I've been riding figurative freight cars for more than a year now. Searching, gleaning, winnowing experiences for golden grains of understanding. Surfing the endless wave of duality. Wondering (in passing) where and when the winds of fortune will set me down. Wondering (detachedly) when another whirlwind will lift me, shift me. Let the universe have its way, I say. I purchased this ticket, gotta finish the roller coaster ride with hands in the air, lungs and vocal cords tag-team spewing loud screams of delight. Where and when it all will end is anybody's guess.

Each brand-spanking new day is as a swift shift from one sound stage to the next. Yet the inner lake has remained remarkably & unusually placid in the face of repeated rapid-fire torrents of change. Angle and pitch vary with each spin of the karma wheel; twisting turns on this timeless track attempt to take their toll. All the while balance adapts with quickness and ever-increasing accuracy. These are fun times. I like what I sense in the distance though detail and form remain shrouded.

Optimism anyone?

I generally like what I see for I choose to adopt this outlook. In my mind, the glass half-empty mindset is death by a thousand paper cuts. Been there, done that. Ain't no fun in paper cuts.

Choices.

Choices.

Choices.

How many jelly beans in THAT jar? Hundreds. Thousands. Every moment of every day.

How do we do it? How do we cope with the onslaught? How do we manage? How do we fair?

Is it important we do our best to make quality choices? How do we define what is and is not a quality choice?

How do OTHERS fair as result of our choices? Is it important to factor probabilities regarding how our choices may impact others? How inclusive should we be in considering the effects of our choices? Only those in the immediate zone of effect?

Nuclear family? Friends? Neighborhood? City/County/State/Country/Continent/Hemisphere? Beyond?

Do we consider the past, the future (both immediate and long-term)?

Tools: Do we implement logic? Feeling? Intuition? Do we work to integrate these seemingly disparate parts within ourselves that we may be better able to make quality choices?

Choices.

A grand process we so often take for granted. Flip the switch. Give AutoPilot a rest.

Take the RED PILL.

Step out of time when necessary. Allow for this. Stop the world as Don Juan Mattice (sp) taught sorcerer-in-training Castenada.

Think-Feel-Consider-Act.

We are co-builders of our shared realities. Unk's Wild Wild West is one of these. Tossed brickbats always boomerang back to their places of origin. May we each lay our next thought-brick with care.

The title of this piece awakened with me this morning. Opened my eyes and there it was staring right back at me. I believe it was borne of disgust. I looked in on this forum last evening and nearly choked on the crappy food offered up at this thought buffet.

I hopped out of bed, grabbed a notebook & pen, led my dogs across the street to an abandoned school yard where they TCB, and began to pen a few thoughts. My first thoughts were as bilious as those I read here last night. Quickly my thoughts morphed into the questions above. I chose NOT to expound upon those nasty titled words. I leave that work to those who choose to go there.

Enjoy the questions posed above. Ignore them. Learn from them. Let them spur your imagination. Whatever you do CHOOSE to do, try to have some fun, smile and consider others. Tell your loved ones they are loved. Even better, prove it to them.

Peace,

-- Rich (living_in_interesting_times@hotmail.com), June 21, 2001

Answers

Well said, Rich, and very well written. It's this kind of peice that keeps me lurking here. I've posted twice lately, but it is very rare for me to do so nowadays. Like many, I've grown weary of the increasing anamosity and spiting contests. There used to be so many people who would stop by and drop off an idea or an alternative comment, but now just everything seems to draw fire.

Well, it is the Wild West, afterall, and as long as there's a few gems to be found, I'll still be around. Thanks

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-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), June 21, 2001.

Rich: Your post reminds me of a movie I saw recently entitled Frequencies or Frequency. It was about a policeman who had never really gotten over his das's death in a fire 30 years before. His dad was a fireman. He found his dad's ham radio in a closet and turned it on. Before he knew it, he was talking to the dad he knew 30 years before. He warned his dad about the fire, and his dad survived the fire, but in so doing, he lost his mom and about 6 other nurses lost their lives to a serial killer. Together they worked out ways to change again the history they'd changed. It was QUITE entertaining, and I was truly sorry when it ended.

I generally like what I see for I choose to adopt this outlook.

