A person needs only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape. Any and all compliments can be handled by simply saying, "Thank you," though it helps if you say it with a Southern accent. Some people are working backstage, some are playing in the orchestra, some are on-stage singing, some are in the audience as critics, some are there to applaud. Know who and where you are. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas. When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste. Never continue dating anyone who is rude to the waiter. Good sex should involve laughter. Because it's, you know, funny. If you tell a lie, don't believe it deceives only the other person. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship: "I apologize" and "You are right". Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm. If he says that you are too good for him--believe it. I've learned to pick my battles; I ask myself, Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day? Never pass up an opportunity to pee. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance! Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just proves that the other person was right about you. Be really nice to your friends because you never know when you are going to need them to empty your bed pan and hold your hand. Work is good but it's not important. Never underestimate the kindness of your fellow man. You are the only person who can truly make you happy. And finally... Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, it just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.

-- Kenneth in N.C. (wizardsplace13@hotmail.com), February 11, 2001

Answers

Kenneth: A lot of truths there! Thanks, I'm printing and posting it on the fridge! Jan

-- Jan in CO (Janice12@aol.com), February 11, 2001.

My favorite: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Thanks for printing them.

-- Cindy (SE In) (atilrthehony_1@yahoo.com), February 11, 2001.

Thanks , how true .

-- Patty {NY State} (fodfarms@slic.com), February 11, 2001.

Always remember---Duct tape is like the Force. It has a dark side, a light side, and it holds the Universe together.

At least it does around here.

-- (ratdogs10@yahoo.com), February 11, 2001.

thanks for the smile this put on my face, I needed it today :)

-- Tina (clia88@newmexico.com), February 13, 2001.

i have learned how to cut and paste and my friends are probably hating all of the junk mail right now but oh well. i especially like the one about friends holding your bed pan. i was in the hospital once and they wanted me to pee in a bed pain. my mind would just not let me do it. i kept hearing my mother in the back of my mind telling me that you aren't supposed to pee the bed and i couldn't go. now that i have share way to much of myself i will leave. everyone have a great day.

-- amber (ambrosia75_@hotmail.com), February 16, 2001.