A Story to Live By

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[Category: Religion/Spiritual]

A Story To Live By, by Ann Wells (Los Angeles Times, date unknown)

My brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer of my sister's bureau and lifted out a tissue-wrapped package. "This," he said, "is not a slip. This is lingerie." He discarded the tissue and handed me the slip. It was exquisite; silk, handmade and trimmed with a cobweb of lace. The price tag with an astronomical figure on it was still attached. "Jan bought this the first time we went to New York, at least 8 or 9 years ago. She never wore it. She was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is the occasion." He took the slip from me and put it on the bed with the other clothes we were taking to the mortician. His hands lingered on the soft material for a moment, then he slammed the drawer shut and turned to me. "Don't ever save anything for a special occasion. Every day you're alive is a special occasion."

I remembered those words through the funeral and the days that followed when I helped him and my niece attend to all the sad chores that follow an unexpected death. I thought about them on the plane returning to California from the Midwestern town where my sister's family lives. I thought about all the things that she hadn't seen or heard or done. I thought about the things that she had done without realizing that they were special.

I'm still thinking about his words, and they've changed my life. I'm reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting on the deck and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time in committee meetings. Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experience to savor, not endure. I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them. I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special event-such as: Losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped the first camellia blossom. I wear my good blazer to the market if I like it. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries without wincing. I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties; clerks in hardware stores and tellers in banks have noses that function as well as my party-going friends. "Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now.

I'm not sure what my sister would've done had she known that she wouldn't be here for the tomorrow we all take for granted. I think she would have called family members and a few close friends. She might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think she would have gone out for a Chinese dinner, her favorite food. I'm guessing - I'll never know.

It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew that my hours were limited. Angry because I put off seeing good friends whom I was going to get in touch with - someday. Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to write - one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and daughter often enough how much I truly love them.

I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives. And every morning when I open my eyes, I tell myself that it is special. Every day, every minute, every breath truly is... a gift from God.

-- David L (bumpkin@dnet.net), May 10, 2001

Answers

AMEN

-- helen (amen@men.amen), May 11, 2001.

Wow! Just beautiful. Thanks, Dave. Forget putting it on my mirror. Better yet, I think I'll just shrink it, laminate it, and superglue it to the palm of my hand.

-- Eve (eve_rebekah@yahoo.com), May 11, 2001.

I wholeheartedly agree with the main premise, that you should do the thing that makes your life richer and finer and happier every chance you get. Sometimes the demands of the future should just be ignored in favor of the pleasures of the moment.

This one pulled me up a bit short:

"It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew that my hours were limited."

One of the maxims I formed back in my 20s was that there is always enough that's 'good to do' to cram more than 10 lifetimes, let alone one. There will always be stuff left undone. Plenty of it. So much you can't begin to measure it. I say, you just have to let go of it.

BTW, a corollary to that first maxim is: 'Experts don't know the value of their expertise.' That's why the dental hygienist always thinks flossing is more important than changing your oil, but the auto mechanic always thinks the oil change is more important.

-- Little Nipper (canis@minor.net), May 11, 2001.


Just to be contrary, I'm going to disagree. If The Antiques Roadshow has taught us nothing else, it's taught us the wisdom of leaving some things unused and untouched. I remember one episode in which a woman was told her pre-Revolutionary high boy was worth $50,000. If she hadn't refinished it, it would have been worth almost $250,000. Her reason for refinishing it? You guessed it. She wanted to use it every day instead of saving it.

-- Tarzan the Ape Man (tarzan@swingingthroughthejunglewithatongueincheek.net), May 11, 2001.

Funny you should bring up highboys, Tarz. I have two old ones that are family pieces. The one which 'came across the Cumberland Trail' in a covered wagon with old Isaac & Rebecca was a beautiful piece of furniture,lurking under a badly worn finish. I bit the bullet & let my husband refinish this one. The cherry wood is now a gorgeous sight to behold. I imagine that this dresser will always stay as a family artifact, and though some of it's material value is lost for the rest of the world, its physical beauty is there to be appreciated & used today. {I don't believe we will touch the other one, as it is not in as bad a shape}.

-- flora (***@__._), May 11, 2001.


Yeah, who invented the rule that antiques should never be re-finished? I agree with Flora, maximize its beauty, maximize your enjoyment of the piece, especially if some of that enjoyment come from the act of re-finishing.

Martha?

-- Lars (larsguy@yahoo.com), May 11, 2001.


Lars, thank you for asking. You are ok for an imperfect person. Here are some basic rules-------

Make sure all of the grass in your front yard is braided.

Serve entrees in an attractive real bird's nest you found in a nearby forest.

Make your own Jell-o from calves' hooves rather than buy the powdered stuff.

Decorate your cakes with pieces of ceramic, bundles of chiffon, buttons, marbles and other inedible stuff just because "it looks so pretty."

Wrap each and every flower in the back yard in raffia and make sure it sports a shiny red bow.

Serve wine to your guests in conch shells.

Smear the walls with yogurt so that over time, a natural-looking greenish mould will grow, giving your home the fashionably distressed look of an ancient Greek temple.

Dress all of your children, despite their gender, in white chiffon dresses and white straw fedoras with white satin ribbons and don't feed them for days lest they grow into an awkward, gangly phase.

Macrame yourself a computer cozy from hemp and recycled plastic.

-- (Martha_Stewart@Westport.CN), May 11, 2001.


Lars-

The people who value antiques invented that rule. You see, they have this silly idea that the original finish from 200 years ago is more desireable than something bought at Home Depot last week.

Personally, after having seen the affects of stripping and re- varnishing on antique wood, I leave furniture alone. To each their own however.

-- Tarzan the Ape Man (tarzan@swingingthroughthejunglewithouta.net), May 11, 2001.


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