I feel this way, too, Rich. Next thing ya know, you'll be a Polyanna. Lon feels this way, as well, as evidenced by his heartfelt stories of the son he holds so dear. I visited my mom at her new place yesterday. I don't know if she can develop this outlook at her age, but she's feeling uncomfortable living in a place with folks who have afflictions other than those afforded to the elderly. I sat with her and 3 other elderly women for dinner. A man rolled by in a wheelchair and mom said, "He doesn't have any legs." I said, "That's true. He has no legs." Instead of getting to know the man with no legs, my mom kindof FEARED him. He was too different.

I've befriended a young man [my guess is early 20's], confined to a wheelchair, who tends to spend most of his day chatting with the folks who work at the front desk. Yesterday, I finally asked, "How'd ya get the wheels?" He said he had been walking down a road in East Texas eight years earlier and a pickup truck hit him and broke his neck. I asked if there was any hope of walking again and he said, "*I* think so, but the doctors don't, which is why I hate doctors." My guess is that the man without the legs is a Vietnam vet. He'd could probably contribute greatly to the lives of those who live there if they could just get over their fear of his differences.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), June 21, 2001.

"Think-Feel-Consider-Act."

Rich,

You've brought a triangle up to the surface again for me. My son's old sensei used to distill the above directives as Awareness- Assessment-Action. {Perhaps a bit more bloodless take on it}.

-- flora (***@__._), June 21, 2001.

Rich,

"The title of this piece awakened with me this morning. Opened my eyes and there it was staring right back at me. I believe it was borne of disgust. I looked in on this forum last evening and nearly choked on the crappy food offered up at this thought buffet."

Are you not one of the server's at this buffet? If all we see is the Cowardice - Malice - Avarice and do nothing to add that which we find as quality are we ourselves not to partially blame? If someone breaks into my home and sprays graffiti all over my walls should I just stare at it bemoaning the fact or should I begin by painting over the graffiti until it becomes what I find pleasing?

Seems to me this place is sometime's like a bowl of Lucky Charms, If ya don't really like the cereal part ya gotta sift through and dig out just the marshmallow's,all the while hoping that the marshmallow's were bigger, the cereal part less or all together banned, but..... you like the marshmallow's and will dig for'em if you have to.

The world of full of thank you's, fuck you's, how do you do's, to hell with you's, I hate you's and I love you's, it is mirrored in this board, and like life it is a matter of what and how we interject it with.It is a choice we make, wheather premeditated or spontaneously, sometimes the auto pilot works just fine, if it's true to the course you have charted.

Lon,

Iv'e missed your writings and presence on the board, your contributions add to the humanity and realness of this amalgamated sea of text.And besides, how good is a board anyway's without it's resident Cajun : )

-- capnfun (capnfun1@excite.com), June 21, 2001.

Thanks, capn'. I'll try to be a little more visable in the future, although you do know I'm only a psuedo-Cajun. But, like you and Rich said, it's our forum, our neighboorhood, our extended family. Unk has rightly kept it free for any and all to post, and that means you and I can put up our annoying drivel as well as anywone else!

:•)

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-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), June 21, 2001.

Anita, your post above touched a tender spot, and reminded me of one of the great regrets I carry.

Once when I was much younger, I worked at a shooting range. There was a young man who was deaf that came in a couple of times, and was obviously interested in participating with the other men who gathered there to shoot an just “talk guns” and such. I remember shunning him a little, because I didn’t know many signs, I always had other things to do, or I just didn’t want to invest the patience it would take to communicate with him. Even though he had a nice target pistol, he soon stopped showing up, as no one had ever tried to include him.

This was in a small East Texas town, and like most towns, we had a “character”. Ours was an older mentally retarded man who lived with an elderly mother and walked absolutely everywhere. You could see him almost any time of the day or night, just walking like he was on the most important errand, and talking aloud to himself. People would honk at him or wave, but no one actually knew him, either.

One day the deaf man’s father came into the shop and had the target pistol to sell. I asked if his son had decided to give up shooting, and he told me a story that hurts my heart yet. His son was driving one night and accidentally hit the old retarded guy and killed him. It happened on a new, dark hyway around town, and although it was purely not his fault, he was beset by extreme guilt, and had no friends to comfort him or assure him of his unfortunate innocence. He had killed himself two days later with the pistol his father now held before me.

