Hi-tech toilet swallows woman

By: Lester Haines

Posted: 17/04/2001 at 13:44 GMT

A 51-year-old woman was yesterday subjected to a harrowing two-hour ordeal when she was imprisoned in a hi-tech public convenience.

Maureen Shotton, from Whitley Bay, was captured by the maverick cyberloo during a shopping trip to Newcastle-upon-Tyne. The toilet, which boasts state-of-the-art electronic auto-flush and door sensors, steadfastly refused to release Maureen, and further resisted attempts by passers-by to force the door.

Maureen was finally liberated when the fire brigade ripped the roof off the cantankerous crapper.

Maureen's terrifying experience confirms that it is a short step from belligerent bogs to Terminator-style cyborgs hunting down and exterminating mankind. ®

-- Uncle Bob (unclb0b@aol.com), April 17, 2001

Answers

I hear that Kohler is working on an electronic ass-wiping toilet. After wiping, it pulls up yer pants and zips up yer fly.

It is not yet perfected. Occasionally the zipper performs a circumcision.

-- (nemesis@awol.com), April 17, 2001.

There's a high-tech toilet system in town. The thing has an electronic "eye" that's supposed to "see" you moving AFTER you're finished with your business, then flush. It needs an "eyelid" or something, because it "sees" you as you walk into the stall and flushes before you can possibly be ready for it. It's kinda nice, though...it sort of looks like it's happy to see you...

-- helen (re@l.ly), April 17, 2001.

smile, you're on candid camera

-- (nemesis@awol.com), April 17, 2001.

---The thing has an electronic "eye" that's supposed to "see" you moving AFTER you're finished with your business---

We've had these for years. Where do you live, bumf*ck egypt?

-- (flush@flush.flush), April 17, 2001.