Help! I am searching for an honest man/woman. Are there any here? Do you know of any, anywhere? No fibbing, please.

-- (Diogenese@my.tub), May 07, 2001

Answers

Diogenes, you old Cynic you. Would you really want everyone to be honest all the time?

-- Lars (larsguy@yahoo.com), May 07, 2001.

Diogenes was known by his fellow Athenians as The Dog. He took it as a compliment. Another philosopher (Theophrastus?) explained him as "Socrates - gone mad."

As for an honest man/woman, does it count as "honesty" if all you all day sit silently in a corner of the room, rock back and forth, and stare madly into space? If that counts, then I can probably rustle up a few for you.

-- Miserable SOB (misery@misery.com), May 07, 2001.

As for an honest man/woman, does it count as "honesty" if all you all day sit silently in a corner of the room, rock back and forth, and stare madly into space?

Reporting for duty, M-SOB Sir! Staring madly into space is one of my favorite activities, although I prefer to do so once the sun has set. It's easier on the eyes. Incidently, the rocking back and forth is called davening in Jewish culture.

There's something about being a human metronome which seems to attract the ladies. Or mayhaps it's my mad stare?

-- Rich (howe9@shentel.net), May 07, 2001.

OK, Diogenes. We have us a winner: Rich, the honestest guy you'd ever want to meet! A bit dog-eared, a bit lopsided, a bit gap-toothed and gangly, but as honest as the day is long. (And the days are getting longer, too.)

-- Miserable SOB (misery@misery.com), May 07, 2001.

OK Rich, you asked for it. Your body odor is unbearable, your dogs better stop shitting on my yard or they are dead, your girl friend is homely.

Ah, that felt good.

-- (Diogenes@lamp.mart), May 07, 2001.

I wasn't volunteering myself as honest, but as a mad-as-a-hatter, davening gazer into the distance. That I do well. Dog-eared? Ever notice how some dogs and their humans seem to share particular physical traits? Lopsided? In the ego department perhaps. A tough nut to crack, that one. Gap-toothed? Miss. Gangly? If this refers to ganglion (a mass of nerve tissue) – hit!

Diogenes, are you my ex-wife?

-- Rich (howe9@shentel.net), May 07, 2001.

Oh yeah, if you ever hurt my dogs I'd hunt you down, kidnap, bind and torture you until death was all you craved.

Word.

How's THAT for honesty?

-- Rich (howe9@shentel.net), May 07, 2001.

"I wasn't volunteering myself as honest"

But you are, Rich, you are. No use trying to deny it. You cannot get help until you admit it, Rich. You are smitten with the truth. You are helpless before it.

The truth flows from you as honey from a honeycomb - or motor oil from an oil pan with the plug removed. When you stand up, you stand up for the truth. When you recline you recline in the truth. When you squat, the truth is your stool. The truth has become embedded in your soul like a splinter. When you turn your back on the truth, it just hops on for a piggyback ride and squeals with delight like a two year old.

Open your eyes, fella. It's written all over you like a book.

-- Miserable SOB (misery@misery.com), May 07, 2001.

Consider the man

who says

"I never lie".

Perhaps.

There is the half-chance that he

is exactly as he says.

-

And of course, a half-chance that he

is lying even now.

-

But for riddles,

there comes the man

who says

-

"I never tell the truth".

---------------------------------------------------------------------- ---

-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), May 07, 2001.

Does anyone have a citation from classical sources about Diogenes masturbating in the marketplace, that puts it in context? I've heard vague rumors of this, but haven't been able to track it down.

-- Classics Lite (Eumenides?@yeah. Euripides?), May 08, 2001.

"Does anyone have a citation from classical sources about Diogenes masturbating in the marketplace, that puts it in context?"

Lives of Philosophers, VI - 46, author Diogenes Laertius:

"When masturbating in the marketplace, [Diogenes said] he wished it were as easy to relieve hunger by rubbing his stomach."

Sad to say, Laertius is a pastiche of catchy anecdotes and he doesn't give any more context than this.

-- A Friend in the Classics (anon_friend@classic_cynic.org), May 09, 2001.

OK.

Let me get this straight. There's this dude named Diogenes, a great philosopher, and he was whackin' off in the marketplace??

No one in the marketplace found this a little strange?? And now he's a "great philosopher"??

Deano

-- Deano (deano@luvthebeach.com), May 09, 2001.

Deano, the ancient Greeks weren't as concerned about such stuff as we are. You have to remember that they routinely exercised naked, accepted bisexuality as the norm and had plenty of myths about their gods getting it on with each other and humans. Also, the marketplace was more or less full of men and slaves. Respectable freeborn women stayed home and didn't expose their virtue in the agora.

Even so, Diogenes the Cynic was seen as off to one extreme. This is the guy who bragged, "I came to debase the coinage." The reason this anecdote was preserved is because it was unusual behavior, as well as a clever retort.

-- Miserable SOB (misery@misery.com), May 09, 2001.