I have always remembered him, and always wondered what a few moments of friendship would have meant in the outcome. An offer of friendship always takes a little courage, especially so to someone who is “different”. I wish I had been a braver man in my youth.

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-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), June 21, 2001.

Thoughtful post Rich. Interesting that, so far at least, there have been no gutless, hateful responses.

Your last two sentences should be written in bold.

-- Lars (larsguy@yahoo.com), June 22, 2001.

Thanks for the kind words, Lon. Y tu, y tu. Per your heart- wrenching story – as a young kid I had a few retarded friends at various times. Their friendships provided respites from the 'regular' kids' television-fed oft-insane drive to wear the 'right' clothes, listen to the 'right' bands, speak the 'right flavor of gibberish. Part of my desire to hang with these kids had to do with the tremendous joy I felt and feel to this day through helping others. It is so often the little things we can do which make the difference between happiness and despair in the life of another sojourner. These kids offered their hearts to me – true friendship unadulterated by cliques and group-think. [To Ed and Kenny (wherever you may be): thanks guys.]

Anita, I've considered renting the movie Frequency for some time now. Not sure why I've hesitated. Thanks for the recommendation. BTW, I so love the glimpses of your mom you provide us. It ain't easy dealing with the dinosaurs. :) She's fortunate to have you there for her whether or not SHE realizes and acknowledges it. There are at least a few caretakers of varying degrees - past and present - among the regulars here. Bless All of You for assuming the sometimes overwhelming responsibilities.

Awareness- Assessment-Action - has a Buddhist vibe. A bit cold for my bhakti heart, but effective nonetheless. Long time no speak, Senora flora. Trust all is well in your beautiful neck o’ woods. ;)

Capn, my response to you will have to wait for later in the day. Time is tight, online access catch as catch can, and your words too important for me to just toss out a quick rejoinder.

Lars - agreed. If you've got 'em, love 'em, hold 'em, touch 'em, tell 'em.

-- Rich (living_in_interesting_times@hotmail.com), June 22, 2001.

I have been ruminating over this post for the last week. Asking, questioning. Not always easy questions, and even harder answers sometimes, at least at this point in time and space. Eventually the answer always seems to come to the question of optimism: ALWAYS!

Choices, yes, a resounding yes. But more intricately, choices made previously sometimes are part of our autopilot function. It is often how we get to here from there, to this minute of our lives. It is also what allows us the the opportunity to consider that menu of choices before us.

"How do we do it?" Each of us is different-each situation different than the one before-each unique. And sometimes no decision is a decision,, a choice after all. Coping mechanisms vary from individual to individual - each must consider their own circumstances first, as we were built to be selfish in a way-it's called self preservation. And as you have cited relating stories of friends/acquaintances gone by - not all of have the capacity for good discusions, or right thinking-some never will have it and others must decide for them, hoping their decision is the one that will work for them.

Some of us live in a vacuum, by choice, others by design. Some, by a combination. Each of must do what works for us. We all don't have the freedom of reflection and choice in everday dealings. Some of us are responsible for others, and must put our personal wishes and desires aside. Each of us copes and manages the best way we know how, in order to preserve our sanity, and limited freedom that we have in order to keep some semblance of normalcy in order for others to fare at least reasonably well.

Each of our of scopes has varying sights. Sometimes our scopes are helped/refocused by friends who care enough to talk to us, and help us sort through our feelings and situations. I know mine have been. Friends and loved ones that are there when you need them, helping you ride the train of life, are most precious indeed. Sad are the ones who have abandoned you, for they are the ones you needed most at the time, and yet, have not the strength or conscious to reach out to you. Time tells you who these people are, for real friends will never abandon you, at least that's my philosophy. And time reveals the truth-those that you love and care for will always be there-that is what love means. Those shared realities, mean living and loving and being there for each other, in love.

Those are my choices, and the ones I choose to live my life with. Not always an easy path, but always one filled with love from my perspective.

Rich, may the winds of fortune, set you on a golden pond, amid the green hills, and the rain fall sweetly upon you friend. Thank you for your presence on this forum, and your insights, they have been missed.

-- Aunt Bee (Aunt__Bee@hotmail.com), June 29, 2001.

One-word intuitive response to the emotional urgency of the original post: SIMPLIFY!!! You're making it far harder than it needs to be. Let go!

-- 1 (2@3.com), June 29, 2001.