Tinky Winky Goes To Church

copyright 2001 - Jake Ritter

Last Sunday, Tinky Winky (the lovable children's television character who is reported to be gay) went to church, but he did not feel welcome. You see Tinky Winky is different in more ways than one.

Mr. Winky came with an open mind, but unfortunately the Reverend and Mr. Winky's fellow parishoners did not. While all in attendance would be comfortable with some of Mr. Winky's differences, all of them also were very discrimnatory about other of his 'peculiarities'.

Mr. Winky decided to sit in the 16th pew from the front, exactly in the middle of the church. He could feel the hate flowing from the congregants in the 12th pew who were wearing the white sheets and hoods. You see, Tinky is pruple, and these 'Christians' hate purple folks.

Tinky could see the sneer on the face of Mr. Limbaugh who was 'worshiping' in the 8th row. You see, Tinky commited the 'sin' of voting for Ralph Nader. It is safe to assume that Mr. Limbaugh did not give a warm welcome to Tinky after the church service.

It gets worse though, sitting directly behind Tinky was Dr. Laura who by her constant and unapproving clearing of her throat did not allow Mr. Winky to even hear the sermon. You see Mr. Winky believes in a woman's right to choose, where as Dr. Laura wants to keep women ignorant, poor, barefoot and pregnant.

The second, third, and fourth pews were taken up by the entire state of Texas (who was a red state, a state that voted for Bush). We all know that Texans hate environmentalists, and Mr. Winky is commited to the environment. Needless to say, these rows all snubbed Tinky after the service.

But the biggest crime of the day was committed by the Reverend, a certain Jerry Falwell. You see the readerboard in front of the church read that the sermon would be "Saducees, Baducees, and Maducees", but when Rev. Falwell saw Mr. Winky in the audience he changed the sermon to "The Sin of Being Gay, Liberal, Purple, Pro-Choice, and an Environmentalist".

Needless to say, Mr. Winky will not be back in church. He is not missing much, but the others are missing a lot, by not being able to get to know the great person named Tinky Winky.

-- Jake Ritter (the@liberal.columnist), February 04, 2001

Answers

Gee you're a clever guy Jakey.

-- (kickme@airhead.anon), February 04, 2001.

Monday thru Friday Mr. Winky submits apps for federal funding of Art Projects like throwing shit on a piece of canvass. Winky and friends have shit on their dicks, and no one wants to talk about that; they would just as soon forget about it, but Winky won't let them. Winky wants all children to think about it too.

-- Tinky Winky got the stinky dinky (gettinRe@l.com), February 05, 2001.

you know the end is near-----when society call"s perversion good,and restraint=evil!! when the'let,s get along'message-replaces''the call to repent'' and be saved--the''casting off of evil"" for the party-mentality--yup it's all comung to pass-like HE [JESHUA] said it would.mankind is a slve too lower-nature. and loves it. ''BROAD IS THE WAY-THAT LEAD'S TO DESTRUCTION''

-- al-d (dogs@zianet.com), February 05, 2001.

"copyright"? LOL. Hey Jake, no sweat, no one will be ripping this off.

-- (nemesis@awol.com), February 05, 2001.

"" for the party-mentality--yup it's all comung to pass-like HE [JESHUA] said it would.mankind is a slve too lower-nature. and loves it.

Please explain the phrase party mentality and HOW it relates to this article.

Thank you.

-- sumer (shh@aol.con), February 05, 2001.

After reading, and re-reading this article, I am confused.

Mr. Winky came with an open mind This is the first confusing part. Church is a place of religion, it is attended by religious people who have already made up their minds, and therefore cannot have open minds. Hence why would Mr Winky wish to attend church, and why should he not expect that the other people attending should have open minds?

He could feel the hate flowing from the congregants in the 12th pew This is an assumption that the hate if it existed at all was directed towards Mr Twinky. Thus Mr Twinky himself did not have an open mind and hence the statement that he did have is patently false.

Further evidence that Mr Twinky definitely has a closed mind is shown by his assumtion that Mr Limbaugh's sneer was purely because of the way Mr twinky voted, that Dr Laura's cough was not a genuine medical condition, and that the entire state of Texas hates environmentalists.

Since when has it been a crime for any preacher to give a sermon against sin. Remember he went to the church volantarily, knowing full well that his definition os sin was likely to be different to the preachers.

This raises the question of why he went to church in the first place. On the evidence given it appears that the sole reason the he attended was so that he could have reason to feel sorry for himself, and possibly to feel that he was perhaps a martyr for one or more of his causes.

Fortunately I have not seen this Mr Twinky on TV, and now that I've heard a bit about him I shall definitely change channels if he ever does appear on my screen.

-- Malcolm Taylor (taylorm@es.co.nz), February 05, 2001.