Aliens Use DMCA to Sue Air Force Over UFOs

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Aliens Use DMCA to Sue Air Force Over UFOs

Friday April 6 3:33 PM EDT

Washington DC. - In a shocking story today, aliens from the Messier galaxy filed a lawsuit against the United States Air Force. Citing the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA), the aliens are claiming the Air Force is violating federal copyright laws by reverse engineering their UFOs.

Reverse engineering is the act of taking an existing product and determining how it works by disassembling it and observing its behavior. Once a perfectly legal activity, reverse engineering can now possibly be illegal under certain DMCA provisions.

Richard Ludwig, attorney for the aliens, said "My clients believe that the Air Force is actively destroying the value of my client's proprietary technology, and demand that this activity cease immediately."

The Air Force does not seem worried about the impending litigation. Col. Bob Rend, Air Force Director of Public Affairs, said, "We deny ever having UFOs, much less reverse engineering them. Even if we did [reverse engineer], we would have done it during the 50's and 60's, long before the DMCA was law. We haven't touched those UFOs in years." Col. Rend quickly added, "I mean if we had any UFOs we wouldn't have touched those UFOs in years."

Richard Ludwig rebuffed that defense saying, "We have evidence to believe that the activity is ongoing. Besides, the intellectual property we're trying to protect deals with space-time manipulation. Therefore, it would be impossible to say, with any certainty, that any past activity isn't, in fact, happening right now, or any future activity for that matter."

Col. Rend emphatically denied these allegations with an incredulous, "What?"

Mr. Ludwig also stated, "We currently don't seek any monetary compensation, we just wish the reverse engineering to cease. However, if the Air Force - or any entity that the Air Force is affiliated with - uses this technology to defend against an alien invasion, we will sue for damages incurred. These damages include, but are not limited to, property damages and loss of revenue. This would end up costing everyone involved a great deal, which is something we ultimately wish to avoid."

When asked for his opinion on the matter, U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft said, "Yes, the aliens do have a possible case here. Also, the aliens could very well sue for damages if their attack was in any way impeded by the Air Force's use of alien technology. Let's face it, the Air Force couldn't defend against aliens using UFO technology and claim it to be fair use. In case you're wondering, a good example of fair use would be using UFO technology to evacuate high ranking cabinet officials."

-- Uncle Bob (unclb0b@aol.com), April 12, 2001

Answers

The main problem with bringing a case such as this to court is the inability to prove one's case by providing documentation that the Air Force is in fact currently, or has in the past, reverse engineered alien spacecraft. The Freedom Of Information Act has been invoked thousands upon thousands of times, with little to show for it save for blacked out pages.

Good to see AG Ashcroft keeping an open mind in this matter. Should put to rest any thoughts of his being less than capable of treating various races with equanimity.

Personally, I'd like to see how Johnny Cochrane might litigate a case such as this.

-- Rich (howe9@shentel.net), April 12, 2001.


Great find, Uncle Bob. These folks should give the Onion a run for the money. Here's one on Anita_S3@hotmail.com), April 12, 2001.

Oops. Made a few mistakes on that one.

Here's one on God, the Inexperienced Programmer. I love the line about the platypus being the result of spaghetti code. These folks ARE amusing.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), April 12, 2001.


The Onion is much funier in my opinion.

-- The Ghost of Genghis Kahn (kind@of.spooky), April 12, 2001.

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