly good stuff just because they get tired of the color. Also, it's better to get out of debt. We got rid of the credit cards - ALL of them - over 12 years ago. Best thing we ever did for ourselves. If we can't pay cash we don't buy.

-- Bonnie (stichart@plix.com), July 02, 2001.

Soni, I hesitated to give advice on this subject, but felt inclined when I saw the item in question. 2 years ago we purchased $8000 worth of leather furniture. It was custom built, heavy duty and should last two lifetimes. We had never purchased any new furniture, built our house completely ourselves for a small amount of money (log and stone and other natural objects) and decided that we just really wanted nice funiture for our huge living room. I haven't regretted this purchase for one second and everyone we know loves it and many of our friends are buying leather furniture now! We aren't rich (income about $20,000) per year, but we are tightwads on everything (except this purchase!!!!) We have no debt, property is paid for and we have money put back for emergencies. I think these two things gave us the peace of mind to make this purchase. also our 4 kids were old enough to take care of it. Good Luck.

-- someone (not saying@home.net), July 04, 2001.

Soni -

You've got me curious - what did you finally decide? I promise I won't make any comments!

God bless!

-- Bonnie (stichart@plix.com), July 10, 2001.

Hey someone! I agree with you regarding leather. We bought a high-end leather couch for about $2000. Not the soft cushy, feel-the-wood throught the edges kind, but a high quality piece. We have animals and kid visitors and it is easy to care for and we have never regretted it, now its 9 years later and still looks great and everyone comments on it. I never want to buy another couch again and I don't think I'll have to. We were able to wait until we saved up to pay that credit card immediately.

-- Anne (HealthyTouch101@wildmail.com), July 10, 2001.

We have a leather sofa, chair, and ottoman. Nothing beats it. It cleans up easily, is tough as nails ( a few elderly kitty claw marks on the arm of the chair added a little unplanned character, however...that kitty has now ascended to kitty heaven, though.) It was an investment to us (as almost all our big ticket items usually are) and I have never looked back.

-- sheepish (the_original_sheepish@hotmail.com), July 10, 2001.