For those of you homeschoolers, of which I am a huge advocate; I would very much like your thoughts on this situation. A friend has three children: 7yrs., 3yrs., and 19months. The most pressing thing is that the baby is becoming bow-legged. Mother does not want to let her down to walk,as she cries to be held. The oldest child is now very noticeably pigeon-toed becauses of the same thing.And the baby is quite disfigured now. The relation between that and the home-schooling situation is that Mother finds it difficult to be with the 7yr old because of all the commotion with the 3yr.old and the baby. The 3yr old still wants to breast-feed,especially during school-time. How did those of you homeschool, with younger children? The 7yr. old is soon to be 8 and is not at 1st grade level. Please don't yell at me...I believe like many of you that nothing should be forced and that kids should be allowed to go at their own speed, but I also believe there are stages of development and maximum opportunities for teaching those skills when they are best learned. The 7yr old is getting angry and is becoming rebellious toward the learning process. Does anyone believe in letting olders toddlers cry instead of demanding all of mother's attention? Dee

-- Dee (drebai@yahoo.com), April 02, 2001

Answers

I guess the way she deals with making her children is her business. Hopefully she'll find a way to give her children an education, if not at home then elsewhere. But about the bow-legs, is there any chance her children could have a vitamin deficiency, such as rickets, which causes bowed legs? My two and a half year old gets carried a good part of the time, in a backpack, and her legs are not at all bowed. I know that in other countries children are carried most of the time also. Maybe it is the way she is carrying them? She could either get a backpack or vary the holding positions. I would not want to hold a child that screamed every time I set it down. I'd set it down and only hold it when it was being good, and simply walk away leaving the child in a safe area until the tantrum was over. But that is just me, and there are those who think I am hard nosed about such things.

-- Rebekah (daniel1@itss.net), April 02, 2001.

Both conditions are fixable .The children need to get braces on NOW! In my option its time for the 3 year old to stop nursing .I not sure if it's the caring them either .Mom needs help ,are there other home schoolers near by to get together with ? Some people no matter how much they try are not cut out to homeschool .There needs to be some big changes soon or the oldest will really fall behind.

-- Patty {NY State} (fodfarms@slic.com), April 02, 2001.

Dee, I'm sure you're concerned for these children, but unless the mother is asking for your advice, I'd stay out of it. If they have ever been to the doctor, I think he/she would have noticed this. If you really want to help her, be there when she needs a friend to talk to. If you alienate her over the way she's raising her children you'll not be of help to them. There are some children that don't learn to read until 9 or 10 yrs old. Although this is unusual it isn't unheard of.

My first child was over 3 when I quit nursing him. He's 14 now, and it didn't hurt either of us. My second nursed until he was 4. I nursed him and my newborn. My last is 2 1/2 yrs. He's still nursing. The average age around the world for weaning a child is 4-5 years old. This should be something that the mother decides. I can't understand why people get so worked up over this. My middle child was hospitalized at 2 years. Nursing a sick child is a huge comfort to them. When they don't feel like eating, they still feel like nursing. I can nurse and teach at the same time. When you have kids, you learn to adapt.

I know you are asking because you care. Ask her if you can help in any way. If she says no, at least you tried. God bless.

-- Lena(NC) (breezex4@go.com), April 02, 2001.

Dear Dee, I thought about this over night and am answering with some hesitancy because it is such a personal issue and I don't know if your friend will want advice. I also have doubt that carrying is causing the bow legs, but am concerned that this child might have rickets, as suggested above. I read just over the weekend that there is a resurgence of this problem in the US due to less use of VitD Milk coupled with a justifiable reluctance to be exposed to the sun. Since these babies are still nursing, this might be a possibility if they are not receiving vitamin supplementation. She might want to talk to her pediatrician about this. (The baby probably is a little spoiled, and that's okay, but it is possible, too, that those little legs hurt.) One of my sons, on the other hand, is a bit pigeon-toed simply because of a genetic predisposition to "loose-jointedness" as the doctor calls it. Simply, he is double jointed, and can move his joints in funny ways but is sometimes a bit awkward because of it. I agreed wholeheartedly with the doctor that in his case this did NOT call for braces. I don't know if I would broach the age to wean issue with her unless she brings it up. I have also had friends who nursed until the babies were three, although a year old when they began to toddle seemed like a very natural transition time to me. If she is interested in weaning, she might consider offering a sippy of milk instead, and giving them frequent nutritious snacks. Honestly, I think this poor woman must be exhausted. She is obviously trying very hard to be a good mother and do what is right for her children. I trust that in approaching any of these issues with her you will do it very gently. A seven year old probably does not need a lot of school work time each day, but he does need to have some school time every day on a consistent basis. If the younger children are still taking naps, that might be an ideal time for mom to spend the individual time with this one. Perhaps he could then do his seatwork with more casual supervision. I have sometimes brought a desk into the kitchen for one to work while I cook or do dishes. (And I agree that it is possible to teach while a baby nurses.) I have a good friend with whom I am able to talk about child care and home school issues in an honest way, and we often are able to help one another out with ideas and encouragement. I think that friendship is a wonderful thing and that minding our own business is not always the best policy. Hopefully your friend will not take offense if you are careful and loving in your approach.

-- mary, texas (marylgarcia@aol.com), April 03, 2001.

I think children go through phases and every child is different. All of my children have gone through"angry" stages. Parents also have bad days and good days! As a former homeschooler, I realize in retrospect that when my children didn't seem to be learning, they were very much learning. The beauty of individualized education, too, is that children are free to learn at their own pace. Some 8 year olds may read and others may not... there is no such thing as "behind" with a normal child. I wouldn't fret over this at all. I think people sometimes over scrutinize homeschoolers and expect them to be perfect, while nobody is perfect! .. As for the 19 month old, speaking here as an occupational therapist, not all children walk at this age, but they need to demonstrate normal developmental progression, normal muscle tone, normal movement patterns. I cannot comment on this without seeing the child. If there appears to be some orthopedic problems (e.g., exaggerated bow leggedness), if it were my child, I would have the child evaluated to be sure that is not affecting ambulation. Toddlers are also very clingy and still breastfeed! This would not concern me. It isn't easy to be the parent of young children, and homeschooling is extra demanding when they are young, but I think the rewards outweigh the chaos!

-- amy (acook@in4web.com), April 03, 2001.

I have to agree completely with Lena. I nursed my children for extended periods of time (anywhere from 2 to 4 years) and they suffered neither emotional or physical health problems due to that. If anything, it makes them healthier both physically and emotionally. My oldest is 14 yrs old, and is over 5'5" tall and she is very slender and attractive.

In addition, age 7 or 8 is too early to determine if a child is lagging in their academic developement. I think this assessment would best be reserved for age 10 to 12. Before that time, children maturally mature at different rates.

I am so glad that you are concerned and have lent yourself to being a friend. Maybe you could find some tactful way to bring the issue of the children's physical condition up, over coffee sometime and if mom doesn't want to share with you, then you probably should drop it. I am certain that you are not the first to notice. God Bless you for your concern and effort. Maylene

-- Maylene (zedanka@aol.com), April 04, 2001.