...I just snapped my spoon taking my first bite of yogurt, and now I don't have any way to eat it.

How 'bout you?

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2001

Answers

I walked in to find 6 voicemail messages, all repeating instructions I had discussed and finalized on Friday afternoon, 13 emails, 8 of which repeated said instructions and referenced said voice mails. The remaining 5 are five brand new shiny things to do, along with guilt over the upcoming vacation I scheduled three months before I ever even knew I was going to get this job.

Oh, and now my Diet Pepsi is flat and out of date, my TMBG CD, the only thing that will keep me from crying ten minutes into the start of my day, is skipping, and I am hungry, but have no cash. The ATM? Oh, that doesn't read my card.

I would like to be on that vacation now, please. Any one in San Francisco want to hug me, next week?

Lynda, that sucks. Have you considered holding the cup to your mouth and just sort of, drinking, except with more suction? Close your door first, though.

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2001

I still had 15 blocks to walk on my way to work today when my rechargeable batteries died, and I wanted to walk home, too. What am I supposed to listen to, birds?

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2001

Actually, I considered doing just that, but I am wearing my brand new 'it's spring!' white blouse and was getting ready to head into a meeting, so I didn't want to tempt the demons of Monday any further.

It was very sad!

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2001

I didn't get the freelance job I bid for, because they don't want to hire a woman, and didn't realize that i was one when I was angling for the job. I have been up since 3 AM, puking my guts out. I am going to spend the day deworming 4 reluctant cats.

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2001

My computer keeps doing things that make it very slow and difficult to get any work done, and my car is out of gas, and getting the recycling out took forty-five minutes. That's a Monday, all right.

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2001

They didn't want to hire a woman? Kristin, two words for you: hello lawsuit.

Or at the very least, call the Better Business Bureau and rat those scumsuckers out.

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2001

My alarm didn't go off this morning because the asshole who moved into my apartment without paying rent (he's been living in my roommates room for two months, I've repeatedly told her I don't want him living there and she says she doesn't care... I never want to live with a roommate again) flipped my circuit breaker on Saturday morning when my alarm was going off at 6:30 a.m.

I reset the clock but forgot to resent the alarm, so it didn't go off, causing me to be an hour late to work.

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2001

I forgot I was supposed to take today off. I got up early and went to work anyway.

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2001

I know it's Monday cuz I'm so freaking bored. I've posted like a thousand times here in the last couple of hours. I've also taken a walk to Starbuck's, had a chat about nothing with the secretary (who is so fine that even talking about nothing was exhilirating) and surfed the web for Biz Markie rap lyrics.

When I took this job, they said I'd make good money. Well, I've spent three weeks on the morning shift and have yet to see any of this good money. Apparently pizza is not the breakfast food I thought it was. I may just deliver my butt on into the 3Way chatroom if things don't pick up soon.

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2001

Both my computers lost their internet connection so I'm having to sit in a smelly library instead of my breezy room.

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2001

Would someone PLEASE send poor Rudeboy some naked photos or something? He's sounding kind of pathetic.

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2001

they can send all they want, but I'll only open the ones from beth@zeney.com

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2001

Oh. My. Gawd! Keli, (perpetual blonde), I can't believe you sent me that. I'm very happy that you did, but I can't believe you sent it. You and me - JournlaOrgy baby. You and me. Hold on a sec, I'll be right back... (gonna take one more look)

Oh yeah, baby -- you and me baby. Oh yeah.

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2001

I'm all about helping people get through their day by sending porn.

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2001

And a big shout out to Tracy Lee. You're beautiful.

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2001

Gee, you ladies are the best. This is such a warm, supportive community, isn't it?

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2001

I'm just wondering how one breaks a spoon while eating yogurt. I mean, jaw muscle spasm? Hmm, jaw muscle spasm... that's a scary concept, when one considers certain sexual activities...

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2001

The speculation possibilitiies are endless, but the reality isn't all that entertaining - the plastic spoon came with the yogurt at the store on the way into work, and it was apparently cracked - when I went to stir it, it broke right at the base of the bowl. I usually keep a supply of plasticware here at work, but I'd given my last one away on Friday.

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2001

"I'm all about helping people get through their day by sending porn."

Easy enough, happy to oblige. Hell, I got enough nuddie pics, somebody should get some enjoyment out of them. Your welcome Rudeboy.

- t

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2001

heh... it's still Monday.

Did you know that if you put a plastic ketchup bottle in the door of the refrigerator the wrong way and then slam it shut, the bottle will entirely shear off at the base?

I didn't. Neither did my seven year old, but I just had to clean up a large economy sized river of red goop all inside the fridge.

I don't think I should handle anymore plastic today.

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2001

I knew it was monday morning when the exploding windows in the apartment across the hall woke me up (or it was someong banging on the door -- don't know). Fire in the building! Yikes! but I put on pants and Tshirt, grabbed my shoes, purse, keys, and contact lens case, and got outside. (Btw, don't lock your apartment door when leaving during a fire; the firefighters will have to break it down when checking to see if all are out.)

Everyone got out safe, but the three apartments on that side of the building will have to be repaired, est. time three months or so. We have insurance for the building, but this is a good impetus to go get that renter's insurance. (It's a co-op building, similar to a condo but different.)

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2001

I know it's Monday because as I was rushing to get to work, one of my cats yacked up a hairball on the carpet just where I was putting my foot down as I was walking by. Thanks for the soaker, peabrain.

... clean up hairball, take dirty socks to laundry basket, clean foot, new socks...

Get in the car, and proceed on my normal lovely sorta-back-road way into work which is normally not too bad. It's bumper to bumper. On the radio: "... and drivers taking I-29 might consider taking North Oak Trafficway into downtown Kansas City this morning, as there are two accidents, one northbound, one southbound at I-29 and Vivion Road..." What's my normal route? North Oak Trafficway. *sigh*

Get to work a bit late, and the servers aren't letting me sign in. Waste another half hour.

Oh yeah, Monday is in _full_ swing.

Argentium

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001