This morning, as I was taking my coffee in my favorite kitchen chair, I did perchance to glance thru my streaky windows to see a most passionate tribute to Valentine's Day. There on the railing of my deck, in full view of little old ladies in tennis shoes were two doves doing what comes naturally.

It was interesting if not exciting. Doves are fairly large birds, almost the size of pigeons. They were both gray and of the same size. It was not possible to tell the male from the female. Hey, maybe they were gay.

The courtship-foreplay involved walking to and fro on the railing, sometimes facing one another, sometimes in opposite directions coyly ignoring the object of affection. They preened themselves, not each other. After 10 minutes of this teasing, they apprached each other face to face and began a rapid pecking of each other's neck. It looked like they were fighting. This lasted about 10 seconds. (I did not have my stop-watch). Abruptly this behavior changed. He was on her back in a flash, wings flapping. Was that a smile on her face? Were his nostrils flared? Were they cooing, moaning, squawking? I could not hear.

Within 30 seconds it was over. Talk about wham-bam, thank-you-mam. There was no cuddling, no cigarettes, no pillow talk. They were once again preening themselves, not each other.

I was curiously reassured by this dance. Life goes on. The lovers care not for politics, issues, egos, superbowl, popular music. They were there to do what is always done, they were there to Live. Simple.

My question is---should I charge them room-rent?

-- Lars (larsguy@yahoo.com), February 12, 2001

Answers

Folks, this story was plagiarized by the rapscallion Lars. He is city boy and does not know a scarlet tanager from a redheaded peckerwood. This story first appeared in the Audubon Society Newsletter, April 1927 by Adelaide Pince-Nez of Albumen, TN.

-- (who_let_the_dogs_out@who.who), February 12, 2001.

Funny, I've not thought of Lars as a rhyming bulbing onion with violent tendencies. He does write a mean poem, though. Hmm. The key question to Lars: Do you cautiously avoid hot water and/or woks?

-- Rich (howe9@shentel.net), February 12, 2001.

Well screw it. Back to copyin' n pastin'

-- Lars (larsguy@yahoo.com), February 13, 2001.